W. C. Tuttle

“ I may not be a judge of womanly beauty, and the poetry of my soul may have been shook loose by pitching broncos, and buried deep under a coating of alkali dust, but I sure do sabe when a woman is hard to look at.
Seems to me like it’s human nature for a feller with squirrel-teeth, no jaw to speak about and a physique like a corn cultivator to marry a beautiful female, and vice versa—not that “Muley” Bowles qualifies in the beauty division, but at that I reckon he shaded Susie a little. ”

“ That night we shakes hands with Telescope and Chuck and the old man, and wishes them many happy returns of the day.
"Don't give up the ship, Muley," advises Telescope. "Do a lot of thinking while we're gone, and if you can figure out any way of making money, without robbing a bank, me and Chuck will put her over for you, eh, Chuck?"
"A stiff upper lip gathers no mustache," proclaims Chuck, "and a faint heart never rustled no sheep, Muley. So-long, you pitch-fork puncher. And, Hen-ree, don't fall in love. One shepherd in the family is a plenty." ”

“ Right behind her comes that coyote pup, digging deep into his soul for joyful sounds, and behind him, screeching and screaming comes Alfred, and they invades the parlor.
Wick hops to his feet as they enters, and of course he’s the highest point in the room. A cat will always hit for elevation—therefore Wick got Amelia. Me and Muley sort of draws back to keep the score, but things happens too fast for computation. Amelia draws all four feet together in Wick’s scalp, the same of which makes Wick wrinkle up his face, and forget the rheumatism in his legs. ”

“ Telescope thinks it over for a while, and then shakes his head, sad-like:
“Maybe you would, Muley. I sure hopes you gets them sheep, ’cause you qualifies for the shepherd class without no fixing. I’ve read about love making a fool out of a man, but—well, it ain’t no funeral of mine.” ”

“ Me and Muley rides back to the ranch, but Muley ain’t got much to say. Love is a queer little animal, and affects folks different. Muley’s was the dark-blue variety, with circles around the eyes.
The next morning after breakfast Muley gets a sheet of paper and a pencil, and seems to compose deep-like. After a while he cuts loose a deep sigh, and looks, dreamy-like, at the ceiling. ”

“ As soon as I gets time I'm going to feel sorry for you, Muley. How in thunder can you invest eighty thousand dollars around here, when everybody knows you ain't got a cent, and everybody hates sheep. You can't get married for five years, and you've got to feed, water and groom Alfred and Amelia all the rest of their natural lives. ”

“ We watches him ride away, and then Muley spits, reflectively:
“Henry, if that old pelican had called me Le-mule once more I’d have slaughtered him. He must have found that letter I lost.”
“You ought to invest your money in a detective agency, and run it yourself. I suppose you’ll go over to see Susie?”
“Dang well know I will! Why not?”
“Go ahead. Go ahead, Muley, and lose a hundred thousand. What’s a fortune beside her? Your brain ain’t big enough, Muley. When it gets over forty dollars it all looks alike to you. You take my advice and buy sheep.” ”

“ Youth calls to youth, and what is stronger than the call of true love? She ain't never yelped at me, boys, but I'm a heap wise. While Le-mule is only getting forty a month now, I feels that in the due course of time he'll be a shining light of the community, and maybe go to Congress."
"Good sentiments, Zeb," I agrees, "but it will likely be a close race between the voters and the sheriff to decide whether he goes to Helena or Deer Lodge."
"Haw! Haw! Haw!" roars Zeb. "Muley will never go to the penitentiary."
"Not willingly," I agrees. "What are your sheep worth today?" ”

“ You can’t do an artistic job of drownding in a couple of dollars’ worth of hooch. If you was to get in over your depth in liquor, Muley, what brand would you prefer?”
Right then Muley gets sore at me. I finds that you can josh a man about love just so far, and then he turns like a worm and tries to bite me.
For the next few days he writes poetry in the evening, and is absent most all day. He ain’t a pleasant critter to talk to, so I spends most of my time playing solitaire. One day down in Paradise I runs across Susie. ”

“ Muley was a poetical puncher, of considerable avoirdupois, and he found Susie a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Susie was a niece of Zeb Abernathy, who owned a sheep outfit on Willow Creek, and a grouch toward all cowmen—and Muley punched cows for the Cross J outfit, and drew forty a month from old man Whittaker.
I’m not belittling Muley’s salary, ’cause I drew the same, and so did “Telescope” Tolliver and “Chuck” Warner. Back in the dim and distant past, when cows first come into style, the old-timers got together and settled the pay of the average cow-hand. ”

“ They all rolls off the porch, where the three animals tangles up, leaving Wick alone. He forks his bronc in a hurry, and sets there rubbing the haze out of his eyes. Amelia is setting a new cross-country record for cats, as she hunts for a high spot, and the pup is singing along right behind her.
Alfred walks circles around a post for a few seconds, and then flutters to the top of the hitch-rack. He ruffles up what feathers he's got left, cocks his head on one side and screeches:
"Har, har, har! Sheep dip! Who's crazy?" ”

“ Muley is washing up, and when Hank asks for him he yells that he'll be out in a minute.
"I'm going to make Muley an offer," says Hank to me, confident-like. "I hears that he's going to get married, and I needs a foreman what is a married man. Sabe? Single men ain't got nothing to hold 'em down. I like Muley—dang his fat carcass—and I rides over here to see him."
"Uh-huh," says I, 'cause there ain't nothing else to say, and then Hank yells at Muley:
"Come out here, you half-ton puncher! I want to talk to you about——"
"Sheep dip! Sheep dip! Har, har, har!" ”

“ Me and Chuck and Telescope rides to town that afternoon, to foller out the usual program expected of punchers with a month’s pay aboard, and I tells them about Muley’s troubles.
“He’s more to be censured than pitied,” admits Chuck. “I don’t blame Zeb, but I do hate a shepherd what thinks a puncher ain’t good enough for his relatives.”
“Poor Muley,” says Telescope, sad-like, “any man what is just one aunt shy of being an orphan has my sympathy. ”

“ The longer I thinks things over the harder it looks for Muley. Muley ain’t got the reputation of a saint around here, and can’t even lie so folks will believe him. Zeb owns all the visible supply of sheep, and Muley ain’t got no time to spare if he’s going to make good. ”

“ We puts in that marriage clause just to see if Muley loved her enough to lose the money, Sabe? We knowed danged well that he couldn’t buy no sheep. What did the parrot have to say, Hen?”
“Told Hank Padden he could use sheep dip.”
“Haw, haw, haw!” whoops Chuck. “Did he honest say that? I sat up all one night and day trying to teach that parrot some sheep-talk, but all it ever did was to bite me. Telescope swiped that cat at the depot in Milwaukee.”
Just before we reaches the ranch, three people rides in ahead of us and waits for us to come up. It’s Hank Padden, Johnny Myers and “Scenery” Sims. ”

“ We plods down into the Sleeping Creek country, and stops at Hank Padden's place for dinner. Old Testament and Hank are old friends, but Hank don't more than give me a nod. I reckon he ain't forgot what he thought was Muley's voice, and he blames me, too. When we gets ready to leave Hank acts like I had a contagious disease.
"Drop in any old time, Tilton," says Hank. "Glad to see you."
"Me, too, Hank?" I asks, and he gives me a hard look.
"You travels on your own responsibility," he replies. ”

“ I kind of look for a dry spell."
"The Weather Bureau at Washington gets out annual reports, which reach us too late, so we thanks you for the information," says Muley.
"I hope I see you both well," opines Zeb.
"Your eyesight don't worry me none to speak about," states Muley. "The last time I meets up with you I made you throw your gun down the well. How's your sentiments concerning me at present?"
"I'm filled with meekness and contrition, as I aforementioned, Le-mule. It aches my heart to know that I provoked you thataway, and I pilgrims over here to make amends. Sabe?" ”

“ The slats on Amelia’s home ain’t none too secure, so I loosens one end, and as I goes inside the bunk-house I sees Amelia trotting off toward the barn.
Muley comes down after a while and sets down on the bunk. “Alfred danged near bit my finger off, and Amelia’s made her getaway, Hen,” he announces in a sad voice. “Amelia was down there on the corral fence, making faces at Chuck’s coyote pup, and she offers fight when I tries to calm her spirits. Aunt Agnes must have been a nut over ferocious animals.” ”

“ We pilgrims on to the ranch, but Muley ain't there. There's a note on the table which orates that he'll be there at three o'clock, and it's addressed to Weinie Lopp, of the Triangle.
"This here telegram ought to be opened," opines Old Testament, who is as nosey as a pet coon. "A telegram always means that something is going to happen, and it's better to be prepared."
I tears the cover off and looks her over. It says—
Will arrive your town this date meet me with a vehicle. ”

“ He ties his bronc and comes inside. To hear him talk you’d think that rheumatism had typhoid-pneumonia and bubonic plague beat so far that you could cure ’em both with internal applications of peach pie.
“I got to get away from here,” states Wick, after we discusses the weather a while. “Every season I lives here brings me that much nearer the grave. I want to take a pardner into my store, and while I ain’t decided exactly about it, I comes up here to have a talk with Muley. I needs new blood in my place, and I got to have a married man, which has a little money. Sabe?”
“You got any sheep?” ”

“ Has the sheep affected his brain?”
“Such a theory is absurd, Johnny,” says I. “It can’t be proved, ’cause nobody with brains ever mixes up with sheep. You can’t corrupt a coyote.”
A little later on me and Muley are setting on the fence, when Telescope climbs up beside us and talks to Muley like a father. ”

“ He knows Muley well. We were up in his office and Telescope and Chuck got him to write that letter."
"How many sheep has Muley bought on his nerve?" asks Chuck.
"Come on through, Hen. Did he buy out Zeb's herd? I hope he ain't got mutton for our supper." And then Telescope sings sort of plaintive like:
"I love a little chicken and I love a little fish. ”

“ She’s doomed to marry money,
And my heart will break, I think,
If I don’t wed this angel,
I will drown myself in drink.”
“Nice sentiment,” I applauded. “Bobby Burns never had nothing on you except the long sound of his r’s, but you’ll have to put off your demise for at least another month. ”

“ I'm doing all I can to make you comfortable. Sabe? I advises you to come along peaceable, and anything you may say will be used against you."
I always thought that lawyers tried to settle things peaceably, but I don't reckon this one runs true to form, 'cause he hit me so hard under the chin that he drove my head right up to the top of my hat. ”