Valance J Patriarche

“ Now that lodgings were in sight Bateese and the chien boule dog assumed the aspect of a huge joke; a Frenchy joke; a sort of “double entendre.”
It seemed too marvellous to be true when they actually obtained admittance to the widow's abode. It was a beautiful home to them, a very nest of peace and a haven from the cruel, jostling world which loves not little boys and bull-dogs. ”

“ Pat looked at Patty and Patty looked at Pat, mutely questioning. Should they venture on the cream puff story or not? Then Pat surprised a wicked twinkle in the captain’s eye and his decision was made. Turning to Bateese, he extended a frigid hand, bowed in haughty silence and stalked out, dragging the small boy in his wake. As Patty was about to follow she met the quizzical gaze of the captain fixed upon her and her eyes were led by his to the shambling bull dog at her heels. ”

“ The recent escapades of the children would appear to be instigated but that it was such a clumsy affair; two odd looking youngsters and a bull dog could scarcely escape notice even in New York. Then, too, they seemed impatient, even eager, for the advent of the father, whose testimony would doubtless clear up the mystery and set the seal of guilt upon their brows. And there was always the unanswerable query—why in thunder did an apparently pleasure-loving bridal couple want to saddle themselves with a half foreign kid and a bull dog? ”

“ Cairlo sat firm, bandy legs well apart, blear eyes fixed and staring. Groups of men in the rotunda turned to watch the scene with visible amusement. Pat took the brute by the collar and dragged him a step or two, but it was hot work, for Cairlo’s powers of resistance were great; gentle persuasion proved equally fruitless. Pat became conscious of flattering notice from all sides and suspended his campaign while he lighted a cigar with an easy air designed to announce to the world that the coercion of balky bull-dogs was his favourite pastime ”

“ Upon reaching a colossal store Patty and Bateese descended and entered under the escort of Mr. Burns, leaving the others to the watchful eye of the cabman, who had previously been put wise as to their destination. Under the belief that fine raiment might have a softening influence upon the irate parent’s heart, Patty purchased an outfit which would have done no discredit to a Fifth Avenue mansion, and was somewhat dampened in spirit by her husband’s expression when he surveyed the glory and fingered his depleted purse. ”

“ Heaven knows what fearsome tales she had heard that morning while the young lady lodgers sat on her bed discussing criminal atrocities and prison terrors, nor how her anguish was augmented by the widow’s pale face, and the widow’s tears which were braided into her back hair. No one could know the exact cause, but the result was evident in a tiny face as stony and terror stricken as that of a sensitive woman doomed to see her best loved sentenced to death. ”

“ She almost danced out to the cab, and Pat promised to add a half dollar to the driver’s already swollen tariff if he took them to this last address in half an hour.
“She has strong antirace-suicide views, Pat,” quoted his wife, laughing.
“Darlint,” he rejoined with solemnity, “Bateese is the child of our tenderest care. All our hopes are centred in his plump carcass and our only aim in life is to rear him to noble manhood.” He winked at Bateese, who screwed up his black eyes and chuckled sleepily as if he were privy to the jest. ”

“ In the careless joy of the day they had almost forgotten Bateese.
“Your kid,” answered Josephine excitedly. “He ain’t hardly got any clothes left on him an’ he won’t come out.” She pointed to a flight of steps leading to the cellar of a deserted house, and, simultaneously, there came a wail therefrom; a long wail as of much pent suffering and sorrow too great to be borne. Pat and Patty alighted and hurried to the spot. Crouching against a cellar door, with tear-stained countenance raised imploringly, was the luckless Bateese ”

“ Returning some time later he said with solemn emphasis,
“Patty, that conductor has gone back on another train and the present one never even heard of a Bateese. The baggage man knows nothing, the porter less, and I’m blamed if I remember even the name of the street— Do you? Think hard.”
His wife shook her head slowly. “But, Pat, do you mean to say—”
“That we have a small, fat, French unknown on our hands for Heaven knows how long, and we on our way to spend a giddy honeymoon in gay New York. That’s what I mean.” His emphasis was bitter. ”

“ The door closed on sounds of a rollicking song from the enriched cab man and they were led to the first floor front by a neat and smiling landlady, who, before leaving, stooped to pat the head of Bateese.
“And how old might he be, ma’am?” she asked.
Patty hesitated and then came a dual answer.
“Five,” said Patty.
“Seven,” said Pat.
They paused in confusion and the landlady came to the rescue, saying with a nod at Pat, “Now ain’t that just like these men; their heads is so full of business they don’t even remember the ages of their own children. So he is five. ”

“ First a tall man with head well erect, at his heels a, vicious pie-faced bull dog, then a young and remarkably pretty girl, leading by the hand a weary child clad in clothes such as sweet charity alone would have the heart to envelop him. ”

“ We have given up explaining. The thing has gone beyond explanations. When we find that orphanage, we simply put Bateese and his bandy legged pet inside the door and vanish —skidoo. You will stay in the carriage a little way down the road and I will restore the lost treasure and do the vanishing act, then we drive like mad back to the junction, board the first train, and lose ourselves in New York.”
And Patty had replied dubiously, “It seems so mean to dump him down that way and run. Do you know, Pat, I believe he is really fond of us.” ”

“ Bateese, on the contrary, had endured so many vicissitudes that this seemed but another phase of an already confused but amusing existence.
He was warm, and the big men had laughed, so he laughed too, his black eyes dancing and sharp white teeth gleaming. Upon the departure of the cab-man he undertook to introduce his “chien boule dog, Cairlo,” who “w’en I cry on de eye aujour d’hui jus sleep lak wan peeg” (giving Cairlo a reproachful push with his foot) . ”

“ The graven image of a dog never stirred. Every occupant of the large and busy rotunda was now deeply engrossed in watching the scene. Bets were laid on the outcome, but the determined set of Cairlo’s jaw did not invite interference. The courteous porter barred the way; evidently if the dog stayed the master did lkewise. The situation grew desperate. At any moment Patty and Bateese might appear, the former he knew would take in the situation and laugh, and all those darned idiots of men would laugh with her, while Bateese would probably divine treachery and shriek for his “chien boule dog.” ”

“ The man stood gazing with dumb stupidity from the small boy to the bull dog, back to the boy again. Where was the joyful outcry? Where the glad rush to gather his son to his yearning bosom? ‘The ecstatic reunion expected by all? —Simply the man stood and stared, while Bateese dozed on and Cairlo did not so much as blink an eyelid. Patty shivered a little with nervousness and laid a hand on Pat’s arm as he in turn braced himself for the coming outburst of recognition, which he imagined to be merely delayed by the gorgeous attire of Bateese. ”

“ Pat was silent. He had made up his mind he would not tell that insane cream puff story again except under dire stress of circumstances. Some papers were produced and the party proceeded to a desk to sign them. No one noticed the children had quietly slipped out of the room, with Bateese’s pet in close attendance. They were now standing by the outer door, Josephine shaking poor Bateese savagely.
“You must run, Bateese. They’re goin’ to shut us up and beat us with straps, an’ p’raps kill us, an’ we’ll never git out of an iron place for years and years.” ”

“ So strong a pinch is as good as a pound, yet so wholesome a child can drink it. It gets a grip on you.”
Then Ella came forth triumphant, leading by the hand a strange and radiant creature. It appeared to have many legs and arms and much hair, all set off by a scanty supply of crushed pink tarleton. On closer inspection it proved to be Josephine, her eyes ablaze with the excitement of the adventure and the delicious feel of real wavy hair flowing free.
Abraham was dubious about her. ”

“ She gave a little gasp as her husband entered the barn at a quick run, then waited with tense nerves for his re-appearance. Some ten minutes later the two men emerged arm in arm, not exactly with the jolly good fellow air which usually accompanies that attitude, but rather like captor and captive. Pat motioned Patty to drive to a small gate, whence he presently emerged leading his sheepish looking companion. The latter was greeted rapturously by Bateese and Cairlo. The small boy clambered from the carriage and ran to him. ”

“ Obviously he was ill at ease, avoided looking at the agitated Patty, and bestowed a furtive kick on Cairlo, who jumped and frisked about him in ponderous playfulness.
“This is the Jim,” explained Mr. Patterson to his wife, leading the reluctant giant to the side of the carriage. “The man who—you know.”
Patty nodded swiftly. “And will he?” she asked with a comprehensive gesture from Bateese to the farm.
“Yes. He is going to take Bateese to the orphanage for us,” said Mr. Patterson in slow, decided tones, getting a fresh grip on Jim’s arm. ”

“ The aspect of the sallow one took on an added shade of gloom when he was enjoined, in pantomime, not to move from the doorway while his companions made their way down the platform accompanied by a particularly ferocious looking bull dog. ”

“ He began to cry, gently at first, then, seeing the consternation on Patty’s face, his wail became a fearful howl. The baggage man appeared and took in the situation. “Wants his purp, eh? Here, put him up an’ I’ll sit him on this trunk— There you are, kiddie!” Bateese became smiling and amiable at once. “The brute ain’t half as savage as you’d think. Not much mor’n a pup, and kind of affectionate disposition.” It would seem so, for as Pat and Patty resumed their walk Bateese and his pet were leaning shoulder to shoulder, the small boy’s arm about Cairlo’s neck. ”

“ It seems you saw a dog an’ a kid in a cab and you think this is the dog but you know it ain’t the kid. There’s about two thousand bull dogs in New York, I guess, all havin’ a kind of family likeness, so it’s just possible you’ve made a mistake in the dog as well as the boy. Anyhow, as you ain’t lost a bull dog an’ never had one to lose, I don’t see what’s exciting you so. ”

“ Why, if it’s buns youse is lookin’ fer, we got "em by de dozen. (Abe! Skate round to Grostein’s and git some copper buns quick.) An’ milk too, fresh from de cow.”
So with smiles and seductive promises, she lured them to her, and they were only too glad to rest in the cool back room while she set a small table for them. It all seemed very grand to Josephine, and when many buns and much milk had been consumed and Bateese and Cairlo were slumbering peacefully on the floor together, she related a weird tale of midnight drives in hansom cabs, pursuit by the police, capture and hairbreadth escapes. ”

“ Bateese ’ongry an’ Cairlo ’ongry too—pouvre Cairlo!—’Ome, Jos’phine.”
“You’re always thinkin’ of your dinner, Bateese. Greedy little thing, you are. Very well then, (giving him a push) , go home, an’ you'll see they'll beat you an’ won’t give you any dinner at all.”
Bateese stood dismayed. His round eyes slowly filled with tears and the heart of Josephine melted within her.
“See, Bateese,” she said coaxingly, “Josephine got a copper here” (exhibiting the nobbly corner of a pale gray pocket handkerchief) . “You know them buns with the sugar on top an’ currants on the bottom? —Um!” ”

“ The parents speakin’ no French and the child speakin’ no English, not decent ord’nary English, it’s—well I don’t deny it puzzles me.”
Mr. Burns’ eyes sparkled as he laid a respectful hand upon Mrs. Trent’s arm. “Really now, you tell things so well, I’m real interested. Well, well! Parents English an’ kid French, an’ parents look almost like a bridal couple, you said?”
The widow looked uneasy. “I’ve a good mind to tell you something, but,” she glanced at the young ladies, who promptly looked out of the window; she fidgeted. “Do you happen to be a family man, Mr. Burns?” ”

“ I don’t care to be mixed up in anything of the kind.” Whereupon she drew herself up and walked resolutely away, leaving the astonished and indignant Patty to grasp Bateese’s hand and drag him back to where Pat was soothing his spirit with a good cigar and the reflection that in about one hour he and his bride would be enjoying a cosy tête-à-tête luncheon in one of the city’s palatial hotels. His jaw fell when he saw his wife racing excitedly towards him with the small boy trotting in her wake
“Horrid creature! She won’t keep him; said to take him to the police ”

“ About an hour later Josephine and Bateese, accompanied by a tall man in civilian dress, made their way to the house of the widow. They were met by her at the door, and behind her were four young lady lodgers, all in a state of wild excitement but a little disappointed at the ordinary appearance of the adult of the party. ”