Booth Tarkington

“ MRS. BRIGGS
Rupert Smith!
JESSIE (dolefully)
Oh, goodness!
INGOLDSBY (hotly)
What do you mean by terrorizing a lady?
RUPERT
I didn’t! I didn’t say a word! I was behind there, but I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t my voice talking to you.
INGOLDSBY
Then who was it?
THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE
If you’re anxious for more witnesses, I suggest that you look under the settee.
MRS. BRIGGS (changing her mind as she is in the act of sinking down upon the settee)
What!
JESSIE
Look at it!
(Mrs. Briggs screams faintly, as the settee moves rapidly to the left entrance, evidently meaning to leave the room.) ”

“ THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE
Till you did. I never knew a man that made so much noise about proposing a second marriage.
JESSIE (amazed)
Oh, Mamma!
MRS. BRIGGS (with severe dignity)
I’ll speak to you and Mr. Rupert Smith after dinner. Henry, I don’t see the propriety of continuing an argument with this interloper, whoever he may be. (She takes Ingoldsby’s arm.)
JESSIE
No. Let’s do get away from here! (She moves toward the left entrance with Rupert.)
INGOLDSBY (looking back, as he follows with Mrs. Briggs; speaks reprovingly)
I hope you have some shame for your conduct, sir. ”

“ JESSIE (carelessly)
Oh, yes; that Mr. Ingoldsby was here, too.
MRS. BRIGGS
He was? (She looks at her watch and then toward the corridor on the left.) You told me you were very tired and were going straight to your room.
JESSIE (casually)
Oh, well, I feel rested now.
[29]
MRS. BRIGGS
You should lie down before dressing for dinner.
JESSIE
Why don’t you do that, Mamma? You know how it brightens you up.
MRS. BRIGGS (frowning)
Brightens me up? Really!
JESSIE
Oh, I don’t mean like a terribly aged person; but a nap every day’s a good thing for everybody. ”

“ There’s my sister Jessie!
MRS. CURTIS
What of it?
MR. BRIGGS (hastily)
I told you they behave like two fiends when they see me with you. (Glancing right and left nervously.) Well, excuse me. (With perfect gravity he kneels at one end of the settee, which is in the rear, a little left of “center.”) It’ll be a good deal better if they don’t see me, I expect. (He promptly crawls under the settee, and the valance conceals him entirely. From this invisibility he appeals with pathetic urgency in a hoarse whisper) : They’ll prob’ly go right on. Please wait! ”

“ Oh, let’s go! (She swings the reluctant and angry Ingoldsby toward the left entrance.) Let’s go!
INGOLDSBY (turning to call back angrily)
I don’t know who you are, sir; but when I’ve seen this lady to a—a place of safety—I intend to know. I’ll be back here, sir.
THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE
Fine!
MRS. BRIGGS
Oh, mercy! (She moves hastily away from Ingoldsby as Jessie suddenly comes in, from the left, confronting them.)
JESSIE (halting sharply)
What in the world’s the matter?
MRS. BRIGGS (in a shaking voice)
Nothing! Nothing at all, Jessie. Why should you think anything’s the matter? ”

“ MRS. CURTIS
Except for?
MR. BRIGGS (hurriedly)
Oh, I didn’t mean except for your husband! I didn’t mean your bein’ a widow was better for— (He checks himself and swallows.)
MRS. CURTIS
Oh!
MR. BRIGGS (frowning with thought)
No. I meant more on account of the way my family treats me. My mother and sister—well, to tell the truth, they always seem to think I’m about four years old. They can’t seem to realize; and when I go and tell ’em you’re a widow—
MRS. CURTIS
You think they’ll be interested in hearing it? I haven’t even met them. ”

“ LANCELOT (who has been staring at her painfully)
But—but—see here!
MRS. CURTIS
Yes, I tried to get you to run away and dance with some nice young thing.
LANCELOT (pathetically)
So you could be here with—him?
MRS. CURTIS
I—I believe so.
LANCELOT (dismally)
Oh, my!
INGOLDSBY
Madam, what you say doesn’t excuse this person’s eavesdropping.
THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE (belligerently)
Why doesn’t it? A lady’s got a right to keep her engagement a secret as long as she wants to, hasn’t she? There are people in this hotel that would know all about it if they saw her with me. (With some bitterness.) ”

“ Briggs’s mother enters from [17] the right. Mrs. Briggs is a handsome woman of forty-five or fifty, not now in a gracious mood. She comes in decisively, halts, and stares at Mrs. Curtis’ back. Then she looks over the room in an annoyed and puzzled manner. Mr. Briggs’s sister Jessie comes in from the left. She is a pretty girl of about twenty, but her expression is now rather cross. Her dress and equipment show that she has just come in from the golf course.)
JESSIE (calling as she comes in)
Lancelot! (She halts, puzzled, and looks inquiringly at her mother.) Mamma, where’s Lancelot? ”

“ The furniture consists of some chintz-covered easy-chairs, a light wicker settee with a chintz cushion and a valance that reaches the floor; and there are two wicker tables with a vase of jonquils upon each of them. In the rear right-hand corner of the room, near the stand of plants, there is a tropical-looking chair, wicker, with a back of monstrous size—a Philippine Island chair—and in the opposite corner is its mate.
Dance music is heard from a distant orchestra. ”

“ This delightful comedy has gripping dramatic movements, unusual character types, a striking and original plot and is essentially modern in theme and treatment. The story concerns the adventures of Constance Darcy, a multi-millionaire’s young daughter. Constance embarks on a trip to find a young man who had been in her father’s employ and had stolen a large sum of money. She almost succeeds, when suddenly all traces of the young man are lost. ”

“ At this point she meets some old friends who are living in almost want and, in order to assist them through motives benevolent, she determines to sink her own aristocratic personality in that of a refined but humble little Irish waitress with the family that are in want. ”

“ MRS. CURTIS
You poor darling!
(She glances about, then impulsively leans behind the huge back of the Philippine chair as the curtain descends.)
Dorothy’s Neighbors
A brand new comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of “The New Co-Ed,” “Tempest and Sunshine,” and many other successful plays. 4 males, 7 females. The scenes are extremely easy to arrange; two plain interiors and one exterior, a garden, or, if necessary, the two interiors will answer. Costumes modern. Plays 21⁄2 hours. ”

“ You can’t when you’re dancing—not the way you want to—and all the rest of the time you had some o’ those old men hangin’ around, or else my mother and sister wanted me for something; because a hotel like this—why, it’s terrible the way a young man’s mother and sister want him to do somep’n for ’em all the time ”