W. W. Jacobs

“ The crew stood and eyed him expectantly.
“Ned,” said the skipper sharply.
“Sir,” said the old man.
“As soon as we're made fast,” said the other, “I want you to go ashore for me and fetch an undertaker and a policeman. I can't quite make up my mind which I want.”
“Ay, ay, sir,” murmured the old man.
The skipper turned away, and seizing the helm from the mate, took the ship in. He was so intent upon his business that he appeared not to notice the movements of Bill and Tommy as they edged nervously towards their bundles, and waited impatiently for the schooner to get alongside the quay. ”

“ The mate averted his gaze, and sickened with fear as he thought of his position; and in that instant the skipper clutched the painter, and, with a mighty heave, sent the boat leaping towards the stern of the barge, and sprang on deck. The mate rose to his feet; but the other pushed him fiercely aside, and picking up the handspike, which lay on the raised top of the cabin, went below. Half an hour later he came on deck with a fresh suit of clothes on, and his head roughly bandaged, and standing in front of the mate, favoured him with a baleful stare. ”

“ The skylight was open; the skipper with a glance at it bent forward and whispered in his ear.
“Wot!” said the mate. He endeavoured to suppress his laughter with hot coffee and bacon, with the result that he had to rise from his seat, and stand patiently while the skipper dealt him some hearty thumps on the back.
With the prospect of riches before them the men cheerfully faced the extra work; the cook did the boy's, while Ned and Simpson did Bill's between them. ”

“ Raggett,” said Kate cheerily, as he entered the cottage. “Dear, dear, the idea of an old man like you climbing about! It's wonderful.”
“I'm sixty-seven,” said Mr. Raggett viciously, “and I feel as young as ever I did.”
“To be sure,” said Kate soothingly; “and look as young as ever you did. Come in and sit down a bit.”
Mr. Raggett with some trepidation complied, and sitting in a very upright position, wondered how he should begin. “I am just sixty-seven,” he said slowly. “I'm not old and I'm not young, but I'm just old enough to begin to want somebody to look after me a bit.” ”

“ Why, a boy your age ought to know there ain't such things nowadays.”
“You told me you was,” said the boy hotly, “else I wouldn't have come.”
“That's just why I told you,” said the skipper.
“But I didn't think you'd be such a fool as to believe it. Pirates, indeed! Do we look like pirates?”
“You don't,” said the boy with a sneer; “you look more like——”
“Like wot?” asked the skipper, edging closer to him. “Eh, like wot?”
“I forget the word,” said Ralph, with strong good sense.
“Don't tell any lies now,” said the skipper, flushing, as he heard a chuckle from the mate. ”

“ When you've seen as much law as I have, my lad, you'll know that one of the first principles of English law is, that nobody is bound to commit themselves.”
“Do you mean to say you think it is me?” bellowed Captain Thomsett.
“I mean to say nothing,” said Captain Stubbs, putting his huge hands on the table. “But when a man comes into my cabin and begins to hum an' haw an' hint at things, and then begins to ask my advice about bigamy, I can't help thinking. This is a free country, and there's no law ag'in thinking. Make a clean breast of it, cap'n, an I'll do what I can for you.” ”

“ Through the galley and round the masts with the avenging mops in mad pursuit, until breathless and exhausted he suddenly sprang on to the side and climbed frantically into the rigging.
“Coward!” said Miss Evans, shaking her weapon at him.
“Come down,” cried Miss Williams. “Come down like a man.”
“It's no good wasting time over him,” said Miss Evans, after another vain appeal to the skipper's manhood. “He's escaped. Get some more stuff on your mops.” ”

“ For that day the men lived, as Ned put it, on the fat of the land, in addition to the other luxuries figgy duff, a luxury hitherto reserved for Sundays, being also served out to them. Bill was regarded as a big-brained benefactor of the human race; joy reigned in the foc'sle, and at night the hatch was taken off and the prisoner regaled with a portion which had been saved for him. He ate it ungratefully, and put churlish and inconvenient questions as to what was to happen at the end of the voyage. ”

“ The boy came forward slowly, and looking from the men to the skipper, and from the skipper back to the men, began to whimper.
“If you think it's poisoned,” interrupted the mate, “you oughtn't to make the boy eat it. I don't like boys, but you must draw the line somewhere.”
“It's poisoned,” said the skipper, shaking it at Bates, “and they know it. Well, I'll keep it till we get to port, and then I'll have it analysed. And it'll be a sorry day for you, Bates, when I hear it's poisoned. A month's hard labour is what you'll get.” ”

“ He took the wheel; the schooner came round before the wind, and the willing crew, letting the sheets go, hauled them in again on the port side.
“And now, my lads,” said the skipper with a benevolent smile, “just clear that mess up off the decks, and you may as well pitch them mops overboard. They'll never be any good again.”
He spoke carelessly, albeit his voice trembled a little, but his heart sank within him as Miss Evans, with a horrible contortion of her pretty face, intended for a wink, waved them back. ”

“ By the time they had got to their moorings it was too late to take the hatches off, and the crew sat gazing longingly at the lights ashore. Their delight when the visitor obtained permission for them to go ashore with him for a little stroll was unbounded, and they set off like schoolboys.
“They couldn't be with a better man,” said the skipper, as the party moved off; “when I think of the good that man's done in under four days it makes me ashamed of myself.”
“You had better ship 'im as mate,” said George. ”

“ The weather was almost tropical, with not an air stirring, and the Arethusa, bearing its dread secret still locked in its state-room, rose and fell upon a sea of glassy smoothness without making any progress worth recording.
“I wish you'd keep that thing in your berth, George,” said the skipper, as they sat at tea the second evening; “it puts me in a passion every time I look at it.”
“I couldn't think of it, cap'n,” replied the mate firmly; “it makes me angry enough as it is. Every time I think of 'em trying to poison that poor dumb creature I sort o' choke. ”

“ The mate got up with a sigh, and, meeting the look of horror-stricken commiseration in his captain's eye, returned it with one of impotent rage.
“Use a larger knife, cap'n,” he said savagely, “You'll swallow that little 'un one of these days.”
The skipper, with the weapon in question gripped in his fist, turned round and stared at him in petrified amazement.
“If I wasn't the cap'n o' this ship, George,” he said huskily, “an' bound to set a good example to the men, I'd whop you for them words.”
“It's all for your good, Captain Bunnett,” said Mrs. Fillson mincingly. ”

“ The skipper shook his head helplessly, and was about to ascribe the mystery to supernatural agencies, when the truth in all its naked simplicity flashed upon him, and he spoke. “It's the mate,” he said slowly, “the mate and the cook. I see it all now; there's never been anybody here. It was a little job on the mate's part to get the ship. If you want to hear a couple o' rascals sized up, Bill, come on deck.” ”

“ There was a sudden uproar on deck, and angry shouts accompanied by an incessant barking; the master of the brig Arethusa stopped with his knife midway to his mouth, and exchanging glances with the mate, put it down and rose to his feet.
“They're chevying that poor animal again,” he said hotly. “It's scandalous.”
“Rupert can take care of himself,” said the mate calmly, continuing his meal. “I expect, if the truth's known, it's him's been doin' the chevying.”
“You're as bad as the rest of 'em,” said the skipper angrily, as a large brown retriever came bounding into the cabin. ”

“ When night came they removed the hatch again, and with a little curiosity waited to hear how their victims were progressing.
“Where's my dinner?” growled Bill hungrily, as he drew himself up on deck.
“Dinner!” said Ned, in surprise; “why, you ain't got none.”
“Wot?” said Bill ferociously.
“You see the skipper only serves out for three now,” said the cook.
“Well, why didn't you save us some?” demanded the other.
“There ain't enough of it, Bill, there ain't in-deed,” said Ned. “We have to do more work now, and there ain't enough even for us. ”

“ What do you think it comes to?”
“'Bout thirty pun',” hazarded the other.
“Thirty fiddlesticks,” retorted Tweedie; “there you are in black and white—sixty-three pounds eighteen shillings and tenpence ha'penny.”
“And is that what Mas'r Edward wants?” inquired Captain Fazackerly gasping.
“Yes; that's a properly drawn up disbursement sheet,” said Tweedie in satisfied tones. “You see how it simplifies matters. The governor can see at a glance how things stand, while, if you trusted to your memory, you might forget something, or else claim something you didn't have.” ”

“ I can go and sleep in my berth.”
“You'll do what I wish, my lad,” said the skipper.
“I'm the mate,” said the other darkly.
“And I'm the master,” said the other; “if the master of a ship can stay down the fo'c's'le, I'm sure a tuppeny-ha'penny mate can.”
“The men don't like it,” objected the mate.
“Damn the men,” said the skipper politely, “and as to starving the chap, there's a water-bottle full o' water in my state-room, to say nothing of a jug, and a bag o' biscuits under the table.” ”

“ Mr. Dodds, watching him with a scowl, saw him take every article separately out of his bunk, and then sink down appalled on the locker.
“You've took it, Sam—ain't—you?” he gasped.
“Look 'ere,” said Mr. Dodds, with ominous quietness, “when you've done your little game.”
“It's gone,” said Harry in a scared voice, “somebody's taken it.”
“Look 'ere, 'Arry, give 'im his money,” said Steve impatiently; “a joke's a joke, but we don't want too much of it.”
“I ain't got it,” said Harry trembling. “Sure as I stand 'ere it's gone. I took it out of your pocket, and put it under my piller. ”

“ Breakfast next morning was, if anything, worse, each lady directly inciting her lord to acts of open hostility. In this they were unsuccessful, but in the course of the morning the husbands arranged matters to their own satisfaction, and at the next meal the storm broke with violence.
“I don't wish to complain or hurt anybody's feelings,” said the skipper, after a side-wink at the mate, “but if you could eat your wittles with a little less noise, George, I'd take it as a favour.” ”

“ Gannett curtly, as the unconscious Mrs. Cluffins shut her parasol and rapped the apprentice playfully with the handle. “She seems to be on very good terms with Jenkins, laughing and carrying on. I don't suppose she's ever seen him before.”
“Poor young things,” said Mrs. Cluffins solemnly, as she came up to them. “Don't you worry, Mr. Gannett; I'll look after her and keep her from moping.”
“You're very kind,” said the engineer slowly.
“We'll have a jolly time,” said Mrs. Cluffins. “I often wish my husband was a seafaring man. A wife does have more freedom, doesn't she?” ”

“ The mate came forward and took it unwillingly, and the skipper, trying hard to conceal his trepidation, walked towards Miss Evans and tried to quell her with his eye. The power of the human eye is notorious, and Miss Evans showed her sense of the danger she ran by making an energetic attempt to close the skipper's with her mop, causing him to duck with amazing nimbleness. ”

“ He reached the quay, with its few tiny cottages and brown nets spread about to dry in the sun, and walking up and down, grumbling, regarded with a jaundiced eye a few small smacks, which lay in the harbour, and two or three crusted amphibians lounging aimlessly about.
“Mornin', Mr. Boom,” said a stalwart youth in sea-boots, appearing suddenly over the edge of the quay from his boat.
“Mornin', Dick,” said Mr. Boom affably; “just goin' off?”
“'Bout an hour's time,” said the other; “Miss Boom well, sir?”
“She's a' right,” said Mr. Boom; “me an' her 've just had a few words. ”

“ We must all obey those above us. What would you do if one of your men refused to obey an order of yours?”
“Hit him in the face,” said Captain Fazackerly with simple directness.
“Just so,” said Tweedie, who was always ready to impart moral teaching. “And when your governor asks for a disbursement sheet you've got to give him one. Now, then, head that paper—Voyage of the Sarah Ann, 180 tons register, Garston Docks to Limerick.” ”

“ Mr. Raggett made a gurgling noise in his throat, and suddenly remembering himself, pretended to think that it was something wrong with his pipe, and removing it blew noisily through the mouthpiece.
“Perhaps,” he said, in a trembling voice—“perhaps you'd better take a little longer to consider, my dear.”
Kate shook her head. “I've quite made up my mind,” she said, “quite. And now I want to marry you just as much as you want to marry me. Good-night, Father; good-night—George.”
Mr. Raggett started violently, and collapsed in his chair.
“Raggett,” said Mr. Boom huskily. ”

“ THE DISBURSEMENT SHEET
The old man was dead, and his son Edward reigned in his stead. The old man had risen from an humble position in life; his rule was easy, and his manner of conducting business eminently approved of by the rough old seamen who sailed his small craft round the coast, and by that sharp clerk Simmons, on whose discovery the old man was wont, at times, to hug himself in secret. The proceedings, when one of his skippers came home from a voyage, were severely simple. The skipper would produce a bag, and, emptying it upon the table, give an account of his voyage ”

“ You can call 'im all sorts of things, and abuse 'im for the rest of his life. They'll prove themselves guilty by chucking it away, won't they?”
It really seemed the only thing to be done. The skipper finished his tea in silence, and then going on deck called the crew aft and apprised them of his intentions, threatening them with all sorts of pains and penalties if the treasure about to be confided to their keeping should be lost. The cook was sent below for it, and, at the skipper's bidding, handed it to the grinning Joe. ”

“ Then the skipper, leaving the mate at the helm, went below.
Half an hour passed.
“Go and see what you can make of him,” said the skipper as he re-appeared and took the helm. “He keeps coming round a bit, and then just drifts back. Seems like as if he can't hook on to life. ”

“ Now just as we're going into port let one of the hands, the boy if you like, pretend he's sickening for small-pox.”
“How's he going to do it?” inquired the skipper derisively.
“You leave it to me,” replied the other. “I've got an idea how it's to be done.”
Against his better judgment the skipper, after some demur, consented, and the following day, when the passengers were on deck gazing at the small port of Summercove as they slowly approached it, the cook came up excitedly and made a communication to the skipper.
“What?” cried the latter. “Nonsense.” ”