George M. Baker

“ Cha. I suppose you mean, madam, that that gentleman was my uncle. I don’t dispute the fact. (Aside.) How the mischief did she find that out? Ah! it’s that confounded landlord told her.
Luc. Well, sir, I’ve a most important communication to make to you from his adopted child.
Cha. But I don’t want to hear what she’s got to say, madam. You know her?
Luc. Yes, sir, I know her; and I also know that she has been seeking you for a long time, in order to give you up a fortune which by right belongs to you.
Cha. What you propose, madam, is ridiculous. I could never accept a farthing. ”

“ Miss Lucy Mortimer wishes to have the honor of seeing you, sir.
Cha. Miss who, did you say?
Pri. Well, sir, beg pardon, it’s your cousin’s uncle or your uncle’s cousin.
Cha. Ask the lady to walk in, wretched man.
19Pri. (announcing Lucy, who is in Elizabeth’s cloak with a thick veil on) . Miss Lucy Mortimer.
Cha. (advancing, confused) . Madam, I thought I—
Luc. (speaking to him in a disguised voice, and throwing back veil) . Well, sir, what do you think of me?
Cha. Ah, madam! Even the most confused man in the world could but confess that you are charming. ”

“ Luc. If you can sufficiently control yourself to sit in a chair here without turning your head, I will sit behind you, and we can finish our conversation without my being stifled.
Cha. (reproachfully) . What, madam!
Luc. Well, you must choose; for, as I don’t want to die of suffocation, I shall be forced to give you your congé.
Cha. (taking chair down front of scene, and sitting) . Madam, this is the second time it is my good fortune to save your life to-night, in return for which—
Luc. (advancing with a cup of tea in one hand, whilst with the other she keeps him down in the chair) . ”

“ Cha. Madam, in the East, you are aware that a veil is a protecting wall between man and woman. If you would endeavor to put on such a veil, and would do me the honor of granting me an interview,—the landlord can supply us with refreshments,—we can converse more easily than through this partition; in fact, we shall be in the East; and, further, I pledge myself on my honor as a gentleman, that nothing shall in any way cause you to regret our interview.
9Luc. (aside) . His letter announces that he intends to risk his fortune. ”

“ Then, sir, I am to understand that, notwithstanding all the misfortunes connected with your nickname, you have still hope.
Cha. Yes,—hope, that poor little creature that nothing can kill.
Luc. It is, then, this hope that takes you to Baden?
Cha. Baden is, as far as I’m concerned at this moment, my last hope in this world; then, if my luck is once more against me, if fortune fails to help me, if that poor little creature, hope, succumbs to bad luck, why, then—
14Luc. You’ll go and join your mother. ”

“ You will thank me, sir, by explaining how it is that one can be—
Cha. Too lazy for any thing.
Luc. Precisely. If you will take the chair near you, you can be seated.
Cha. Well, you see, in this world men have all sorts of faces. (Prichard enters with tea-tray.) Confound this fellow! Just as I was getting on so nicely!
Pri. (putting down tea) . Madam—
Cha. Talking of faces, let me draw your attention, madam, to this one (pointing to Pri.’s face) . There is a face that has committed faults—crimes.
Pri. Crimes! Faults! Me, madam! me, sir! ”

“ It’s he, it’s he! (She returns hastily, and bolts door.) Ah, how my heart beats! what shall I do now? (Thinking.) The fact is, he’s very nice, notwithstanding his nickname.
Cha. (entering, and falling into arm-chair) . Another dream, that takes itself off to the land of dreams. (Striking table.) No, it’s always the same. If you were to go to a masked ball where there was only one woman—oh, love! oh, frenzy! the mask falls, ugh! no more love, no more frenzy. The woman’s ninety, and ugly as—heaven knows what.
Luc. He’s come in. (Calling at door.) Mr. King!
Cha. And such a voice!
Luc. Sir. ”

“ You couldn’t do better, my dear White Horse, if you intended giving your daughter a husband. Just listen to me for a moment; you will oblige me by going up—yourself, mind—into that lady’s room next door.
Pri. Marrying one’s daughter, sir, when one is a father, is a grave responsibility; my emotions—
Cha. Of course you feel as a father; you will be good enough to take up plenty of candles, some flowers—
Pri. So long as she’s happy, so long as— (Charles, movement of impatience) —candles, sir, yes, sir, and flowers; yes, sir.
Cha. Afterwards you will bring up some refreshments; tea, for instance. ”

“ Knocks gently at door. Luc. Good gracious! there’s some one knocking. Who is there? What do you want?
Cha. A thousand pardons, madam. I am the person who inhabited a few minutes ago the room you now occupy; and by accident in leaving the room I left an unfinished letter.
Luc. (aside) . Dear me! This is the young gentleman that’s too lazy for any thing.
Cha. Would you be kind enough to return me my letter?
Luc. (embarrassed) . Sir, I’ll ring in order that your letter may be brought to you. ”

“ If you, sir, would oblige me by just looking in (on turning to Charles, finds him asleep) —Confound it, he’s asleep again! (To audience.) An idea occurs to me; (turning to Waiter) here, George, catch hold of one end of this sofa. (They take sofa, and carry it into next room with Charles asleep on it.) There, I don’t believe he’ll find it out; here, George, his luggage. (Brings baggage, but leaves letter.) There, now, that’s all right, and now (entering next door, and closing with bolt) I can fetch the ladies up. ”

“ We have many readers and books that purport to furnish pieces for the use of amateur speakers and juvenile orators. But the great defect in nearly all of them is, that their selections are made from the same series of authors. ”

“ Not at all: only I wished to explain to you, that, never having worn a thick veil in a room, I’m simply stifling.
Cha. I can quite believe you. Nothing, nothing is so dangerous as a thick veil: you must take it off at once,—you must. ”

“ Through the door that keeps us apart. Luc. I consent, but upon one condition; and that is, that you explain to me how it is that a man can be too lazy to do any thing.
Cha. Very good; at least I will explain to you the meaning of this somewhat bad joke.
Luc. Sir, upon these conditions in a few moments I shall be prepared to meet you—in China.
Cha. Madam, in a few minutes I shall have the honor of presenting myself. (Goes to window, calling.) Mr. Red Lion, or Mr. White Horse! ”

“ Baker deviates from the beaten track, and furnishes some fifty selections which have not been published before in any collection of readings. Mr. Baker has himself written many pieces for the amateur stage, and achieved a reputation as a public reader, so that he is eminently qualified by his own experience for the task of teaching others.”—Phil. Age. ”

“ Exit L. 2 E.
5Lucy unpacking her boxes, L. H. Cha. (sitting on side of sofa, R. H.) . By Jove! one hears every thing that is going on next door. Seems to be a lady and her maid—not very gentlemanly to listen, Master Charley, but it’s interesting. Ah, well! when I was young this might have led to an adventure. I should never have rested until I had made the acquaintance of my fair neighbor,—for I suppose she is fair,—whilst now there’s not the slightest danger. Confound it! I must see this woman, though. ”

“ Sinks on his knee. Door opens. Luc. Get up: here’s some one coming.
Enter Prichard, R. 2 E. Pri. Madam, sir, the postilions are harnessed: I mean the horses.
Cha. Confound that landlord!—Come here, landlord. (Takes Pri. up C.) Did you ever hear that this hotel of 20yours was infected with a malady of the most infectious character?
Pri. Sir, I beg most distinctly to state that—
Cha. Landlord, you’re very drunk. ”