Bill o'th' Hoylus End

“ Before I commence mi short history o’ Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaat Haworth itseln. It’s a city at’s little nawn, if onny, in th’ history o’ Ingland, tho thare’s no daat but it’s as oud as Methuslam, if net ouder, yet wi’ being built so far aat o’ th’ latitude o’ civilised nashuns, nobody’s scarcely nawn owt abaat it wal lately. ”

“ Ha, it’s all varry weel for th’ poit to sing that, but if he hed a railway at stake he wud happen alter his tune, an’ espeshully if he wur an eye witness nah, for th’ storm wur ragin’ at th’ heyest, an’ th’ folks wur waiting wi’ pashent expectashun to know whether it wur baan to be at an end or nut, for th’ flooid wur cumin’ daan thicker an faster, an’ thare look’d to be monny hundred mile o’ watter in th’ valley. ”

“ Th’ faanders of it is sed to be people fra th’ Eastern countries, for they tuk fearful after em in Haworth i’th line o’soothsayers, magishuns, an’ istralegers; but whether they cum fra th’ East or th’ West, thay luk oud fasun’d enuff. Nah th’ city is situated in a vary romantic part o’ Yorkshur, an’ within two or three miles o’th boundary mark for th’ next county. Sum foak sez it wur th’ last place ’at wur made, but it’s a mistak, for it looks oud fashun’d enuff to be th’ first ’at wur made. ”

“ But as th’ time wur gettin’ on fastish, as it ollus does wen thare’s owt to be done, so Mr. Ouden finisht his speech as follows:—
Put yor shoulders to work an’ ne’er be danted,
Think yer behint an’ there’s no time to dally,
For na is the time yor assistance is wanted
I’ makkin yor railway along the Worth Valley.
Th’ Spring-head Band then played sum o’ thair favorite tunes, ‘Oud Rosen the bow,’ ‘Jessey’s Pig,’ an’ ended wi’ ‘God save th’ Queen,’ an’ all departed to thair homes wi’ smiling faces.
CHAPTER II.
Double, double, toil an’ trouble. ”

“ We’ll keep em wi’ a Railway.
Well, hasumever, public notice wur made nawn, bi th’ bellman crying it all ower th’ tawn, which he did to such a pitch wal he’d summat to do to keep his hat fra flying off, but he managed to do it at last to a nicety, for th’ news spread like sparks aat of a bakehouse chimla; an’ wen th’ day come they flockt in fra all parts, sum o’th crookt-legg’d ens fra Keighla com, Lockertown and th’ Owertown foak com, and oud bachelors fra Stanbury and all parts at continent o’ Haworth ”

“ That day at thay oppen’d th’ Worth Valley Line.
I’ all nooks an’ corners an’ chimla tops,
Wur floatin’ gert banners wi mighty big props,
An’ stampt on each flag in figurs so nice,
Sum an inscripshun an’ sum a device;
But th’ nicest i’th’ lump at swung on a band
Wur, welcum to Haworth fra ivery land.
Yor welcum, yor welcum, all men upon earth,
Yor welcum to the Valley of Worth,
Fra th’ Humber to th’ Mersey, fra th’ Thames daan to th’ Tyne,
Yor welcum to travel the Worth Valley Line.
CHAPTER IV.
“The last Scene of all that ends this strange, eventful history.” ”

“ This wur th’ cry all up an daan Haworth next morning, an’ for weeks all wor vary bizzy. One man made a wheelbarra it’h chamber, but it wor soa big wal it cudn’t be gotten aat withaat takkin th’ haase side daan. Anuther invented a koulin’ machine to koul th’ muck up both sides to save wheelbarras an’ work toils for th’ navvies. ”

“ An’ let yor cry be ivery man,
Th’ poor railway’s up the spout.
It wurnt long afore thay gat arm’d—sum wi’ clothes props, muk forks, ropes an’ so on, an’ thare wur sum competition yo mind, for thay wur all tryin p. ”

“ But wat’s th’ use o’ tellin yo ha it did cum,
I’d forgotten yo’d ridden to Wibsey begum.
Thare wur fifty i’ number invited to dine,
All us at hed acted reight loyal to th’ line;
Sa I thout that I’d go, for I knew weel enuff
’At th’ puddings this time wud be made o’th’ reight stuff
And noan o’ that stuffment that gav th’ Keighla band,
Toan awf on it rubbish and tother awf sand.
For twelve stone o’ flour (3lbs. to a man)
Wur boiled i’ oud Bingleechin’s kaa lickin pan,
Wi gert lumps o’ sewet at th’ cook hed put in’t,
At shane like a ginney just new aat o’th’ mint ”

“ Fra th’ Corrispondant o’th’ Hoylus End Mercury.
Good folks, you’ve inkwired at home and abroad,
Ha we’re gettin’ on wi wur famous railroad;
And wen I’ve tell’d yo th’ disasters we’ve hed,
Yo’ve greev’d monny a time wal yo’ve tain to yor bed,
But ha yo will gape wen yo read farther daan,
Wat famons big stirrins we’ve hed up i’th’ taan.
p. 13I know yo’d be mad as soin as yo heard,
Abaat that oud kaa at belonged to Blue Beard,
For I like as I saw yo just hod of its tail,
And braying it rump wi th’ end o’ yor flail ”

“ One sed it mud tak place at rush-buren, another sed next muck-spreadin’ toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind day it memmery o’ oud Jack K--- Well, noan et proposishuns wud do fur the lot, and there wur such opposishun wal it omust hung on a thre’ad whether th’ railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, one o’th’ committee men, wi’ a voice as hoarse as a farm yard dog, bawls aat, “I propoase Pancake Tuesday.” ”

“ But hasumiver, it’s gotten to th’ last stage na, an’ foak is very impashent for it to come up, an’ thay are preparin’ to give it a grand recepshun; one oud woman hes a peggy tub full o’ meal an’ saar swillings for th’ ingen, an’ thay are preparin for th’ passengers fra Keighla. ”