Aristophanes

“ DICAEOPOLIS Nay, nay! have mercy, have mercy, Acharnians. CHORUS You shall die. DICAEOPOLIS Well, blood for blood! I will kill your dearest friend. I have here the hostages of Acharnae; (1) I shall disembowel them. f (1) That is, the baskets of charcoal. CHORUS Acharnians, what means this threat? Has he got one of our children in his house? What gives him such audacity? DICAEOPOLIS Stone me, if it please you; I shall avenge myself on this. (SHOWS A BASKET.) Let us see whether you have any love for your coals. CHORUS Great Gods! this basket is our fellow-citizen. Stop, stop, in heaven's name! ”

“ Besides, Cleon shall not be able to accuse me of attacking Athens before strangers; (1) we are by ourselves at the festival of the Lenaea; the period when our allies send us their tribute and their soldiers is not yet. Here is only the pure wheat without chaff; as to the resident strangers settled among us, they and the citizens are one, like the straw and the ear. I detest the Lacedaemonians with all my heart, and may Posidon, the god of Taenarus, (2) cause an earthquake and overturn their dwellings! ”

“ A figure of Medusa's head, forming the centre of Lamachus' shield. DICAEOPOLIS Oh, Lamachus, great hero! Your plumes and your cohorts terrify me. CHORUS This man, Lamachus, incessantly abuses Athens. LAMACHUS You are but a mendicant and you dare to use language of this sort? DICAEOPOLIS Oh, brave Lamachus, forgive a beggar who speaks at hazard. LAMACHUS But what have you said? Let us hear. DICAEOPOLIS I know nothing about it; the sight of weapons makes me dizzy. Oh! I adjure you, take that fearful Gorgon somewhat farther away. LAMACHUS There. ”

“ MEGARIAN They are born of the same father and mother; let them be fattened, let them grow their bristles, and they will be the finest sows you can offer to Aphrodite. DICAEOPOLIS But sows are not immolated to Aphrodite. MEGARIAN Not sows to Aphrodite! Why, 'tis the only goddess to whom they are offered! the flesh of my sows will be excellent on the spit. DICAEOPOLIS Can they eat alone? They no longer need their mother! ”

“ Never, however, since I began to bathe, has the dust hurt my eyes as it does to-day. Still it is the day of assembly; all should be here at daybreak, and yet the Pnyx (8) is still deserted. They are gossiping in the marketplace, slipping hither and thither to avoid the vermilioned rope. (9) The Prytanes (10) even do not come; they will be late, but when they come they will push and fight each other for a seat in the front row. They will never trouble themselves with the question of peace. Oh! Athens! Athens! ”

“ Never since our poet presented Comedies, has he praised himself upon the stage; but, having been slandered by his enemies amongst the volatile Athenians, accused of scoffing at his country and of insulting the people, to-day he wishes to reply and regain for himself the inconstant Athenians. He maintains that he has done much that is good for you; if you no longer allow yourselves to be too much hoodwinked by strangers or seduced by flattery, if in politics you are no longer the ninnies you once were, it is thanks to him. ”

“ AMPHITHEUS I was hurrying to bring your treaty of truce, but some old dotards from Acharnae (1) got scent of the thing; they are veterans of Marathon, tough as oak or maple, of which they are made for sure—rough and ruthless. They all started a-crying: "Wretch! you are the bearer of a treaty, and the enemy has only just cut our vines!" Meanwhile they were gathering stones in their cloaks, so I fled and they ran after me shouting. f (1) The deme of Acharnae was largely inhabited by charcoal-burners, who supplied the city with fuel. ”

“ We others, now old men and heavy with years, we reproach the city; so many are the victories we have gained for the Athenian fleets that we well deserve to be cared for in our declining life; yet far from this, we are ill-used, harassed with law-suits, delivered over to the scorn of stripling orators. ”

“ The Athenians, momentarily elated by victory and over-persuaded by the demagogues of the day—Cleon and his henchmen, refuse to hear of such a thing as coming to terms. Accordingly Dicaeopolis dispatches an envoy to Sparta on his own account, who comes back presently with a selection of specimen treaties in his pocket. The old man tastes and tries, special terms are arranged, and the play concludes with a riotous and uproarious rustic feast in honour of the blessings of Peace and Plenty. ”

“ DICAEOPOLIS No, no, he will get nothing, even though he gave me his buckler. Let him eat salt fish, while he shakes his plumes, and, if he comes here making any din, I shall call the inspectors. As for myself, I shall take away all these goods; I go home on thrushes' wings and black-birds' pinions. (1) f (1) A parody on some verses from a lost poet. CHORUS You see, citizens, you see the good fortune which this man owes to his prudence, to his profound wisdom. You see how, since he has concluded peace, he buys what is useful in the household and good to eat hot. ”

“ Ah! but if you will not leave the aged in peace, decree that the advocates be matched; thus the old man will only be confronted with a toothless greybeard, the young will fight with the braggart, the ignoble with the son of Clinias; (8) make a law that in the future, the old man can only be summoned and convicted at the courts by the aged and the young man by the youth. f (1) The 'parabasis' in the Old Comedy was a sort of address or topical harangue addressed directly by the poet, speaking by the Chorus, to the audience. ”

“ Apparently the Athenians had sent embassies to all parts of the Greek world to arrange treaties of alliance in view of the struggle with the Lacedaemonians; but only young debauchees of aristocratic connections had been chosen as envoys. LAMACHUS They were elected. DICAEOPOLIS And why do you always receive your pay, when none of these others ever gets any? Speak, Marilades, you have grey hair; well then, have you ever been entrusted with a mission? See! he shakes his head. Yet he is an active as well as a prudent man. ”

“ Our minds and bodies being ravaged with age, Posidon should protect us, yet we have no other support than a staff. When standing before the judge, we can scarcely stammer forth the fewest words, and of justice we see but its barest shadow, whereas the accuser, desirous of conciliating the younger men, overwhelms us with his ready rhetoric ”

“ As for the old men, I know their weakness; they only seek to overwhelm the accused with their votes. (2) Nor have I forgotten how Cleon treated me because of my comedy last year; (3) he dragged me before the Senate and there he uttered endless slanders against me; 'twas a tempest of abuse, a deluge of lies. Through what a slough of mud he dragged me! I almost perished. Permit me, therefore, before I speak, to dress in the manner most likely to draw pity. f (1) Orators in the pay of the enemy. f (2) Satire on the Athenians' addiction to law-suits. ”

“ HERALD You are no man. (1) f (1) The name, Amphitheus, contains (the Greek) word (for) 'god.' AMPHITHEUS No! I am an immortal! Amphitheus was the son of Ceres and Triptolemus; of him was born Celeus. Celeus wedded Phaenerete, my grandmother, whose son was Lucinus, and, being born of him I am an immortal; it is to me alone that the gods have entrusted the duty of treating with the Lacedaemonians. But, citizens, though I am immortal, I am dying of hunger ”

“ This is why the Lacedaemonians offer you peace, if you will cede them Aegina; not that they care for the isle, but they wish to rob you of your poet. (2) As for you, never lose him, who will always fight for the cause of justice in his Comedies; he promises you that his precepts will lead you to happiness, though he uses neither flattery, nor bribery, nor intrigue, nor deceit; instead of loading you with praise, he will point you to the better way. I scoff at Cleon's tricks and plotting; honesty and justice shall fight my cause ”

“ All good things flow towards him unsought. Never will I welcome the god of war in my house; never shall he chant the "Harmodius" at my table; (1) he is a sot, who comes feasting with those who are overflowing with good things and brings all manner of mischief at his heels. ”

“ EURIPIDES Here you are, and now get you gone from this porch. DICAEOPOLIS Oh, my soul! You see how you are driven from this house, when I still need so many accessories. But let us be pressing, obstinate, importunate. Euripides, give me a little basket with a lamp alight inside. EURIPIDES Whatever do you want such a thing as that for? DICAEOPOLIS I do not need it, but I want it all the same. EURIPIDES You importune me; get you gone! DICAEOPOLIS Alas! may the gods grant you a destiny as brilliant as your mother's. (1) f (1) Report said that Euripides' mother had sold vegetables on the market. ”

“ THEORUS If they are given a wage of two drachmae, they will put all Boeotia (1) to fire and sword. f (1) The Boeotians were the allies of Sparta. DICAEOPOLIS Two drachmae to those circumcised hounds! Groan aloud, ye people of rowers, bulwark of Athens! Ah! great gods! I am undone; these Odomanti are robbing me of my garlic! (1) Will you give me back my garlic? f (1) Dicaeopolis had brought a clove of garlic with him to eat during the Assembly. THEORUS Oh! wretched man! do not go near them; they have eaten garlic (1) . ”

“ Cleon the Demagogue was a currier originally by trade. He was the sworn foe and particular detestation of the Knights or aristocratic party generally. DICAEOPOLIS Friends, leave the Laconians out of debate and consider only whether I have not done well to conclude my truce. CHORUS Done well! when you have treated with a people who know neither gods, nor truth, nor faith. DICAEOPOLIS We attribute too much to the Laconians; as for myself, I know that they are not the cause of all our troubles. ”

“ Euripides, my little Euripides, my darling Euripides, listen; never had man greater right to your pity. It is Dicaeopolis of the Chollidan Deme who calls you. Do you hear? EURIPIDES I have no time to waste. DICAEOPOLIS Very well, have yourself wheeled out here. (1) f (1) "Wheeled out"—that is, by means of a mechanical contrivance of the Greek stage, by which an interior was shown, the set scene with performers, etc., all complete, being in some way, which cannot be clearly made out from the descriptions, swung out or wheeled out on to the main stage. ”

“ Here! Boeotian, pick up your pottery. BOEOTIAN Stoop, Ismenias, that I may put it on your shoulder, and be very careful with it. DICAEOPOLIS You carry nothing worth having; however, take it, for you will profit by your bargain; the Informers will bring you luck. A SERVANT OF LAMACHUS Dicaeopolis! DICAEOPOLIS What do you want crying this gait? SERVANT Lamachus wants to keep the Feast of Cups, (1) and I come by his order to bid you one drachma for some thrushes and three more for a Copaic eel. ”

“ If thou wilt drink and bemuse thyself with me, we shall to-morrow consume some good dish in honour of the peace, and I will hang up my buckler over the smoking hearth. f (1) Married women did not join in the processions. f (2) The god of generation, worshipped in the form of a phallus. f (3) A remark which fixes the date of the production of 'The Acharnians,' viz. the sixth year of the Peloponnesian War, 426 B.C. f (4) Lamachus was an Athenian general, who figures later in this comedy. CHORUS It is he, he himself. Stone him, stone him, stone him, strike the wretch. ”

“ Some men (I do not say the city, note particularly that I do not say the city) , some wretches, lost in vices, bereft of honour, who were not even citizens of good stamp, but strangers, have accused the Megarians of introducing their produce fraudulently, and not a cucumber, a leveret, a suck (l) ing pig, a clove of garlic, a lump of salt was seen without its being said, "Halloa! ”

“ What! the clepsydra (4) is to kill the white-haired veteran, who, in fierce fighting, has so oft covered himself with glorious sweat, whose valour at Marathon saved the country! 'Twas we who pursued on the field of Marathon, whereas now 'tis wretches who pursue us to the death and crush us! ”

“ Cranaus, the second king of Athens, the successor of Cecrops. AMBASSADOR For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as men by the barbarians. DICAEOPOLIS Just as here in Athens, we only esteem the most drunken debauchees. ”

“ His son, to whom we gave the freedom of the city, burned with desire to come here and eat chitterlings at the feast of the Apaturia; (2) he prayed his father to come to the aid of his new country and Sitalces swore on his goblet that he would succour us with such a host that the Athenians would exclaim, "What a cloud of grasshoppers!" f (1) The tragic poet. f (2) A feast lasting three days and celebrated during the month Pyanepsion (November) . The Greek word contains the suggestion of fraud. DICAEOPOLIS May I die if I believe a word of what you tell us! ”

“ How well he understands the way to prepare a good dinner! A HUSBANDMAN Ah! woe is me! DICAEOPOLIS Heracles! What have we here? HUSBANDMAN A most miserable man. DICAEOPOLIS Keep your misery for yourself. HUSBANDMAN Ah! friend! since you alone are enjoying peace, grant me a part of your truce, were it but five years. DICAEOPOLIS What has happened to you? HUSBANDMAN I am ruined; I have lost a pair of steers. DICAEOPOLIS How? HUSBANDMAN The Boeotians seized them at Phyle. (1) f (1) A deme and frontier fortress of Attica, near the Boeotian border. DICAEOPOLIS Ah! poor wretch! ”

“ When Athens sent forth an army, the soldiers were usually ordered to assemble at some particular spot with provisions for three days. f (2) These feasts were also called the Anthesteria or Lenaea; the Lenaem was a temple to Bacchus, erected outside the city. They took place during the month Anthesterion (February) . AMPHITHEUS And I shall run away, for I'm mortally afraid of the Acharnians. CHORUS This way all! Let us follow our man; we will demand him of everyone we meet; the public weal makes his seizure imperative. Ho, there! tell me which way the bearer of the truce has gone ”

“ Sacrificial victims were bound to be perfect in every part; an animal, therefore, without a tail could not be offered. MEGARIAN Because it is quite young, but in good time it will have a big one, thick and red. ”

“ An allusion to the paroxysms of rage, as represented in many tragedies familiar to an Athenian audience, of Orestes, the son of Agamemnon, after he had killed his mother. f (2) No doubt the comic poet, rival of Aristophanes. SLAVE OF LAMACHUS Slaves of Lamachus! Water, water in a little pot! Make it warm, get ready cloths, cerate greasy wool and bandages for his ankle. In leaping a ditch, the master has hurt himself against a stake; he has dislocated and twisted his ankle, broken his head by falling on a stone, while his Gorgon shot far away from his buckler. ”