Charles Dickens

“ Pickwick, "on the strange mutability of human affairs."
"Ah! I see—in at the palace door one day, out at the window the next. Philosopher, Sir?"
"An observer of human nature, Sir," said Mr. Pickwick.
"Ah, so am I. Most people are when they've little to do and less to get. Poet, Sir?"
"My friend Mr. Snodgrass has a strong poetic turn," said Mr. Pickwick.
"So have I," said the stranger. "Epic poem—ten thousand lines—revolution of July—composed it on the spot—Mars by day, Apollo by night—bang the field-piece, twang the lyre." ”

“ In this strain, with an occasional glass of ale, by way of parenthesis, when the coach changed horses, did the stranger proceed, until they reached Rochester bridge, by which time the note-books, both of Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Snodgrass, were completely filled with selections from his adventures.
"Magnificent ruin!" said Mr. Augustus Snodgrass, with all the poetic fervour that distinguished him, when they came in sight of the fine old castle.
"What a study for an antiquarian!" were the very words which fell from Mr. Pickwick's mouth, as he applied his telescope to his eye. ”

“ Winkle was always remarkable for extreme humanity. It is conjectured that his unwillingness to hurt a fellow-creature intentionally was the cause of his shutting his eyes when he arrived at the fatal spot; and that the circumstance of his eyes being closed, prevented his observing the very extraordinary and unaccountable demeanour of Doctor Slammer. That gentleman started, stared, retreated, rubbed his eyes, stared again, and, finally, shouted, "Stop, stop!"
"What's all this?" said Doctor Slammer, as his friend and Mr. Snodgrass came running up; "that's not the man." ”

“ I have starved her, and the boy too; and now I am weak and helpless, Jem, she'll murder me for it; I know she will. If you'd seen her cry, as I have, you'd know it too. Keep her off.' He relaxed his grasp, and sunk back exhausted on the pillow.
"I knew but too well what all this meant. If I could have entertained any doubt of it, for an instant, one glance at the woman's pale face and wasted form would have sufficiently explained the real state of the case. 'You had better stand aside,' said I to the poor creature. 'You can do him no good. Perhaps he will be calmer, if he does not see you. ”

“ Saying which, the Doctor scowled magnanimously on the stranger, and whispered his friend Lieutenant Tappleton.
"You don't say so," said that gentleman, at the conclusion of the whisper.
"I do, indeed," replied Doctor Slammer.
"You are bound to kick him on the spot," murmured the owner of the camp-stool, with great importance.
"Do be quiet, Payne," interposed the Lieutenant. "Will you allow me to ask you, Sir," he said, addressing Mr. Pickwick, who was considerably mystified by this very unpolite by-play—"Will you allow me to ask you, Sir, whether that person belongs to your party?" ”

“ Pickwick—and the stranger took wine, first with him, and then with Mr. Snodgrass, and then with Mr. Tupman, and then with Mr. Winkle, and then with the whole party together, almost as rapidly as he talked.
"Devil of a mess on the staircase, waiter," said the stranger. "Forms going up—carpenters coming down—lamps, glasses, harps. What's going forward?"
"Ball, Sir," said the waiter.
"Assembly—eh?"
"No, Sir, not assembly, Sir. Ball for the benefit of a charity, Sir."
"Many fine women in this town, do you know, Sir?" inquired Mr. Tupman, with great interest. ”

“ He had raised himself up, so as to seat himself in bed—a dreadful change had come over his face, but consciousness had returned, for he evidently knew me. The child who had been long since disturbed by his ravings, rose from its little bed, and ran towards its father, screaming with fright—the mother hastily caught it in her arms, lest he should injure it in the violence of his insanity: but, terrified by the alteration of his features, stood transfixed by the bed-side. He grasped my shoulder convulsively, and, striking his breast with the other hand, made a desperate attempt to articulate. ”

“ The stranger was returning, and Mr. Tupman was beside him. He spoke in a low tone, and laughed. The little doctor thirsted for his life. He was exulting. He had triumphed.
"Sir!" said the doctor, in an awful voice, producing a card, and retiring into an angle of the passage, "my name is Slammer, Doctor Slammer, sir—97th Regiment—Chatham Barracks—my card, Sir, my card." He would have added more, but his indignation choked him.
"Ah!" replied the stranger coolly, "Slammer—much obliged—polite attention—not ill now, Slammer—but when I am—knock you up." ”

“ All last night, her large staring eyes and pale face were close to mine; wherever I turned, they turned; and whenever I started up from my sleep, she was at the bed-side looking at me. He drew me closer to him, as he said in a deep, alarmed whisper—'Jem, she must be an evil spirit—a devil! Hush! I know she is. If she had been a woman, she would have died long ago. No woman could have borne what she has.'
"I sickened at the thought of the long course of cruelty and neglect which must have occurred to produce such an impression on such a man. ”

“ Snodgrass.
"Not the man!" said the gentleman with the camp-stool in his hand.
"Certainly not," replied the little doctor. "That's not the person who insulted me last night."
"Very extraordinary!" exclaimed the officer.
"Very," said the gentleman with the camp-stool. "The only question is, whether the gentleman, being on the ground, must not be considered, as a matter of form, to be the individual who insulted our friend, Doctor Slammer, yesterday evening, whether he is really that individual or not;" ”

“ I would, Sir,—every man. Payne is my name, Sir—Doctor Payne of the 43rd. Good evening, Sir." Having concluded this speech, and uttered the three last words in a loud key, he stalked majestically after his friend, closely followed by Doctor Slammer, who said nothing, but contented himself by withering the company with a look.
Rising rage and extreme bewilderment had swelled the noble breast of Mr. Pickwick, almost to the bursting of his waistcoat, during the delivery of the above defiance. ”

“ Snodgrass, clasping his friend's hand.
"With a doctor—Doctor Slammer, of the Ninety-seventh," said Mr. Winkle, wishing to make the matter appear as solemn as possible; "an affair with an officer, seconded by another officer, at sunset this evening, in a lonely field beyond Fort Pitt."
"I will attend you," said Mr. Snodgrass.
He was astonished, but by no means dismayed. It is extraordinary how cool any party but the principal can be in such cases. Mr. Winkle had forgotten this. He had judged of his friend's feelings by his own.
"The consequences may be dreadful," said Mr. Winkle. ”

“ The man of whom I speak was a low pantomime actor; and, like many people of his class, an habitual drunkard. In his better days, before he had become enfeebled by dissipation and emaciated by disease, he had been in the receipt of a good salary, which, if he had been careful and prudent, he might have continued to receive for some years—not many; because these men either die early, or, by unnaturally taxing their bodily energies, lose, prematurely, those physical powers on which alone they can depend for subsistence. ”

“ A great sensation was created throughout the room, by the entrance of a tall gentleman in a blue coat and bright buttons, a large lady in blue satin, and two young ladies, on a similar scale, in fashionably-made dresses of the same hue.
"Commissioner—head of the yard—great man—remarkably great man," whispered the stranger in Mr. Tupman's ear, as the charitable committee ushered Sir Thomas Clubber and family to the top of the room. ”

“ Pickwick. Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass, and Mr. Winkle, who had been anxiously waiting the arrival of their illustrious leader, crowded to welcome him.
"Here's your fare," said Mr. Pickwick, holding out the shilling to the driver.
What was the learned man's astonishment, when that unaccountable person flung the money on the pavement, and requested in figurative terms to be allowed the pleasure of fighting him (Mr. Pickwick) for the amount!
"You are mad," said Mr. Snodgrass.
"Or drunk," said Mr. Winkle.
"Or both," said Mr. Tupman.
"Come on!" said the cab-driver, sparring away like clockwork. ”

“ Budger took their places in a quadrille.
The surprise of Mr. Tupman at this summary proceeding, great as it was, was immeasurably exceeded by the astonishment of the doctor. The stranger was young, and the widow was flattered. The doctor's attentions were unheeded by the widow; and the doctor's indignation was wholly lost on his imperturbable rival. ”

“ It is a touching thing to hear the mind reverting to the ordinary occupations and pursuits of health, when the body lies before you weak and helpless; but when those occupations are of a character the most strongly opposed to any thing we associate with grave or solemn ideas the impression produced is infinitely more powerful. The theatre, and the public-house, were the chief themes of the wretched man's wanderings. ”

“ Tupman.
"Not worth while splitting a guinea," said the stranger, "toss who shall pay for both—I call; you spin—first time—woman—woman—bewitching woman," and down came the sovereign with the dragon (called by courtesy a woman) uppermost.
Mr. Tupman rang the bell, purchased the tickets, and ordered chamber-candlesticks. In another quarter of an hour, the stranger was completely arrayed in a full suit of Mr. Nathaniel Winkle's.
"It's a new coat," said Mr. Tupman, as the stranger surveyed himself with great complacency in a cheval glass. ”

“ The wine was passed, and a fresh supply ordered. The visitor talked, the Pickwickians listened. Mr. Tupman felt every moment more disposed for the ball. Mr. Pickwick's countenance glowed with an expression of universal philanthropy, and Mr. Winkle and Mr. Snodgrass fell fast asleep.
"They're beginning up stairs," said the stranger—"hear the company—fiddles tuning—now the harp—there they go." The various sounds which found their way down stairs, announced the commencement of the first quadrille. ”

“ The walls and ceiling were alive with reptiles—the vault expanded to an enormous size—frightful figures flitted to and fro—and the faces of men he knew, rendered hideous by gibing and mouthing, peered out from among them ”

“ He would take the assertion of that honourable Pickwickian whose voice he had just heard—it was celebrated; but if the fame of that treatise were to extend to the farthest confines of the known world, the pride with which he should reflect on the authorship of that production would be as nothing compared with the pride with which he looked around him, on this, the proudest moment of his existence. (Cheers.) He was a humble individual. ”

“ Snodgrass. "Be steady, and wing him."
It occurred to Mr. Winkle that this advice was very like that which bystanders invariably give to the smallest boy in a street fight, namely, "Go in, and win"—an admirable thing to recommend, if you only know how to do it. He took off his cloak, however, in silence—it always took a long time to undo that cloak—and accepted the pistol. The seconds retired, the gentleman on the camp-stool did the same, and the belligerents approached each other. ”

“ Doctor Slammer was paralyzed. He, Doctor Slammer of the 97th, to be extinguished in a moment, by a man whom nobody had ever seen before, and whom nobody knew even now! Doctor Slammer—Doctor Slammer of the 97th rejected! Impossible! It could not be! Yes, it was; there they were. What! introducing his friend! Could he believe his eyes! He looked again, and was under the painful necessity of admitting the veracity of his optics; Mrs. Budger was dancing with Mr. Tracy
Tupman ”

“ Everybody who is at all acquainted with theatrical matters, knows what a host of shabby, poverty-stricken men, hang about the stage of a large establishment—not regularly engaged actors, but ballet people, procession men, tumblers, and so forth, who are taken on during the run of a pantomime, or an Easter piece, and are then discharged, until the production of some heavy spectacle occasions a new demand for their services. ”

“ Snodgrass. The offer relieved him from considerable embarrassment, for his previous notions of loading a pistol were rather vague and undefined.
"We may place our men, then, I think," observed the officer, with as much indifference as if the principals were chess-men, and the seconds players.
"I think we may," replied Mr. Snodgrass; who would have assented to any proposition, because he knew nothing about the matter. The officer crossed to Doctor Slammer, and Mr. Snodgrass went up to Mr. Winkle. ”

“ He was apparently about to proceed to do so, when Lieutenant Tappleton, who had been eyeing him with great curiosity, said with considerable scorn—"Haven't I seen you at the theatre, Sir?"
"Certainly," replied the unabashed stranger.
"He is a strolling actor," said the Lieutenant contemptuously: turning to Dr. Slammer—"He acts in the piece that the Officers of the 52nd get up at the Rochester theatre to-morrow night. You cannot proceed in this affair, Slammer—impossible!"
"Quite!" said the dignified Payne. ”

“ Want and siekness are too common in many stations of life, to deserve more notice than is usually bestowed on the most ordinary vicissitudes of human nature. I have thrown these few notes together, because the subject of them was well known to me for many years. ”

“ Winkle and speaking in a low confidential tone. "Rum fellow—does the heavy business—no actor—strange man—all sorts of miseries—dismal Jemmy, we call him on the circuit." Mr. Winkle and Mr. Snodgrass politely welcomed the gentleman, elegantly designated as "Dismal Jemmy;" and calling for brandy and water, in imitation of the remainder of the company, seated themselves at the table.
"Now, Sir," said Mr. Pickwick, "will you oblige us with proceeding with what you were going to relate?" ”