Bill o'th' Hoylus End

“ Before I commence mi short history o’t Haworth Railway, it might be as weel to say a word or two abaht Haworth itseln. It’s a city at’s little knawn, if onny, it history o’ England, though ther’s no daht but its as oud as Methuslam, if not ouder, yet with it being built so far aht at latitude ov civilized nashuns, nobody’s scarcely knawn owt abaht it wal latly. T’ finders ov it are sed to be people fra’t Eastern countries, for they tuke fearful of em e Haworth it line o’ soothsayers, magishuns, an’ asstrologers ”

“ For tho’ she be silent, the harder she’s pressed;
A small bit o’ help to the little she earns,
God blesses the giver to fatherless bairns.
’Neath the green grassy mounds o’ yon little church yard,
An over-wrought genius there finds his reward ”

“ This old Colia’s genius did that January morn,
Vow in all her splendour when Robert Burns was born.
And in the nights of winter when stormy winds do roar,
And the fierce dashing waves is heard on Ayr’s old craggy shore,
The young and old encircled are around the cheerful fire,
Will talk of Rob the Ploughman and tune the Scottish lyre;
And sing how Colia’s genius on a January morn,
Appeared in all her splendour when Robert Burns was born.
p. 52Johnny o’ t’ Bog an’ Keighley
Feff-fee Goast:
A Tale o’ Poverty.
“Some books are lies frae end to end,
And some great lies were never penn’d ”

“ But hasumivver, the reyt uns com at after, and a sore disaster they hed yo mind, for they laid the plans o’ t’railway dahn at green swarth, and a oud kah belanging to Blue Beard swallowed t’ job; they tried ta save em but all i vain: a sore do wur this for both folk and the railway, for it put em a year or two back, and folk wur raging mad abaht t’ kah, and if it hednt a been a wizzen’d oud thing they’d a swallowed it alive—the nasty greedy oud thing. ”

“ Ha, its all varry weel for the poit to sing that, but if he hed a railway at stake he wud happen alter his tune, an espeshully if he wur an eye-witness nah, for th’ storm wur ragin at heyest, and the folks wur waiting wi’ pashent expectashun to knaw whether they wur bahn to be at an end or not, for th’ flooid wur coming dahn thicker an’ faster, and there look’d to be monny a hundred mile o’ watter in the valley. Hasumivver they muster’d all t’ energy they cud, for they wur determined to knaw th’ warst, so they went to see if they could find th’ oud weather gazer at hed p. ”

“ Wat nashun, my frends, can boast of a majishun like yor oud Jack K—.— (Loud cheers) . He wur a credit to yo all, and yo wur sadly indebted to him; he proffesied twenty yer sin at this event wud cum to pass (a voice,—ha wish he wur alive he sud be contractor) , and if he’d been livin to this day, its a hundred to wun but the Railway wud hev been made to some where else ner Keighley, for ha feel convinced et Keighley is not worthy of amalgamashun wi a respectable city like Haworth.— (Hear, hear.) ”

“ Sez Dick o’ Grate Beckers, just keep up yor peckers,
Yo hevn’t much longer to wait
For blue milk and porridge, yol get better forridge,
Wen the railway gets fairly agait.
For its labour i’ vain to harken for th’ train
When all’s goin on varry steady;
So pray yo be calm its takin no harm,
They’ll bring it as soin as its ready.
For th’ rails are all laid, and there’s nowt to be made,
Nobbut th’ navvies to clear off all th’ muck ”

“ Sum sez west and an t’ saath end wur destroyed, but it’s a mack a settled on wit wiseuns it wur wichcraft; but be it as it may Haworth, an’ t’ folk a’tagether is as toff as paps, an’ hez stud aht weel, an’ no daht but it wod a flerished before Lunden, Parriss, or Jerusulum, for sentries back, if they’d hed a Railway; but after nearly all Grate Britten and France hed been furnished we a Railway, the people i Haworth began to be uneazy and felt inclined no longer to wauk several miles to get to a stashun if they were bahn off liks. ”

“ But ha yo will gape when yo read farther dahn,
What famons big stirrins we’ve hed up i’th’ tahn.
I knaw yo’d be mad as soin as yo heard,
Abaht that oud kah at belong’d to Blue Beard,
For I like as I saw yo just hod of its tail,
And braying it rump wi’ the end o’ yor flail;
For I wisht monny a time at yo hed been here,
For swallowing the plan yo’d a geen it what cheer.
Ha ivver good folk I’ll try to be breef,
For I knaw you’re i’ pain and I’ll give yo releef—
p. 112So to tell yo the truth in a plain, honnest way,
The railroad is finish’d an oppen’d to-day ”

“ But hasumiver toime works wonders wi it an perseverance its gotten ta’t last stage na, an foak is varry impashent fer it ta cum up, an tha’re preparin ta give it a grand recepshun; wun oud woman hes a p. 101peggy tub full o meyl an’ saar swillins for th’ ingen, and they are preparin another puddin for th’ passengers fra Keighley.
They’re standing i’ groups and they’re living i’ hopes,
And more disappointments they dread,
Wi’ they’re ears touching th’ grand, they’ve harken’d for th’ saand,
Wal they’ve omust gone wrong i’ ther head. ”

“ The first do at we hed wur th kah swallowing th plan,
And then wur bad luck and misfortunes began;
For before Ginger Jabus cud draw us another,
All went on wrong and we’d a gert deal o’ bother;
He must a been dreamin, a silly oud clahn,
For three fields o’ Oud Doodles he nivver put dahn.
As for thee, Jonny Broth, it’s a pity I knaw,
For thart one o’ the best drivers at ivver I saw;
And nobody can grumble at what tha hes dun,
If thi buss driven wearisome race it is run;
For who nah cud grumble, ha fine wur thur cloth,
To ride up to Haworth wi oud Johnny Broth. ”

“ There’s more ner me that’s sore bereft,
I pity wun,
An’ that’s my lad—he’s sadly left—
My little John;
He wanders up an’ dahn all t’day,
An’ rarely hez a word to say,
Save murmuring (an’ weel he may) ,
Shoo’s deead an’ goan!
p. 70Bud, Jonny lad, let’s dry wer tears;
At t’least we’ll try;
Thi muther’s safe wi Him ’at hears
The orphan’s sigh;
Fer ’tis the lot o’ t’human mack—
An’ who can tell which next he’ll tack?
An’ crying cannot bring her back;
Shoo’s deead an’ goan!
The Heroic Watchman of Calversike Hill. ”

“ Scarce Keighley crookt-legg’d ens heard o’ the news,
And wur just bahn to give ’em the gratest abuse,
When a order cum aht fra sum unknawn source,
That Keighley crookt-legg’d ens cud go up of course,
They thowt it wur best, and wud cause the least bother,
For wun sud be welcum as weel as anuther.
Hasumever their hopes hes not been i’ vain,
p. 110For the day’s arrived and yonder’s the train,
And thahsands o’ folks is flocking to th’ spot,
The gent fra his hall, the peasant fra his cot,
For all are determined as th’ weather is fine,
To hev an’ excurshun up th’ Worth Valley Line. ”

“ Then all al be goin, for th’ Cowinhead mooin
Is bahn to be browt on a truck.
So Sam o’ Blue Bills, wi’ thi’ pints an’ thi’ gills,
Its bahn to be better for thee,
To Keighley an’ back tha ma go in a crack,
When tha’s bahn on a bit of a spree.
p. 102And John o’ Pot Anns tha mun alter thi plans,
For tha nivver can get him i’ force;
For I’m happy to tell at steead o’th’ canal
They’re bahn to try th’ big iron horse.
There’s oud Jim o’ Kyas is bahn to be wise,
An’ th’ folk sez at he’s takkin a hig;
He’ll see it first tried afore he will ride,
He’s dahn abaht the Paper Mill Brig. ”

“ Wun man wor trying the dodge on, and the cat wor it ovan, and poor thing, expecting that it wor it the wrong place, jumpt aht just at time at he wor whistling to start, and wor catcht bi the tail and the poor thing lost it, for it wur cut off as clean as a whistle. A crookt legg’d pedlar com fra Keighley wun day wi winter-edges, and they tuke him for a sapper and miner et hed cum to mezhur for the railway, and mind yoh they did mak summat on him, they thout that the winter-edges wur the apparatus to mezhur by. ”

“ And a bonny rumpus there wor yo mind, for yo may think ha it wor conducted when they wur threapin wi wun another like a lot o’ oud wimen at a parish pump when it sud be. Wun sed it mud tak place at rushberring, another sed next muck-spreading toime, a third sed it mud be dug et gert wind-day e memory o’ oud Jack K—. Well, noan et proposishuns wod do for t’ lot, and there wur such opposistion wal it omust hung on a threed, wether the railway went on or net, wal at last an oud farmer, wun o’ the committee-men, we a voice as hoarse as a farm yard dog, bawls aht, I propose Pancake Tuesday. ”

“ In that cot, wi me Mary, I cud pass the long years:
In friendship and peace lift the latch to a stranger,
And chase off the anguish o’ pale sorrow’s tears.
We’d wauk aht it morning wen t’yung sun wor shining,
Wen t’birds hed awakened, and t’lark soar’d the air,
An’ I’d watch its last beam, on me Mary reclining,
From ahr dear little cot on the benks o’ the Aire.
Then we’d tauk o’ the past, wen our loves wor forbidden,
Wen fortune wor adverse, and frends wod deny,
p. 28How ahr hearts wor still true, tho the favors wor hidden,
Fra the charm of ahr life, the mild stare of ahr eye. ”

“ Some foak sez it wer t’last place at wer made, but it’s a mistak, for it lukes oud fashun’d enuff to be t’first ’at wer made. Gert travellers sez it resembles t’ cities o’ Rome and Edinburgh, fer ther’s a deal o’ up-hills afore you can get to’t top on’t; but e landing you’d be struck wi’ wonder and amazement—what wi’t tall biggens, monniments, p. 88domes, hampitheaters, and so on; fer instance, t’Church, or rather the Cathedral, is a famous biggen, and stands majestically o’t top at hill. ”

“ It hes been sed at Oliver Cromwell that wor so struck wi’t appearance at Church an t’ City, altogether, wal he a mack a consented to hev it the hed-quarters for the army and navy.
The faander o’ t’ Church is sed to be won Wang-be-Wang, won et Empror’s o’ China as com ower in a balloon an’ browt we him all his relations, but his granmuther; the natives at that toime wur a mack a wild, but i mixing up we t’ balloonites they soin become civilized and big’d t’ Church at’s studden fra that time to nah, wit exepshun o’ won end, destroyed at sum toime, sum sez it wur be war. ”

“ Th’ poor railway’s up the spout.
It wurnt long afore they gat arm’d—sum wi clothes props, muk forks, ropes, and so on, and there wor some competition yo mind, for they wur all trying which could mak best movement so as they could immortalise their names it history of Haworth, for there wur one Joe Hobb, a handloom weaver, browt his slay boards, and as he wor going dahn th’ hill he did mak some manœvures, an’ talk abaht fugal men it p. 106army when they throw their guns up into th’ air and catches em again, they wur nowt to Joe, for he span his slay boards up an’ dahn just like a shuttlecock. ”

“ Fer fouk ats aht at door;
Give him yahr oud grey coit an’ all,
At’s thrown at chamer floor:
p. 11And then thars thy oud hat, said Kate,
At’s paused so up an dahn;
It will be better ner his own,
Tho’ its withaht a craan.”
So when we’d geen him what we cud,
(In fact afford to give,)
We saw the tears come dahn the cheeks,
O’t poor oud fugitive;
He thank’d us ower an ower agean
And often he did pray,
At barns mud nivver be like him;
Then travelled on his way.
Sall at Bog. Me love is like the pashan dock,
That grows it summer fog ”

“ My way I cuddant see,
Fer trade an commerce wor as bad
As ivver they cud be.
T’poor hand-loom chaps wor running wild,
An t’combers wor quite sick,
For weeks they niver pool’d a slip,
Ner t’weivers wave a pick.
An I belong’d to t’latter lot,
An them wor t’war o t’wo,
Fer I’d nine pairs o jaws e t’haase,
An nowt for em ta do.
p. 53T’owd wife at t’time wor sick e bed,
An I’d a shocking coud,
Wal t’youngest barn we hed at home,
Wor nobbut three days oud.
Distracted to my vary heart,
At sitch a bitter cup,
An lippening ivvery day at com,
At summat wod turn up. ”

“ To think et we sud work an’ toil,
And ev’n the cattle cannot thoyle
To let us hev a Railway.
On hearing this the Haworth foak
Began to swear it wur no joak,
An wisht at greedy cah ma choak,
At swallowed t’ plan o’ t’ Railway.
p. 99But hasumivver they gat ower this, and wur not long at after afore they hed more disasters, such as tunnils shutterin, and chapels sinkin, and law suits, and so on, wal Haworthers thout be t’ hart at both the fouk and the grund wur soft dahn at Keighley, and threttened to comb sum o’ the crookt-legged ens their heeads if they insinuated ”