F. Anstey

“ She had a short fainting fit when she saw the Gainsborough hat, and as soon as she revived the extraordinary appearance I presented upside down on the mast sent her into violent hysterics. By the time she was in a condition to look at the equestrian portraits, she had grown cold and hard as marble. "Go," she said, indicating the door; "I see I have been wasting my affection upon a heartless buffoon!" ”

“ You convinced me that I had mistaken my career and, thanks to your monitions, I ceased to practise as a poet and became the photographer you now behold!"
"And I have known poets," I said encouragingly, "who have ended far less creditably. For even an indifferent photographer is in closer harmony with nature than a mediocre poet." ”

“ In me she recognized an intellect naturally superior, too indifferent and unambitious to give life to its own imaginings—too honest, too devoted to humanity, to withhold merited condemnation from those of others.
One trait in my character which Iris valued above all others was the caution with which I habitually avoided all associations of a ridiculous nature; for it was my pride to preserve a demeanor of unsullied dignity under circumstances which would have been trying, if not fatal, to an ordinary person. So we became engaged ”

“ He was eying me in a curious manner. "Allow me," he said; "I always pose my sitters myself." With that he seized me by the neck and elsewhere without the slightest warning, and carrying me to the further end of the studio, flung me carelessly, face downward, over the cane-bottomed chair to which I had referred. ”

“ Everybody is taken with his tongue out nowadays."
"It is true," he said, "but I am not well enough known in the profession yet to depart entirely from the conventional. Your tongue out as far as it will go, please."
"I shall have a rush of blood to the head, I know I shall," I protested.
"Look here," he said; "am I taking this photograph or are you?"
There was no possible doubt, unfortunately, as to who was taking the photograph. I made one last remonstrance. "I put it to you as a sensible man——" I began; but it is a waste of time to put anything to a raving lunatic as a sensible man. ”

“ I continued, watching his countenance with secret amusement for the spasm I find this announcement invariably produces upon persons of any education, "it may possibly call up some associations in your mind if I tell you that I am perhaps better known by my self-conferred sobriquet of 'Vitriol.’"
Evidently I had to do with a man of some intelligence—I obtained an even more electrical effect than usual. "‘Vitriol!’" he cried, "not surely Vitriol, the great critic?" ”

“ One does not discover a true artist every day, capable of approaching his task in a proper spirit of reverence and enthusiasm; and I had hardly expected, after my previous failures, to be spared all personal outlay. My sole regret, indeed, was that I had not stipulated for a share in the profits arising from the sale—which would be doubtless a large one ”

“ Now settle yourself easily in the saddle, as if you were in the Row, with your face to the tail."
Listen to me for one moment," I entreated tremulously. "I assure you that I am not in the habit of appearing in Rotten Row on a spotted wooden horse, nor does any one, I assure you—any one mount a horse of any description with his face toward the crupper! If you take me like that you will betray your ignorance—you will be laughed at!"
When people tell you it is possible to hoodwink the insane by any specious show of argument, don't believe them ”