Fatty Coon

“ When Farmer Green saw Fatty he seemed disappointed. "He's too young to bother with," he said. "His skin's not worth much. We'll go 'long and see what we can find."
But Johnnie Green stayed behind. He wanted that young coon. And he intended to have him, too. Leaving the young dog to watch Fatty Coon, Johnnie went back to the farmhouse. After a while he appeared again with an axe over his shoulder. And when he began to chop away at the big oak, Fatty Coon felt very uneasy. Whenever Johnnie drove his axe into the tree, both the tree and Fatty shivered together. ”

“ Spot soon began to bark.
"He's treed!" said Farmer Green, pretty soon. And they all hurried over to the edge of the woods, where Spot had chased a coon up into a tall chestnut tree. In the moonlight they could see the coon quite plainly. "Another little feller!" cried Farmer Green. "I declare, all the coons that come to the cornfield seem to be young ones. This one's no bigger than the one we saw last night."
Now, although Farmer Green never guessed it, it was Fatty Coon who was up there in the tall chestnut. He had run almost to the woods this time, before he had to take to a tree. ”

“ He began to think he would never reach home. But at last he came to the old poplar where his mother lived. And soon, to his great joy, he reached the hole in the big branch; and you may well believe that Fatty was glad to slip down into the darkness where his mother, and his brother Blackie, and Fluffy and Cutey his sisters, were all fast asleep. He was glad, because he knew that no crow could follow him down there.
Mrs. Coon waked up. She saw that Fatty's back was sadly torn (for coons, you know, can see in the dark just as well as you can see in the daylight) .
"What on earth is the matter?" ”

“ Fatty looked about him. They stood in a field grown high with tall stalks of some sort, which turned to green, ribbon-like leaves half way up from the ground. Fatty grunted. He was very impolite, you see.
"Well—what is there to eat that's so fine?" he asked. "This stuff isn't good. It's like eating reeds." He had already bitten into one of the stalks.
"What do you call that?" Mrs. Coon asked. She showed Fatty a long roll of green that grew out of one of the stalks.
"That's something like a cattail," said Fatty. "It isn't good to eat." ”

“ Fatty had been looking for frogs, but he had had no luck at all. To tell the truth, Fatty was a little too young to catch frogs easily, even when he found one; and he was a good deal too fat, for he was so plump that he was not very spry.
Now, Fatty was hiding behind some tall rushes, and his sharp little eyes were looking all about him, and his nose was twitching as he sniffed the air. He wished he might find a frog. But not one frog appeared. Fatty began to think that some other coon must have visited the creek just before him and caught them all. ”

“ Mrs. Coon said nothing more. She stood up on her hind legs and pulled one of the tall stalks down until she could reach that long, green thing that grew there. In a jiffy she had torn it from its stalk. And then she stripped the green covering off it. "Try that!" said Mrs. Coon with a smile. ”

“ Jimmy Rabbit seemed to be relieved to hear that.
"Come on over and play," he said. "My brother and I are playing barber-shop over in the old sycamore tree; and we need you."
"All right!" said Fatty. It was not often that any of the smaller forest-people were willing to play with him, because generally Fatty couldn't help getting hungry and then he usually tried to eat his playmates. "What do you need me for?" Fatty asked, as he trudged along beside Jimmy Rabbit.
"We need you for the barber's pole," Jimmy explained. "You can come inside the hollow tree and stick your tail out through a hole. ”

“ Turtle, Jimmy Rabbit was at the creek bright and early. He brought his two brothers with him, to see the fun. And he found that there were others, too, who had heard of the sport and had come to enjoy it. Frisky Squirrel was there, and Billy Woodchuck, and Fatty Coon. Then there was old Mr. Crow, who was always on hand whenever a crowd gathered. And perhaps the pleasantest and most interested of all was Tommy Fox.
"I hope you'll let me have a ride on your new sled when the first snow comes,"p. 47 he said to Jimmy Rabbit. "For, of course, you'll win the race. ”

“ But I am very glad to see you, and I bear no malice."
And with this he shook paws with an air of magnanimity. Coon rubbed his nose, as he was apt to do when a little confused.
"Oh! ah! to be sure!" he said. "I had quite forgotten that little matter. But say no more about it, my boy; say no more about it! By-gones are by-gones, and we should think of nothing but pleasure on an occasion like the present." With a graceful and condescending wave of his paw he dismissed the [112] past, and continued: "Pray, introduce me to your charming bride! ”

“ Each boy had a bulging pocket, where his lunch reposed. But Fatty’s pockets did not bulge more than Fatty’s own self made them. Fatty was standing on the corner waiting for them. His back was nearly covered by a large, roomy knapsack that bulged.
“What cher got in there?” said Bill, punching the knapsack. “A coat? You won’t need it!”
“Be careful!” admonished Fatty, cringing away. “Don’t get so gay! That’s my lunch you’re punchin’!”
“Lunch!” cried Eddie. “Say, Fat, you are a peach! To think of your bringing enough for the whole bunch. I say that’s good of you! ”

“ Outside the Adjutant’s office, Fatty recognized the well-known lines of Frank’s little flivver, and around it a dejected group that split up as he approached and greeted him with a volley of questions and reproaches.
Fatty, absent and possibly hurt, had taken on the aspect of a dear departed. Fatty, turning up perfectly hale and hearty, was an object of scorn and reproaches.
Ernest and Frank and Eddie and Dee, ably assisted by Bill and Skinny, demanded to know what he meant by it, where he had been, why had he gone away, and what ailed him anyway. ”

“ You must be a-seein' fun," said [78] Jimmy, watching him enviously as he baited his hook and tossed it into the water. "Wouldn't I like to try it, though!"
"Come on, if yer want ter," answered Coon. "Thar's another line in my basket, and you kin cut a pole from the sprouts agin that stump down yender."
"I ought to be a-goin'. I've got an errand to do," answered Jimmy. "But I would like to haul in just one."
"Oh, come on!" insisted Coon. "You can spare ten minutes, can't you?"
There was an attractiveness about this overgrown, good-natured fellow that all the smaller boys found irresistible. ”

“ The next morning all the men and all the dogs [35] in the settlement, and a number of women was there, and during the day they caught seven young wolves; they didn’t run very far; and John Hall and John Sarver said they could take “old Rule” and “Sam Houston” and they could catch the Devil.
[36]
The Coon.
WE sometimes hear men joke about the proverbial “coon skin” of early days, but it was no joke in our boyhood, we had to have the Raccoon in our business. If the coon crop had failed we would have had a coon skin panic, which would have swept all over the country. ”

“ Trailer just stumbled up to the house with his eyes bunged shut and his nose as big as a soupbone, mumbling something about a coon as near as I can understand him. But no coon ever did anything like that to him.”
The doctor cocked his ears. “Can’t talk, can’t he? Poor fellow. Did you try what blue clay will do for him? I’ll get you some.”
Tad Coon needs Doctor Muskrat.
“Ok, he’ll be all right. His master Sandy’s working over him,” Watch answered. “But what did do it?”
“Those striped buzzers with hot spots in their tails. ”

“ When Chambers and Clasper make a £100 match for the honour of the Tyne, and we cannot make up the money, Mr. Coon always makes it up for us, and when we win and go to repay him, he gives it to us." This was not a patriotic reason to give for voting for "Mr. Coon," but it showed gratitude, as well as Mr. Cowen's influence, and what a hold his kindness to the people had given him upon their affection. Thus they voted for the father from regard for the son. For in those days the son had no idea of Parliament himself, and votes were not in his thoughts. ”

“ And as soon as he sniffed that scent in the air he said, “Is that you, Tad Coon?”
“No,” said a meek, whiny voice; “it’s me, Stripes Skunk. I’ve been talking with the little owls. Please, won’t you make a compact with me?”
“Compact!” Nibble exclaimed. “Of course I won’t! And no one else will!” At that Stripes began to cry. “Won’t you even try me?” he sobbed. “I’d not want to be friends. I just want to be let alone as long as I’m good. Won’t you give me a chance to show you how very good I can be?”
So Nibble finally promised to talk things over with Watch and Doctor Muskrat. ”

“ She is now a light copper colour, not unlike those bronze shepherdesses on yonder clock. In spite of all this I call her pretty. Perhaps it is because I love her and am prejudiced. But you gentlemen are so critical about complexion and colour—no wonder that the poor child refuses to see anybody, and never goes into society at all. It is a shame! But—pardon, Mr. Poinsett, here am I gossiping about your client's looks, when I should be stating her grievances."
"No, no!" said Arthur, hastily, "go on—in your own way."
Mrs Sepulvida lifted her forefinger archly.
"Ah! is it so, Don Arturo? ”

“ Coon grew fat and lazy and selfish. Pretty soon he began to pick out the best things for himself and hide them before old King Bear saw them. When old King Bear was asleep he would go get them and stuff himself like a greedy pig. ”

“ Fatty actually pushed Cameron clear away from the platform and after him big Mack.
“There seems to be no help for it,” said Cameron, as they went to the tent together.
“It's awful good of you,” replied Mack, “but you can see how hard Fatty takes it, though it is not a bit fair to you.”
“Oh, nobody knows me here,” said Cameron, “and I don't mind being a victim.”
But as Mack saw him get into his jersey and shorts he began to wonder a bit.
“Man, it would be great if you should beat yon Frenchman!” he exclaimed.
“Frenchman?”
“Yes! La Belle. He is that stuck on himself ”

“ Only think, Coon, of talking to the Emperor in that way, and scolding him as if he were a little boy."
"Well, I never saw an Emperor," said the raccoon; "but I certainly should not wish to talk to one, if they are all such wretched creatures as Wah-Song. I should like to have been the Finishing-Toucher; then if he had pulled my nose—hum! ha! we should see!"
"Dear Madam," said the bear, who had been staring meditatively into the fire, "there [56] is one thing in the story that I do not understand; that is—well—you spoke of the boy's having a pig-tail."
"Yes, Bruin!" said the grandmother. ”

“ Conroy, suddenly stepping from the tree, and fining a pair of cruel eyes on Ramirez.
"Arthur Poinsett—an ex-soldier, an officer. Ah, you do not believe—I swear to God it is so!" [Pg 311]
"What has this to do with me?" she said scornfully, resuming her position beside the pine. "Go on—or is this all?"
"No, but it is much. Look you! he is the affianced of a rich widow in the Southern Country, you understand? No one knows his past. Ah, you begin to comprehend. He does not dare to seek out the real Grace Conroy. He shall not dare to press the claim of his client. Consequently, he does nothing!" ”

“ The ranch house hid that spectacle. But she rode into view presently, putting [34] Cooney first to his little fox trot and then to a lope, as the road wound among the willows.
He straightened in the saddle as she reached the creek. He was eager to retreat, yet feared to have his cowardice detected. And when Cooney halted midway of the stream, pawing its rocky bed and making a pretense of thirst, the woman looked up and saw her watcher on the trail. She waved the gauntleted hand that held her quirt, and he found himself holding his hat in his hand with an affectation of ease. ”

“ Accursed contentment flowed in the young Cooneys' blood. They had abilities enough, but the sane acquisitive gift was not in them. They were poor, but unashamed. They were breezy, keen, adventurous, without fatigue. They claimed the gasoline-cleaning establishment as their private garage, challenging any car under six thousand dollars to beat the expensive smell. A large and very popular group of family jokes centred about the plant of the legman.
Carlisle Heth "came to supper" with the Cooneys, as agreed, on the Thursday following the magic afternoon at Willie's apartment. ”

“ He can hunt, fish, fence, joust, play chess, eat and drink, listen to the songs of the jongleurs, hold his court, walk in the meadows, talk with the ladies, warm himself, have himself cupped and bled, and watch the snow fall. This last amusement is hardly practicable in June. Being bled is not commonly reckoned a regular sport in other ages! Neither can he hold court—receive his vassals and dispense justice—save at intervals. The jongleurs ordinarily reserve themselves for the evenings. Conon's secret hankering for a war is, therefore, somewhat explicable. ”

“ So it was everywhere. None could understand that Nicholas Bly should sing for the delight of it or that there could be a joy to set him singing. In the end, and that soon, his heart broke and he died, and Fatland is as it is.
Mr. Nicodemus and Jah were never seen again, nor in Fatland is there trace or memory of them.
But within the womb of the woman was the child of her man, so that she gazed in upon herself with a great hope. In this she was so absorbed that the insensibility of the Fattish moved her not at all and she forgot to apply for her maternity benefit. ”