Mark Tidd

“ Still, Mark Tidd says it is more important what a judge has in his head than in the legs of his pants, and maybe he’s right.
Zadok came into town next day and drove right up to Tidds’. He thinks Mark is the greatest boy in the world, on account of his name. Zadok is funny about names. He collects them like some boys do stamps or birds’ eggs, and he says Mark’s name, Marcus Aurelius Fortunatus Tidd, is the best one of the lot.
“Well, well, well!” he said. “What’s this I am informed? (Most folks would say ‘told.’) Runnin’ a mill, eh? Now can you beat that? Indeed you cannot. ”

“ Our auction was set for ten o’clock. You see, Mark Tidd knew the Wicksville folks. Everybody had something to do early in the morning, and nobody would have time to go down-town before ten. But Jehoshaphat P. he didn’t know. He started right off to boom things—hired a fiddle and a horn and an accordion to sit inside his place and play tunes. But there wasn’t anybody to play to, and wouldn’t be for a couple of hours.
“Tallow and Binney’ll stay inside,” says Mark, “to l-look after folks that want to buy things—”
“But,” says Binney, “we want to be out at the auction.” ”

“ I didn’t have much trouble filling the pail.
You’d better believe water never tasted so good before. Mark was perfectly willing to drink, and Plunk got away with about a quart. Motu didn’t act very excited about it, though he drank hearty enough.
“I told you,” says he, “that your Mark Tidd could do it.”
Binney was last to get a drink. That half-emptied the pail.
“Pour the rest in another paper bag,” says Mark, “and tie it with a string. Hang it up-stairs. M-m-most of it will stay long enough. Then f-fill your bucket again and hang that up-stairs. We won’t run any more risks.” ”

“ It was only a question of time now, and we all knew it. The Man could stand up as soon as he was ready and smash Motu’s pole the same way he did Plunk’s, and then we fellows would have to join battle with our lances.
But it didn’t come to lances just then. All of a sudden Mark Tidd yelled to look out. I looked up instead and saw him leaning over the edge of the balcony with a big pail in his hands. He held it like he didn’t like the job very well. ”

“ When we got there Mark and Rock had their heads together like they were making up a scheme.
“Plunk,” says Mark, “you and Tallow are g-g-goin’ to have a fight. A noisy fight. You got to slam-bang into each other like all git out.”
“G’wan!” says Tallow.
“He knows I kin lick him,” says Plunk.
“If Mark Tidd wants any fightin’ done he kin do it himself,” says Tallow. ”

“ I wished Tod Nodder was swallowed by a whale or something, and I made up my mind that the next time Mark Tidd had any watching to do he could count me out. My stummick was full of watching.
It got five o’clock and six o’clock, and still Tod didn’t budge. It began to look like he had taken root and was going to grow there. It turned out later that he was asleep with his back against a tree and had been asleep all the afternoon. He hadn’t stayed because he wanted to, but because he went fast asleep and didn’t wake up. A man like that ought to carry an alarm-clock around with him. ”

“ Without his reading hitched on to his imagination I guess those Japs would have had Motu and would have eaten him in a sandwich, for all we could have done to prevent it. I’ve come to see that imagination’s all right when you can compress it and shoot it into a cylinder with a piston in it like you do steam. Mark Tidd was a cylinder built to run on imagination. ”

“ He wasn’t going to be caught out in the country somewheres without anything to eat, not if he knew himself. Then we started off for the bayou, which wasn’t far. We started in at the railroad on one end and just skirted the shore, keeping our eyes open every inch of the way, and, sure enough, along about half-way around we saw a bamboo fish-pole sticking out.
“Injuns,” says Mark Tidd.
“Where?” says I.
“Everywhere. All around us. They’re a r-r-raidin’ party gittin’ ready to bust out on the town and scalp everybody and carry off the wimmin and children. ”

“ As different as a darning-needle is to a crowbar or a weasel to a hippopotamus. “There may be one other, but he will think, not act,” says Motu. “Him we should dread.”
“One of those thinkers, is he?” says I. “Well, I guess we can match him. Huh! Wait till Mark Tidd gets to playin’ checkers with your thinker, and we’ll see.”
“Ah,” says Motu, looking at Mark again, this time like he was sort of weighing him and measuring him. “The one who will come has a cunning brain. Many plots he has made.” ”

“ From what I’ve read of princes it ain’t exactly a habit with them to be ten t-thousand miles from home alone, in borrowed pants.”
“You shall know, Mark Tidd, for it is your right. The story reflects small credit on a part of my countrymen. You know, Mark, that of late there has been talk of war between your land and mine. It has made the heart of my uncle heavy with sorrow, for he knows much of your United States and his friendship is truly yours. But misunderstandings have arisen. Our people have been inflamed against you by men who are no better than traitors. ”

“ He said Skip didn’t know who was at the bottom of the scheme, and wasn’t going to find out yet. Mark had his reasons, and, because he owned the scheme, so to speak, we did as he said.
Two hundred dollars! That made up for the hundred we had to send mother and gave us an extra hundred into the bargain—and about a million dollars’ worth of satisfaction. It beats all how you can make money if you happen to know how. Mark Tidd didn’t spend more than a couple of hours earning this—but I suppose he did two hundred dollars’ worth of thinking, or he wouldn’t have made a go of it. ”

“ On his head was a straw hat, one of those kind that cost a lot of money and come from some place across the Pacific Ocean—a Bankok, they call them, I guess. His clothes were light gray and they fitted him like they had been made on purpose. On his feet he wore spats—at least that’s what Mark Tidd said they were. I never saw any such idiotic things before. You’ve seen a dicky for a shirt, haven’t you? A sort of false front? Well, spats are dickies for shoes. ”

“ But I don’t believe many folks were fooled by it. They knew Mark Tidd and they knew us.
“You can always catch f-f-folks with a scheme,” says he, “that makes ’em think they’re gettin’ somethin’ for n-nothin’. But,” he says, “I hain’t ever seen anybody git somethin’ without pay in’ about what it was worth.”
“Yes,” says I, “if you coop a watermelon out of Deacon Burgess’s garden, why, you pay for it by tearin’ your pants on his barb-wire fence, or by gittin’ the stummick ache.” ”

“ He’d been thinking that maybe a man could climb it and get out on a limb that almost touched the wall, and from there jump smack through a window. It looked possible to me.
By this time it was getting quite dark and I hurried back to the stairs where Plunk and Mark were sitting. Mark had another big sandwich for each of us, so I carried supplies to Motu and Binney. Both of them asked for water, so I told them we were just out of it, but would have a fresh supply soon. Binney kicked a little about it, but Motu just smiled and said, “If we have to have water your Mark Tidd will get it.” ”

“ If there’s one thing in the world Mark Tidd hates it’s to be made ridiculous. He just can’t bear to have folks poke fun at him. I ought to have known he had some kind of an idea or he wouldn’t have made a bet like that. ”

“ Get the idea? So long as we can hold off the boat n-nobody can land, and we can hold off the boat as l-long as our pike-poles are left alone.”
Well, sir, you’ll have to admit Mark was some general. That pike-pole idea was a dandy, and, in spite of their new armor, our slingshots would be useful a heap. And then, there was Mark up on the balcony of the third floor, and he could shoot right down on top of the Japs.
“Motu,” says I, “I guess those old warriors of your’n never had a better general than Mark Tidd.” ”

“ He didn’t act very chipper for ten minutes.
“Here we are,” says Mark, fastening the wire that held up the stairs. “They can’t cut this, and they can’t g-g-get to us with l-ladders. If they come they’ve got to come through the floor, in an airship, or up these s-stairs.”
“It is a strong place to defend,” says Motu. “But hunger and thirst are stronger. For a time we can hold out. Maybe days, maybe a week, but in the end we must give up. Is it not so, Mark Tidd?” ”

“ Into the very last room I went. It had a side window that looked right out on the little strait that separated me from the citadel.
You can guess it didn’t take me long to throw up that window and look out. The Man Who Will Come was still on the beach, watching Plunk. Across on the dock was Mark Tidd. I didn’t stop to think, but just let out a yell at Mark. He turned, but didn’t see me for a second. As soon as he saw me I drew back my arm and threw the matches as far toward him as I could. They landed safe. He picked them up and waved his hand. ”

“ Think of us there, and then think about the hotel being shut up and ready to fall down—and us hungry and likely to keep on being hungry, with no chance to get anything to eat. It had cost each of us close to twenty dollars railroad fare to get there, and it would cost that much to get home again—with nothing to show for it. Why, the jokers at the grocery would never have done laughing at us! Life would be close to unbearable, and Mark Tidd’s reputation for smartness would be hit so hard it would pretty nearly be a total wreck. ”

“ Mrs. Tidd always figgered on sendin’ him at least twice for anything—and then, ’most generally, she had to send one of us boys to git it, after all. And he was rich. Made so much money out of inventin’ a turbine engine that he’s got a bank full of it. But you’d never think it. Why, him and Mrs. Tidd lives just like they did when he didn’t have two dollars to his name. He dresses just the same, and she won’t even keep a hired girl. Fine folks, I can tell you, and us fellows think a heap of them.
“Well,” says Mark, “what’ll we d-do this evenin’?” ”

“ It’s somethin’ to git all of that you kin, and to let go of as little of as you got to. If you got a dollar, why, you got a dollar; if you up and spend it, what you got then? Nothin’ but vain regrets, says I.”
“Right,” says Mr. Wiggamore. “I see you are a wise man, and I like to do business with wise men. I’m sure I shall find much work for you, for I need men who think the way you do.”
“Much obleeged,” says Jason, purring like a tabby-cat laying in a sunbeam. You could ’most see him hump up his back to be scratched. “The only thing I don’t take to about this here is that Mark Tidd is in it. ”

“ He was just getting the man that owned the big mill in Bostwick on the wire.
“Hello!” says he. “Hello! This is Mark Tidd, of Wicksville. I want to speak to the b-b-boss.” He waited a minute, listening. “No, not him,” he says. “The man that owns it. Mr. Rushmore.” In another minute he spoke again. “Hello! Mr. Rushmore? Mornin’, Mr. Rushmore! This here is Mark Tidd, of Wicksville. Remember me?”
I guess Mr. Rushmore remembered him, because Mark went right along talking.
“I got them p-p-prices figgered out. We been manufacturin’ r-right along, and we kin ship a car-load to-day. Eh? ”

“ This Mark Tidd made an interesting start.”
“Let ’em go ahead,” says the fat director, and he nodded to Mark.
“Well,” says Mark, slow and careful and sort of hand-picking every word to get a good sound one without wormholes in it, “well, we got it into our heads that the Middle-West Power Company must have honest men runnin’ it, and that they wouldn’t be likely to stand for cheatin’ and underhand work. We b-believed that business couldn’t go on if that wasn’t so, and we come to find out. ”

“ He got to one end just as I got to the other. I jerked and he jerked, but he was strongest. For myself I wasn’t afraid, for whenever I wanted to I could turn tail and swim to safety, but I didn’t want those men to have that canoe, so I set my heels and tugged like a good one.
It wasn’t any good. Little by little he jerked me toward the shore, and I was about ready to give up when I heard a sharp little spat, and the Jap let out a squeal. Right after came another spat, and I saw Mark Tidd taking aim with his slingshot. Now Mark was about the best shot with a sling in Michigan. ”

“ Well, Mark and I started out then to get our eyes on Tod Nodder and to keep them on him. He wasn’t so easy to find as we thought he would be. Maybe that was because there was a man in town trying to hire folks to do some work on the railroad. Tod would hide away from such a man harder than he would hide from a tribe of scalping Indians. He wasn’t at any of the usual loafing-places, and at the livery-stable where he ’most generally slept they said they hadn’t seen him since daylight. They said he started off somewheres about four o’clock in the morning. ”

“ We knew he must have his eyes right there, looking, so Mark went to the door of the arbor and stood there quiet. Pekoe couldn’t miss seeing him any more than he could miss seeing the new post-office in town if he was standing right in front of it. That’s one good thing about being fat—it’s easy for folks to see you when you want them to. But, on the other hand, it’s hard to hide from folks you want to keep away from.
Mark looked at the house careful, but Jethro wasn’t in sight.
“Rock,” he says, “you and Plunk go to the kitchen and yell to Jethro that you’re hungry. ”