George Veal

“ Hummings said I had as well try the effect of the bassoon upon him; and pointing to me, told the people that they need seek no farther, for I was superior to any surgeon. Upon this, untying my green bag, the man cry’d out, he begg’d no instruments might be used. “No, (says I,) none but a musical instrument.” So I began with a gentle blast, and played and sung alternately,—“You’ll ne’er go the sooner to the Stygian Ferry. Let not your noble spirits be cast down, but drink, drink, drink, and be merry.”—“Give me some ale, (cries the wounded man) I like this, Doctor.” ”

“ Dr. Hiccup was, it seems, at his devotions, which he always performed in imitation of that great and devout musician, King David. He was a tall, boney figure, with a swarthy complexion, and blear eyes. As I sat down he took no notice of me, but continued dancing with a harp in his hand, without his breeches, and with his night-gown and shirt tucked up above his waist ”

“ He rose every morning, when his chime-clock struck eleven, (for, like the famous Chevalier Gluck, he is too great a genius to rise early) and generally gaped all the time his lady was putting on his breeches. For breakfast he always eat rolls and butter, whether in summer or winter; and after his breakfast paid a visit to Cloacina, but assured me he never used old music books on this occasion on any account. ”

“ The improvement of the fine arts ought to be the first object of public attention in an age of luxury, PEACE, and plenty, like the present; when we have rivalled the Italians in music, it will be time enough to think of our navy, and our agriculture. ”

“ The famous March in Saul is too powerful for3 me even at this day, tho’ I can stand any other, without being offensive. Indeed, I am so well convinced of the connection between the sound and the sense in all good music, that I will venture to prescribe Handel’s water-piece, and water parted from the sea, as specifics for a strangury. I know that there is great truth in what Shakespear says of the bag-pipe; and I have observed that a jockey always whistles to his horse upon these occasions, which never fails to produce great effects, tho’ the performer want brilliancy of execution ever so much. ”

“ Burney, and Signor Giardini, had, under your authority, just founded a school for music (in imitation, I suppose, of the Italian Conservatorios) in the Foundling Hospital, where about an hundred of such poor children, as have hitherto been placed out to trades and services, in which they had no opportunity of making a noise in the world, are, in future, to be trained to harmony from their infancy, and constantly employed in the study of music ”

“ Stock-jobbing
Are horrors to me;
I wish the whole island were sunk in the sea.
During my performance, the Signor appeared perfectly astonished, and at length seizing my hand with rapture, “welcome,” he cried, “O son of harmony! it cannot be longer disguised, you are a brother—you are one of us”—then expatiating on the dignity and importance of the order of castrati, he desired me, if not too much exhausted, to sing again his favourite air, which when I had done56 he cried out with transport;—“nec vox hominem sonat! ”

“ I have little doubt, therefore, that they will soon find that “music is so combined with things sacred and important, as well as with our pleasures, that it seems necessary to our existence:” they will then quickly become friends to organs, and next to operas. ”

“ At my house, sir, you will learn to cut your meat, and move your jaws at dinner in common or triple time, according to the instruments that accompany our meals.——By dealing the cards at quadrille, how easy it is to judge if the party has an ear!——yonder gentleman who comes towards our window, see how he swings his arms in exact time, true as the pendulum of a clock. ”

“ The Signor was kind enough to admit my excuses, but lamented this as the greatest obstacle to the national advancement in the science of music. However, he averred that several English young noblemen of fortune had to his knowledge undergone the operation in Italy, “and though,” added he, “an ordinary proficient may be exempted from the practice, yet it is indispensibly necessary for one who would fathom all the mysteries of the art, and emulate the illustrious names of Senesino, Farinelli, Tenducci, &c.” ”

“ If they tend in any shape to promote the study and practice of music in this country, and by that means lessen our national reproach of being The Savages of Europe, immersed in politics, philosophy, metaphysics, mathematics, and other sour and abstruse speculations, I shall have gained my59 end, and shall congratulate myself on having in some humble degree assisted the generous efforts of the great musical Doctor, and the governors of the Foundling Hospital, to polish and Italianize the genius, taste, and manners of the English nation. ”

“ He retired a moment to fetch the instrument of his revenge. Mrs. Sharpset escaped, but in an instant I saw him return whetting his keenest razor; and concluding, that he meant to cut my throat upon the spot, I fell down at his feet and in an agony of fear and penitence, roared out such a Miserere, as was never heard at the Pope’s chapel in Passion-week. Alas! how did I wish for the genius of a Gluck, “to paint my difficult situation occasioned52 by complicated misery, and the tempestuous fury of unbridled passions!” ”

“ Her voice was one of the clearest, sweetest, truest, most powerful and extensive I ever heard. In compass,33 it is from B♭ on the fifth space in the bass, to D in alt, full steady and equal; her shake was good, and her portamento admirably free from the nose, mouth, or throat. We were then entertained by a duet between the Mingotti, and a large raven, in the chromatic, which grew more spirited by my friend’s pulling a bone out of his pocket, which he threw to the performers, and thereby produced a conflicta. ”

“ Perhaps it will at first appear a bold undertaking in the guardians of deserted orphans, chiefly supported by parliamentary grants of public money, to declare, that theyvi cannot be maintained by the public for a more useful purpose, than to be taught to sing and play Italian airs. For men of narrow and contrasted minds, who have neither ear, nor voice, nor hand, will still imagine, that it might prove of more national utility, to breed these adopted children of the public, to Husbandry, Navigation, &c. ”

“ After this, he successively coughed, sneezed, hiccuped, eructated, squeaked and whistled in the most harmonious manner that can be conceived. “Thank heaven,” cried the Signor, “my powers of harmony are yet undiminished: I shall still live to bless the world, and polish this brutal nation.” Saying this, he took up his fiddle, and played a most divine solo. I heard him for some time in silent ecstacy, ’till at length incapable of suppressing my emotions any longer, I precipitated myself42 into his arms, crying or rather blubbering out in imitation of the great Cassarelli, Bravo! bravissimo! ”

“ I asked her what her real opinion of my voice was? she answered me with the most perfect affability, that I acquitted myself tolerably well considering; tho’ “she thought me too ambitious of displaying my talent of working parts and subjects, and added that my cantilena was often rude.”
I took an opportunity when I was alone with this young lady, to enquire if the castrati were much in vogue at Bristol, and if that operation could be so safely attempted on elderly gentlemen ”

“ It is true, that the greater part of these faculties was taken from him at the Fall, and have been very sparingly bestowed upon his descendants; from hence arises that degeneracy into which music has fallen in the modern ages of the world: that sublime science, instead of expressing the natural passions, by a judicious imitation of the tones of beasts ”

“ My friend then tied strings to the ears of six young greyhound puppies, which he twitch’d with so much art and judgment34 by means of a pully, that I think the effect was equal to any viol di gamba I ever heard, not excepting that of the Elector of Munich.
My friend then suspended two cats by the tails, which he contrived should alternately bob upon the noses of two sucking pigs, who were tied by the hind-legs to the floor: though I observed these performers were somewhat embarassed in their manner, yet I could not but acknowledge the effect was quite original and truly theatric. ”

“ I found him to be a gentleman of considerable and original musical genius; his taste was pure, chaste, refined; and his execution, particularly upon the Jew’s harp, was exquisite; he executed with great taste and powers, Nancy Dawson, Lillabullero, and Old Sir Simon the king. After dinner he explained to me his system for the improvement of sound, which was at once sublime and original. “The Author of Nature,” said he, “has with an equal and judicious hand distributed his gifts among his creatures: to one he has given strength ”

“ What man, what unemasculated god could have withstood such potent snares? Ah! my serene Gluckinella had’st thou been there, these tumults had all subsided, the devil had not got intire51 possession of my mind, voice and instrument, nor had I needed the painful operation of the barber’s avenging steel to bring my wandering spirits back to reason:—for soon, and in the midst of our illicit joys, the door of the chamber was forced open, and in rushed Mr. ”

“ We have already (to our shame be it spoken,) better sailors than fiddlers, and more farmers than contrapuntists. But as I take this circumstance to arise entirely from the different degree of encouragement those occupations have hitherto received ”

“ Among other discoveries and observations which she communicated to me, and which I treasure up, and mean to preserve for the benefit of future ages, she assured me that it was “practicable with time and patience to give a shake where nature has denied it ”

“ Having paid a shilling to the performers of this stupendous piece of harmony, at which my grave companion seem’d much delighted, and listen’d to my remarks upon it with the greatest avidity and approbation; “Signior Collioni,” says he, “your observations inchant me ”