Hugh Walpole

“ When a gentleman's given his word, he keeps it."
"I hadn't given my word," said Lane. "I simply said I might come. Well, I thought better of it, that's all."
"Mr. Lane," said Miss Allan, shaking her head, "is this right, is this good, is this the way to make others happy?"
"I don't care a hang," he burst out, "whether others are happy or not! I'm sick of seeing people happy. I tell you what, Miss Allan, your place would be a lot better if there was a little more ill-temper in it. All that cheerfulness's got on my nerves, and it's not real cheerfulness, either. I'm not coming any more." ”

“ Miss Allan was a strong, rather stern-featured woman, dressed in a bright orange that clashed somewhat painfully with the carpet, having every sign about her that she knew her own mind, and was not going to stand any nonsense from anybody. ”

“ I was taken into a third room, where half a dozen rather elderly men and women were seated in couples, trying apparently to develop friendly conversations with one another. "This," said Miss Allan, looking at her pupils with great severity, as though they were most certainly not doing what they were supposed to be doing, "this we call the Friends in Council Room. We introduce here to one another lonely folk who have not friends or any great interest in life. They come here for an hour in the afternoon and talk together." ”

“ He straightened himself and turned round, his broad, red face flushed with his exertions. "By Jove, it is jolly," he cried, "this weeding! There's nothing like it for sheer fun. Why everybody doesn't spend all their time weeding, I can't think."
"It's a good thing they don't," I said rather irritably, "or there'd be nothing ever planted."
"Oh, do you think so?" he said, laughing. "Planting's very jolly, too. Anything to do with the garden is splendid."
I discovered that my earlier determination to force Lane into loss of temper as soon as possible would not be an ungrateful task on my part. ”

“ I attribute my health," he said, coming close to me and looking at me with intense seriousness, "to having a cold bath every day of the year, winter and summer, quarter of an hour's Müller's exercises before the open window, and eating a good hearty breakfast. Now, breakfast is the meal to build the day on. You have a good breakfast, and nothing can go much wrong."
To myself, who find a small cup of tea and a thin piece of bread-and-butter as much as I can manage in the early morning, there was something truly cannibalistic about Lane's morning diet. ”

“ Lane came to see me, and reported that her husband had actually sworn at one of the children. Her face was wreathed with smiles. "You really are clever, Mr. Johnson," she said. "He's always perfectly sweet in the morning, but when he comes back to dinner, after seeing those people in Victoria Street, his temper is quite uncertain, and he told me this morning that he thought it a great mistake for people always to be cheerful. I'm going to give him a bad egg for breakfast tomorrow morning, and have the greatest hopes of the result." ”

“ It isn't that I want any ill-temper, but it's nearly that. The fact of the matter is that my husband has grown through all these years into the most terrible optimist. He is so persistently cheerful, looks so deliberately upon the bright side of things, refuses so entirely to be upset by anything, even toothache, that myself and the children and an aunt who lives with us, to our horror, are discovering that although we all love Charlie very much, we are beginning to avoid his company, to go out of the house when he comes into it, and to stay away with friends whenever a chance offers itself. ”

“ I'm not going to laugh to order, and I am going to lose my temper when I want to. It's a poor sort of man who doesn't get angry sometimes. You're trying to force all those wretched people into false happiness. There's nothing in the world more tiresome than somebody who's always cheerful. I'm sure my wife will agree with me."
"I do," said Mrs. Lane, looking at Miss Allan with awe. ”

“ I love my fellow-humans. People are fascinating, I think. Nobody's dull if you really get to know him. Everyone's so much jollier than you would expect."
"Oh, really, Lane," I said, "I haven't known you very long, and perhaps I've got no right to speak, but whom do you know? ”

“ At the conclusion of the whole affair a rather tired-looking clergyman got up, made a little final address in which he said that they were indeed carrying on a good work by raising the voice in merriment and song, that they were showing to the world how happy one might be without anything stronger than lemonade, and by going back to those sweet old dances that the world had unhappily flung aside, that laughter and joy were beautiful things to carry through life ”

“ She made him her model before the class. "Now, ladies and gentlemen," she said, "you just watch Mr. Lane. You watch him laugh, and I beg you to notice how all the muscles of the face are involved at precisely the same instant. Even the body has its share in the general convulsive movement. Please notice the hands, the gesture of the right arm. Now, Miss Beaumont, would you mind reading a little?"
Miss Beaumont was to-day reading from Jerome's "Three Men in a Boat." "Now," said Miss Allan, "at the words 'and in he fell' you will see Mr. Lane convulsed with laughter. ”

“ Then I happened to overhear him say to a friend that the one article of diet he couldn't bear was lobster, and I gave him lobster four nights running, and all he said on the fourth night was that it showed what habit could do, because he'd always fancied that he didn't like lobster, but now that he'd had it once or twice he was becoming really very fond of it. This must all seem, Mr. Johnson, perfectly fantastic to any ordinary person, but? assure you that I just long for an outburst of temper, some expression of discontent. ”

“ How are you ever going to be happy and make nice friends if you don't give them a fair test?" Meanwhile it was amusing to observe the blank look on the face of the little fat man, who obviously thought that he had been a great success. It was when I saw Miss Allan's wonderful firmness, and the sudden submission of poor Miss Sturgis, that I was more than ever confirmed in my belief that this was the place for Lane. ”

“ Those people at Miss Allan's never drop it for a moment. You've always got to be laughing, smiling, singing and dancing. Of course they're delightful people, and I do admire the work they're doing, but I think they make it a little too monotonous. ”

“ Here there were some half-dozen men, all middle-aged or over, all with their coats off, engaged in bending down, trying to touch their toes. A thin little man, the instructor, was dancing about in a perfect tempest of rage. ”

“ The lonely folk did not look at all as though they were enjoying themselves, except one fat little man, who was pouring out a flood of words into the ears of a rather grim-looking lady, who kept trying to interrupt him with little desperate ejaculations of "I don't think—but why?" ”

“ We all have a good side, you know, as well as a bad side, and if you only look at the good side—well, naturally you like people better. Then I'm not a clever fellow like you. I do admire men who write and that sort of thing. ”

“ We live and learn." With which sentiment Miss Allan entirely agreeing, we shook hands and parted.
III.
I lost no time in conducting my friend Lane to Miss Allan's offices. "I want you to come," I explained to him, "because I think you'll do real good there. The object of the place, as I told you, is to put cheerfulness into people's lives, and, to tell you the truth, from the little visit I made I gathered that the one thing that was absent was that same cheerfulness. Now, you're one of the most cheery fellows I know." ”

“ Our charges are," she added rapidly, "three guineas for a course of six lessons, five pound ten for twelve. Families of more than three can be dealt with at a cheaper rate."
"Thanks very much," I answered. ”