Curtis Dunham

“ If Amanda, a moment later, had looked up from her strawberry-picking, she would have seen, circling over the half-lawn, half-pasture between the barn and the house, all tails in the air, a triumphant procession consisting of one yearling colt, one cow with a crumpled horn, one bull-calf, one he-goat making short stiff-legged jumps with horns lowered, and 13one pig bringing up the rear with a tail now so tightly kinked that it lifted his hind-quarters clear of the ground at every second leap. ”

“ A stone-walled inclosure of half a dozen acres sloping down to a pretty brook that flows under the lower wall just below the barn—a comfortable red barn; a barn that isn’t red is only half a barn. A kitchen-garden and an orchard, and the rest pasture that is neat enough for a lawn. What romps we shall have, Galatea, with the colt and the bull-calf! ”

“ From time to time Galatea stole a glance at the Artist’s face. It had the composure of a painter whose mind is concentrated on his subject and who feels that he is doing conscientious work. A look of more than admiration came into the girl’s eyes. They grew tender. The nutmeg-grater had dropped from her hand, and she was deaf to the wheedling grunts of Reginald. ”

“ Cowslip and Gustavius was somewhat eased by the fresh flavor of the dew-washed grass with which they set about restoring the rotundity of their sleek bodies. But they grazed always in the direction of the stone fence where the brook ran under it, and ever and anon they lifted up their half-filled mouths and mourned as eloquently as could be expected of a cow and a bull-calf in such circumstances. ”

“ The Poet’s eyes twinkled—the nearest approach to a smile in which he had ever been known to indulge.
“Yes; rather neat, I call it. Isn’t she a beauty? Only two tons weight and forty horsepower; maximum of sixty-nine miles an hour on a level road; climbs hills like a goat; the only sparking device that never hitches—”
“Kind to women and children and stands without hitchin’,” drawled the Poet.
“Quit your kidding, George,” and then, at a loud snort from Cleopatra: “I say, George, who’re your friends?”
49“Including Galatea and myself, they’re Bos, Equus and Co.” ”

“ But now, when I think of him out there—irreproachably attired—scratching Reginald’s back—with all the grave politeness—and earnestness—with which he would hand around cups of tea at one of Mrs. Van Rensellaer’s afternoons—I—I almost love him.”
The Poet had not even smiled.
“Galatea,” he said, without a trace of his customary solemn banter, “don’t you carry this thing too far with Arthur. He’s as good as gold. He’s a young man among a million.”
“George, Arthur is more than human. I won’t have it. He’s got to let himself down, like ordinary people.” ”

“ Unfortunately, at that instant Reginald sat down, and the ball, striking his fat stomach, bounced hopelessly out of position. Galatea dropped on the grass and shrieked.
“I’ll give you the game,” said the Poet. “It’s an antiquated pastime, anyhow.”
“Sour grapes,” laughed Galatea.
“Not at all. I’ve thought of an improvement, that’s all,” said the Poet. “Stay where you are, Reginald. William, come here.”
The goat put his nose in the Poet’s hand and followed him to the other end of the field, where he suffered himself to be stationed between the two arches opposite the pig. ”

“ Galatea sighed several times, but it was useless.
“After all,” drawled the Poet at the first 60opening caused by a fish-bone sticking in the Artist’s throat, “you can’t make a sympathetic companion of an automobile as you can of a horse. Why, Galatea and I have the most improving conversations with Cleopatra and the pig.”
“Yes,” chimed in Galatea eagerly, “even Gustavius, the bull-calf, understands everything we say to him. It all proves the Professor’s theory that we don’t give these domestic pets half the credit they deserve for intelligent and affectionate interest in us and our affairs.” ”

“ When Galatea and the Artist caught up with him, he was on his stomach half under the 62Red Ripper, tugging with all his might at one of Reginald’s hind legs. The pig’s squeals grew louder and more hopeless. Cleopatra, the colt, the cow, the bull-calf, and the goat, huddled together, looked on from a distance with expressions of wondering innocence. Napoleon barked furiously at the Poet’s waving legs. Gabriel came running up with a fence-rail on his shoulder. The Poet emerged, perspiring and baffled.
“The critter’s stuck, darn him!” said Gabriel. “We must lift the machine.” ”

“ The pig wearing one of Amanda’s—ha! ha! he! he!—one of Amanda’s newest aramatums for a collar! Slap me on the back, George; I shall die—oh dear, oh dear! And the goat overlooking things from the roof! Come and fan me, George. Oh dear, oh dear!”
But the Poet had recovered his accustomed solemnity of visage. He stood with arms folded, contemplating the goat.
“Bos, Equus and Co. are plainly within their rights,” he said, “excepting the goat. The roof of our house is not a proper place for any member of our family, two-legged or otherwise. William, come down from there!” ”

“ Gabriel followed with Napoleon.
Galatea, having alarmed the Poet, hurried with her brother and the Artist down the meadow. Before they reached the fence, Gabriel’s head appeared over it. He waved the pitchfork, addressing Galatea.
“Git back! Git back! A cow funeral ain’t no place for wimmen folks!”
“Oh, Mrs. Cowslip must be dead,” sobbed Galatea, restraining the Artist as the Poet hurried on and shot his long legs over the stone fence. “Poor, dear, good Mrs. Cowslip! Promise me, Arthur, that you’ll save Gustavius.” ”

“ They were Golden Guinea eggs, and no more to be had for love or money.”
Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius lowed dismally, casting dust upon their heads.
“There’s sympathy for you,” observed the Poet. “Never tell me again that a cow lacks intelligence, or a bull-calf perspicacity. Any one can see that they’re bemoaning disaster to those eggs.”
“For the land sakes, Gabe, turn the critters out,” said Amanda.
“No,” said the Poet solemnly, disregarding Galatea’s warnings not to trifle with disaster, “they must be held as witnesses; a crime has been committed.” ”

“ It remained for William to relieve the general tension by planting a terrific butt with such precision that Gustavius, launched headlong from the fence, made his first actual acquaintance with the great world beyond. Before Gabriel with his pitchfork 123could head off Mrs. Cowslip, she, with a mighty leap and scramble, joined her offspring, and together, bellowing, they rushed into the tangle of willows and wild grapevines. ”

“ I remember once—”
“But, mother,” interrupted Clarence,—for the colt was young and Cleopatra was an indulgent parent,—“there are none of the cow kind in our family except Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius. You can see for yourself that they are both alive.”
“Haven’t I told you, my son, that out in the great world beyond the stone fence—which you may visit some day when you are older—there are many families like ours, including the cow kind?” ”

“ The Poet’s “split” for position at the centre arch was defective, and with brutal disregard of the Artist’s feelings he took position directly in line with the two first arches.
“Arthur,” ordered Galatea, “come straight through and use your two strokes to get George’s ball.”
“Oh, well, if you’re going to play partners against me!” And the Poet threw down his mallet.
“There’s no rule against coaching,” snapped Galatea.
But the Artist’s mind was not on croquet. The game resolved itself into a contest between the Poet and his sister as to which should take the greatest liberties with his ball. ”

“ O George! And there are the Professor’s pets, you know—Mrs. Cowslip, Clarence, Reginald, Gustavius, and William. I told you about them. The Professor has the most wonderful knack of understanding domestic animals and making them understand him. Really, they look upon him as one of themselves. ”

“ The Professor says we do our domestic animal pets great injustice when we overlook their loyalty and intelligence, refusing to meet them half-way in friendly companionship. Why, with only a little encouragement they develop the most remarkable emotions, almost human in their complexity; while their powers of expression develop correspondingly. Positively the Professor and his cow, and colt, and pig, 18and bull-calf,—William the goat, Napoleon the dog, and Cleopatra the mare were away the day I called to arrange about the lease for the summer,—are just one big happy family. ”

“ As though to indicate his approval of Galatea’s last remark, he bared his teeth and nipped Gabriel sharply in the region of his hip pocket.
110“Ouch!” said Gabriel.
“One more witness for the defense,” said the Poet. “Hello, what’s this?”
A ragged-edged square of dark woolen cloth, with a blue stripe, hung from a rusty nail in the ledge of the window through which Clarence had withdrawn his head in dodging a slap from Gabriel.
“Behold!” said the Poet, displaying the bit of cloth, which was about the size of a man’s hand. “Behold proof of Napoleon’s innocence!” ”

“ Cowslip paw the dust up over her head before,” said Galatea. “See! Now Gustavius is doing it.”
102“She’s giving her offspring lessons in some mysterious rites of her species,” said the Poet oracularly. “I shall investigate and make a note of it.”
“No, it’s instinct,” said Gabriel, as the Poet and his sister accompanied him to the barnyard. “You can edicate critters till you’re blue in the face. You can teach ’em to act like human folks almost, and then some day, all of a sudden, they’ll forgit everything and do the same fool things their great-grandmothers did.” ”

“ With his neck stretched far out of his stall window, the colt lifted up his voice and whinnied remonstrance.
“O Amanda! Why are we still prisoners, and the sun half-way up the roof of heaven? It is an outrage, Amanda. Come quickly and let us out.”
Reginald—the round fat one with the tight kink in his tail—stood on his hind-legs inside the barnyard fence under the colt’s nose, and voiced his personal grievance in short sharp squeaks. ”

“ Gabriel entered the barnyard with a three-legged stool, butted his head into the flank of Mrs. Cowslip, and proceeded to play a pleasant tune on the bottom of the tin pail. Gustavius was not distracted by this familiar operation. Suddenly he redoubled his bellowings over the barnyard gate. Mrs. Cowslip wavered between surges of emotion and her respect for Gabriel. ”

“ You’re a queer chap, George. They don’t seem quite friendly. I hate to break up a happy home, you know.”
“It does look like it, Arthur. The mare can’t bear the sight of a vehicle that is independent of her services. The bull-calf resents its brilliant color. Besides, they all hang together on general principles. However, Galatea and I still retain a few of our characteristics unchanged by these associations. We forgive you.”
Gabriel and Amanda returned to their duties in potato-patch and kitchen. The Poet went into the house, leaving the Artist with Galatea on the veranda. ”

“ She turned to the Artist. “Arthur, kindly hand me that nutmeg-grater over by the honeysuckle vine.”
The Artist obeyed. The pig grunted in grateful anticipation. Galatea applied the nutmeg-grater where she knew by experience it would do the most good. Napoleon sniffed disgustedly, jumped down from the chair, and went to the Poet for consolation. ”

“ Gabriel chuckled. The Poet turned to the guest of honor, and continued:—
“In conclusion, Clarence, and fellow members 146of Bos, Equus and Co., I wish to say for those of us to whom nature has given but two legs instead of four, but has made partial compensation by bestowing upon us the power of speech, that we are proud to claim you as friends, as partners, as equals—”
“Stop!” groaned Si Blodgett, with hand upraised. “Remember Moses and the golden calf!”
“Look here, Si,” said Gabriel, “don’t you slander our bull-calf. He ain’t gold. He’ll be doggone good beef some day.” ”

“ Have you forgotten that we are all on terms of equality here?”
“Not in the parlor,” growled Napoleon. “No pig gets into our parlor, not if I know it.”
72“But you go into the parlor whenever you please,” grumbled Reginald.
“It’s part of my business to go all over the house and see that there’s no trespassing. That’s what’s been expected of us dogs ever since the world began. Amanda raised an awful row that time the colt got in the kitchen. But I wasn’t to blame, being away from home with Gabe and Cleopatra.”
The pig, with all the stubbornness of his race, refused to be convinced. ”

“ Gustavius, with calf-like bellows of provocation, was exercising his sharp little horns on one of the rubber tires.
“Why should you be so incensed against such a lumbering old thing?” asked Mrs. Cowslip, 54with a placid glance at the mare. “Seems to me you ought to be grateful to any sort of wagon that would leave you free to enjoy yourself.”
“Trust an old cow not to see an inch beyond her own nose,” snorted Cleopatra contemptuously. “Do you suppose I’d be welcome in this family if I wasn’t useful? ”

“ Then I must be off to Stamford on an important engagement about a portrait—in fact, it means the price of this modest luxury on wheels. But do give me the two hours. Think what poetic wonders George may accomplish in that time, undistracted by your luminous presence.’”
THE GOAT SEEMED TO NOD HIS APPROVAL
“‘Luminous presence’ isn’t bad,” commented the Poet. “That is, for Arthur. Don’t 45you give him any of your impudence, Galatea. We can’t afford to quarrel with people who can own Red Rippers.”
“Rubbish, George. Arthur is sometimes very trying. He isn’t half as handsome as he thinks he is.” ”

“ Cowslip and Gustavius, with their heads over the fence and their noses in the air.
“Amanda, O Amanda!” bawled the bull-calf, 5while his mother—she of the liquid eyes and the crumpled horn—lowed her gentle reminder:—
“Good, kind Amanda, this yard is barren; in the pasture the long grass is luscious. Amanda, O Amanda!”
And William, the big-horned and bearded one, butted foolishly at the hinges of the barnyard gate.
The others gave no heed to William’s puerile devices. He was only an addle-pated goat anyway, devoid of reasoning power and puffed up with vanity. ”