Seumas O'Brien

“ LOGAN A man's conscience is worse than having bloodhounds after him, if he has to spend months in idleness through no fault of his own, and no one to look for sympathy from but a scoldin' wife.
DRISCOLL The Lord protect us from scoldin' wives, anyway. They're the scourge of Hell. But there are worse things than being married to a wife with no control over her temper. You might be like the thief who broke into the house of Michael Cassily and stole his grandfather's watch and chain and silver candlestick. ”

“ You're no gentleman, sir. Remember when you offend my wife, you offend me. Do you hear that?
MR. O'CROWLEY This conduct is obstreperonious, Mr. Fennell. Mr. Cassidy is a gentleman, and he must not be either insulted or interrupted, while he is judiciously discharging the duties of his high office.
MRS. FENNELL (sighs) Oh, God help us! The world must be turned upside down when a lawyer can be a gentleman.
MR. O'CROWLEY Hold your tongue, woman, or I'll order you to be arrested for contempt of court.
MR. FENNELL The next man who says a word to my wife must fight me. ”

“ It is hardly necessary for me to say that we only get what we deserve in this world, and sometimes a little more or a little less as the case may be. The desirable propensities of the people of the town have endeared me to them with a spirit as strong as that which makes the ivy cling to the oak, and as we see the ivy fondly clinging to that monarch of trees, whether it sprouts its green leaves in the glorious sunshine or falls to the ground with decay, so will I cling to the people of Ballybraggan. ”

“ DONAL I have no doubt whatever but he will be delighted to meet Lady Delahunty and yourself. But, of course, every man's trouble appears greater to himself, than to his neighbours. And as we all think more about ourselves than any one else, and as you have now partially recovered from the unexpected stroke of royal generosity, we might as well get down to business and fix up that match with Kitty and your son Finbarr.
SIR DENIS With reference to the royal favour, Donal, I might as well be candid and say, that it wasn't altogether unexpected, because I knew somethin' was going to happen. ”

“ NAGLE The devil a penny at all have I, and unless I can sell my watch to buy my ticket with, I'll lose my job, and then my wife and family must go to the workhouse.
DEVLIN God himself seems to be no friend of the poor. That was a terrible calamity to befall a stranger. How much will your ticket cost?
NAGLE Ten shillin's, and I'm willin' to part with my watch for that triflin' sum, though 'twas my poor father's, rest his soul. (Holds watch in his hand) Look at it, 'tis as fine a timepiece as eyes ever rested on. A solid silver watch, and a chain of solid gold, and all for ten shillin's. ”

“ Let critics say what they will, but the fact remains that success is the best answer to adverse criticism. A man's true worth may not always be appreciated in a cold and heartless world like ours, but there will ever be found a few who can always sympathise with us in our sorrows and rejoice with us in our triumphs. And Mr. O'Crowley has the rare gift which enables him to do both. (Applause) He is a man of large and noble ideals, of sterling qualities and knows human nature in all its many phases. He knows the wants of the people and what's more, he knows how to satisfy them. ”

“ PHELAN DUFFY On behalf of the legal profession of which I have the honor of being the oldest member, I am not only desirous but extremely overjoyed to have the golden opportunity of congratulating our worthy townsman Mr. Cornelius John Michael O'Crowley on the great distinction that has befallen him. We all have heard of that Englishman who said one time, with all the cleverness of an Irishman and a native of Ballybraggan at that: "Some are born great, others acquire greatness, and more have greatness thrust upon them." ”

“ Duffy has clearly proved to us how drink, especially bad and illegal drink, like poteen, can change a man from a law-abiding, self-respecting, and obedient husband into a demon and a housebreaker. And Mr. Cassidy has also clearly proven on the other hand how that same drink can change a man from the ordinary humdrum things of life and turn his mind to noble ideals, and make of him an artist and an inspired one at that. Now science has proved to us that in every one man there are two men,—the artist, if I might be permitted to use the term, and the house-breaker. ”

“ Each and every one is received with the same hearty welcome. He is a man whom we think of in our hours of suffering, whether it be on the scorching heat of a summer's day or the blighting cold of a winter's night. It is my earnest wish, and I am sure that I am only expressing the sentiments of the whole of Munster, that the success which has attended Mr. O'Crowley in all the ventures of his useful life will be doubled in his capacity as Justice of the Peace. ”

“ Sure 'tis myself that knows it.
DEVLIN And 'tis as bad to be rich and not to be able to get any of your money like myself.
FALVEY There's trouble in everythin', but no respect for the poor.
DEVLIN None whatever! none whatever! And no greater misfortune could befall a man than to be poor and honest at the same time. But all the same I'll be a millionaire when my money comes from America.
FALVEY America must be a great country. One man is as good as another there, I believe. ”

“ Well, it would be just as ridiculous and absurd to punish my client for smashing his own furniture, which he purchased with his own hard earned money, as to punish me for smashing this watch if I should feel like doing so. (Applause, which is suppressed) To charge Mr. Fennell with drinking poteen is equally absurd. He does not know what poteen tastes like. The idea of taking a decanter and a bottle of whiskey out of any gentleman's house without his permission is tyranny of the very worst kind. It is a grievous offence in the eyes of the law as well as a breach of etiquette. ”

“ Places pint of porter and bread in front of Falvey who begins to eat and drink.
FALVEY God bless your noble soul and may you be long spared to do good in the world. (As he eats) There's no sauce like hunger, and no friend like the friend in need.
LOGAN That's true. Now tell me, do you expect to get work in this town?
FALVEY
'Tis my intention to try.
LOGAN You'd have as much chance of slippin' into heaven with your soul as black as a skillet from mortal sins, unknownst to St. Peter, as you'd have of gettin' a job with an old coat like that. ”

“ DRISCOLL 'Tis easy to feel plucky in the mornin', but 'tis a brave man who can feel happy at the heel of day, especially if he has an uneasy conscience and an empty stomach.
LOGAN Hunger plays the devil with us all. A man with an empty stomach, an empty purse, and an empty house, except for a scoldin' wife, can never be happy. ”

“ DEVLIN (places watch to his ear) It has a good strong tick, anyway. I'll give you the ten shillin's for it. Here you are.
NAGLE (takes the money) Thank you kindly, though it nearly breaks my heart to part with it.
DEVLIN Life is made up of comin' and goin', and what we lose to-day we may gain to-morrow, and lose again the next day.
NAGLE One man's loss is another man's profit, and that's how the world keeps movin'.
DEVLIN True. And there's no use in being alive unless we can help each other. Sure 'tis for each other, and not by each other, that we should live. ”

“ Fennell.
MR. FENNELL (interrupting) Can't a man dust his own furniture and chastise his own wife if he feels like doing so?
MR. O'CROWLEY Order! order! There must be no interruptions in this court of justice.
PHELAN DUFFY (continuing) You can well imagine how poor Mrs. Fennell thought that the end of the world was coming when she saw every bit of ware on the kitchen dresser smashed in pieces no larger than threepenny bits on the floor. ”

“ LOGAN 'Tis easy for a saint of God to be good, when he feels that he'll be rewarded for his self-sacrifice, but have no more old talk and give me that old coat of yours, or if you don't I might change my mind, and then you'll have plenty of time to regret your foolishness.
FALVEY Very well, stranger, very well. (They exchange coats) May the Lord spare you all the days you want to live, and may you never want for anythin' but the ill wishes of your enemies. ”

“ PADNA
The smell o' drink from 'em is awful.
MICUS
'Tis disgustin'. I wouldn't be seen in their company.
Padna. Come on away.
HEAD (to Sergeant and Constable)
Arrest these min!
PADNA
Do ye hear that, Micus?
MICUS (opening his coat)
I do, but I won't be insulted be the likes o' them.
PADNA (opening his coat also)
Nayther will I!
HEAD (indignantly)
Why don't ye arrest these min, I say?
PADNA and MICUS (together) Arrest us, is it? (They take off their coats, throw them on the ground, and take their stand like pugilists) Come on, now, and arrest us!
PADNA
I'll take the best man. ”

“ By the judicious application of words and logic we have learnt what uses can be made of the law of the land, and though our reason may convince us and our conscience too, that right is right and wrong is wrong, yet, the law's the law for all that, and we are Justices of the Peace and must respect the law and abide by it. ”

“ LADY DELAHUNTY Such as playin' cricket and polo, and drinkin' afternoon tea with a napkin on his knee, like one of the gentry themselves. And between ourselves, he cares no more about cigarettes than his father does about cigars.
SIR DENIS Notwithstanding all that, 'tis my belief that after six months in England, he would be fit company for the best people in the land.
DONAL What the blazes does he want learnin' to play polo for, when he must make his livin' as a farmer?
LADY DELAHUNTY
Listen now, Donal, and be reasonable. When—
DONAL Is it the way you want to break off the match? ”

“ NAGLE 'Pon my word, but to know how to live is the greatest problem of all.
DEVLIN That's so. Sometimes 'tis foolish to be wise and other times 'tis wise to be foolish, but the sensible man will always look out for himself and let his friends look after his enemies.
NAGLE Every word you say is true, but I must be goin' or I'll lose the train. So I'll bid you good-by and good luck.
DEVIN Good day and good luck to you also. (Exit Nagle) The stranger was right. A man with a watch and chain like this, and able to tell every one the time of day, could get as much on his word as he'd want. ”

“ Fennell, I wish to impress upon the Bench the gravity of the offence with which the accused Richard Fennell is charged, namely, drunkenness from excessive use of an illegal intoxicant known as poteen, house-breaking, terrorizing and almost paralyzing with fear his highly strung and sensitive wife, and adding insult to injury in resisting arrest by his Majesty's guardian of law and order, Sergeant Healy. These are grave charges indeed, and who will gainsay that a man gifted with the spirit of destruction like Mr. Fennell is a menace to the peace-abiding town of Ballybraggan? ”

“ O'Crowley wasn't fully qualified for upholding and sustaining the dignity of the coveted title, Justice of the Peace, His Excellency the Lord Lieutenant, who is both a scholar, a gentleman, and a Scotchman to boot, would not be so pleased and delighted to confer on him an honor only worthy of a man of his attainments, sentiments, and quality of character. ”

“ Mr. O'Crowley is a man who is above pride and does not want the walls of Rome or the stones of the Munster roads to know what he does for mankind. So I will now conclude by wishing him all the success that he deserves, in the future and hereafter.
MR. C. J. M. O'CROWLEY Brother magistrates, members of the Bar, members of the Royal Irish Constabulary, and gentlemen: From the bottom of my heart I thank you for all the high compliments you have paid me this day, and I only hope that I will be long spared to be a source of comfort and consolation to the men and women of Ballybraggan. ”

“ FALVEY I tell you that I got this coat from a stranger I met in this house, this mornin'.
FIRST POLICEMAN And sure you're the one who can look innocent, believe me. But this won't be much good to you when you go before the magistrates. Now we'll deal with your partner. (Places his hand on Devlin's shoulder) I must arrest you on suspicion for being an accomplice of this strange man here who broke into Mr. Michael Cassily's establishment last night, and stole five pound notes, two silver candlesticks and a silver watch and golden chain.
DEVLIN
Is it madness that has come upon the crowd of you? ”

“ Yet I don't think 'tis a bit fair for me to be wearin' your fine coat and you wearin' mine. You don't look a bit comfortable in it.
LOGAN I feel comfortable, and far more comfortable than you can imagine; and after all that's what matters. Every eye forms its own beauty, and when the heart is young, it doesn't matter how old you are.
FALVEY That's true! That's true! But 'tis the dacent man you are, nevertheless, and 'tisn't the likes of you that a poor man like myself meets every day. ”

“ DONAL Every one of the women in ten generations of your family, on both sides, said the same, but they all did what they were told in the end, and you will do it, too. You will marry the man that I will choose for you, or go to the convent or America. ”