Arthur Wing Pinero

“ Nicko——!
Jeyes.
After a further pause. Ah, well—! With a deep sigh. Ah, well! To Farncombe, resignedly. Farncombe, I—I’m afraid I’m a shocking brute. I—I got carried away. Forget—forget the things I’ve said of this girl. Forget ’em, will yer? Starting to his feet. And look here! A man who isn’t a sportsman deserves to be shot. You’ve won her; I’ve lost her. Congratulate yer, old chap; congratulate yer! Pulling on his cap. Take care of her, that’s all; m-m-mind you take care of her!
He turns towards the door and she jumps up and runs to him and seizes his arm. Farncombe also rises.
Lily. ”

“ Lily.
Rising, sternly. I am very much obliged to you. Walking away from him again. I dare say Mr. Roper will see me home—and Mr. de Castro—and Mr. Bland——
Farncombe.
Following her, unhappily. I—I hope—I—I hope I haven’t offended you.
Lily.
Not in the least; in a frigid tone only I am in the habit of relying on old friends for those little services.
Stidulph enters from the landing and again wanders to the counter and to the cigarettes. The “Mind the Paint” air, to the time of a Two Step, is played in the distance. ”

“ Pulling off his cap, Jeyes advances to the table in the centre, glaring at Farncombe. Lily closes the door sharply and also advances, speaking volubly to Farncombe as she comes forward. Captain Jeyes is in the habit of bringing me home from the theatre after my work; and a long while ago I gave him a latch-key to carry on his key-ring, so that he could let me into my house whenever I’d forgotten my own key. He hasn’t the slightest right to use it at any other time; nobody knows that better than he does. ”

“ I am a little. Jeyes turns from her, to lay his hat and cane upon the box-ottoman, and then Farncombe, who has hung back, advances hesitatingly to the further side of the centre table and bows to Lily. She rises and, avoiding his eyes, gives him a limp hand across the table. How d’ye do? To Jeyes who, having got rid of his hat and cane, moves away from the ottoman. Sit down, won’t you? She resumes her seat upon the settee and Jeyes, with a nod, sits in the arm-chair by the centre table. Farncombe remains standing and again she addresses him without meeting his eyes. ”

“ Enid is a long, spare-figured girl with the lissom walk of a dancer; Tavish and Shirley are tall, clean-shaven men of gentlemanlike appearance. Von Rettenmayer makes for Enid eagerly and is followed, at a more moderate pace, by Heneage, Grimwood, and de Castro, and by Fulkerson bringing Farncombe. ”

“ We were young, they were beautiful—or we thought ’em 177 so; but the majority of us weren’t vicious, any more than the majority of the girls were—though many of ’em were mighty calculating. It would have been better for us men if all the girls had been wicked; the glamour, the infatuation, the folly, would have been sooner over, and one of us at least would have had a different tale to tell.
Jeyes pauses, gazing at the floor, Farncombe moves impatiently on the ottoman and Lily seats herself upon the settee. ”

“ Jeyes.
“Will you allow me to remain behind for a few minutes with Miss Jimmie after the others have gone? I know I am presuming a lot, but I cannot leave you till I have asked you the most important question a man can put to a woman. Farncombe.”
Lily.
Breathless. Written here—on my note-paper—while I was out of the room! It came on me like a thunder-clap! Ah! Ah! Ah! Jeyes sits upon the settee, staring at the carpet. And Morrie Cooling and Lal will tell you that I hadn’t a notion that Lord Farncombe was to be at the supper last night, or any of the boys; not a notion. ”

“ And afterwards—you fetch her from the theatre and take her home. That’s your job.
Lily.
Rising. Oh——!
Farncombe goes out on to the landing with Jeyes and parts from him at the top of the stairs. Then Farncombe slowly returns, closes the door, and finds Lily sitting upon the settee in a woeful attitude.
Farncombe.
Coming to Lily and standing before her, thoughtfully. Lily——
Lily.
Feebly. Eh—eh——?
Farncombe.
I’m afraid there’s one thing finer than winning the woman you love and, when you’ve won her, being prepared to go through fire and water for her. ”

“ Olga is in a dark gown and Evangeline is wearing a rather elaborate head-dress. Instantly there is a movement in the direction of the new arrivals on the part of Roper, Heneage, and Grimwood. De Castro and Fulkerson follow, Fulkerson still leading Farncombe about with him. Mrs. Stidulph turns from Enid disdainfully and joins Nita and Daphne at the fireplace. Tavish and Shirley also move to the left, where they come upon Stidulph and shake hands with him, while Von Rettenmayer and Enid, the latter flushed with victory, seat themselves upon the settee on the right. ”

“ He might rave about a girl who’s a jolly sight less deserving of being raved about, as a girl and an artist, than I am.
Jeyes.
Well, we’ll dismiss Heneage.
Lily.
Yes, exit Stewie and enter somebody else for you fuss and fume about. This afternoon it’s Lord 62 Farncombe, and to-morrow it’ll be a fresh person altogether. One ’ud think, to hear you, that I don’t know how to take care of myself, and of any poor boy who loses his head over me! Rising and walking away. You’re growing worse and worse with your jealousy, Nicko. Stop it! ”

“ How honoured we felt, we men, in those days, at knowing some of the Pandora girls, and having the privilege of supping ’em and standing ’em dinner on Sunday evenings! If they’d been royal princesses we couldn’t have been more elated. ”

“ In the wall facing the spectator are two windows, and midway between the windows there is the entrance to a conservatory. The conservatory, which is seen beyond, is of the kind that is built out over the portico of a front-door, and is plentifully stocked with flowers and hung with a velarium and green sun-blinds. In the right-hand wall there is another window and, nearer the spectator, a console-table supporting a high mirror; and in the wall on the left, opposite the console-table, there is a double-door opening into the room, the further half of which only is used. ”

“ Enid.
No, no; we’ll let ourselves out. Leaving Lily. Till to-night!
Lily.
Till to-night! Shaking hands with the men. Ta-ta; ta-ta; ta-ta!
The Men.
Ta-ta! Ta-ta! Ta-ta!
Von Rettenmayer.
Kissing her hand slyly. Goddess!
Lily.
To Bland, in a whisper. Take care of Bertie. Everybody moves to the door, except Lily who remains standing in the middle of the room. Some are on the landing, some in the doorway, when she calls to Roper and Jimmie. Uncle Lal! Jimmie! I want to speak to you two for a second. Roper and Jimmie detach themselves from the rest and return. Oh—and Lord Farncombe! ”

“ Roper.
Exactly. Catani’s and a top, back bedroom in Jermyn Street, and hanging about the Pandora; that’s Nicko Jeyes’s life.
Farncombe.
He’s an old friend of Mrs. Upjohn’s and Miss Parradell’s too, isn’t he?
Roper.
Evasively. Known ’em some time. That’s it; Lily’s so faithful to her old friends.
Farncombe.
Smiling. You oughtn’t to complain of that.
Roper.
Oh, but I’m a real friend. I’ve always been a patron of the musical drama—it’s my fad; and I’ve kept an eye on Lily from the moment she sprang into prominence— singing “Mind the paint! Mind the paint!” 8 —looked after her like a father. ”

“ Jimmie.
As Roper leaves her to go to the table, her mouth full of cake. Boys! Choking. Heugh, heugh, heugh! Wait a minute; I’ve swallowed some of the Baron’s German. Gulping. B-oys, seriously—no rot— raising her tea-cup jolly good health to Lily! There is a cry of approbation from Bland, Von Rettenmayer, de Castro and Roper. Farncombe fetches himself a cup of tea from the tea-table. She’s a white woman, Lily is—the staunchest, truest pal, where she takes a liking——
Bland, Von Rettenmayer, de Castro, and Roper. ”

“ Stidulph.
Fanning herself. I suppose he can’t find the artists; that’s it. If you don’t have the artists—! Shutting up her fan. You recollect my “Polly Taggart” in The Merry Milliner?
Von Rettenmayer.
Stifling a yawn. Gharming; gharming.
Farncombe is bending over Lily while she is eating her ice and they are talking lightly but intently. Gabrielle, finding that she is “out of it,” rises with a pout and, carrying her plate, joins the ladies and men who are at the fireplace. Bland enters with Jimmie at the door on the left. ”

“ Farncombe.
Groaning. Oh-h-h-h!
Lily.
Retreating a step or two. Thank God Nicko came along! Thank God Nicko came along! What was it his mother called us girls? A menace to society; creatures to be dreaded, and prayed against! You see I was right in wishing to protect you for your mammy’s sake as well as your own. But, oh—thank God Nicko came along! He sits suddenly upon the 186 settee and covers his face with his hands. She returns to him quickly. Ah, don’t do that; don’t do that! Touching his hands. Eddie! Eddie! I’m not worth it. Eddie! With an effort, he lifts his head. Listen. ”

“ Lily.
Pleased. Ha, ha! Oh, I’m not chucking mud at myself really. Why should I! Many a woman ’ud feel as vain as a peacock in my shoes. Fancy! From the shop in Gladwin Street to— with a gesture to this! And from Tedder’s stuffy room in the Westminster Bridge Road to the stage of the Pandora, as principal girl!
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Farncombe.
Tenderly. Wonderful!
Lily.
Carried away by her narration and putting her hands upon his shoulders familiarly. Yes, and all the schooling I’ve ever had, Eddie, was at a cheap, frowsy day-school in Kennington, with a tribe of other common, skinny-legged brats. Imagine it! ”

“ Bob’s at me to go out to Rhodesia, to manage a group of stock farms he’s interested in near Bulawayo.
Lily.
Oh, why don’t you go?
Jeyes.
Forlornly. Rhodesia! Bulawayo! Looking up at her again with a dismal smile. Come with me?
Lily.
Don’t be absurd.
Jeyes.
Rising and putting his hands upon her shoulders. No, you wouldn’t care a straw—not a brass farthing—if I did go, would yer!
Lily.
Softening again. Stuff! I should miss you horribly. Toying with a button of his waistcoat. Who’d bring me home from the theatre at night then, and from rehearsals; who——?
Jeyes. ”

“ A fierce sunlight streams down upon the velarium, and through the green blinds, in the conservatory.
[Note: Throughout, “right” and “left” are the spectators’ right and left, not the actor’s.]
Lord Farncombe, his gloves in his hand, is 3 seated in the arm-chair in the middle of the room. He is a simple-mannered, immaculately dressed young man in his early twenties, his bearing and appearance suggesting the soldier. He rises expectantly as Gladys, a flashy parlourmaid in a uniform, shows in Lionel Roper, a middle-aged individual of the type of the second-class City man. ”

“ Maud vanishes into the bedroom, closing the door, and Lily, having tied up her stockings, rises and comes to the settee.
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Mrs. Upjohn.
Still pressing the bell-push. Now I don’t believe I’ve rung.
Lily.
At the uttermost tension. Ah, stop it, mother; stop it! Sitting on the settee. We’re not calling the fire-brigade.
Jimmie.
At the back of the settee, to Lily. I’ll wait in your bedroom till the men have been shown up, and sneak out that way. Bending over Lily. Mind! If Nicko is willing, after all, that you should make your choice——
Mrs. Upjohn. ”

“ Von Rettenmayer halts before Lily and kneels to her. She extends her left foot and he kisses her instep and puts her foot into her slipper. She rewards him by lightly boxing his ears. He makes way for de Castro, handing him the other slipper, and de Castro performs the same ceremony with Lily’s right foot. She upsets de Castro’s balance by a little kick. ”

“ Roper.
Yes, but they’re not all Farncombes and they’re not all marrying men. I’m prepared to bet my boots that if Lil and young Farncombe could be thrown together——! Sitting on the settee in front of the writing-table as Mrs. Upjohn rises and comes forward. Here! Do talk it over.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Placidly. Where’s the use o’ talkin’ it over? It’s wastin’ one’s breath. Moving to the settee by the piano. My Lil doesn’t want to marry—any’ow not yet awhile; she’s ’appy and contented as she is. Sitting and smoothing out her skirt. When she does, I s’pose it’ll be the Captain. ”

“ Roper.
Why, Ma, these tiptop families ought to feel jolly grateful that we’re mixing the breed for them a bit. Look at the two lads who’ve married Gwennie Harker and Maidie Trevail—Kinterton and Glenroy; and Fawcus—Sir George Fawcus—Eva Shafto’s husband; they haven’t a chin or a forehead between ’em, and their chests are as narrow as a ten-inch plank.
Mrs. Upjohn.
Quite true.
Roper.
Farncombe himself, he’s inclined to be weedy. I maintain it’s a grand thing for our English nobs that their slips of sons have taken to marrying young women of the stamp of Maidie Trevail and Gwennie Harker—or Lil ”