Rudyard Kipling

“ McRimmon an’ the Black Ox Line, God bless him!
"Oh, I forgot to say she would lie down an’ fill her forward deck green, an’ snore away into a twenty-knot gale forty-five to the minute, three an’ a half knots an' hour, the engines runnin’ sweet an’ true as a bairn breathin’ in its sleep. Bell was skipper—; an’ forbye there’s no love lost between crews an’ owners, we were fond o’ the auld Blind Deevil an’ his dog, an’ I’m thinkin’ he liked us. He was worth the windy side o’ twa million sterling’, an’ no friend to his own blood-kin. Money’s an awfu’ thing—overmuch—for a lonely man. ”

“ I see!' He doddered into the Board-room I’d just left, an’ the Dandie dog that is just his blind man’s leader stayed wi’ me. That was providential. In a minute he was back again. 'Ye’ve cast your bread on the watter, M’Phee,' he says. 'Whaur’s my dog? My word, is he on your knee? There’s more discernment in a dog than a Jew. What garred ye curse your Board, McPhee? It’s expensive.'
"'They’ll pay more for the "Breslau,”' I said. 'Get off my knee, ye smotherin’ beastie.'
"'Bearin’s hot, eh?' said McRimmon. 'It’s thirty year since a man daur curse me to my face. ”

“ He owned all sorts of certificates of extra-competency, and at the bottom of his cabin chest of drawers, where he kept the photograph of his wife, were two or three Royal Humane Society medals for saving lives at sea. Professionally—it was different when crazy steerage-passengers jumped overboard—professionally, McPhee does not approve of saving life at sea, and he has often told me that a new hell is prepared for stokers and trimmers who sign for a strong man’s pay and fall sick the second day out. ”

“ McPhee, who succeeded Dinah in my heart, for Dinah was half a world away, and it is wholesome and antiseptic to know such a woman as Janet McPhee. They lived in a little twelve-pound house in the dark and distant East, close to the shipping. When McPhee was away Mrs. McPhee read the shipping news in the daily papers, and called on the wives of senior engineers of equal social standing. Once or twice, too, Mrs. Holdock visited Mrs. McPhee in a brougham with celluloid fittings, and I have reason to believe that after she had played owner’s wife long enough they talked scandal. ”

“ He was wearin’ to eighty, as I knew. 'I was wrong, McRimmon. but when a man’s put oot o' the door for dooin’ his plain duty he’s not always ceevil.'
"'So I hear,' says McRimmon. 'Ha’ ye ony objection to a tramp freighter? It’s only fifteen a month, but they say the Blind Deevil feeds a man better than others. She’s my "Kite." Come ben. Ye can thank Dandie, here. I’m no used to thanks. An’ noo,' says he, 'what possessed ye to throw up your berth wi’ Holdock? ”

“ It was sinfu’!
"Syne Bell got orders to tak’ the 'Kite' round to Liverpool in water-ballast, and McRimmon came to bid’s good-by, yammerin’ an’ whinin’ o’er the acres o’ paint he’d lavished on the 'Lammergeyer.'
"'I look to you to retrieve it,' says he. 'I look to you to reimburse me! ’Fore God, why are ye not cast off? Are ye dawdlin’ in dock for a purpose.?'
"'What odds, McRimmon?' says Bell. 'We’ll be a day behind the fair at Liverpool. The "Grotkau’s" got all the freight that might ha’ been ours an’ the "Lammergeyer’s."' McRimmon laughed an’ chuckled—the pairfect eemage o’ senile dementia. ”

“ Ye canna see green so far as red, or we’d ha’ kept to leeward. We’d no passengers to consider, an’ all eyes being on the 'Grotkau,' we fair walked into a liner rampin’ home to Liverpool. Or, to be preceese, Bell no more than twisted the 'Kite' oot from under her bows, and there was a little damnin’ betwix’ the twa bridges. Noo a passenger"—McPhee regarded me benignantly—"wad ha’ told the papers that as soon as he got to the Customs. We stuck to the 'Grotkau’s' tail that night an’ the next twa days—she slowed down to five knots by my reckonin’ and we lapped along the weary way to the Fastnet." ”

“ They no more than made us wutty. To be sure, young Bannister laid his head on the table an’ greeted like a bairn, an’ Calder was all for callin’ on Steiner at two in the morn’ an’ painting him galley green; but they’d been drinkin’ the afternoon. Lord, how they twa cursed the Board, an’ the 'Grotkau,' an’ the tailshaft, an’ the engines, an’ a’! They didna talk o’ superfeecial flaws that night. I mind young Bannister and Calder shakin’ hands on a bond to be revenged on the Board at ony reasonable cost this side of losing their certificates. Now mark ye how false economy ruins business. ”

“ Twenty knot an hour she came, every cabin lighted, an’ her boats swung awa’. It was grandly done, an’ in the inside of an hour. She stopped like Mrs. Holdock’s machine; down went the gangway, down went the boats, an’ in ten minutes we heard the passengers cheerin’, an’ awa’ she fled.
"'They’ll tell o’ this all the days they live,' said Bell. 'A rescue at sea by night, as pretty as a play. Young Bannister an’ Calder will be drinkin’ in the saloon; an’ six months hence the Board o’ Trade ’ll gie the skipper a pair o’ binoculars. ”

“ There was nothin’ for me to do save watch the hawsers an’ the 'Kite’s' tail squatterin’ down in white watter when she lifted over a sea; so I got steam on the after donkey-pump, an’ pumped oot the engine-room. There’s no sense in leavin’ watter loose in a ship. When she was dry, I went doon the shaft-tunnel, an’ found she was leakin’ a little through the stuffin’-box, but nothin’ to make wark. The propeller had e’en jarred off, as I knew it must, an’ Calder had been waitin’ for it to go wi’ his hand on the gear. ”

“ There were sailing-ships, with stewards and mahogany and maple saloons, trading to Australia, taking cargoes of consumptives and hopeless drunkards for whom a sea voyage was recommended; there were frowzy little West African boats, full of rats and cockroaches, where men died anywhere but in their bunks ”

“ He believes in throwing boots at fourth and fifth engineers when they wake him up at night with word that a bearing is red hot, all because a lamp’s glare is reflected red from the twirling metal. He believes that there are only two poets in the world: one being Robert Burns of course, and the other Gerald Massey. ”

“ What’s our chance o’ salvage, Dandie?'
"He laughed till he choked. 'Tak’ what I gie you, McPhee, an’ be content,' he said. 'Lord, how a man wastes time when he gets old! Get aboard the 'Kite,' mon, as soon as ye can. ”

“ Ony rollin’s better than pitchin’ wi’ superfeecial cracks in the tail-shaft. Calder knows that much,' I said.
"'It’s ill wark retreevin’ steamers this weather,' said Bell. His beard and whiskers were frozen to his oilskin, an’ the spray was white on the weather side of him. Pairfect North Atlantic winter weather!
"One by one the sea raxed away our three boats, an’ the davits were crumpled like rams’ horns.
"'Yon’s bad,” said Bell, at the last. “Ye canna pass a hawser wi’oot a boat.' Bell was a vara judeecious man—for an Aberdonian. ”

“ We were gain' slow.
"'Bannister wad be better pleased to go home on a liner an’ eat in the saloon. Mind ye what they said o’ Holdock and Steiner’s food that night at Radley’s? Keep her awa’, man—keep her awa’. A tow’s a tow, but an abandoned ship’s big salvage.”
"'E-eh!' said Bell. 'Yon’s an inshot o’ yours, Mac. I love ye like a brother. We’ll bide whaur we are till daylight;' an’ he kept her awa’.
"Syne up went a rocket forward, an’ twa on the bridge, an’ a blue light aft. ”

“ Ye ken, there’s vast deeference between towin’ a ship wi’ men on her an' pickin’ up a derelict—a vast deeference—in pounds sterlin’. Moreover, twa three o’ the 'Grotkau’s' crew were burnin’ to testify about food, an’ there was a note o’ Calder to the Board in regard to the tail-shaft that would ha’ been vara damagin’ if it had come into court. They knew better than to fight.
"Syne the 'Kite' came back, an' McRimmon paid off me an’ Bell personally, an' the rest of the crew pro ratâ, I believe it’s ca’ed. ”

“ The Board fed them like swine (I have good reason to know it) , an’ I’ve obsairved wi’ my ain people that if ye touch his stomach ye wauken the deil in a Scot. Men will tak’ a dredger across the Atlantic if they’re well fed, an' fetch her somewhere on the broadside o’ the Americas; but bad food’s bad service the world over.
"The bill went to McRimmon, an’ he said no more to me till the week-end, when I was at him for more paint, for we’d heard the 'Kite' was chartered Liverpool-side. ”

“ I said, ‘but you don’t persuade me that six foot o’ water can come into an engine-room fortuitously."
"Who’s tryin’ to persuade one way or the other?" McPhee retorted. "I’m statin’ the facts o’ the case—the simple, natural facts. Six or seven foot o’ dead watter in the engine-room is a vara depressin’ sight if ye think there’s like to be more comin’ ”

“ But it’s awfu’ discreditable to Holdock, Steiner, and Chase, if that came oot in court.'
"'It’s just my own curiosity,' I said.
"'Aweel, Dandie’s afflicted wi’ the same disease. Dandie, strive against curiosity, for it brings a little dog into traps an’ suchlike. Whaur was the 'Kite' when yon painted liner took off the "Grotkau’s" people?'
"'Just there or thereabouts,' I said.
"'An’ which o’ you twa thought to cover your lights?' said he, winkin’.
"'Dandie,' I said to the dog, 'we must both strive against curiosity. It’s an unremunerative business. ”

“ She was helpless, ye’ll understand, an’ in no case to meet ony weather. Five thousand seven hunder an’ forty pounds, with costs, an’ exclusive o’ new engines! They’d ha’ done better to ha’ kept me—on the old timin’.
"But, even so, the new Board were all for retrenchment. Young Steiner, the Jew, was at the bottom of it. They sacked men right an’ left that would not eat the dirt the Board gave ’em. They cut down repairs; they fed crews wi’ leavin’s and scrapin’s; and, reversin’ McRimmon’s practice, they hid their defeeciencies wi’ paint an’ cheap gildin’. ”

“ Noo, I’m fra the North, and I’m not the like o' man to fling awa’ money rashly, but I’d gie six months’ pay—one hunder an twenty pounds—to know who flooded the engine-room of the 'Grotkau.' I’m fairly well acquaint wi’ McRimmon’s eediosyncrasies, and he’d no hand in it. It was not Calder, for I’ve asked him, an’ he wanted to fight me. It would be in the highest degree unprofessional o’ Calder—not fightin’, but openin’ bilge-cocks—but for a while I thought it was him. ”

“ But the warst was at the last. She’d a great clumsy iron twelve-foot Thresher propeller—Aitcheson designed the 'Kite’s'—and just on the tail o’ the shaft, before the boss, was a red weepin’ crack ye could ha’ put a penknife to. ”