Ronald Firbank

“ Past the Presidency and the public park, the Theatres Maxine Bush, Eden-Garden, and Apollo, along the Avenida, and the Jazz Halls by the wharf, past little suburban shops, and old, deserted churchyards where bloom geraniums, through streets of squalid houses, and onward skirting pleasure lawns and orchards, bibbitty-bobbitty, beneath the sovereign brightness of the sky, the Farananka tram crawled along.
Surveying the landscape listlessly through the sticks of her fan, Miss Edna Mouth grew slightly bored—alas, poor child ”

“ Unhappy, nostalgic, disdainful, selfish, ever about to abandon Cuna-Cuna to return to it no more, yet never budging, adoring her fairy villa far too well, Madame Ruiz while craving for the International-world, consoled herself by watching from afar European Society going speedily to the dogs. Art loving, and considerably musical (many a dizzy venture at the Opera-house had owed its audition to her) , she had, despite [Pg 48] the self-centeredness of her nature, done not a little to render more brilliant the charming city it amused her with such vehemence to abuse. ”

“ Madame Ruiz remarked, raising the rosy dome of her sunshade a degree higher above her head.
They were pacing a walk radiant with trees and flowers as some magician’s garden, that commanded a sweeping prospect of long, livid sands, against a white green sea.
“There would seem to be several new yachts, darling,” Madame Ruiz observed.
“The Duke of Wellclose with his duchess (on their wedding-tour) arrived with the tide.”
“Poor man; I’m told that he only drove to the church after thirty brandies!” ”

“ Sauntering by the dusty benches by the pavement-side, where white-robed negresses sat communing in twos and threes, he attained the Avenue Messalina with its spreading palms, whose fronds hung nerveless in the windless air.
Tinkling mandolines from restaurant gardens, light laughter, and shifting lights.
Passing before the Café de Cuna, and a people’s “Dancing,” he roamed leisurely along. Incipient Cyprians, led by vigilant, blanched-faced queens, youths of a certain life, known as bwam-wam bwam-wams, [Pg 83] gaunt pariah dogs with questing eyes, all equally were on the prowl. ”

“ The latest jazz, bewildering, glittering, exuberant as the soil, a jazz, throbbing, pulsating, with a zim, zim, zim, a jazz all abandon and verve that had drifted over the glowing savannah and the waving cane-fields [Pg 32] from Cuna-Cuna by the Violet Sea, invited, irresistibly, to motion every boy and girl.
“Prancing Nigger, hab a dance?” his wife, transported, shrilled: but Mr. Mouth was predicting a Banana slump to Mrs. Walker, the local midwife, and paid no heed. ”

“ Mouth demanded, plucking from off the porch a pale hanging flower with a languorous scent.
Mr. Mouth glanced apprehensively skyward.
The mutters of thunder and intermittent lightning of the finest nights.
“It’s a misfortnit we eber left Mediavilla,” he exclaimed uneasily, as a falling star, known as a thief star, sped swiftly down the sky.
[Pg 65]
“Prancing Nigger,” Mrs. Mouth rose, remarking, “befo’ you start to grummle, I leab you alone to your Jereymiads!”
“A misfortnit sho’ nuff,” he mused, and regret for the savannah country, and the tall palm-trees of his village, oppressed his heart. ”

“ Subsiding bashfully to a bench, Charlie gazed around.
So many sparkling fans. One, a delicate [Pg 58] light mauve one: “Shucks! If only you wa’ butterflies!” he breathed, contemplating with avidity the nonchalant throng; then perceiving a richer specimen splashed with silver of the same amative tint: “Oh you lil beauty!” And, clutching his itching net to his heart, he regretfully withdrew.
Sauntering leisurely through the cool, Mimosa-shaded streets, he approached, as he guessed, the Presidency. A score of shoeblacks, lolled at cards, or gossip, before its gilded pales. ”

“ And, inconsequently, her thoughts wandered from the numerous shark-casualties of late to the mundane proclivities of her mother; for to quit the little village of Mediavilla for the capital was that dame’s fixed obsession.
Leave Mediavilla, leave Bamboo! The young negress fetched a sigh.
In what, she reflected, way would the family gain by entering Society, and how did one enter it, at all? There would be a gathering, doubtless, of the elect (probably armed) , since the best Society is exclusive, and difficult to enter. ”

“ Floor of silver, floor of pearl....
Trailing a muslin net, and laughing for happiness, Charlie Mouth marched into the town.
Oh, Cuna-Cuna! Little city of Lies and Peril! How many careless young nigger boys have gone thus to seal their Doom? ”

“ But Papy Paul was confiding a receipt for pickling yuccas to Mamma Luna, the mother of Bamboo, and made as if not to hear.
[Pg 27]
Offering a light, lilac wine, sweet and heady, Miami circled, here and there. She had a cincture of white rose-oleanders, and a bandeau of blue convolvoli. She held a fan.
“Or do you care for anyt’ing else?” she was enquiring, automatically, of Mr. Musket (the Father of three very common girls) , as a melodious tinkle of strings announced the advent of the minstrels from Broken Hill.
Following the exodus roadward, it was agreeable to reach the outer air. ”

“ Although the Sun-god was scarcely risen, already the radiant street teemed with life.
Veiled dames, flirting fans, bent on church or market, were issuing everywhere [Pg 57] from their doors, and the air was vibrant with the sweet voice of bells.
To rejoin his parents promptly at their hotel was a promise he was tempted to forget.
Along streets all fresh and blue in the shade of falling awnings, it was fine, indeed, to loiter. Beneath the portico of a church, a running fountain drew his steps aside. ”

“ She had sometimes heard it said that people “pushed” ... and closing her eyes, Miss Miami Mouth sought to picture her parents, assisted by her small sister, Edna, and her brother, Charlie, forcing their way, perspiring, but triumphant, into the highest social circles of the city of Cuna-Cuna.
Across the dark savannah country the city lay, one of the chief alluring cities of the world: The Celestial city of Cuna-Cuna, [Pg 7] Cuna, city of Mimosa, Cuna, city of Arches, Queen of the Tropics, Paradise—almost invariably travellers referred to it like that. ”

“ In a rocking chair, before the threshold of a palm-thatched cabin, a matron with broad, bland features, and a big untidy figure, surveyed the scene with a nonchalant eye.
Beneath some tall trees, bearing flowers like flaming bells, a few staid villagers sat enjoying the rosy dusk, while, strolling towards the sea, two young men passed by with fingers intermingled.
With a slight shrug, the lady plied her fan.
As the Mother of a pair of oncoming girls, the number of ineligible young men, [Pg 9] or confirmed bachelors around the neighbourhood was a constant source of irritation.... ”

“ Miami murmured, who was examining the visitors’ cards on the hall table undismayed by the eye of Ernest.
“It’s odd she should so procrastinate; but la jeunesse, c’est le temps ou l’on s’amuse,” Mrs. Mouth blandly declared, seating herself tranquilly by her husband’s side.
“Dair noddin’, I hope, de matteh....”
“Eh, suz, my deah! Eh, suz.” Reassuringly, she tapped his arm.
“Sir Victor Virtue, Lady Bird, Princess Altamisal,” Miami tossed their cards.
“Sh’o it was a charming ebenin’! Doh I was sorry for de duchess, wid de duke, an’ he all nasty drunk wid spirits.” ”

“ Edna cooed, scratching herself in an ecstasy of delight.
“Fo’ shame, Chile, to act so unladylike; if any gen’leman look up he t’ink you make a wicked sign,” Mrs. Mouth cautioned, stepping out upon the balcony from the sitting-room behind.
Inhaling a bottle of sal volatile, to dispel de megrims, she was looking dignified in a décolleté of smoke-blue tulle.
“Nebba do dat in S’ciety,” she added, placing a protecting arm around each of her girls. ”

“ Miami yawned, moved to elfish mirth by the over-emphasis, of rouge on her mother’s round cheeks.
But under the domestics’ mocking stare, their talk at length was chilled to silence.
From the garden come the plaintive wheepling of a bird (intermingled with the coachman’s spasmodic snores) , while above [Pg 104] the awning of the door, the stars were wanly paling.
“Prancing Nigger, sah, heah de day. Dair no good waitin’ any more.”
It was on their return from the Villa Alba, that they found a letter signed “Mamma Luna,” announcing the death of Bamboo. ”

“ Self-expression [Pg 93] had come with a rush; and, now that she was ballet mistress of the Cunan opera, some of the daring ensembles of the Scottish spinster would embarrass even the good Cunans themselves.
“I’ve warned the lads,” she whispered to Madame Ruiz: “to cut their final figure, on account of the Archbishop. But young boys are so excitable, and I expect they’ll forget!”
Gazing on their perfect backs, Madame Ruiz could not but mourn the fate of the Painter, who, like Dalou, had specialized almost exclusively on this aspect of the human form ”

“ Mouth replied, nodding graciously, from the window, to Papy Paul, the next-door neighbour, who appeared to be taking a lonely stroll with a lanthorn and a pineapple.
“I dats way wondering why Bamboo, no pass, dis ebenin’, too; as a rule, it is seldom he stop so late out upon de sea,” the young girl ventured.
“After I shall introduce you to de world (de advantage ob a good marriage; when I t’ink ob mine!) , you will be ashamed, sh’o, to recall dis infatuation.”
“De young men ob Cuna-Cuna (tell me, Mammee) , are dey den so nice?”
“Ah, Chile! If I was your age again....” ”

“ De first lover you eber had ... was he half as handsome as Bamboo?”
“De first dude, Chile, I eber had, was a lil, lil buoy, ... wid no hair (whatsoeber at all) , bal’ like a calabash!” Mrs. Mouth replied, as her daughter Edna entered with the lamp.
“Frtt!” the wild thing tittered, setting [Pg 17] it down with a bang: with her cincture of leaves and flowers, she had the éclat of a butterfly.
“Better fetch de shade,” Mrs. Mouth exclaimed, staring squeamishly at Miami’s shadow on the wall.
“Already it grow dark; no one about now at dis hour ob night at all.” ”

“ Edna softly hummed, shading her eyes with a big feather fan.
It was an evening of cloudless radiance; sweet and mellow as is frequent at the close of summer.
“Oh, ki, honey! It so cleah, I can see de lil iluns ob yalleh sand, far away b’yond de Point.”
“Dearest!” he inattentively murmured, recognizing on the Avenue the elegant cobweb wheels of his mother’s Bolivian buggy.
Accompanied by Eurydice Edwards, she was driving her favourite mules. ”

“ Madame Ruiz raised eyes dark with spleen.
The visit of her agent, or man of affairs, was apt to ruffle her composure for the day: “Tell him to leave it, and go,” she [Pg 50] commanded, selecting a nectarine from a basket of iced-fruits beside her. ”

“ Mouth, followed by their daughters, felt, each, in their several ways, they might expect to enjoy themselves.
“Prancing Nigger, what a furore!” Mrs. Mouth exclaimed. “You b’lieb, I hope, now, dat our tickets was worth de money.”
Plucking at the swallow-tails of an [Pg 96] evening “West-End,” Mr. Mouth was disinclined to reopen a threadbare topic.
“It queah how few neegah dair be,” he observed, scanning the brilliant audience, many of whom, taking advantage of an interval, were flocking towards a buffet in an adjoining conservatory.
“Prancing Nigger, I feel I could do wid a glass ob champagne.” ”

“ The wafted odours of the cotton-trees without, oppressed the air. In the deepening twilight, the rising moonmist, already obscured the street.
“Dis place not healthy. Dat damp! Should my daughters go off into a [Pg 11] decline ...” she apprehensively murmured, as her husband started softly to sing.
“For ebber wid de Lord!
Amen; so let it be;
Life from de dead is in dat word,
’Tis immortality.”
“If it’s de meeting-house dats de obstruction, dair are odders, too, in Cuna-Cuna,” she observed.
“How often hab I bid you nebba to mention dat modern Sodom in de hearing ob my presence!” ”

“ Mr. Mouth observed, “an’ dose bery words (ef you look) you will find in de twelfth chapter, an’ de sixth berse ob de Book ob Hebrews.”
“Prancing Nigger, you datways selfish! Always t’inkin ’ob your soul, instead ob your obligations towards de fambly.”
“Why, wha’ mo’ can I do dan I’ve done?”
Mrs. Mouth faintly shrugged.
“I had hoped,” she said, “dat Nini would hab bin ob use to de girls, but dat seem now impossible!” For Mrs. Snagg had been traced to a house of ill-fame, where, it appeared, she was an exponent of the Hodeidah—a lascive Cunan dance. ”

“ Mouth commanded, as a perspiring niggerling in livery presented himself.
“Ibum, his arms are full already.”
“Just come along all to de Villa now! It dat mignon an’ all so nice. An’ after de collation,” Mrs. Mouth (shocked on the servant’s account at her son’s nude neck) raised her voice: “we go to de habadasher in Palmbranch Avenue, an’ I buy you an Eton colleh!”
[Pg 62]
IX
“Prancing Nigger, I t’ink it bery strange, dat Madame Ruiz, she nebba call.” ”

“ What a din; it gib a po’ soul de grabe-yahd creeps,” she murmured, lifting the jalousie of a sun-shutter and peering idly out.
Standing in the street was a Chinese Laundrymaid, chatting with two Chinamen with osier baskets, while a gaunt pariah [Pg 107] dog was rummaging among some egg-shells and banana-skins in the dust before the gate.
“Dat lil fool-fool Ibum, he throw ebberyt’ing out ob de window, an’ nebba t’ink ob de stink,” she commented, as an odour of decay was wafted in on a gust of the hot trade wind. The trade winds! How pleasantly they used to blow in the village of Mediavilla. ”