Angelika

“ And if she cannot kiss me, I will kiss her all the more. That will be a great deal better than to have nothing left of her; will it not?"
Ernestine shook her head. "That can't be done, Angelika; you can't keep dead bodies; they decay. How can you think of such a thing?"
"Oh, you say, 'That can't be done,'--you say, 'That's nothing,' to everything, and spoil all my pleasure; I tell you it is very unkind of you!"
Ernestine felt ashamed. She had been treating Angelika as her uncle Leuthold treated herself. ”

“ Angelika again raves, her features become deformed and bear an odious resemblance to the face of the old Bohemian woman. She weeps, she sobs; then with frenzied accents and savage voice, she orders the attendants to withdraw and leave her alone.
The unfortunate father gives out to the world that the mad woman is shut up in one of his castles; but the truth is that Angelika would not leave her retreat. She still inhabits alone the little house to which count S—— came to die by her side. The secret of what passed at last between these two beings remained unknown. ”

“ Angelika continued gaily, "I have been a little hardened in the matter by my stern lord and master, who has very little consideration for our sex."
"Scarcely to be wondered at in a practising physician," Herbert said in a low tone to his associates; then, turning with his sweetest expression to Angelika, "Could you not have taught him better long ago?"
"Oh, no," complained Angelika.
"He considers his wife an exception," interposed the Staatsräthin; "she seems to have left no room in his nature for sympathy with the rest of womankind. I have never seen a man so exclusive in his regard." ”

“ That is why I am late!"
"I suppose, then, you have been torturing some unfortunate dog or rabbit," said Angelika in a tone of distress. "Poor thing!"
"For shame, Angelika!" said her brother. "Those are not words for the sister of a physiologist,--a woman who ought to understand the object of science."
Angelika made no reply, but observed, well pleased, how tenderly Johannes stroked Hector, who came to greet his master.
The door was flung violently open, and in rushed, in a great hurry, Angelika's husband, Moritz Kern, Clinical Professor and practising physician. ”

“ She suggested that Angelika should write to Rafael without further delay, to set him free and let him return home to his mother; there they would be able to arrange matters. Angelika was so capable that she could earn a living anywhere. Rafael too ought to help her. ”

“ She was utterly sincere; and her beautiful sincerity, her tears, suddenly moved him to one of those tempests of remorse to which he was so prone.
"Oh, God!" he cried. "What a brute I am! I talk about giving you up, and all the time I’m watching your face for signs of love. How can I find the strength to let you go?"
"Don’t!" said Angelica, with streaming eyes. "Don’t let me go, Vincent darling! Oh, if only we have each other!"
"We can’t have each other. It’s a sin!" he said. "Don’t you see? Oh, Angelica! Beautiful Angelica! ”

“ The moment she did so, however, the other sphere tamed of its own accord, and rolled up to her. "Dear me!" said Angelica. "How easily things are done when the right time comes!" The semblance now took shape, and kissed her. "How nice!" thought Angelica, returning the kiss. "This is love. Love is life. I am his. He is mine. Most of all, he is mine!" "No, we can't allow that!" said a chorus of men from the earth. "You're beginning to know too much. You'll want to be paid for your labour next just as well as we are, and that is unwomanly!" But Angelica only laughed and kissed her lover. ”

“ She had an air which Angelica knew of old; when one of her fits of ennui came on her, she all but pushed her bewildered guests out of the door.
But Angelica stayed until after supper. That was what she had planned to do, and what she was determined to do. She too sat on the piazza, with a Sunday paper, concealing her sullenness. ”

“ You’re nothing but my Angelica, my beloved girl, the mother of my child!"
"Oh, stop!" she cried. "Oh, it’s too horrible!"
"It’s too horrible that you should repudiate me. Angelica, let us take back our child and start again, a decent, honest life. You talk of improving yourself; why don’t you think of improving me—of helping your poor little child? Let’s help each other!" ”

“ Often she thought of the past, and cheered the simple fireside with tales of adventure, with the grandeur of Life in a Baby-house, and how she might have been the bride of an Oriole. But was she not missed in the baby-house? Angelica Maria wept her loss, but her uncle consoled her by telling her the Spanish Doll must have retired to one of her castles in Spain. This cheered Angelica Maria, and she busied herself in fitting new dresses for the poor travel-stained dolls she had left. ”

“ Day after day father and daughter went to the church, and Angelica would sit on the top of a high scaffolding, her dark hair falling over her shoulders, her eyes eagerly fixed on the fresco before her, on which angels, lambs, doves, grew under her clever fingers. Below stood the honest John Kaufmann watching the form he loved so well, his arms folded, his head thrown back, and feelings of pride and joy kindling in his heart.
Besides her love for painting, Angelica was intensely fond of music, her voice was pure and sweet, and she could play wonderfully well. ”

“ Even Angelica was aware that this was not the proper way for a chauffeur to address his lady. She was surprised that he wasn’t rebuked. She looked at him with an indignant glance, which he returned with one of the greatest scorn.
"Wait in the car, Courtland," was all that Mrs. Russell said. "I’ll be down directly."
"He’s a nice boy," she told Angelica, after he had gone. "I think a great deal of him. I’m sorry for him. He’s very bright and intelligent, but he hasn’t had any opportunities."
"He’s mighty fresh," said Angelica. ”

“ No, Angelica, you shan’t leave me!"
"Vincent!" she said. "Don’t! You’ve made enough trouble. Don’t make any more."
"It’s you who are making the trouble. You’re breaking my heart, and your own too—yes, yours! You can’t deny it! Every drop of blood in your body tells you the same thing. You need me and you long for me as I need and long for you."
"Please!" she said, beginning to cry. "You know I’m going to marry Eddie."
"There’s no one else in the world but you and me. All other people, all other things, are shadows—lies—folly! You are a woman and I am a man, and we love each other. ”

“ She isn't thinking of you, and she isn't thinking of Alan. She is thinking about what she wants. It is surprising how badly you can want a thing even when you have neither feeling nor imagination. Angelica isn't any more in love with that young ass than I am; but she wants him just as much as if she were over head and ears in love. There is one thing, however, you may count on—she is going to get him if she can, and she is going to persuade herself and everybody else, except you and David and me, that she is doing her duty when she goes after her inclinations. ”

“ When she came down again for the last time, at six o’clock, Angelica was in the little parlour, now black as the pit, and she was so very still that her mother felt disturbed. She was afraid that the poor, proud thing was grieving, and she went in to her, noiseless in her thin old shoes; but when she had lighted the lamp, she saw that Angelica was sleeping, stretched out limp and childish in the big rocking-chair.
Mrs. Kennedy hurried away breathlessly to the grocer’s, to buy a little treat; for weren’t they going to have supper together again after all? ”

“ Wouldn’t they have been shocked at Angelica, anyway—her swagger, her language, her point of view! Her heart melted with pity for her child.
"I don’t blame you, Angelica," she said. "I know how hard it is to get on with that sort; but, deary, what better can you do? One job’s as bad as another. The thing is to do your best and trust in Providence. I’ll do the best I can to make things happy for you here at home. We’ll have our little treats. We’ve always been happy together, haven’t we? It’s our lot in life to have to work hard and get very little. ”

“ Then I’d come home, tired as a dog, and not a soul to speak to: you a tiny little baby crying in your basket, and your poor father moaning in his bed; everything dirty and upset. You can’t think what it was like.
"I’m not blaming your poor father, Angelica. I’m only telling you this to show you how those high-flown notions{18}—where they’ll lead you. In this world, you’ve got to be sensible, and not follow your own notions."
Not follow romance was what she meant, and what Angelica understood ”

“ In a moment he whisked about the different rooms upstairs and down, to get together books, sketches, everything that could please us; and Angelica's drawings—she draws beautifully.
Angelica herself, Mrs. Clarke, is a timid, dark, soft-eyed woman, with a good figure. I am told it is rude to say a person is very clean, but I may praise Angelica for looking elegantly clean, brilliantly white, with a lace Mary Queen of Scots cap, like that which I am sure you remember on Lady Adelaide Forbes. ”

“ She liked to have the girl near, sitting with one of Eddie’s books; absorbed in it, yet instantly ready for any service required.
"Do you know, Angelica," Polly said to her one day, "the very nicest thing about you is that you never fidget!"
Angelica considered that.
"No," she said. "I know I don’t. I see other people squirming and wriggling all the time, and I wonder—I don’t know—I am quiet; but I’ve got lots of life in me."
"I should say you had! Just my antithesis, aren’t you? I’m quiet, too, but it’s because I haven’t any life in me at all." ”

“ The room was too dark for her to see anything, but she could hear the breathing of her dear child, and with a furtive hand feel that soft, slippery hair, still fresh and redolent of white soap.
"I’ve got to expect it!" she told herself over and over. "I’ve got to expect it! They all go, for one reason or another. We’ve got to make up our minds to lose everything in this world."
She got up again at six, and set to work cleaning her little flat from end to end, so that it should be ready for Mrs. Russell’s inspection. Angelica insisted upon helping her.
"Oh, mommer, for Gawd’s sake! ”

“ Only Angelica saw her thin fingers clench, and then open listlessly. She didn’t open her eyes or speak.
"Where?" asked his mother.
"You ask me?" he demanded. "I am a man. Pray, where should I go?"
No one was able to answer, and he frowned again.
"There’s only one destination possible," he said; "one spot on earth that draws toward it all of us who are men—a place of blood and destruction, of utter loneliness and frightful agony, where we rush to embrace that most maddening and most tender of mistresses——”
"Oh, Vincent!" cried Mrs. Russell, distressed. "Don’t talk that way before Polly!" ”

“ Angelica remarked upon reflection, and as if speaking to herself, "but I really had forgotten."
The Tenor looked at the fire, and in the little pause that ensued Angelica suddenly lost her temper.
"If you are deceived in me you have deceived yourself," she burst out, "for I have tried my utmost to undeceive you. You go and fall in love with a girl you have never spoken to in your life, you endow her gratuitously with all the virtues you admire without asking if she cares to possess them; and when you find she is not the peerless perfection you require her to be, you blame her! ”

“ Angelica decided at this point.
It was a sad face, as high-bred faces often are. You would not have been surprised to hear that his life had been blighted at the outset by some great sorrow or disappointment. But it was a strong face too, the face of a manly man, you would have said, and of one with self-denial, courage, endurance, and devotion enough for a hero and a martyr.
"Angelica," her grandfather broke in upon her reflections with kindly concern. "You look pale. Do you not feel well, my dear child?" ”

“ It’s all I’ve got. My God, you can’t get the better of a woman! They have it all their own way in this world. They make us pay, and pay dear, for their follies!"
Angelica stared at him, astounded.
"I’m supposed to be the guilty one," he went on. "I’m the one who’s held responsible—why, the good Lord only knows. I’m the one to pay!"
"As for me," said Angelica, "it’s just a picnic, isn’t it?"
"You’re fulfilling your natural destiny—at my expense."
"Oh!" she cried. "I wish to God I could throw the money back in your face, Vincent!" ”

“ Angelica asked, with anxiety.
"No! As far as that goes, there are plenty of things far worse—in that line, you know. No! I think it’s chiefly about the money. She says she couldn’t trust him again. She says it’s impossible to live with him under such conditions. I suppose it is. Anyway, she’s absolutely determined to leave him."
Angelica sat in silence, more utterly wretched than ever. Had Vincent just sacrificed himself for her? Did he really love her? And for his love was he to be utterly cast out?
"No!" she said suddenly, aloud.
"No what?" asked Eddie. ”

“ The life of a rich person, as seen by Angelica, was a very fantasy of gaiety. It might be gaiety covering a broken heart, if you wished, but always gaiety. The proper course for such as Polly would be to plunge into a whirlpool of excitement, and just reveal, from time to time, by a shadow stealing over her face, that her heart was broken. No, decidedly she could not comprehend this woman lying there with closed eyes, brooding over her immeasurable loss.
Polly, however, through her greater sophistication and experience, and through her native shrewdness, found Angelica no puzzle. ”