Francis William Lauderdale Adams

“ One must live prose, before one lives poetry: prose is paying for your cake, and poetry is eating it. Get something to support your body first: the body is the keystone. It is no good having your brain full and your belly empty, for at that rate you soon die, and look foolish. ”

“ I undressed slowly, as usual, in the dark, save for the light that came from the gas-lamp in the street through the far-window. As I got into bed I determined that the next day I would seek some work, even manual; for I did not, after all, care to die till I had heard about my poems (it was ridiculous! I smiled, but in a strange, sad way) , and I should have to pay four shillings at the end of the week, rent, and I had only three left for food. 'Wherefore, work must be done if money is to be earned: work, even manual, and why not?' At last I fell asleep. ”

“ I thought, not unbitterly, of the thousands of silly men and women, who squandered on luxury for mere luxury's sake, or hoarded for mere hoarding's sake, that which would enable me ... Then it struck me that sometimes men starved.—The thought seemed like a cruel being of darkness. I looked up sharply, almost hearing a sort of clang of its departing wings. And there arose a circling black cloud, from the outer dark-smokiness of which many, many eyes looked at me, the eyes of the many, many men who had struggled and perished. ”

“ I could have sunk down upon the shining pavement there; covered my face with my arms, and sobbed myself like a tired child to sleep, but oh! a sleep that should know no waking, no waking to misery and despair! At that moment a light leaped up and out from the big window on the left of the door. I saw it, but did not move. Then I leant against the nearer hard, cemented gate-post in that dreary rain of half-darkness, and my body seemed all bloodless. ”

“ Ay, you foolish Wisdoms, that spend your days in spinning clothes of air with which to clothe the long procession of Humanity, behold I here, a starving beggar-boy, laugh at you and say to you what you know: 'Why, you go naked,—naked, as when you came from your mother's womb!' Oh, oh, oh! we are all fools together. ”

“ I ate my dates and loaf on a seat beside a tree on an elevation that runs up there parallel to the curve of the lake. The loaf was of good thick crumby bread, and satisfied without satiating me; the dates, a half-pound, 4d., gave the bread a flavour. The only thing that seemed lacking was a crystal stream from which I might drink a pure cool draught. My breakfast done, I rose almost readily, and went back again to the bridge that leads to the gates. For, the fight is begun and loitering looks like laggardness. ”

“ Wandered out towards the Park and then, up-skirting it, on to Primrose Hill, up which I climbed slowly. It seemed to me that I would not much care whether I lived or died. I would seek for no work. No, not I! ”

“ Why are women done up like mummies? If ever I have a wife, Rayne, she shall wear knickerbockers, and race up Taygetus.... Hush, hush! Here's Christ come to see me. O dear Christ, O sweet Christ, give me your soft hand! I'll tell you all about it. I seem to know you so much better than God. And I haven't a friend in the world. I'm afraid they won't understand them ... Poor little poems! Too mystic; too mystic! I must keep out my mysticism; but how can I, when my heart's breaking? breaking, breaking.... Chut, chut, there! You mustn't sit down on the bed like that. Why, you're a woman! ”

“ You think Art's growing more and more of a drug, do you? And you think, too, that I shall be great—some day? But I've no ambition to be great, I tell you. Fools are great. When they die they rot and are eaten. We all shall die some day, and rot, and be eaten. ”

“ I was quite alone in this city, this careless, cruel London, and, if I were to lie down there in the hollow under the garden rails, and sleep, and never wake again, there would be no one, not a man, not a woman, not a child who ... ”

“ They have not known, they will never know!—Ay, they are all wise, and they none of them find out anything! They beat the air with heavy flails, proving each other fools and us slaves and beasts, and then they also die, and rot, and are eaten. ”

“ That three shillings perhaps means life,' I thought again, 'who knows if I can get any work? and how to live in the meantime? And I'm so frightfully weak.... Means life: means hope, and all my dreams! itteans everything! That is its meaning. And, if I give it up.... No; I won't give it up! I won't give up my life! It is the only thing here: the rest is but hope and fancy.'
I heard a board creak.
Some one went down the stairs quietly but quickly. ... ”

“ Smith! Mrs. Smith!' And, when she came from the room on the left just by me, put the three shillings into her hand, the florin and one shilling, and said:
'There is the money for her.'
I had the door open as her fingers closed. She was staring at me stupidly enough; but I saw that she understood what I meant. Then I stepped out quickly: ran across the road, and stopped for a moment, looking ahead to see if I could see her.... If she escaped me after all!
Three great gas-jets flared some fifty yards down, on the opposite side, in front of a fish-shop. ”

“ I looked at the candle-light, one long half-vacant look, and turned and went to the table, and took up the letter and slowly opened it and read:
'Dear Sir,—Our reader thinks very well of your Poems; but as there is little sale in poetry now-a-days, he does not, on that account, think the work would command a remunerative sale. The following is an extract from the report which we have received on the ms. "There is evidence of power in his book which, with due care and cultivation, may ripen into ability to achieve real and lasting poetic work." ”