William Schwenck Gilbert

“ THE GOOD CAPTAIN WAS DISTRESSED TO SEE HIS DEAR DAUGHTER IN THIS BILIOUS FRAME OF MIND
man in that lowly station may be brave and worthy, but at every step he would make dreadful blunders that Society would never pardon. He would drop his h's, and eat peas with his knife." Captain Corcoran's sentiments upon this point were so right and just that one is more sorry than ever that he should have boasted, in his song, of being related to a peer. It is just one of those unfortunate little slips that one never can quite get out of one's mind. ”

“ And accordingly, Ralph Rackstraw took three paces to the front, and if ever a Captain in the Navy said "Bother" under his breath, Captain Corcoran was that man.
"You're a remarkably fine fellow," said Sir Joseph, addressing Ralph.
"Yes, your honour," replied Ralph, who was too well acquainted with his duty to presume to differ from the First Lord of the Admiralty.
"And a first-rate seaman, I'll be bound."
"There's not a smarter sailor in the Navy, your honour," said Ralph, "though I say it who shouldn't." ”

“ This sounds rather conceited of Ralph, but he had learnt from Captain Corcoran to speak the exact truth on all occasions. Besides, he wanted to convince Sir Joseph how right he was in the opinion he had formed.
"Now tell me, Ralph—don't be afraid—how does your Captain treat you?"
"A better Captain don't walk the deck, your honour!"
And all the rest of the crew said "Hear, hear!"
This was not quite what Sir Joseph wanted. He would rather that Ralph had said, "Well, he does his best, poor chap," or something of that half complimentary kind. However, he managed to conceal his disappointment. ”

“ His cheeks should flame and his brow should furl,
His bosom should heave and his heart should glow,
And his fist be ever ready for a knock-down blow.
⁠His eyes should flash with an inborn fire,
⁠His brow with scorn be wrung ”

“ At this point a message was brought to the Captain by Lieutenant Hatchway, that the ship's barge was approaching with Sir Joseph on board, accompanied by his two plain sisters, his three ugly aunts, and ever so many pretty cousins, their daughters. Sir Joseph was a gentleman of great refinement, who was very easily shocked, and as he knew that
the society of charming ladies had the effect of making everybody polite and considerate, he never travelled any great distance without them. ”

“ After this pretty little ceremony (which might with advantage be more generally adopted throughout the Navy) , the officers and sailors employed themselves with a variety of easy little tasks suited to rather lazy people on a very fine warm day. Captain Corcoran (who was never idle) was about to retire to his cabin to arrange the figures of a minuet which he intended to teach his men to dance, when his attention was arrested by Josephine, who at that moment came on deck. The poor young lady was very sad, and sang a remarkably beautiful song of her own composition. ”

“ Refreshments had thoughtfully been provided for them in the ward-room, (which is the apartment assigned to the lieutenants on board a man-o'-war) , and they enjoyed a delightful luncheon in the agreeable society of the junior officers in gilt buttons and gold epaulettes, who paid even more attention to Sir Joseph's plain sisters and ugly aunts than they did to his younger and more attractive relations; which shows what thoroughly well-bred gentlemen British naval officers are. Plain elderly people are just as hungry as young and pretty ones ”