Charles Beadle

“ Tony Bunn, although labouring under a really appalling name, was by way of being a wag. Under ordinary circumstances he might have been a humorist, but the combined effect of love and the sea air was too much for him, and he ran past himself. For instance, the first time he proposed to Mercy, he prefaced his remarks by observing that she really deserved to take the cake, and then offered himself instead. Well, men have been shot for less; and when Mercy, although smiling a weary smile for sake of politeness, refused him, he only got far less than he deserved. ”

“ Terridge is too dull to see—he will scornfully reject the idea. I can imagine it. 'No'"—Miss Vardred imitating him—"'I cannot stoop to deception—ugh!'"
"Well?"
"Why, you silly thing, the dummy falls overboard, you dive, the Captain won't—knowing it to be a dummy."
"Well?"
"Oh, you're unutterably stupid! You rescue the wretched thing at the risk of your silly life. The Captain will say he didn't go because be knew it was only a dummy! See? But she won't believe him. You're the hero. Now d'you see?"
"M'm, yes," said Tony doubtfully. ”

“ Claude viciously, and, leaving her, commenced to search behind the boat and elsewhere, believing that Mercy was hiding. At this Miss Vardred collapsed upon the deck, shrieking hysterically with laughter and terror alternately. The passengers, headed by the Colonel, poured up the gangways, seeking the cause of the uproar.
"Mercy—overboard—man overboard!" shrieked Miss Vardred, sitting helplessly in the middle of the deck.
The Colonel commenced to laugh. "Oh, yes," said he, "but I know all about that! Very good indeed! Capital! Ha, ha, ha!" ”

“ The company were developing signs of restlessness as the noble captain exhibited symptoms of getting £he bit between his teeth and galloping right into a morass of moral homilies.
"And," he was saying, "personally, I have no doubt that, as from so many other physical facts in Nature, a very fine moral can be drawn. Ethically speaking, doncherknow, I should certainly liken this famous whirlpool to—to——"
Tony looked appealingly at the goddess. She smiled bewitchingly and graciously inverted her thumb. Tony shook himself and waded in with glee to the verbal annihilation of his hated rival. ”

“ With the irony of life, every bachelor and widower on the ship was only too anxious to help the old man—as Mr. Bunn put it: "Men, men everywhere, and not anyone to marry!"
The whole ship—masculine—were deeply interested in the matrimonial future of Miss Mercy P. Tobbs. They felt it a point of honour to have her engaged before Plymouth. There were two favourites in the running for the dollar and beauty stakes—Mr. Anthony Bunn and Captain the Hon. Claude Terridge. The betting had fluctuated considerably during the first week out, had drawn to evens on the two favourites, then two to one on Tony ”

“ The low rail had merely acted as a pivot to somersault her into the sea. Tony, without an instant's hesitation, dived straight after her.
Miss Vardred, who had seen the unrehearsed act, lost her head and continued to shriek in earnest that Miss Tobbs had fallen overboard. The boat had intercepted the Captain's vision, so that he had not seen the tragedy, and, remembering Miss Vardred's suggestion of the dummy, he thought that it was all a trap to make a fool of him.
"Don't be hysterical," he told Miss Vardred sternly. "Where's Miss Tobbs?" ”

“ Said he—
"Some people spend their lives in—to use your phrase, Bunn—in giving rein to the 'exuberance of their own verbosity' irrespective of social amenities."
The others sat up expectantly; they always enjoyed the sparring of the chosen twain, and it was so seldom that the soldier attempted a retort. Tony licked his lips in preparation as the other continued—
"Personally, I prefer a man who can do something other than chatter."
"And I agree with you, Captain Terridge," said Miss Tobbs, with a malicious smile at Tony, and before he could fire in his repartee. ”

“ But her parents—"poppa," particularly—were becoming tired of trying to satisfy Mercy's fastidious taste. He, in fact, had stated in the smoking-room that he was "fed up with the whole outfit," and the sooner "Murrey" got a young man, the better he would be pleased. Mr. Tobbs was overwhelmed with sympathy. ”

“ The longest-living author of this work died in 1944, so this work is in the public domain in countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 78 years or less. This work may be in the public domain in countries and areas with longer native copyright terms that apply the rule of the shorter term to foreign works. ”