Walter Brown Murray

“ Now let me state here with all the emphasis possible,—single-blessedness is better for both men and women alike than the hells into which some marriages plunge one. A wrong choice in marriage is not easily rectified, not even by divorce.
Marriage is ideally the happiest relationship in the world, in every way the most satisfying, enchantingly beautiful. It is heaven on earth when it is ideal. It is supreme over all others in the sense that it is the fountain from which all other relationships proceed. ”

“ What is marriage? Is it not a union of two congenial people of the opposite sex, congenial in tastes and thoughts and feelings and aspirations? Is it not a union of true minds in a holy bond? Why should not such a bond be permanent if it is desired? Do we ever cease to be human beings, even if we live after death? It would be worth nothing at all to us to live after death without our loved ones.
Marriage is not mere physical union. ”

“ I cannot fancy myself saying to a pure young soul like that, Enter into a trial marriage, or a companionate one, if you like to call it that; practice birth control until you find out whether you want to live permanently with your husband; but always keep in mind that you can dissolve your marriage at any time by mutual consent. An honest study of yourself and your sweetheart and of marriage itself is not at all necessary; for, after living together awhile you can separate and try it out with someone else. Enjoy life. ”

“ If marriage is to descend to the level of brute mating, with no regard for offspring and the future,—descend into mere lust and temporary pleasure, it would mean that the fountain of all human life had ceased to be protected.
For licentious living destroys society itself as well as the individual.
We cannot allow the individual to pollute the fountain from which all drink. He may destroy himself, but he must not be allowed to destroy society. He cannot be allowed to make laws subversive of the common good, nor be a law unto himself. ”

“ If you are, you will never know what a happy marriage is. You will want only service from your husband. He will always be someone to exploit to get you what you want. He may become docile and kill himself with work to give you the things you demand, but no selfish person, and that means you, can ever expect to be happy. So if you are selfish, self-centered, hard, demanding all and giving as little as possible, you have nothing to expect of life until you change. Life has nothing to offer you. Real happiness is only for those who love others and find a joy in service. ”

“ I am trying to save you from unhappiness, trying to take the gamble out of marriage for you. It cannot be done wholly, but one can avoid a lot of trouble by trying to see his girl as others see her, and especially in her adaption to him.
Love makes us blind. We see the other one as we want them to be. We marry our ideal. We invest them with virtues that exist only in our mind. ”

“ The Christian religion has given dignity to womanhood, and compelled the respect of men.
So I hail the freedom of womankind with joy because of what it means not only to the happiness and welfare of women, but of the men as well.
If a man marries a girl or a woman that he considers in any way inferior to him, or one that he can easily take advantage of, he is almost sure to take advantage of her. So I would advise the men folks, for their own happiness, not to marry a woman that they consider inferior. A man must respect the woman that he marries and treat her with respect. ”

“ True marriage happiness results from the spirit of giving, from love that desires to benefit the beloved. There is happiness only in the spirit of giving. Therefore, if the marriage is to stand the strain that follows the honeymoon it must have on both sides the spirit of giving to the other, of seeking the happiness of the beloved. Now, for such, marriage is heaven itself. The honeymoon becomes a portal to an even happier married life. ”

“ It is not worth while to have one's arbitrary way and lose the other's love and respect. Some victories are merely victories of force, of superior physical or mental strength.
Marriage is a partnership; and the partners in marriage have each his or her voice in the life of the household, not properly a noisy and strident voice, but the voice of love. Love should be the head of the house, not individuals. ”

“ So be careful about marrying, for your world is going to be occupied by marriage more than will be the case with your husband. He has so many other interests that he oftentimes devotes only the scraps of his life, his off hours, to his home and family.
You no doubt remember what Byron said, "Love is of man's life a thing apart, 'Tis woman's whole existence." It is of tremendous importance to you to marry just the right man, one who is your soul's true mate. ”

“ When a man feels that he can trample on the rights and privileges and happiness of a woman he ought not to marry her.
For this reason we can see why the so-called marriages of the past among many peoples, notably where the woman was purchased or stolen, was not apt to be a marriage, but the woman was merely a plaything of a man to be tossed aside when he felt like it, as a child might drop a plaything, or else she was a servant, or worst of all a mere slave. ”

“ What you are now to do is to be cautious, thoughtful, consider the things that may prevent a happy marriage, and also those which will make one practically certain. You are to learn to love wisely, for the sake of yourself, the man you want to make happy, and your possible children.
Remember in general that marriage is, as Swedenborg terms it, "the jewel of human life." Remember that it is the most fundamental and primary relationship of life, the fountain of all others. ”

“ Without fragrance and coloring and gracefulness the rose is not a rose. Without love life is not really life, but hard and cold and barren as a rock.
Now for people who are truly in love it does not injure their love one little bit to see the other ungroomed. For such people poverty does not separate, but only draws them nearer together and makes them mutually brave. And nothing is so delightful for such people than to see each other continually. I know people who never tire of each other's company. ”

“ Yes, let us remember, that free-will is indispensable to perfect marriage. Of course, all men have not been free, as, for example, the sons of families in those countries where marriages have been matters of family arrangement. But in the main men have had a good deal to say in the matter of choice.
World civilization is seeing for the first time in any general way the need for freedom upon the part of girls and women to the marriage contract; not because men concede it, but because women demand it. It is in the nature of most of us to be a little bit tyrannical if we can get away with it. ”

“ Then, think of the men who have married for the sake of a home and have fallen into the hands of designing women.
For unmarried people who think it worth while to marry for a home and thus try to get along without romance in marriage, I would say that it is not unlike eating pancakes without syrup or cake without sweetening; but I suppose there are unhappy souls who are willing to take half a loaf rather than have no bread, or the form of marriage without its soul. ”

“ If the woman to the agreement—I hesitate to call her a wife when she has not assumed the responsibilities of wifehood—desires to become a mother and thereby continue with the man who, secretly or openly, desires his freedom to enter into a new relationship, what is to prevent her becoming a mother and thereby compelling her unwilling mate to continue with her in a family marriage? Will he be happy? Will he not strive to break away?
Does not the character of men and women who enter into marriage have a great deal to do with its happiness or unhappiness? ”

“ Many girls in their enthusiasm are willing to undertake marriage with a man of small income but when the hard times come and the lack of nice things cut into the quick they are filled with rage at the situation, and a man's troubles really begin.
What does she think of the coming of children? Does she love them, love them enough to go through childbirth and the hardships of child training? It takes a big feminine soul to meet life on this side. But what beauty is revealed in unselfish motherhood!
Try to look through your girl's eyes into her soul and find out if she is fundamentally selfish. ”

“ Love should be always blind, or to read the saying aright, should keep so keen a vision for perfection hidden to other eyes that it can never ponder on the imperfections that do exist, should never accuse but always excuse defects, faults, failures. Yet a man should learn to call his wife an angel not because of her hazel eyes, but because of the pure soul that looks through them, be they hazel or iron grey. ”

“ If you have a bad temper, little self-control, if you nag, if you are selfishly critical and sarcastic, unreasonably jealous, demanding things that your husband cannot buy you, unwilling to co-operate in building a home and future comforts, you have little to expect from marriage, except to make one, or many men, so miserable that they will curse you and marriage. You are not fitted to be the mate of a good person, for you would make him unhappy, nor fitted to be the mate of one like yourself, for he will be as impossible as you are and marriage will be impossible. ”

“ You will never find absolute perfection, but you can find qualities that you know will suit and will stand the test.
Don't throw yourself away into the arms of one who is unworthy and who will not appreciate you nor understand you. Get as near perfection as you can, and then, if you really love deeply, you will see perfection where others see imperfection. It takes genuine love to see the good points in another. ”