Tristan Bernard

“ Down-stage and up-stage to the right are doors; similar doors on the left. Half-way down-stage on the left is the Cashier’s desk, with inkstands and register. On the walls are posters and train schedules. Half-way down-stage and a little to left of center is a table covered with magazines, etc., and a telephone. As the curtain rises, the Porter is seen seated on a small stool just below the Cashier’s desk. A moment later, enter Gerald and Séraphine, each with a valise. Séraphine is typically French and wears stylish clothes of the latest cut; Gerald is equally well dressed. ”

“ Nine hours of peace and quiet. (He sits down on the stool by the desk and takes a cigar from his pocket.)
(Re-enter Cashier.)
Cashier. Interpreter, where have you been all this time?
Percy. All what time?
Cashier. I told you to stay here.
Percy. Well, I—I—I just stepped out—because—I heard someone crying for help—in Spanish!
Cashier. You stepped out so quickly that you turned your hat all the way around!
Percy. Yes—yes.
Cashier. Well, are you going to fix it? (Percy does so) Sit down. (Percy sits down) Now stay right here. There’s a Frenchman here who doesn’t understand a word of English. ”

“ Cashier. Where is that interpreter? (Goes out, up-stage left)
(Enter Gerald and Séraphine, up-stage right.)
Séraphine. Then you must go? You will not stay longer?
Gerald. Only to the telegraph office. I’ll be back at once.
Séraphine. Oh, I am so afraid. I thought I heard the voice of Papa.
Gerald. Imagination.—I’ll be back in no time.
Séraphine. Good-bye, chéri.
Gerald. Say “Dearest!”
Séraphine. Dearest! (Séraphine goes out up-stage right, Gerald center.) ”

“ A delightful trifle by one of the most celebrated of living dramatists. Price 25 Cents.
THE ART OF BEING BORED, (Le Monde où l’on s’Ennuie) , a comedy in three acts by Edouard Pailleron. Probably the best-known and most frequently acted comedy of manners in the realm of nineteenth century French drama. It is replete with wit and comic situations. For nearly forty years it has held the stage, while countless imitators have endeavored to reproduce its freshness and charm. ”

“ The Cashier addresses him somewhat sharply) So you have come to take Mr. Graham’s place? (Percy nods) You have been told the conditions, I believe; six shillings a day. Now understand, we want a good interpreter, serious and attentive to business. All you have to do is wait here until any foreigners come, and then help them. Understand? (Percy again nods) Good. (The Cashier goes out, up-stage left)
Percy. (To the Porter, after a short pause) Many foreigners come here?
Porter. Oh, I don’t know! Few French now and then; depends on the season. ”

“ A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL, by Anton Tchekhoff, a comedy in one act, by one of the greatest of modern Russian writers. This little farce is very popular in Russia, and satirizes the peasants of that country in an amusing manner. ”

“ Percy. (A little disturbed) Oh—many foreigners just now?
Porter. Not so many.
Percy. (A little more at ease) Do you think any’ll come to-day?
Porter. Can’t say—Here, take your cap. (He hands Percy a cap with the words “INTERPRÈTE” written on the front. The Porter then goes out at the back)
Percy. (Hat in hand, as he reads the inscription) In-ter-preet. ”