Arnold Bennett

“ Cedric. My dear, in this outpouring of wisdom I, too, must have my share. Common-sense will solve any problem—any!—always provided it is employed simultaneously with politeness. During a long and varied career as a bachelor, dear spouse (mock platform manner) , I have noticed that marriage is usually the death of politeness between a man and a woman. I have noticed that the stronger the passion the weaker the manners. Now, my theory is that politeness, instead of decreasing with intimacy—should increase! And when I say "politeness" I mean common, superficial politeness. ”

“ Flora. My dear. I'm only trying to fall in with your wish to turn this affair into a tragedy. If it is a tragedy, the first act occurred this morning. As I told Cedric this morning, we've stumbled across a question of vital principle. Is our marriage to be the most important thing in our lives, or isn't it? If it is, then nothing less than an earthquake could possibly disturb the honeymoon, because I suppose you'll admit the honeymoon is the most urgent part of matrimony. If our marriage is not to be the most important thing in our lives—all right! ”

“ But I don't give way now against my judgment—I give way with it.
Flora. But how has your judgment altered? Why?
Cedric. I don't know. How do people's judgments alter? I gradually saw the force of what you'd said. Of course a man's marriage must come in front of everything else! Of course the idea of letting any business matter interfere with the honeymoon is monstrous! I cannot imagine how it was I couldn't see that yesterday. The only explanation is that up to yesterday I'd never lived for anything except my job. Force of habit! One has to get a bit used to a new state of affairs. ”

“ I suppose I am too English.
Flora. Well, I don't see myself in a Paris hotel as the bride of the most celebrated English aviator, and the daughter-in-law of the most celebrated English lady-novelist. I do not! (With a characteristic gesture.) Mobbed isn't the word for what we should be.
Cedric. (Gazing at her.) You must have noticed that I'm not what you'd call gushing. I've known myself go for a month without using a single superlative; but really, my most dear girl, my Fluffiest, when you strike an attitude like that, you're more marvellously and ineffably adorable than ever. ”

“ Cedric. But the fact is I wasn't going to make any comparison at all between our respective lines. I was only going to point out that you can keep on being charming all the time. You're always charming; you're always doing your line. Whereas for my line I have to choose times and seasons—or rather I don't choose 'em, they're chosen for me, as, for instance, just now. Wherever we are, honeymoon or no honeymoon, you're—well, you're giving an exhibition flight.
Flora. Now, Cedric, your good nature's getting the better of your sincerity. I'm not always charming. Ask your dear mother. ”

“ Cedric! (Mrs. Reach Haslam looks at her husband, as if expecting him majestically to reprove his son.) I wish you'd play with something else for a change.
Mrs. R. Haslam. I speak kindly, but I speak plainly, and I'm not ashamed of doing so. I say one of the most celebrated men in England. Indeed, it wouldn't surprise me to learn that among the masses of the people Cedric is better known even than I am myself.
Cedric. Mater, I'm off!
Mr. R. Haslam. (Severely to him.) You'll kindly stay where you are. There are times when one ought to be frank. (Still very courteously and quietly to Flora.) ”

“ Cedric. The fact is I've always had a very distinct theory about honeymoons. Far from the madding crowd is a mistake on a honeymoon.... Solitude! Wherever you are, if you're on a honeymoon, you'll get quite as much solitude as is good for you every twenty-four hours. Constant change and distraction—that's what wants arranging for. Solitude will arrange itself.
Flora. I didn't expect this from you, dear. ”

“ Cedric. Go where?
Flora. (Innocently.) To Chelmsford, of course. Isn't there a newspaper train about a quarter past five?
Cedric. (Shaking his head in a maze.) I'm dashed if I know where I am——
Flora. I'm dashed if you are quite wide awake, my poor boy. Can't you see how amply you've proved that you look on marriage as seriously as any woman could desire—more [Pg 120] seriously than any woman ought to desire. Last night you hesitated to sacrifice your aeroplane to me. ”

“ Bennett writes novels as Fielding, Smollett, Dickens, Thackeray wrote them—out of the abundance of his imagination, out of an inordinate eagerness to produce human life in all its profusion."—Daily News.
"The man is immense. In point of sheer observation, revelation of character, fictional interpretation, and, above all, in the objective attitude towards his art, Mr. Bennett stands on this work supreme in English literature. His technique is consummate. His detail and paring work, his dramatic sense, his subtlety, his penetration—these things fill one with wonder."—English Review. ”

“ Cedric. Well, a marriage can't be broken off like—like this! It's unthinkable. What would any unprejudiced outsider say, if he was asked? He'd say we were off our blooming heads. The thing simply won't bear examination. (Moves towards her.) Come——
Flora. And I'm to be carried by storm?.... Great saving of argument!
Cedric. Now listen——
Flora. Well?
Cedric. Will you talk man to man? Straight?
Flora. As one honest Injun to another!
Cedric. (Picking up a dish off the table.) If you make one more joke, I'll smash every darned bit of crockery on this table. ”

“ Flora. Shall you? I can only do my best when I've got the undivided attention of my audience. I hope I should never come quite to earth, but I don't see myself being unique in my line for the benefit of a man who is busy (with the faintest touch of irony in her tone) counting the misfires in his motor, or dreaming about the barometer.
Cedric. Naturally, if you don't see the importance of this Snowdon business to us——
Flora. (Consciously very charming again.) But I do see it perfectly well. A woman unique in her own line is not necessarily a gaping idiot in every other line. ”

“ Cedric. All right, all right!
Flora. Because I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. The thing that's—that's really upset our applecart may seem perfectly childish to the unprejudiced outsider. But I don't propose to [Pg 108] consult the unprejudiced outsider. Might as well take the case before a jury and engage a couple of K.C.'s. You know as well as I know that it isn't perfectly childish. It isn't childish at all. Its fundamental. We've been unlucky. But then in another sense we've been lucky. We're free. We aren't tied, thank Heaven. ”

“ Flora. You're pulling away at that cigar of yours, but I suppose you know it isn't lighted.
Cedric. Isn't it? (As he lights the cigar.) No! This Snowdon business. Well, it's a [Pg 31] symbol (half to himself) . I wonder how I can make you understand that.
Flora. (Fascinatingly.) Oh! Force is unnecessary, I understand that. But who was it said just now that the honeymoon was a symbol? It stands for all our married life. It's the most exciting and interesting time we shall ever have. And you can't put a honeymoon off, you know. ”

“ You're in love with a man who's been an ass—that's all. But you are in love with him. Moreover, he's ceased to be an ass!... Now, Flora, one ass is enough. Are you going to listen to reason or not?
Flora. But your mother——
Cedric. (Picking up a piece of crockery and dashing it violently to the ground; then, controlling himself, after a pause, in a low, tense voice.) My mother be blowed!
(A pause. Mr. and Mrs. Reach Haslam appear at the house-door. They show surprise at the spectacle of Flora and Cedric with an appealing undecided gesture.)
Flora. (Advancing to meet Cedric.) Cedric! ”

“ Not a bit. Of course I don't. I mean the way they treat me. Here Cedric's a perfect duke, in his own line. But will he have me on the works? Not much. Says I must strike out for myself, and all sorts of tommyrot. And in the end I'm set to night-work like a blooming nigger. People might think we were hard up for five quid a week, instead of simply rolling in coin—rolling in it! Why shouldn't I go round the world or something! I'm only twenty-two.
Flora. That all?
Charles. I go out and work all night. Then I come home and discover Cedric couldn't find anything better to do than eat my supper. ”

“ Flora. What do you mean?
Cedric. Some things a man can't do.
Flora. Do you sit there and say that if I hadn't cut the knot, you'd have gone on, and you'd have let me go on, with a marriage you didn't believe in? Because you're a man, and there are some things a man can't do! Can't a man show as much pluck as a woman? That does settle it! (Controlling herself.)
[Pg 94]
Mrs. R. Haslam. Flora, you'll regret you've thrown Cedric over. You'll certainly want to come back to him.
Flora. (Disdainfully.) Shall I! (Politely.) Good-night, Mrs. Haslam.
Mrs. R. Haslam. But where are you going? ”

“ When you begin to figure prominently in the life of your country, Flora, you'll understand, perhaps, a little better than you do now that newspaper reporters, whatever their sex, simply will not be denied. They reside on the doorstep. ”

“ I'm quite humble. I fully admit that if Hyde Park were full of aviators and Battersea Park were full of charming young women, rather pretty and—er—chic— (gesture to show off her frock) —I fully admit that not a man among you would ever dream—of [Pg 34] crossing the river. I fully admit that if every aviator in Europe gave up business to-morrow the entire world would go into mourning, whereas if all the charming women retired from business they'd never be missed. Still——
Cedric. (Appreciative.) You're a witty girl——
Flora. We're both rather witty, aren't we, at times? ”

“ Flora. Because in an argument I always begin rather well, but in the end I'm apt to get beaten. So I just stop, especially when I know I'm right. I'm a short distance woman. All I say is—can you imagine me—me, running off to Ostend with a man who had sacrificed his career, and Snowdon, and all England, unwillingly, in order to go ... what gay little suppers we should have together!
Mrs. R. Haslam. One day, perhaps when it's too late, you'll realise that a wife's first duty, and therefore her greatest joy, is to help her husband. ”

“ Mr. R. Haslam. Pardon me. "Like" is too strong a word. My wife prefers to be mentioned as "Mrs. Reach Haslam," simply—don't you, dear? One doesn't expect to read in the papers "Mr. Balfour, the talented statesman," "Lord Northcliffe, the talented statesman." One expects only "Mr. Balfour," "Lord Northcliffe."
Mrs. R. Haslam. (Waving him graciously into [Pg 91] silence. To Flora.) I willingly admit, dear, that in its origin a talent—like mine, if you insist—is a gift from heaven. But what years of study are necessary to perfect it! Whereas mere beauty, charm——
Flora. ”

“ Personal vanity is very misleading.
Flora. Oh! It is.
Mrs. R. Haslam. Your attitude might be more defensible if you were a different kind of woman. I don't say it would be more defensible, but it might be.
Cedric. Oh, look here, mater——
Mrs. R. Haslam. Cedric, may I venture to converse in my own study?
Flora. (To Cedric.) Don't you understand that this is not your act? (Rising.) How a different kind of woman?
Mrs. R. Haslam. (Quietly courteous.) I mean, if you brought more to the marriage.
Flora. Money? I'm not rich, but you see I'm rich enough to despise ten thousand pounds.
Mrs. R. Haslam. ”

“ Oh! honeymoon. Dull place. Fresh married English people demand generally dull place.
[Pg 20]
(Flora collapses and exit hurriedly into the garden, L. Cedric, with more leisurely dignity, lights a cigarette and is about to follow her when he stops and turns.)
Cedric. By the way, I don't think we shall stay long.
Gaston. (After looking at Flora in the garden, impartially and cheerfully.) It is strange how English people have shame of being married. One would say it was a crime in England. A young man and young lady in English hotel—they like better that one should think they not married. ”

“ His mind is free for pleasure, now—it wasn't before—and so in order to enjoy himself for a month he'd sacrifice any principles. Just like a man, that is! And there's something else. He was so desperately and madly anxious to have me that he told another simply appalling cold-blooded fib. ”

“ Flora. It is. But I can't help thinking that if circumstances oughtn't to prevent a man from going to a funeral, they oughtn't to prevent him from going to his own honeymoon.
Cedric. I hope you won't lose sight of the fact that I gave way to you absolutely about five hours ago.
Mr. R. Haslam. That's the trouble.
Mrs. R. Haslam. Father!
Mr. R. Haslam. Yes, that's the trouble, [Pg 84] because his giving way to her is a proof that he didn't share her views. What Flora objects to in Cedric is not what he does, but what he thinks. She seems to me to have no use for free-thinking in a husband. ”

“ After ten years I thought it advisable for him to give up the law. How much did I pay income-tax on last year, dear?
[Pg 85]
Mr. R. Haslam. Nineteen thousand four hundred pounds.
Mrs. R. Haslam. I don't boast, but you see what comes of trying to do one's wifely duty!
Flora. Some women can do nothing but earn money. (Cedric begins playing mechanically with an object on the table.) I can only spend it. Two different talents! If I had a hundred pounds to throw away at this moment, I know what I should spend it on—— (A pause. She looks round; exerting all her wayward charm.) ”

“ Now, have I told you that our marriage isn't going to be like ordinary marriages—I mean, really?
Cedric. Well, you haven't exactly told me, but you've allowed me to suspect the fact.
Flora. Most marriages, and especially most [Pg 17] honeymoons, are third-rate simply because the people concerned in them don't bring their bit of common-sense to bear on the problems that are (mock platform manner) —er—continually arising. (Laughing.) I intend to keep my bit of common-sense healthy by constant exercise. Common-sense, steadily applied, will solve any problem. ”