W. C. Tuttle

“ I'm the last, one out. There ain't nothing to do but walk back. We might chip in and hire a rig at the livery stable, but under the circumstances—well, we don't feel like riding so close together, and rigs cost money.
I seen Muley setting on the sidewalk, pulling off his boots, and over on the watering-trough, one on each end, sets Telescope and Chuck like a couple of snow-birds, soaking their sore feet. Muley joins them, and then Henry Peck goes over and immerses his corns. We ain't been there long when here comes Doughgod Smith, galloping up the street. ”

“ The old man turns at the barn, but Mike comes on down to us.
“Howdy,” says Mike. “How’s everything, boys?”
“Ain’t able to kick,” says Telescope. “How’s it with you?”
“Tolable. See Doughgod in town?”
“He was there the last we seen of him,” admits Muley. “Why?”
“Going down to see him. Dang this trustee business, anyway. Nothing but trouble. Me and the old man have decided to accept that teacher that wrote to Doughgod, even if she is a female. Never mix into the school-teacher business, boys. She’s ——!”
“She is,” agrees Muley, and we all nods. ”

“ We’ll slip one over on the women-haters.”
Telescope grabs her by the arm, and the lady acts mystified-like.
“I—I don’t understand,” says she. “I—I——”
“This ain’t no time or place to settle it,” says Telescope. “Come on, everybody.”
“That’s all right, ma’am,” says Muley, taking hold of her other arm. “You can trust Telescope—as long as me and Chuck and Hen are along to protect you. Where we going, Telescope?”
“We’ll leave our broncs here and take the buckboard,” says Telescope. “The old man is in a poker game by this time, and he won’t need it.” ”

“ Point her homeward, boys, and make it sudden,” and Doughgod lopes on up the street.
He sure is skittish around calico.
“We’ve got to stand together,” observes Chuck, pulling on his boots. “We’ve got to. Divided we fall.”
“Under them circumstances I waves a flag of truce,” says Telescope. “I may kill a friend later on, but it never can be said that a Tolliver ever went back on a friend in need.”
We all plods down the street, with Muley carrying his boots, and, just as we got to the depot, a freight-train whistles. The lady is there. ”

“ Doughgod wanders away, hugging himself, so me and Chuck buys a drink. We meets “Muley” Bowles and “Telescope” Tolliver, and Chuck tells them about the trustee meeting.
“That’s a danged shame,” states Telescope. “This here country is pining for the touch of a woman’s gentle hand. Now, when she shows up, we got to tell her to pilgrim along. Just ’cause them two old, dried-up specimens don’t want women, it ain’t no reason why we don’t.”
“Dogs in a manger,” says Muley, shaking his fat face until it wobbles. Muley had had about enough cheer for a fat man, and he ain’t none too secure on his feet. ”

“ There ain't a trace of that buckboard or the lady. There ain't nobody around the place.
“My gosh!” wails Wick. “Something has got to be did. She was my wife's sister.”
“Why use the past tense?” complains Muley. “Maybe she still is your wife's sister. We'll be square with her, Wick, and consider her alive until she disappoints us.”
“I know where the old man keeps his spirits,” states Chuck, fussing with a window. “You fellers feel spirit voices calling?”
We did. Chuck found the cache, and we has quite a seance.
“Walking is too slow,” complains Wick. “I've got to go faster 'than that, boys. ”

“ Chuck wiggles his ears a lot at the decision and watches them adjourn for a drink.
“Confounded old coots,” says Chuck sad-like. “Only one of them is married, and he ain’t got no kids. I don’t blame Mike for harboring resentment against the weaker sex—after seeing his wife, but them other two loveless lunatics ain’t got no cause to boycott calico for educational purposes. I figured on a woman teacher, Henry.”
“You and me both,” says I. “According to fiction, a puncher has to fall in love with a school-teacher.”
Old Doughgod Smith wanders out and comes over to us, wiping his mustache. ”

“ The usual bunch of folks hops off to stretch their legs, and all to once we hears a voice behind us—
“Can you tell me where I can find Mr. Smith?”
We all turns, and there stands a tall, skinny female, with a nose like the beak of a hawk and a lot of mustard-colored hair. ”

“ That somebody was Doughgod. I finds him setting in the middle of the road with the brim of his hat down around his neck and a fool look on his face. As I come up, he holds up the letter he’s hanging on to and he says to me:
“Huh-Henry, she ain’t—ain’t coming here. She’s gug-got a bub-better job. She ain’t coming here, Henry.”
“She shows a lot of sense,” says I, and I lopes on.
I seen Telescope and Chuck and Muley gallop off the street and cut across the hills; so I puts on more speed and catches them.
“Bill McFee is up there,” pants Telescope when we slows to a walk. ”

“ Poor Wickie ain't got no rudder for his old white ship.”
“Cancel any help from Smiths,” says Telescope. “Solomon, with all his wives, never was half as crazy as that namesake of his. Let us all have another inoculation of paralysis microbes and start out being merciful. We've got to find that lady.”
Then four fools started out in the dark. We sang a song at the gate and then piked off down the road, arm in arm. As usual Muley gets so sentimental that he has to compose a little; so we has to stop while he recites:
“An angel came to cow-land and stole my heart away. ”

“ I may die from drowning—I say may, 'cause I'm taking a chance—but it's a cinch that if I stay on that sand-bar any longer that hombre with the rifle is going to improve with practise, which will spoil all of Henry Peck's future ambitions. ”

“ I hobbles into Mike Pelly’s saloon and sets down. There ain’t nobody there except the bartender. Pretty soon Telescope weaves in and sets down in the other corner. Chuck points straight for the pool-table, and then Muley stumbles in. He looks to have lost twenty pounds, and his feet have swelled until he’s had to slit his boots. ”

“ The train pulls out, and on the far side of the track stands a female. She must have got off on the wrong side. She sure is fair to look upon, and Muley falls off the truck when he tries to take off his hat to her.
“Ma’am,” says Telescope, bowing and trying to take off the hat he’s already got in his hand, “ma’am, the town is on this side.” ”

“ A white mule—in color. He ain't no speed-demon, but he sure can save shoe leather, Wick.”
“I accepts the nomination,” says Wick and takes another drink.
Chuck comes back in about ten minutes, leading that long, hungry-looking mule. We helps Wick into the saddle, wishes him a pleasant journey, and then Chuck hits Solomon across the rump with a strap. Solomon bucks stiff-legged down to the gate, and then we hear him pounding off down the hard road. ”

“ That took team work, if anybody asks you. I reckon the buzzards were the only ones who enjoyed it. Somebody hit me between the eyes, and I up-ended in a mesquite bush, where I found a snag, about two feet long and as big as my wrist. So I waded right back into the conflict. Then somebody handed me an encore in the same spot, and I got used as a welcome mat. Then somebody laid down on top of me and pushed me into the dirt, but I got out, found an unoccupied boot and hit that somebody several times over the head. ”

“ Borrowed Mike’s team and wagon.”
I rolled a smoke, and the match made as much noise as a six-shooter. We never thought to look in the corral last night.
Then Wick Smith comes in. He buys himself a drink, and then he wipes his mustache. He looks at us sad-like and shakes his head.
“Been to the post-office,” says he. “She ain’t coming until this afternoon.”
“——!” grunts Telescope. “That team must ’a’ taken her a long ways.” ”