Various

“ The hostess may be, and probably is, engaged in conversation with the guest who occupies the seat on her right or left hand, as the case may be; but the preoccupied manner, the wandering thoughts, the painful effort at appearing interested in whatever topic may be under discussion, are only too apparent—as are likewise the harassed look if, on the lifting of the covers, anything is discovered to be wrong, and the palpable look of relief if, on the other hand, there seems to be no reasonable ground for apprehension or complaint. All such facial reflexes of the soul can and ought to be avoided. ”

“ In the background of this garden, with its fine trees and flowers, where the great dramatist placed, in his imagination, this historical incident, may be seen the old walls and buttresses of the Middle Temple Hall. The descent into the garden is after the Italian fashion, from a court, in the centre of which stands that celebrated fountain of which nearly every noted author has spoken. Who does not remember Ruth Pinch—that devoted sister of Tom’s, in Martin Chuzzlewit, walking under the trees in Fountain Court, and meeting there—by the merest accident, of course—her lover? ”

“ Make it a rule never to introduce any subject that could be unpleasant or embarrassing to a visitor. Avoid strictly the smallest allusion to household worries, as also questions of politics and religion; and if your household be, unhappily, one in which family jars are at times wont to figure, banish all such entirely out of view, for the time at least, if not for all time, as nothing can possibly be more painful to a guest than witnessing bickerings upon subjects with which he has no sort of sympathy. ”

“ The lover of antiquity may well lament when he sees our ancient fortresses nearly levelled to the ground; but the friend of rational freedom will rejoice, when he reflects on the design for which such works were erected, and on the many calamities to which they have given occasion. Amongst the existing but dismantled and ruined fortresses connecting the present with the sanguinary scene of strife and bloodshed of the past, is the famous castle of Pontefract, in Yorkshire, which sustained two memorable sieges by Cromwell’s soldiery. ”

“ During the stay of your guest, if a lady, do not suffer her to pay anything towards the expenses of cabs, trains, or laundry, neither to defray the cost of her own concert or theatre tickets. Whilst in your house, she is, or ought to be, a member of your family, and it is not worth while, for the sake of a trifling additional outlay, to do anything which bears upon it the smallest stamp of meanness. ”

“ Another of the few ordeals that still linger in popular memory may be seen occasionally in some country village, where persons suspected of theft are made to hold a Bible hanging to a key, which is supposed to turn in the hands of the thief—a survival of the old classic and medieval ordeal described in Hudibras as ‘th’ oracle of sieve and shears, that turns as certain as the spheres.’ But instances of this kind are mostly confined to the uncultured part of the community, for, happily, ordeals have long since had their day, and are now discarded from the laws of the more civilised nations. ”

“ Many persons cannot sleep easily unless their door is fastened; and it is pleasanter for the hostess to expend a few pence upon the mending of a lock or bolt, than to hear her guest, at dead of night, dragging a heavy box or table, or chest of drawers, or some other unwieldy thing, across the floor of the chamber, to barricade the door against imaginary disturbances. ”

“ The thoughtless spilling of her best wine, the soiling of her whitest tablecloth, nay, even the smashing of a whole trayful of her best old family china, should not cause one muscle of her countenance to change. ”

“ I tell you once and for all, if Bertha West does not marry me, I’ll have her father up in the felon’s dock.—There; I’ve said more than I intended, so good-morning.’
He endeavoured to push past Harry; but the latter barred the way, saying: ‘You’ll have poor old Captain West up as a felon! Why, man, you’re mad! A simple old man like that, who never stirs beyond his garden, who never said an evil thing of any one, much less did a wrong to any one! Come, be more explicit.’
‘I’ve said more than I intended,’ continued Rodley ”

“ No one thing will make a man eloquent. Flattery has been termed a kind of bad money to which our vanity gives currency. Society, like shaded silk, must be viewed in all situations, or its colours will deceive us. Kindness is the golden chain by which society is bound together; and charity is an angel breathing on riches; while graves have been poetically called the footsteps of angels.
Language is a slippery thing to deal with, as some may find when selecting their similes. ”

“ Talking of curious similes—among the southern languages of India is the Teloogoo or Telinga, so rough in pronunciation that a traveller of the nation speaking it before a ruler of Bokhara, admitted that its sound resembled ‘the tossing of a lot of pebbles in a sack.’ A simile for scarlet stockings is firehose—laughter is the sound you hear when your hat blows off—and trying to do business without advertising is said to be ‘like winking at a girl in the dark.’ An unpoetical Yankee has described ladies’ lips as the glowing gateway of beans, pork, sauer-kraut, and potatoes. ”

“ It has been truly said that the abilities of man must fall short on one side or other, like too scanty a blanket when you are in bed: if you pull it upon your shoulders, you leave your feet bare; if you thrust it down upon your feet, your shoulders are uncovered. The man, we are told, who has not anything to boast of but his illustrious ancestors, is like a potato—the only good belonging to him being underground. ”

“ Threading our way to Bishopsgate Street, we find the churchyard of St Botolph, through which a public footway leads to a neighbouring street. The ground, right and left, is tastefully laid out as a garden with pretty shrubs and trees, the effect being pleasing and agreeable, especially in summer. Nearly opposite is the ancient church of St Ethelburga, hidden behind the houses, with a small confined space at the back, in which are fine trees. Two or three more trees are found in a small inclosure in the vicinity at the back of this church. ”

“ It is likewise unwise for a host or hostess of limited resources to extend an offer of hospitality to a fine lady or gentleman who cannot travel without a maid or valet in attendance upon them. Strange servants are an intolerable nuisance among a household, and it is usual for those who have had experience of them, to declare that they would rather entertain a dozen guests in the dining-room than cater for one in the kitchen or servants’ hall. ”

“ I have occasionally stayed at houses, and very frequently at hotels, where there was no such thing in my room as a wardrobe at all, in any shape or form—not even a shelved press, or a clothes-rack on the wall. This is dire misery, and is an unpardonable omission on the part of those in authority over the management of affairs. It is not by any means a matter of necessity that a costly glass-panelled wardrobe should be provided. Many households cannot afford such; but a neatly painted one is not an extravagance ”

“ Within one of the inner courts of the Bank of England there is a garden tastefully planted with trees and shrubs, some of considerable age; and in the centre there springs forth a large fountain, mushroom-shaped, which plays during the office hours for the benefit of the clerks who inhabit that portion of the building, and for the ‘toilers’ who pass in and out with their bills of exchange and their bags of gold. ”

“ A greater error of judgment can scarcely be committed. To make a guest feel comfortable and at home, leave him pretty much to his own devices. To be always striving to amuse him is a poor compliment to his own resources.
If in the winter-time a visitor comes to stay in your house, inquire early whether he prefers a fire in his bedroom at night, or a hot jar laid into the bed. ”

“ He says: ‘The eyes are the hooks, the smile the bait, the lover the gudgeon, and marriage the butter in which he is fried.’ Matrimony has been well likened to a barque in which two souls venture forth upon life’s stormy sea with only their own frail help to aid them; the well-doing of their craft rests with themselves. ”

“ One of the most remarkable judicial systems of olden times was the trial by ordeal, a mode of procedure founded on the presumption that, should a person be wrongfully accused, heaven would interpose, and in some marked way make his innocence undeniable. With the exception of China, this test was of almost universal adoption in the middle ages; and, whilst still surviving amongst the uneducated portion of most civilised communities, is even nowadays largely practised by uncultured races. As far as its origin is concerned, it may be traced back to remote antiquity ”

“ Any place, in short, which will allow of coats and dresses being hung up, to prevent the creasing which they suffer by folding, and to preserve them from dust, cannot fail to be acceptable to a visitor, when he or she comes to unpack.
Always make sure that the window-blinds are in perfect working order. They are at times too stiff, or too loose, or so much out of gear that if drawn down at night they remain immovable in the morning, and the guest is obliged to dress in semi-darkness. ”

“ It is clearly seen that they choose the smooth paths of life, as they are rarely, if ever, seen to perambulate the sandy, uneven forest, from which they emerge throughout the whole day. Not unfrequently, they mount the steps of a villa, to take a peep at the interior, to the dismay of invalids unaccustomed to such extraordinary, though perfectly harmless callers. ”

“ In the primitive jurisprudence of Russia, ordeal by boiling water was enjoined in cases of minor importance; and in the eleventh century we find burning iron ordered ‘where the matter at stake amounted to more than half a grivna of gold.’ A curious survival of ordeal superstition still prevails to a very large extent in Southern Russia. When a theft is committed in a household, the servants are summoned together, and a sorceress is sent for. Should no confession be made by the guilty party, the sorceress rolls up as many little balls of bread as there are suspected persons present. ”

“ If, however, the guest be a gentleman, there may—under certain circumstances—be some little relaxation of the rule; but where a lady is concerned, it cannot be too stringently adhered to.
Opinions vary as to the propriety of inviting a departing visitor to remain longer. The hostess should, I think, be guided by circumstances and surroundings. A lady cannot well press a gentleman to stay, unless he be a special friend or relative, or that it is her husband’s desire that he should do so. ”

“ At nineteen or twenty, one’s views often undergo a rapid expansion. In any case, it would be best to let her have a little time to get to know him better. In his own heart, Harry Noel had inklings of a certain not wholly unbecoming consciousness that he cut a very decent figure indeed in Nora’s eyes, by the side of the awkward, sugar-growing young men of Trinidad.
One afternoon, a week or two later, he was out riding among the plains with Nora, attended behind by the negro groom, when they happened to pass the same corner where he had already met Louis Delgado. ”

“ Indeed, as Mr Isaac Disraeli remarks, ‘ordeals are the rude laws of a barbarous people who have not yet obtained a written code, and not advanced enough in civilisation to enter into the refined inquiries, the subtle distinctions, and elaborate investigations which a court of law demands.’ This is specially true in the case of India at the present day, where the same ordeals are practised as were in use five or six centuries ago. ”

“ On such occasions, they divide into small detachments, as if conscious that the presence of a whole battalion might prove inconvenient; for at other times, whatever be the length of the chain, or how oft soever divided, they invariably unite, and the one who starts as leader retains the post, as if by common consent, until their return to the nests they have left in the early morning. ”

“ It would, for instance, be unwise for a hostess with limited means at her command to undertake the entertaining of a wealthy nabob, who, from being born with the proverbial silver spoon in his mouth, knows nothing of difficulties or struggles with the world, and is in consequence a mere mass of selfish exactitude and caprice. ”

“ A laughing philosopher once, in a moral lecture, compared human life to a table pierced with a number of holes, each of which has a peg made exactly to fit it, but which pegs, being stuck in hastily and without selection, chance leads inevitably to the most awkward mistakes ”