Francis William Lauderdale Adams

“ He stood up; we looked for some little in one another's eyes. Then he stretched out his arm, and let his hand fall on my shoulder.
'You are a brave fellow,' he said, 'and I believe you are a true one. I believe what you have told me. There, there, now.' (For my eyes were suddenly full of tears) —'There, there, there, there, there! It's all right now.' And he turned away and let his arm drop. Then:
'Stop,' said he, 'did you know Blake at Glastonbury?'
'He left just before I came; but I met him once. ”

“ Why not? I was sure I was quite as capable of teaching as poor Currie, the undermaster at Whittaker's.—Or a private secretaryship?—I let my thoughts go, and had planned out my life as under-master, or private secretary, or tutor, before I fell into a sweet dreamless sleep.
The next day, in the morning, although I was, I found, uncommonly weak, I managed to get into the Edgware Road as far as a stationer's, where I inquired in a general sort of a way about such things as under-masterships and tutorships, of the genteel middle-aged party who was in the shop. ”

“ I went for a long walk in Hyde Park, stopping to look at the men and women riding or driving by, and not one of whom I, in this bright day's dawn of a new life, could possibly envy. Their wealth might give me the chance of leading another life which would not be without its charm, nay, its delight ”

“ I began to question her a little about herself, and she answered readily, nay, entered upon a regular discourse, to which I played the accompaniment with some pleasure of amusement and otherwise, till we were half way up Primrose Hill: when I all at once remembered a certain bench not far from the top, by which I had on a certain night stood and looked out over the darkness from which came the cool breeze fanning my feverish cheek. ”

“ I sat up in bed, and threw out my arms.
'Oh you Rosebud!' I said, laughing, 'you Rosebud!'
We had a short conversation together that evening as I ate my tea in bed, and then we said good-night, and she left me. And I set about thinking what I had best do now. The failure of my attempt to earn my livelihood by my pen was a heavy blow to me, and the heavier that it was unexpected.—But I gave up further consideration of the matter for the present: I must have some means of support, and immediately. And what was the good of thinking of poetry, after what Parker, Innes & Co. had said about it? ”

“ Then she laughed.
'But what shall I call you?' I asked.
'You called me "child" once. I'm not a child. I'm seventeen.'
I smiled at her. She at once caught up the bag of grapes, undid the mouth, and offered it to me. ”

“ Blake again—how that he was a truly great and good man, one who was without the cant of the two words, a Christian gentleman.
A pause.—Then I:
'I think I ought to tell you something, sir, that I have not told you yet.'
'Aha?' he said.
'I am not a Christian, and ... I do not say that I do not believe in a God, but I do not think that I believe in one.'
He put his hand on my shoulder again, and smiled:
'It will pass, it will pass! We most of us go in a circle now-a-days: most of us, that is, who are worth anything. ”

“ Now tell me. Can you shoot? No. Ride? No. Um! You are strongly made. Where were you at school?'
'At Glastonbury.'
'Ah, so was I! With Craven, I suppose?'
'Yes, sir.'
'Did you go in for sports—much?'
'I was in the first football fifteen, and rowed in my house-boat.'
'School House?'
'Yes.'
' So did I. It was head of the river in my year.'
'And in mine too.'
'—Tell me something about yourself.'
I paused for a moment. Then I said:
'I have been at Glastonbury five years. My father, who is dead, had placed all his fortune in the Southern Bank. ”

“ I mean, as if nobody else belonged to you somehow; and they are all here, and they live and they die, and you can't tell where they go to: and you can't tell where you will go to, but you don't think you really ever will die, although you know you will; but when you do die, that you will go to somewhere else, where you will be quite alone again and nobody else will belong to you somehow, and they will be all there, and they will all live there, and then die, and you can't tell where they go to, and then you will die.... ”

“ As I was folding on my necktie I noticed how dirty my collar was, and then my shirt, and more particularly the cuffs. I put on a clean,—the last,—collar in the bag. And that set me off thinking for a moment about my clothes. 'Well, well!' I said, 'I shall have to tell the man the truth I suppose: and why not?' For I did not doubt but that he would have me.
Rosy was of course off to her work these three hours. This, and what she would think about the secretaryship, came to me as I passed her door and went down the dark stuffy old wooden staircase. What would the Rosebud think? ”

“ Up leaped a core of light at the far end of the room; then grew steady and lived. Some one had lit the gas-lamp at the street-corner below. I turned over in my bed. I thought that it was lazy of me to be lying warm here: to-day, when I had, I remembered, intended seeking work. Work! Work for what? Well, it was lazy of me to be lying warm here. Where had I been?. . .
Some one came in softly (the door had opened) . And why didn't they knock?
Turning round I saw a girl on her way to the table with a paper-bag in her hand. ”

“ Eighteen.—Why, it is ridiculous! (I really must read some of those Rejected Addresses of yours some day.) —You are very tall for your age, and look very old for eighteen.'
I smiled:
'This fortnight has made me older by five years, I think. Years are no test of age, sir.'
We talked together for almost an hour—of many things. ”

“ He had an equally discouraging account to give of tutorships and secretaryships. All these things required time. I said that speed was the one necessity. And on this understanding we parted: I, I cannot say how forlorn,—nay, once or twice on my walk home, even wearier and more toilsome, near to tears. ”

“ After some persuasion she at last agreed. We went into a jeweller's (the very jeweller's under whose window I had counted my money on the first night I was in London) in the Edgware Road together, and she chose a small round silver locket, and relented a little.
'No,' she said, as we were walking slowly away.
'For the bonnet and the jacket would wear out, and I couldn't very well keep them then—eh? And they wouldn't look nice, all in rags and tatters, would they? But I shall always be able to keep the locket, you know: and when I look at it I shall think of you and give a sigh ”

“ A small thin black kitten ran out and began chasing the paper-bag.
She turned, saw it, and cried out:
'Minnie, Minnie!—Oh, you silly thing! Let it alone, can't you?'
She turned to me again:
'That 's my cat Minnie. Isn't she a beauty?'
'Well ... yes,' I said.
'Why, I should think so!—Now I must go. I oughtn't to have let you talk so much: it's not good for you. I hope you're feeling better?—Here, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Min, Min! Oh, she's after that piece of paper. Silly thing!...' (Turning to me again.) 'I'll let her stop with you ... ”

“ As I stood so, I heard a step behind me and turned.
'You are looking at my books, I see,' he said.
'Yes, sir,' I answered, 'it was a Gervinus's Shakespeare. I hope——'
'Oh, not in the least! Please sit down.'
He motioned me into a large red leather chair on one side of the fire-place.
'You come from Messrs. ... The name is rather confusing,' he said. '... I want a secretary to help me with to make himself generally useful as I may direct. Another young gentleman has been here this morning already: I mean from Messrs. ...' He smiled.—'He objected to going out to Africa. ”

“ Memory had flowed back on to me.
'I have brought you some grapes,' she said, 'I thought you might like them.'
I raised my head again, and opened my eyes in the room, now full of light. I had not noticed that she had lit the gas.
'You are kind ”

“ You are my secretary—for a year. It is so agreed?'
'Yes, sir: as far as I am concerned.'
'Then allow me to give you your first quarter in advance. It is always—I always manage it in that way. You may be in want of a little ready money. And ... ”