Amelia E. Barr

“ He never kissed her hands and her hair, her cheeks and her lips, as Roland did. He never said to her, “You are fit to be a duchess or a queen; you sing like a nightingale and charm my soul out of me, and you have hands and feet like a fairy.” Poor Tris! He was stupid and silent. He could only look and sigh, or, if he did manage to speak, he was sure to plunge into such final questions as, “Denas, will you marry me? When will you marry me?” Or to tell her of his stone cottage, and his fine boat, and the money he had in the St. Merryn’s Savings Bank. ”

“ Burrell, were all that morning governed in some degree by Roland’s evilly spent sovereign; and he far off in London was in the hey-day of his honeymoon with Denas. They were so gay, so thoughtless and happy that people turned to look at them as they wandered through the bazars or stood laughing before the splendid windows in Regent Street. Many an old man and woman smiled sympathetically at them; for all the world loves a lover, and none could tell that these lovers had forfeited their right to sympathy by stealing their pleasure from those who ought to have shared it with them. ”

“ And it is in such holy, exalted atmospheres that love reaches its sweetest, fairest strength and bloom. Tris had no need of words. Words would have blundered, and hampered, and darkened all he had to say. One look at Denas as they closed the book together––one look as he held her hand on the door-step, and she knew more than words could ever have said. She saw through his eyes to the bottom of his clear, honest soul, and she knew that he loved her as men love who find in one woman only the song of life, the master-key of all their being. ”

“ And when a girl has set her face toward a wrong road, nothing is sadder in life than the general certainty there is that every small event will urge her forward on it. Usually the home-coming of Denas was watched for and seen afar off, and some special dainty was simmering on the hob for her refreshment. There was all the pleasant flurry that belongs to love’s warm welcome. But she had delayed her return in order to spend the evening with Roland, and the environments of the morning had not the same air of easy happiness that attaches itself to the evening hours. ”

“ Money in the bank is all the comfort to the material life that a good conscience is to the moral life. Joan was restored to her best self by the confidence her child had given her, and John entering his cottage in the midst of a happy discussion between Denas, Tris, and his wife, felt as if the weight of twenty years suddenly dropped away from him. He thought it was Tris who brought the sunshine, and he rejoiced in it, and induced the young man to tell them about the yacht’s trip and the old cities on the Mediterranean which he had visited. ”

“ Mind that! ’Twill be a bad hour for Roland Tresham if I see him making love to my girl again.”
“He didn’t say a word of love to me, father.”
“Aw, then, he was looking it––more shame to him, not to give looks words.”
“Cannot a man look at a pretty girl? I call that nonsense, father.”
“Roland Tresham can’t look at you, Denas, any more as I saw him looking at you to-night––bold and free, and sure and laughing to his own heart for the clever he was, and the devil in his eyes and on his tongue. ’Twas all wrong, my dear, or I wouldn’t be feeling so hot and angry about it. ”

“ A man can love what others love, but a woman wants something or someone to love that is all her own. And she was interested enough in Tris’ return to dress with more than usual care that evening. She felt sure he would come, and she put on her best black gown and did not brush the ripples out of her front hair, but let the tiny tendrils soften the austere gravity of her face and make that slight shadow behind the ears which is so womanly and becoming.
About seven o’clock she heard his footsteps on the shingle and the gay whistle to which they timed themselves. ”

“ Yes, it is the living who desert us that make lonely rooms, and not the dead. We know the dead will never come back, but oh, how long it seems to wait for the living! Month after month to keep the room ready for the one who does not come for our longing! Month after month to dress the bed and the table, and lay out the books they loved, and the little treasures that may tell they were unforgotten. Joan looked at the small dressing-table holding the shell box, and the satin pincushion, and the alabaster vase which Denas had once thought beautiful beyond price. ”

“ Tresham?” said Ada. “Sorrow is for the living, not for the dead.”
“Oh, it is not enough to be seen by the living! I want the dead to know that I grieve! When I have wept on my mother’s breast and knelt at my father’s feet, I shall still long for poor Roland to know that I am sorry for the cross looks and cross words and all the petty discomforts which drove him from me––drove him to death before his time; that is the cruellest thing of all.” ”

“ Denas had a silk robe on and a little pink opera cloak. Her long pale gloves and her bouquet of white roses were by her side. Roland was in full evening dress. Their eyes flashed; their cheeks flamed with pleasant anticipations. They rose from their dinner with smiles and whispered love-words; and Roland 160 ordered with the air of a lord, “A carriage for the opera.”
From John and Joan these events were mercifully hidden. It is only God who can bear the awful light of omniscience and of omnipresence. The things we cannot see! The things we never know! ”

“ Roland certainly, with his discontent and abiding sense of wrong, threw a perpetual shadow over life. She did not even dare to take, with any show of pleasure, such poor satisfaction as her passing fame awarded. A man may be jealous of the praise given to his own wife, and there were times when Roland could not understand Denasia’s success and his own failure––bitter hours in which the poor girl felt that whether she pleased her audience or did not please them, her husband was sure to be offended and angry. ”

“ Every hour of the day brought something to discuss, to exclaim over, to wonder about, to select, to try on. Notes and flowers, and sweetmeats, and presents of all kinds were continually reminding Elizabeth of her lover; and she grew beautiful and generous in the sunshine of such a magnificent love. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday passed like a happy dream. On Saturday evening Denas was to return home until after the Sabbath. For Saturday night and Sunday were John’s holiday, and a poor one indeed it would be to him without his daughter. Nor was Denas averse to go home. ”

“ Even Elizabeth’s revelation 32 to her of her own splendid matrimonial hopes was favourable to Roland’s arguments; for if it was a thing for congratulating and rejoicing that Elizabeth should marry a man so much richer than herself, where was it wrong for Denas to love one supposed to be socially and financially her superior?
Before they were half-way to the shingle Roland felt that he had won. The conviction gave him a new kind of power––the power all women delight to acknowledge; the sweet dictation, the loving tyranny that claims every thought of the beloved. ”

“ She could not bear to crush the paper together; she opened a drawer and laid it as gently within as if she had been putting her baby in its coffin. At this hour there was no anger in her heart; there was even a little motherly pride in her child’s beauty and grace and cleverness. At this extremity of ill-doing she did not altogether blame Denas. She was certain that before Denas danced, some one had somehow persuaded the girl that it was not wicked to dance. “Denas do have principles,” she said stiffly, “and the man do not live who can make her do wickedly if she do think it be wicked.” ”

“ And the exquisite morning, the thrushes singing to the sun, the fluting of the blackbirds, the south wind swinging the blue-bells, the mystical murmur of the sea––all these things set themselves unconsciously to his overweening self-satisfaction.
The door of the Penelles cottage was wide open, and he stood a moment looking into it. The place had an Homeric simplicity and beauty which touched his sense of fitness. On the snow-white hearth there was a handful of red fire, and the bright black hob held the shining kettle. ”

“ It is true the fond assurances of Denas had somewhat pacified his suspicions, but he was not altogether satisfied. When Denas declared that Roland had not made love to her, John felt certain that the girl was in some measure deceiving him––perhaps deceiving herself; for he could not imagine her to be guilty of a deliberate lie. Alas! lying is the vital air of secret love, and a girl must needs lie who hides from her parents the object and the course of her affections. ”

“ I shall lace your white satin boots, and fasten your white satin dress, and drape the lace, and clasp the gems, and make your bride-bouquet. I shall stay upstairs while you are at church and lay ready your travelling costume and see that Adèle packs your trunks properly; and when you go away I shall fasten your cloak, and tie your bonnet, and button your gloves, and then go away myself; for there will be no one here then that likes me and nothing at all for me to do.”
And this programme, made with a little heartache and sense of love’s failure, Denas faithfully carried out. ”

“ Every pleasure I had was tithed by sorrow. Roland loved me, but I brought him only disappointment. I loved Roland, and yet all my efforts to make him happy were failures. Roland has been taken from me. Our child has been taken away from me. Elizabeth I have put away––death could not sever us more effectually. I am going back to my own people and my own life, and I pray God to give me a contented heart in it. ”

“ And Denas was stooping to her mother and kissing the happy tears off her face, and the conversation was only in those single words that are too sweet to mix with other words; until Joan, with that womanly instinct that never fails in such extremities, began to bring into the excited tone those tender material cares that make love possible and life-like.
“Oh, my darling,” she cried, “your little feet 300 be dripping wet, and you be hungry, I know, and we will have a cup of tea. And, Denas, there be such a pie in the cupboard. ”

“ Lanhearne the old gentleman said: “This is Ada’s church. As the door is open let us enter and wait for prayers.” So out of the rush and crush of Broadway the old and the young man turned into the peace of the temple. And as they entered Ada rose up from before the altar, and with a pale, rapt face glided into the solitude of her own pew. Neither spoke of the circumstance, but on Roland’s mind it made a deep impression. At that hour he realised how beautiful a thing is true religion and how holy a thing is a woman pure of heart, calmly radiant from the very presence of God. ”

“ Her cry so full of anguish brought him back to her side; but his purpose had taken full possession of him; only he left her with those kisses and promises which women somehow manage to live upon. He still loved her in his way of loving, but his way demanded so many pleasant accidentals that it was impossible for Denasia always to provide them. And yet, having once realised, in a great measure, his ideal of her value to his happiness, he did feel that her sudden break-down in health was a failure he ought to show disapproval of.
However, there was method even in Roland’s selfish plans. ”

“ If you cannot trust your little maid, father, then do not let her go at all. If people could hear you talk they would say, ‘What a bad girl John Penelles has! He dare not let her go to see her friend if there be a young man in the house.’ ’Tis a shame, isn’t it, mother?”
“I think it be, Denas. Father isn’t so cruel suspicious as that, my dear. Are you, father?”
And what could John answer? Though sorely against his feeling and his judgment, he was induced to agree that Denas ought perhaps to call once on the bride. ”

“ And when death or sorrow tears from life the mask of daily custom, then, without regard to the accidents of birth, we behold ourselves, all alike sad seekers among the shadows after light and peace.
And undoubtedly sympathy is like mercy; it blesses those who give it as well as those who receive. As Ada and Denas talked of the great mysteries of life and death, their souls felt the thrill of comradeship. ”

“ She came back from the strife weak as a baby. Her clear, shrill voice was a whisper. She could 233 not lift a finger. It was an exhausting effort to open her eyes. A new-born child was in every respect more alive and more self-helpful, for Denasia could not by look or whisper make a complaint or a request. She was only not dead. The convalescence from such a sickness was necessarily long and tiresome. The fondest heart, the most unselfish nature must at times have felt the strain too great to be borne. Roland changed completely under it. ”

“ There was room in her eyes, light upon her face, strength and mature grace in her tall figure––the grace of a woman who has grown up like a forest tree in fresh air and winds and liberty––the physical grace that never comes by the dancing-master. And her print dress and white kerchief and neatly braided hair seemed as much a part of her charm as the thatched roof, the yellow stone-wort, and the dainty little mother of millions creeping over the roof and walls were a part of the picturesque cottage. ”

“ Joan had not seen Roland and Denas as he had seen them; no one had troubled Joan as he had been troubled. For something often gives to a loving heart a kind of prescience, when it may be used for wise and saving ends; and John Penelles divined the angry trend of Roland’s thoughts, though it was impossible for him to anticipate the special form that trend would take. ”

“ Just because it was for John Penelles’ little girl, and I thought mayhap she’d take a warning from me. Don’t you read them letters, my dear. If you do, let the words go in at one ear and out of the other. Roland Tresham! he be nothing to trust to! Aw, my dear––a leaky boat––a boat adrift; no man at the helm; no helm to man; no sail; no compass; no anchor; no anything for a woman to trust to! ”

“ And you let her sing for your living! I am amazed at you, Roland!”
“I do not see why. You wanted me to marry Caroline Burrell and let her support me out of the money old Burrell worked for. Denas loves me, and the money she gives me is given with love. Old Burrell never saw me, and if he had I am quite sure he would have hated me and despised me as a fortune-hunter. Denas is a noble little darling. She has never inferred, either by word or look, that she sang for my living. It took you to do that, Elizabeth. Besides, I help Denas to make money. ”

“ Every fisher had now, in an 70 intense degree, the look which always distinguishes him––the look of a man accustomed to reflect and to be ready for emergencies. This year the shoals were so large that boat-loads were caught easily in fifty feet of water.
Then every wife in the hamlet had her hands full and busy from dawn till dark; and Joan went to the work with an exuberant alacrity and good nature. In former years Denas had felt all the enthusiasm of the great sea harvest. ”

“ Pleasure, and hope, and a pretty pride in her husband’s eulogies lent her new physical graces. She was conscious that there were eyes at every window watching Roland and herself leave the house, and she felt certain that their owners were saying: “What a handsome couple! How fond they are of each other! What a wonderful voice she has!”
It is easy to be gay, and even beautiful, to such thoughts; and Roland and Denas reached Signor Maria’s in a glow of good-humour and good hope. ”

“ No gold pays for love, does it, sir?”
John was pleased with her frankness. He knew the value of money, he knew also the moral value of letting Denas earn money. He answered with a candour which brushed away all pretences:
“We be all obliged to you, Miss Tresham. We be all glad that Denas should make money so happily. It will help her own wedding and furnishing, whenever God do send her a good man to love her. It be a great honour to Denas to have your love, but there then! ”

“ Never before in all his life had Roland found business so interesting. He said to Denas, as they talked over the affair at their own fireside, that he thought he also had found his vocation. He felt at home on the stage. He never had felt at home in a bank or in a business office. He was determined to study, and create a few great characters, and become an actor. He felt the power; it was in him, he said complacently. “Now,” he added, “Denas, if you become a great singer and I a great actor, we shall have the world at our feet. And I like actors and those kind of people. ”

“ Put the shoe on your own foot, Elizabeth. You were rude before I left, and I dare swear you were rude, ruder, rudest after you were alone with the girl. For pure spite and ill-nature, a newly married woman beats the devil.”
“Who are you talking to, Roland?”
“To you. I have to talk plainly to you occasionally––birds in their little nests agree, but brothers and sisters do not; in fact, they cannot. For instance, I should be a brute if I agreed with you about Denas.” ”

“ The will be as good as the deed from my little girl. Maybe you are right, too. Dress do go a long way to pleasing.”
“Then good-bye. Kiss me, mother! Kiss me twice! Kiss me again, for father!”
So Joan kissed her child. She smoothed her hair, and straightened her collar, and put in a missed button, and so held her close for a few moments, and kissed her again; and when Denas had reached the foot of the cliff, she was still watching her with the look on her face––the look of a mother who feels as if she still held her child in her arms.
O love! love! love! Is there any sorrow in life like loving? ”