Emily Eden

“ We were all peering out of the window to see the vakeel’s procession, which was very picturesque and theatrical; and as soon as he came to the door, Fanny and I hid ourselves behind some pillars; for the natives look upon those valuable articles, women, with utter scorn. George sat majestically down in his velvet chair; the aides-de-camp began to fan themselves with their cocked-hats; 150 of our servants, who have all been smartened up with new liveries, arranged themselves behind George; and the aides-de-camp went to hand in the vakeel and his secretary. ”

“ One of the things I watch myself about particularly is any leaning to shape out some particular calamity that may have happened at home, because, though I am never half an hour without a vague fancy or dream of some kind, yet if it take any decided form, however unlikely or absurd, I find it haunts me afterwards, and I think it will bring itself to pass. I see I cannot express what I mean, but in this dreamy, idle climate, with all one’s affections 15,000 miles off; one becomes superstitious and timid. ”

“ There were a set of flying bugs (saving your presence) in my dressing-room three days ago, all over the table, and bouncing against me wherever I moved; and, though they do not bite, their smell is something shocking—in short, there is no end to the plague of animals. It charms me when I see one great adjutant kick another off the roof of Government House. They are nearly six feet high, and sometimes there are 150 of them on the roof, where they each have their own places, and if one takes the place of the other, the rightful owner simply kicks him down. ”

“ The men servants have all been quite well. The ayah has been the happiness of my life, and is a great favourite with everybody. She is always merry, and she pokes about the ship, and gets biscuits and macaroni at odd undue hours; for there is nothing so provoking as the hours on board ship—the fire is always put out just as one fancies one might swallow a little tea. ”

“ Also, it is pleasant to be able to tell you how little we all suffer from the climate, detestable as it is. My health is better than it used to be at home. Fanny has not half the pains and aches she had latterly at the Admiralty. George is remarkably well, and it is so like his placid sort of luck; but his room is the only cool room in the house at all times of the year. Nobody knows why. My room and the drawing-room have precisely the same aspect, and are as hot as flames. It is just his cool way of taking things. ”

“ George says he is sure that the staring, round look which everybody’s eyes have here, is not, as is always supposed, occasioned by the heat and by the shrinking of the eyelids, but by the knack they have of wondering at everything. The least deviation from every day’s routine puts them out. ”

“ It is worth all the agony of waiting and dancing about in a fuss, just like a bear learning to dance, which is the sort of feeling I have, when letters come I am perfectly miserable when they do, because, though it appears to me that I never think of anything but you all, yet I think still more, and with more bitter regret, just after the letters come in. ”

“ Our voyage has been most prosperous, and though it seems tedious, yet it has given us little to complain of. We have never had more than twenty-four hours of foul wind since we left England, and few ships have such luck in so long a voyage; sometimes we had a day’s calm, when George is fit to hang himself, and sometimes a very fresh breeze, when the ship shivers away at the rate of eleven miles an hour, and that makes me sick and sorry; but we have generally, since we left the Cape, sailed along very smoothly and pleasantly. ”

“ George is very kind, and he says it will be easy to make new interests. It will for him, who has more to learn and to do than the twenty-four hours can hold—and he has no time for regrets. But, at all events, it must be some time before I can care about Calcutta; and there, too, he will be so busy that I shall lose him again as a companion, and then I shall, if possible, long more for a talk with you. I do not think it unwholesome to be driven by loss of other ties to depend more on the only Hope that never fails ”

“ I am so tired, I have a great mind to cry; only if one cried every time one felt tired in India, no number of pocket-handkerchiefs would suffice; but my bones ache, and I think I never shall be cool again. ”

“ It was great fun to see —— walking gravely up the ball-room, in his splendid uniform, hand in hand with this old black creature, who was in a scarlet turban, with a white muslin gown very short waisted, with tight long sleeves and a full short petticoat and no shoes and stockings; for you are to know that though the present magnanimous Governor-General has allowed the natives to come to his levees and our balls with their shoes on, yet this extreme condescension is so unusual that, on these great occasions, he cannot indulge the humane propensities of his magnificent mind ”

“ By an unheard-of piece of tyranny, George is the only individual who is allowed to have his mosquitoes driven away by two men, who stand behind him with long fans of feathers. We are not allowed this luxury in his presence; and of course have, besides our own mosquitoes, his refuse troop to feed. Nobody can guess what those animals are till they have lived amongst them. Many people have been laid up for many weeks by their bites on their first arrival. ”

“ And if dancing here from nine to halfpast eleven, without cards, without supper, without even wine, amuses them, and keeps them in the society of respectable people, it surely must be better than shutting up the house, and saying it is wrong to be amused. ”

“ The thread has been drawn out to its utmost length, but it has not an idea of breaking, has it, dear? and it grows more like a rope every day. If they won’t let us go home soon it will be a cable. I grudge the loss of your society, and your look, and your voice; but still at the end of this whole year of India, it seems to me that I have lived with all of you and with nobody else, so my English accounts add up well. ”

“ You have no idea how tantalising it is to waste ten such precious days, for the very hot weather begins at Calcutta the middle of March, so George was very anxious that we should have two or three cool weeks to break us in to the climate. If we could have a fair breeze we still might be there in ten days; but many people think we maybe a month or more. We tack about first to the east and then to the west, trying to screw a little northing out of them—so like people who can’t get to sleep, and try first one side to lie on and then the other. ”

“ We breakfast at nine, and dawdle about the hall for a quarter of an hour, reading the papers, and doing a little civility to the household; then Fanny and I go to the drawing-room and work and write till twelve, when I go up to my own room, and read and write till two. Fanny stays downstairs, as she likes it better than her own room. I do my shopping, too, at this hour; the natives come with work, and silks, and anything they think they have a chance of selling, and sometimes one picks up a tempting article in the way of work. ”

“ We have no chance of sailing; the wind is right against us, and a great deal of it, so we shall probably cross over to Ryde this afternoon, and wait there, as a cleaner and quieter place. There is such a dreadful quantity of people here, all bursting into the room at all moments ”

“ I like to be in the same hemisphere with you; it is the best we can do for ourselves now. ‘Hem, sweet hem, there is no hem like ours,’ is the nearest I can come to ‘Home, sweet home,’ and at all events it is something to know my own stars again. ”

“ Nothing is worth a day at sea, but as that cannot be avoided I am glad Madeira is our resting-place. We landed at three yesterday, after visits from the consul, salutes, &c., and got into palanquins at the landing-place, and were carried through a long narrow street with occasional intervals of gardens, where are palms and bananas and great orange-trees covered with fruit, and odd Murillo-looking women taking great care of each other’s hair—in short, everything looked tropical, and like a book of travels, and untrue. ”

“ It is certainly pleasanter to be liked than disliked by the people one must live with. There was every lady of the society there except three, who were ill and who sent notes of excuse and their husbands, or their sons to make their apologies; and so, as all our dinners and parties have met their reward, we shall go on in the same track; and that is the end of the great ball subject. ”

“ Now, the creaking is not more than is agreeable, so as to harmonise with the other noises of the ship. I wonder whether George would have come if he had known the full extent of the horrors of the voyage. I make a point of asking him constantly, ‘Do you give it up?’ and though he has not said yes, yet I think he must at last, and let us go home again. The whole thing is such a thorough take in! Sometimes the wind is favourable, and then everybody goes fussing about. ”

“ Ten men with lights ran before George’s carriage, besides the usual day accompaniment of servants, guards, &c. The ball was much like a London ball in look, only the uniforms make it look more dressed, and there is more space for dancing. They dance away as if they were not in a furnace, and instead of resting between the dances they walk round the room in pairs. There were few young ladies, but some young brides, and they all seem to dance on to a most respectable old age. Several mothers of grown-up daughters never missed a quadrille or waltz ”

“ She screamed and howled terribly for two days, and, as dogs that have been bitten by jackals generally go mad, it has been necessary to keep her in a large cage; but I think now she will recover. There are sometimes fifty jackals at a time round the house at Barrackpore, and I assure you, my dear ——, that I have not a moment’s peace about the Prince Royal, only I think his natural dignity and his imperious manner may keep the jackals in awe; also his servant is rather grand, particularly in the cold weather, when he wears a nice Indian shawl draped over him in a very becoming way. ”

“ My birthday, which nobody knows or cares about except myself, who would rather be a year younger each time than a year older; and I cannot help thinking that would be a worthy reward for each year passed in India. ”

“ George took Lady Ryan a drive, so Fanny and I rode with most of the gentlemen.
We took such a pretty ride through an Indian village, which was full of fun. Somehow it was one of their festivals, and there were crowds of them buying and selling, and thumping their drums, the only music they have. I see it will be easy to make the house pleasant to young ladies if we can find them. We have such a foundation of beaux to begin with, who naturally have to take care of the company. I am glad they like it. All the ‘Jupiter’s’ people sail next week. ”

“ George and I walked to a new aviary, or rather pheasantry, that we have been making out of a mock ruin in the garden, and there, in the midst of our new gold pheasants, which we have imported from China at vast expense to ourselves and vast trouble to —— ——, was an immense snake, a sort of serpent, hopping and skipping about the trees in the aviary; quite harmless, the native gardener said, only it was fond of eating birds—our birds, our new birds. He caught it and crammed it into a kedgeree pot, where it was precisely a reel in a bottle. It is all very well, and India is a very nice country ”

“ Even in the cabin, with every ray of sun and light shut out, and men to fan us, it was just like being packed up in a pinery. We shall never try that hour of the day again. Captain Grey and two of the midshipmen were the only people with us, as we left some of the aides-de-camp behind, and we expect a large party to-morrow. We found Mr. Pelham at Barrackpore. He set off a month before—two days after the ‘Jupiter’ arrived—to see Benares and Lucknow, 600 miles off. Travelling here goes on night and day, and is very fatiguing. ”

“ In India, where everybody has their own servants, nothing is so easy as these little independent expeditions, and it will make a very amusing recollection in after-life. The tiger-shooting sounds rather awful, and I think Fanny is a little afraid of it; but there is no need for seeing more of it than she likes. They will start about the middle of February, and be away a month; and they will live in tents, and travel on elephants, and see wild rhinoceroses, and do all the things that ought to be done in India ”

“ To finish our day: at six we go out. George and I ride every day now; Fanny about once in three times. At 7.30 we dress; dine at eight, and at ten go off to bed.
The weeks we do not go up to Barrackpore we dine alone at least four days out of the seven, which is a great set-off against the superior charms of Barrackpore; but there we always have the house full, and I have yet to discover the person whom I like to sit next to at dinner three days running. ”

“ I never shall forget the delight, the absolute ecstasy, of the arrival of what they in their lingo call the dawk boat, and when ten fat letters came out of the parcel for me. I locked my cabin door, flumped myself down on the bed, and absolutely wallowed in my letters like a pig. You cannot write at too great length, it is such a delight. ”

“ Yesterday when George and I had got on our elephant, which is a very large one, Chance chose to go running before it, barking for joy, as he used to do when he went out walking at home, and the elephant was so frightened that it would not move on, and screamed, I suppose, from fear of being eaten up. ”