W. Somerset Maugham

“ Lady Frederick.
My dear Paradine, I don't want to commit suicide by sheer boredom. There's only one thing in the world more insufferable than being in love.
Fouldes.
And what is that, pray?
Lady Frederick.
Why, having some one in love with you.
Fouldes.
I've suffered from it all my life.
Lady Frederick.
Think of living up to the ideal Charlie has of me. My hair would turn a hydrogen yellow in a week. And then to be so desperately adored as all that—oh, it's so dull! I should have to wear a mask all day long. I could never venture to be natural in case I shocked him. ”

“ Dick.
I wish to goodness you'd give up these horrible explorations.
Alec.
But they're the very breath of my life. You don't know the exhilaration of the daily dangers—the joy of treading where only the wild beasts have trodden before. Oh, already I can hardly bear my impatience when I think of the boundless country and the enchanting freedom. Here one grows so small, so despicable, but in Africa everything is built to a nobler standard. There a man is really a man; there one knows what are will and strength and courage. ”

“ I thoroughly disapprove of the marriage, my dear, but—it's not easy to say no to Lady Frederick.
Gerald.
It's awfully good of you, Admiral, and I'll do my best to make Rose a ripping husband.
Admiral.
Not so fast, young man, not so fast. There's a condition.
Rose.
Oh, father!
Lady Frederick.
Gerald is to behave himself for a year, and then you may marry.
Rose.
But won't Gerald grow very dull if he behaves himself?
Lady Frederick.
I have no doubt of it. But dullness is the first requisite of a good husband. ”

“ Dick.
Ah, you want to flirt with me, Mrs. Crowley.
Mrs. Crowley.
Good heavens, what on earth makes you think that?
Dick.
It's what a woman always means when she asks you to talk sensibly.
Mrs. Crowley.
I can't bear a man who thinks women are in love with him.
Dick.
Bless you, I don't think that. I only think they want to marry me.
Mrs. Crowley.
That's equally detestable.
Dick.
Not at all. However old, ugly, and generally undesirable a man is, he'll find a heap of charming girls who are willing to marry him. Marriage is still the only decent means of livelihood for a really nice girl. ”

“ John.
I don't know any man less fit than you for the dreary waiting and the drudgery of the Bar.
Basil.
We shall see.
John.
And what d'you think your friends will say to your marrying—a barmaid?
Basil.
[Contemptuously.] I don't care two straws for my friends.
John.
That's pleasant for them. You know, men and women without end have snapped their fingers at society and laughed at it, and for a while thought they had the better of it. But all the time society was quietly smiling up its sleeve, and suddenly it put out an iron hand—and scrunched them up. ”

“ George comes in.
George.
Yes, Lucy?
Lucy.
I want to give into your charge what I love most in the world.... George, have you thought at all what you're going to do now? I'm afraid you can't go back to Oxford.
George.
No, I don't know what's to become of me. I wish I were dead.
Lucy.
An idea has just come to me. I'm going to ask Mr. Mackenzie to take you with him to Africa. Will you go?
George.
Yes, yes! I'd do anything to get away from England. I daren't face my friends—I'm too ashamed. ”

“ John.
[Gravely.] You know, Jenny, he's a man of honour.
Jenny.
Oh, I know he's a man of honour. I wish he had a little less of it. One doesn't want a lot of fine sentiments in married life. They don't work.... Oh, why couldn't I fall in love with a man of my own class? I should have been so much happier. I used to be so proud that Basil wasn't a clerk, or something in the City. He's right, we shall never be happy.
John.
[Trying to calm her.] Oh, yes, you will. You mustn't take things too seriously.
Jenny.
It isn't a matter of yesterday, or to-day, or to-morrow. I can't alter myself. ”

“ John.
My dear Basil, you talk of pity, and you talk of duty, but are you sure there's anything more in it than vanity? You've set yourself up on a sort of moral pinnacle. Are you sure you don't admire your own heroism a little too much?
Basil.
[With a good-natured smile.] Does it look so petty as that in your eyes? After all, it's only common morality.
John.
[Impatiently.] But, my dear chap, its absurd to act according to an unrealisable ideal in a world that's satisfied with the second-rate. You're tendering bank-notes to African savages, among whom cowrie shells are common coin. ”

“ Madame Claude.
Believe me, Mr. Fouldes, it's not the ladies that are married to saints who take the trouble to dress well.
Lady Frederick.
Now we want a third man. Shall we ask my brother—you know Sir Gerald O'Mara, don't you? Or shall we ask Prince Doniani? Yes, I think we'll ask the Prince. I'm sure you'd like him. Such a handsome man! That'll make six.
Madame Claude.
It's very kind of you, Lady Frederick, but—well, I'm only a tradeswoman, you know.
Lady Frederick.
A tradeswoman? How can you talk such nonsense. You are an artist—a real artist, my dear. And an artist is fit to meet a king. ”

“ Hilda.
How can you say that of your wife?
Basil.
Don't you think I must have gone through a good deal before I could acknowledge to myself what she was? I'm chained to her for all my life. And when I look into the future—I see her a vulgar, slatternly shrew like her mother, and myself abject, degraded, and despicable. The woman never tires in her conflict with the man, and in the end he always succumbs. A man, when he marries a woman like that, thinks he's going to lift her up to his own station. The fool! It's she who drags him down to hers. ”

“ I wonder why Hilda wants to marry poor Basil!
Mabel.
Well, Captain Murray left her five thousand a year, and she thinks Basil Kent a genius.
John.
There's not a drawing-room in Regent's Park or in Bayswater that hasn't got its tame genius. I don't know if Basil Kent is much more than very clever.
Mabel.
Anyhow, I'm sure it's a mistake to marry geniuses. They're horribly bad-tempered, and they invariably make love to other people's wives.
John.
Hilda always has gone in for literary people. That's the worst of marrying a cavalryman, it leads you to attach so much importance to brains. ”

“ If Miss Allerton happened to come, you may be sure I should be scrupulously polite.
Mrs. Crowley.
Is that all? Lucy has suffered very much.
Alec.
And do you suppose I've not suffered? Because I don't whine my misery to all and sundry, d'you think I don't care? I'm not the man to fall in and out of love with every pretty face I meet. All my life I've kept an ideal before my eyes. Oh, you don't know what it meant to me to fall in love. I felt that I had lived all my life in a prison, and at last Lucy came and took me by the hand and led me out. ”

“ How could the fortunes of the nation be safe with a man whose speeches were pointed and sparkling, whose mind was so quick, so agile, that it reminded you of a fencer's play? Every one is agreed that Lord Parnaby is flippant and unsubstantial; we doubt his principles and we have grave fears about his morality. Take warning, my dear boy, take warning. Let the sprightly epigram never lighten the long periods of your speech nor the Attic salt flavour the roast beef of your conversation. Be careful that your metaphors show no imagination and conceal your brains as you would a discreditable secret. ”

“ Basil.
I wish your mother's son were.
Jenny.
D'you know what Jimmie says you are?
Basil.
I don't vastly care. But if it pleases you very much you may tell me.
Jenny.
[Flushing angrily.] He says you're a damned snob.
Basil.
Is that all? I could have invented far worse things than that to say of myself.... [With a change of tone.] You know, Jenny, it's not worth while to worry ourselves about such trifles. One can't force oneself to like people. I'm very sorry that I can't stand your relations. Why on earth don't you resign yourself and make the best of it? ”

“ Basil.
[Gravely.] Jenny would kill herself if I didn't marry her.
John.
You don't seriously think she'd do that. People don't commit suicide so easily, you know.
Basil.
You've thought of a great deal, John—you've not thought of the child. I can't let the child skulk into the world like a thief. Let him come in openly and lawfully. And let him go through the world with an honest name. Good heavens, the world's bad enough without fettering him all his life with a hideous stigma.
John.
Oh, my dear Basil ... ”

“ Lady Frederick.
Good heavens, I'm old enough to be his mother.
Gerald.
Nonsense. You're only ten years older than he is, and nowadays no nice young man marries a woman younger than himself.
Lady Frederick.
He's such a good fellow. I couldn't do him a nasty turn like that.
Gerald.
How about Montgomerie? He simply stinks of money, and he's not a bad sort.
Lady Frederick.
[Surprised.] My dear boy, I hardly know him.
Gerald.
Well, I'm afraid it means marriage or bankruptcy.
Lady Frederick.
Here's Charlie. Take him away, there's a dear. I want to talk to Paradine. ”

“ Lady Frederick.
Ah, my dear boy, it's woman's lot to suffer in this world. But it's a great comfort to think that one is submitting to the decrees of Providence and at the same time adding to one's personal attractiveness. But I confess I sometimes wish I needn't blow my nose so carefully. Smile, Charlie. I don't think you're a very ardent lover, you know. ”

“ John.
[Gravely.] I was thinking how far a man may fall when he attempts to climb the stars.
Basil.
I gave the world fine gold, and their currency is only cowrie-shells. I held up an ideal, and they sneered at me. In this world you must wallow in the trough with the rest of them.... The only moral I can see is that if I'd acted like a blackguard—as ninety-nine men out of a hundred would have done—and let Jenny go to the dogs, I should have remained happy and contented and prosperous. ”

“ I went to the Cape because I thought it was my duty. I intend to marry Jenny for the same reason.
John.
[Seriously.] Will you answer me one question—on your honour?
Basil.
Yes.
John.
Are you in love with her?
Basil.
[After a pause.] No.
John.
[Passionately.] Then, by God, you have no right to marry her. A man has no right to marry a woman for pity. It's a cruel thing to do. You can only end by making yourself and her entirely wretched.
Basil.
I can't break the poor girl's heart.
John.
You don't know what marriage is. ”

“ Enter Paradine Fouldes with Mereston.
Fouldes.
What, still here, Lady Frederick?
Lady Frederick.
As large as life.
Fouldes.
We've been taking a turn on the terrace.
Lady Frederick.
[To Mereston.] And has your astute uncle been pumping you, Charlie?
Fouldes.
Eh, what?
Mereston.
I don't think he got much out of me.
Fouldes.
[Good-naturedly.] All I wanted, dear boy. There's no one so transparent as the person who thinks he's devilish deep. By the way, what's the time?
Gerald.
About eleven, isn't it?
Fouldes.
Ah! How old are you, Charlie? ”

“ Self-control is a quality which she possesses in a marked degree, and one which she enormously admires in others.
Lucy.
Who is it?
George.
It's Alec Mackenzie. He's come from the trial!
Lucy.
Then it's finished at last. [She shakes hands with Dick.] It's so good of you to come.
Boulger.
You're perfectly wonderful, Lucy. How can you be so calm?
Lucy.
Because I'm quite sure of the result. D'you imagine I'd doubt my father for a moment?
Dick.
Oh, Lucy, for heaven's sake don't be so sure. You must be prepared for everything. ”

“ Lady Frederick.
Merely scandal, my friend.
Fouldes.
Well, look out. She's a woman, and she'll stick at nothing.
Lady Frederick.
I wonder why you warn me.
Fouldes.
For the sake of old times, my dear.
Lady Frederick.
You're growing sentimental, Paradine. It's the punishment which the gods inflict on a cynic when he grows old. ”

“ George.
I thought Lucy was here. [To Carbery and Mrs. Crowley.] How d'you do? Have you seen Lucy?
Mrs. Crowley.
I went to her room for a moment.
George.
What is she doing?
Mrs. Crowley.
Reading.
George.
I wish I could take it as calmly as she does. An outsider would think there was nothing the matter at all. Oh, it's too awful!
Lady Kelsey.
My dear, you must bear up. We must all hope for the best.
George.
But there is no best. Whatever happens, it means disgrace and dishonour. How could he? How could he?
Lady Kelsey.
No one knows your father as I do, George. ”

“ Look here, d'you want to marry Charlie?
Lady Frederick.
Why should I?
Fouldes.
Because he's got fifty thousand a year, and you're head over ears in debt. You've got to raise something like four thousand pounds at once, or you go under. You've got yourself a good deal talked about during the last ten years, but people have stood you because you had plenty of money. If you go broke they'll drop you like a hot potato. And I daresay it wouldn't be inconvenient to change Lady Frederick Berolles into Lady Mereston. ”

“ Basil.
But life is a game of chess in which one is always beaten. Death sits on the other side of the board, and for every move he has a counter-move. And for all your deep-laid schemes he has a parry.
John.
But if at the end Death always mates you, the fight is surely worth the fighting. Don't handicap yourself at the beginning by foolish quixotry. Life is so full. It has so much to offer, and you're throwing away almost everything that makes it worth the trouble. ”

“ Gerald.
You were so worried, I couldn't. Oh, I've been such a fool. I tried to make a coup for Rose's sake.
Lady Frederick.
Is it a gambling debt?
Gerald.
Yes.
Lady Frederick.
[Ironically.] What they call a debt of honour?
Gerald.
I must pay it the day after to-morrow without fail.
Lady Frederick.
But that's the day my two bills fall due. And if you don't?
Gerald.
I shall have to send in my papers, and I shall lose Rosie. And then I shall blow out my silly brains.
Lady Frederick.
But who is the man?
Gerald.
He's the son of Aaron Levitzki, the money-lender.
Lady Frederick. ”

“ I surmised she was on the verge of bankruptcy when I heard she'd bought a new motor. And you seriously think Charlie wants to marry her?
Lady Mereston.
I'm sure of it.
Fouldes.
And what d'you want me to do?
Lady Mereston.
Good heavens, I want you to prevent it. After all he has a magnificent position; he's got every chance of making a career for himself. There's no reason why he shouldn't be Prime Minister—it's not fair to the boy to let him marry a woman like that.
Fouldes.
Of course you know Lady Frederick?
Lady Mereston.
My dear Paradine, we're the greatest friends. ”

“ Lady Mereston.
And poor Charlie's simply infatuated. He rides with her all the morning, motors with her all the afternoon, and gambles with her half the night. I never see him.
Fouldes.
But why should you think Lady Frederick cares two straws for him?
Lady Mereston.
Don't be ridiculous, Paradine. Every one knows she hasn't a penny, and she's crippled with debts.
Fouldes.
One has to keep up appearances in this world. Life nowadays for the woman of fashion is a dilemma of which one horn is the Bankruptcy Court and the other—dear Sir Francis Jeune. ”

“ Even with two people who are devoted to one another, who have the same interests and belong to the same class, it's sometimes almost unbearable. Marriage is the most terrible thing in the world unless passion makes it absolutely inevitable.
Basil.
My marriage is absolutely inevitable—for another reason.
John.
You talk as if such things had never happened before.
Basil.
Oh, I know, they happen every day. It's no business of the man's. And as for the girl, let her throw herself in the river. Let her go to the deuce, and be hanged to her. ”