Joe Miller

“ A hero or a martyr dies—she gives one small toot and hangs up her horn. But some obscure person is hot with a jest, and her trumpet brays away in his honor for ages. Then, too, her mendacity—George of England is advertised as a saint, and Joe Miller as a wit. ”

“ Others are dated 1762 and 1771, and reissues, perfect and imperfect, often in chapbook form, have repeatedly come from the press both in this country and America until the present time, while Joe Miller's name has long been a synonym for a jest or witty anecdote of ancient flavour. An edition published at New York in 1865 supplies as many as 1,286 jests.
Several engraved portraits are known. One after C. Stoppelaer, dated 1738, as Teague, by Andrew Miller [q. v.] ; another by Charles Mosley as Sir Joseph Wittoll (in ‘The Jests,’ 8th edit. 1745) . ”

“ CHURCHYARD, LONDON.
[Pg 104]
[Pg 105] An interesting sketch of the life of Joe Miller will be found in the “Book of Days,” vol. II., page 216, and in the same informing and entertaining work, the following notes are given respecting the writer of the foregoing epitaph: “The ‘S. Duck,’ whose name figures as author of the verses on Miller’s tombstone, and who is alluded to on the same tablet, by Mr. Churchwarden Buck, as an instance of ‘poetic talent in humble life,’ deserves a short notice. He was a thresher in the service of a farmer near Kew, in Surrey. ”

“ He glanced up at Big Joe, noticing for the first time that the steel jaws were stained with a red-brown crust. He shuddered.
The grim chess-game continued a cautious step at a time, with the girl following one square behind him. What if she fainted again? And fell across a triggered tile? They passed within a foot of Big Joe's arm.
Looking up, he saw the monster's eyes move—following them, scrutinizing them as they passed. He froze.
"We want no plunder," he said to the machine.
The gaze was steady and unwinking.
"The air is leaking away from the world." ”

“ Joe, jō, Joey, jō′i, n. (slang) a fourpenny-bit—from Joseph Hume, M.P., their author, 1836.—Joe Miller, an old or stale jest, a jest-book; Joe Millerism, the habit of retailing stale jests—from Joe Miller (1684-1738) , a comedian but notoriously dull fellow, whose name was attached to a collection in 1739.
Joe, or Jo, jō, n. (Scot.) a sweetheart.
Jog, jog, v.t. to shake: to push with the elbow or hand, to stimulate, stir up, as the memory.—v.i. to move by jogs: to travel slowly:—pr.p. jog′ging; pa.p. jogged.—n. a slight shake: a push.—ns. Jog′ger (Dryden) , one who moves slowly and heavily ”

“ MILLER, JOSEPH or JOSIAS, commonly called Joe Miller (1684–1738) , actor and reputed humourist, may have been related to the proprietors of ‘Miller's Droll Booth,’ which occupied a prominent place in St. Bartholomew's Fair from 1699 to 1731 (Morley, Bartholomew's Fair, pp. 263, 280, 319) . He first joined the Drury Lane company in the winter season of 1709. On 28 Nov., when Sir Robert Howard's ‘Committee’ was produced at Drury Lane, he appears to have filled the part of Teague, and was described as ‘one who never appeared on the stage before’ (Genest, Hist. Account, ii. 431) . ”

“ Mara gasped and covered her eyes.
"Big Joe!" she whispered in awe.
He stared through the stairwell door and down the corridor through another door into a large room. Big Joe sat in the center of the room, sleeping his sleep of ages amid a heap of broken and whitening bones. A creature of metal, twice the height of Asir, he had obviously been designed to kill. Tri-fingered hands with gleaming talons, and a monstrous head shaped like a Marswolf, with long silver fangs. Why should a metal-creature have fangs, unless he had been built to kill? ”

“ Asir stared at the lumbering creature and realized for the first time that it was not alive, but only a machine built by the ancients to perform specific tasks. Despite the fresh redness about his hands and jaws, Big Joe was no more guilty of Slubil's death than a grinding mill would be if the squat sadist had climbed into it while the Marsoxen were yoked to the crushing roller. ”

“ As a matter of fact Joe, Junior, was saying bow-wow to every dog he saw that afternoon, thereby nearly convulsing Freddy Miller who walked at his side. The boys wheeled him all the way from the Hollow to the post office in his new perambulator.
Rusty had brought it home with her as a Christmas present for her sister. After she had gone away in the early autumn, Rusty had begun to feel as if she had been less than fair to Anna. ”

“ Opposite Essex Street in the middle of the Strand is the church of St. Clement Danes, designed by Sir Christopher Wren in 1681. At this church Dr. Johnson was a regular attendant for years and the pew he sat in, No. 18 in the north gallery, is marked with a tablet telling of "the philosopher, the poet, the great lexicographer, [Pg 113] the profound moralist and chief writer of his times." Joe Miller, the man of jokes, was buried here, and his epitaph records among other things that he was a facetious companion, a sincere friend and a tender husband, which is about all a man need be. ”

“ Everybody has read Joe Miller. Now it may be recollected that, in that valuable vade-mecum of very delightful and charming fellows, there is recorded the strange vanity of an ugly scholar in the College of Navarre, who maintained most strenuously and syllogistically,—nay, would have met any modern Crichton with a thesis on the subject to show and prove, that he was the greatest man in the world ”

“ Many of these were given anonymously; but many also were put forth under names which possessed temporary celebrity, such as Hobson the carrier, Killigrew the jester, the friend of Charles II., Ben Jonson, Garrick, and a multitude of others. It is, perhaps, unnecessary to remind the reader that the great modern representative of this class of literature is the illustrious Joe Miller. ”

“ And they would take him within easy reach of the long taloned arms of the murderous sentinel. He glanced around in fright at the crushed bones scattered across the floor. Some were human. Others were animal-sacrifices tossed in by the priests.
He had tested only one two—back near the door. If he made a mistake, he would never escape; no need bothering with the pike.
He stepped to the next tile and closed his eyes.
"If the intruder makes an error, Big Joe will kill."
He opened his eyes again and heaved a breath of relief.
"Asir! They're getting closer! I can hear them!" ”

“ Joe Miller’s Jests; or, the Wit’s Vade-Mecum: being a collection of the most brilliant Jests; the politest Repartees; the most elegant Bon mots, and most pleasant short Stories in the English language. First carefully collected in the company, and many of them transcribed from the mouth of the Facetious Gentleman, whose name they bear; and now set forth and published by his lamentable friend and former companion, Elijah Jenkins, Esq. Most humbly inscribed to those Choice Spirits of the Age, Captain Bodens, Mr. ”

“ You want to walk, you need a couple of us boys along.”
“I make a good mark, don’t I, Joe? I sort of rear up on the skyline like a steeple. Good thing it’s too dark for them to spot me. I look at it this way. If the good Lord wants me to stay on this job He’ll look after me. God and Company K. You see Tad anywhere?”
“Yes, sir, Mr. President.” Joe stalked beside the tall figure, weapon alerted. “Tad’s down yonder to the corporal’s tent. He’s got his billy goat down there. Some of the boys fixed up an army cap for that goat and the corporal’s riveting a chin strap on it.” ”

“ This place where the baby bears were found was first owned by three men or, rather, by two men and a boy. One of the men was known as Mountain Joe. He had once been a guide in the service of General Fremont, but he was now a drunken fellow and spent most of his time at the trading post, twenty miles down the river. He is now an old man, almost blind, and lives in Oregon City, on a pension received as a soldier of the Mexican war. The [Pg 46] other man’s name was Sil Reese. He, also, is living and famously rich—as rich as he is stingy, and that is saying that he is very rich indeed. ”

“ Perhaps the ancients had been unnecessarily brutal in building such a guard—but at least they had built him to look like a destroyer, and to give ample warning to the intruder. Glancing around at the machinery, he vaguely understood the reason for Big Joe. Such metals as these would mean riches for swordmakers and smiths and plunderers of all kinds.
Asir straightened his shoulders and addressed the machine.
"Teach us how to kindle the Blaze of the Great Wind."
"Teaching is not within the designed functions of Big Joe. ”

“ Uncle Joe was to live with them awhile, and the father was conscious and quiet.
"Good-by, mother," said Hal. [Pg 199]
"Good-by," she answered.
The front door closed, and Hal went down town to the office of Newton & Bryce, old friends of his father's. He walked up to the senior partner, and said, very like a mechanical toy unwinding:
"My father has had a stroke of paralysis. He can't do anything for months. I heard you say once that if you could get an office-boy who could keep accounts you would make it worth while for him to stay with you. I can."
"Stop, stop," said Mr. Bryce. ”

“ Asir glowered at himself for blundering with words he did not understand, but could not admit ignorance to Mara who clung tightly to his arm. "I think," he said, "that a technologist is a thief who tells the gods what to do."
"Kiss me, Technologist," she told him in a small voice.
Big Joe clanked to a stop to wait for them to move on. He waited a long time. ”

“ Then he reached for a short barbed pike. Asir kicked him hard in the temple, then rolled his limp form outside. Men with torches were running across the courtyard. He slammed the heavy metal door and bolted it.
Fists began beating on the door. They paused for a moment to rest, and Mara stared at him in fright. He expected her to burst into angry speech, but she only leaned against the wall and panted. The dark mouth of the stairway yawned at them—a stone throat that led into the bowels of Mars and the realm of the monster, Big Joe. He glanced at Mara thoughtfully, and felt sorry for her. ”

“ Welkir snorted again. He picked up the lamp. "He who listens to a thief's wisdom is cursed. He who acts upon it is doubly cursed and a party to the crime."
"The vaults," Asir insisted. "The key to the Blaze of the Winds is in the vaults. The god Roggins tells us in the words—"
"Stop! I will not hear!"
"Very well, but the blaze can be rekindled, and the air renewed. The vaults—" He stammered and shook his head. "The council must hear me."
"The council will hear nothing, and you shall be gone before dawn. And the vaults are guarded by the sleeper called Big Joe. To enter is to die. Now go away." ”

“ As he came slowly up the incline carrying the pail he saw a crowd about the door. For an instant he stood motionless, then dropped his pail and ran swiftly toward the house.
Was it—-could it be—news of—of Joe?
When he was nearly to the house one of the children leaping and capering about stepped aside, and he saw a tall, slender boyish figure clasped in his mother's arms. Lige, tall young pioneer that he was, almost fainted. When the world righted itself he gave a hoarse, hysterical shout and dashing forward precipitated himself into Joe's arms. ”

“ At length she was calmer, and withdrawing herself from his arms, said, "Send Lige to me."
As he was leaving the room she stopped him.
"Joe, dear," she said, "thee must not feel hardly toward thy father. He is not a fanatic. His belief in the wickedness and futility of war is as deep and strong as his belief in God. He could not change it now—even for thee."
When Joe left the room his heart felt ready to burst with pain. He knew that the call of his country was a sacred one. He felt in every fibre of his being that he was doing his plain duty as a man and an American. ”

“ Bringing all the reserve forces of his will to the front, he was beginning to gain the ascendency over his weakness, when a strange cry startled him into full consciousness.
"Why! she's not dead after all, thank God!" The thought of life made all the difference to Joe. In a moment his vision is as clear as ever, and his spirits rise high at the sounds of life. "Yes, see!" whispered the lad, "there's a movement of the breast. ”

“ He’s a queer dick. Think he’s a little touched in the upper story. Some one round here told me that he was a nut on science—a chemist or an electrician or something of the kind.”
“Doesn’t look much like a highbrow,” remarked Joe.
“No,” agreed the newsdealer, as he arranged his papers. “Still, you can’t always tell from a frog’s looks how far he can jump,” he added philosophically.
Following the departure of the western teams there was an off day in the schedule, and the Giants, with a team composed mostly of rookies, went down to Bridgeport for a game with the local team. ”

“ Joe remained standing there a little while. The growing wind, which marked the high tide of night, lifted his hat-brim and let the moonlight fall upon his troubled face. Around him was the peace of the sleeping earth, with its ripe harvest in its hand; the scents of ripe leaves and fruit came out of the orchard; the breath of curing clover from the fields.
Joe brought a horse from the barn and leaped on its bare back. He turned into the highroad, lashing the animal with the halter, and galloped away to summon Constable Bill Frost. ”

“ We’ll git him if he ain’t took wings. All I ast of him is to stay somewheres on top of the ground, and he’s mine.”
“Why did the negro run away?” said Joe to young Gaither.
“Oh, he can’t get along with the overseer. And I don’t blame him much. I told pap this morning that if I had to choose between Mink and Bill Davidson I’d take Mink every time. But the trouble with pap is he’s getting old, and thinks he can’t get along without an overseer, and overseers are mighty hard to get now. I tell you right now that when I get grown I’m not going to let any overseer bang my niggers around.” ”