Helen C. Clifford

“ Weeks this evening on "What Woman Will Do With the Vote"?
Alice. I'll tell you what I will do. I shall go to neither place. Come now, you two shake hands and be good friends.
Mrs. Baxter. I will n——
Alice. For the land's sake, why keep up this pretense any longer? You know right well, Mary, that you are dying to know where Mrs. Baxter bought her new hat. (Mrs. Baxter and Mary look at one another; both laugh)
Mary. You are right, Alice. Although we rave and clamor for our rights, we are still only women down deep in our hearts.
Mrs. Baxter. ”

“ But I said to myself, if there is a woman, noble and upright enough to earn her own living without depending on mere man, it is my duty as one of her sex to plod along with her in her courageous career. ”

“ Miss Worker (comes between two) . For shame! (Prayerful attitude) Oh Lord, forgive them. It would be better for both of you to go your own way without molesting one another.
Mrs. Baxter. Yes, I intend going my way. But I insist upon an apology from this woman.
Mary. Why should I apologize to you? Ah, my cause, my noble cause! (Stands on chair) Three cheers for Woman Suffrage and may she rule from one corner of the earth to the other! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!
Mrs. Baxter (opposite) . Three cheers for the Antis! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah! ”

“ My talents are varied. I am well versed in literature and consider myself a girl of wide erudition. I can perform a little on the harp and piano. My voice——
Alice. Just a minute, please. I suppose you can dance, sing, flirt, cook, paint, etc., but can you take dictation, answer the telephone, and attend to an office in general? ”

“ Baxter, I cannot believe——
ENTER Mary c.d.
Mary. Hello, everyone. Where's Miss Berning?
Miss Prune. Not in at present. But make yourself at home.
Mary. Don't speak to me of home. Home is only a figure of speech. Why who ruins the home of to-day? (Excited) It is man, man, MAN; it is MAN ruining everything. Why did we have such a hard time to get the vote? It was because he will have to part with some of his ruining ways. I say, give me freedom of vote or give me DEATH.
Miss Prune. Well—well—then be—eh—make yourself comfortable. ”

“ Diana. And how did you get rid of them?
Alice. I interviewed each one separately, but found not one qualified to do my work. I verily believe if I encounter another applicant like any of my last ones I shall close up shop and bury myself in the woods. (Woe-begone look)
Diana (fingering cards and papers on desk) . Alice Marie Jenkins Berning, what does this mean? Why there isn't anything on these so-called letters but meaningless words. Since when did Mrs. Smith, Mrs. Courld, Mr. Montemout and all these other society favorites become your clients? ”

“ A breezy and effective farce in which half a dozen bright girls can delight an audience with half an hour of innocent fun. Grandmother Stiles and her demure but frolicsome granddaughter are excellent characters ”

“ They work and slave for man and what does he do for them in return? Nothing. (Miss Prune and Miss Worker both jump; Mrs. Baxter bored) They are paid a few dollars but nothing more. Were we allowed to direct, to have a voice in the Government? No. We were good enough as playthings, helpmates or slaves for man, but when it came to anything higher we were scoffed down. Oh, now that we've got the vote we will show them. I ask you (To Miss Prune) are we not man's equal in everything? ”

“ Alice. You know that many of my clients have had similar cases, but I have had to refuse to take them. Although I would like to take your case I am afraid— (Miss Chickenfencer throws pencil down) —that I shall have to—— (To Miss Chickenfencer) Why are you not writing?
Miss Chicken. Goodness! you are a regular steam engine. ”

“ Very well—I am sure you will be happy.... Yes, he also. (Aside) God help the poor man. (Through 'phone) I'm busy now—— (Lays receiver down; picks up pen; writes; takes up receiver) Good-bye. I was just in time to bid her good-bye. I wonder what she was saying all that time, and she just married?
ENTER c.d. Miss Prune (Diana disguised) .
Alice. Hello, what have we here?
Miss Prune. Pardon, madame. (Bows low) I believe I have the pleasure to address the young lady advertising for a stenographer.
Alice (aside) . I'm in for it again. I suppose this is the applicant. ”