Ian Hay

“ Presently Jacob's little companion laid down her book for a moment, in order to adjust her steamer rug. Straightway the volume slid from her lap on to the deck. Jacob dived for it, and returned it, dumbly. The girl thanked him with a smile, resumed her reading,—at least, she continued to keep her eyes upon its pages,–and silence reigned again.
Here was an opportunity; but seize it Jacob could not. Shyness is a potent and paralyzing thing. He sat rigid. ”

“ He exhaled a long cloud of cigar Smoke, and proceeded:
“A man impersonates another man for one of three reasons. Firstly, to gain some fraudulent advantage—make money out of the game, in fact. I may say at once that I acquit you of any such intention.”
“That's right, sir,” murmured Jacob faintly.
“Secondly, in obedience to a curious but not altogether unnatural craving—the craving for fame, distinction, notoriety—anything, in fact, which will lift a man out of the ruck of his fellow-creatures and make him conspicuous for a moment. Men have been found willing to die for such a moment. ”

“ VIII “I was so proud of you to-night,” said Myra softly. “You speak as well as you write.”
Once more they were sharing the boat deck with the moon. The Concert had been a great success: thanks to a moving appeal from the Chair a more than usually satisfactory sum had been collected for the Seamen's Orphanage. They reclined in their deck-chairs side by side, sharing a rug, with fingers intertwined.
Myra's testimonial evoked no direct response, but it gave Jacob what he had been groping for—a cue. He disengaged his cold fingers from those of his beloved, and rose to his feet. ”

“ There is only one other reason why a man should endeavour to assume a personality which for some reason he regards as more desirable than his own, and that is to enable him to create an impression in some particular quarter. Of course it must be a temporary impression, because naturally he's bound to be found out if he goes on too long. Still he does it—and I rather think you have done it, my friend!”
Julius Mablethorpe abandoned his judgment seat, crossed to the sofa, sat heavily down upon it, and laid a gentle hand on Jacob Finch's shoulder. ”

“ I An ocean voyage affects you in one of two ways: either you are gloriously stimulated or profoundly depressed. Moreover, salt air plays tricks with character itself. It gets into a man's blood for the time being, and sometimes makes him do things which surprise him.
Jacob Finch was bitterly disappointed in his first experience of the deep. He had pictured himself revelling in the luxury of a great ocean-going hotel, making pleasant acquaintances, and taking a prominent part in the social activities of the ship. ”

“ Attractive girls on board ship are not easily monopolized, especially by diffident suitors. The greater part of Jacob's time now was spent in dumbly enduring the spectacle of Miss Greig being taken for walks, Miss Greig being instructed in deck games, Miss Greig dancing the fox-trot with a variety of more or less expert and eligible gentlemen. True, she was his companion and neighbour for a quite appreciable period every day, for she was an insatiable reader and spent long hours in her deck-chair. ”

“ It may seem strange that people should come and make bogus confessions; but they do, by the dozen. Why? Well, if there is one thing that galls a certain type of utterly undistinguished individual, it is the consciousness that the world at large has never heard of him, and never will. ”

“ Sprawling in an armchair, with his feet on the table and a litter of proof-sheets upon the floor all round him, sat a large man with greying hair, in his shirt-sleeves, angrily puffing an unclean pipe and stabbing at a proof-sheet with a fountain-pen. ”

“ So he makes up his little mind to achieve immortality somehow—even if he has to invoke the assistance of Madame Tussaud. Of course that is an extreme way of putting it. Probably most of these self-confessed desperadoes do not expect to be convicted: after all, there is no evidence against them. What they really hope for is a couple of days in the public eye and a few really gratifying press notices. After they are acquitted—that is, kicked out—they return home branded as celebrities, and live happily ever after. ”

“ I write novels, of a distressing but popular character. I have been for the last four months in the United States, collecting material for another. I am now rounding off my trip by circumnavigating the Mediterranean. I have been occupied during the past fortnight in revising the proofs of a new book which has to be delivered to my publishers next week. In order to secure complete privacy and freedom from interruption, I have remained almost entirely in my cabin, and I am entered on the passenger list under an assumed name. ”

“ Jacob had applied for and received a numbered and reserved chair in the long line that ran from end to end of the starboard side of the promenade deck. He had built high hopes on this. To sit wedged between two fellow-creatures for hours at a time and for days on end without occasionally exchanging some sort of greeting or observation is a human impossibility, even under the Union Jack. ”

“ Well, I assure you thousands of people do it. There is an impression that patent medicine testimonials are paid for by the proprietors. Stuff and nonsense! They simply pour in unsolicited, from people who probably never touched the stuff, but hope that their ungrammatical letter, accompanied by an unrecognizable portrait, will be published in the advertisement columns of the press. You see, Madame Tussaud's again—from a less ambitious angle! It's a queer world. ”

“ You will find it given there as Lemuel K. Baggs. I made it up myself: I think it is rather good. My real name, in point of fact, is Julius Mablethorpe. ... Here's another drink for you. Now, old man, tell me why you did it.”
Mr. Mablethorpe resumed his seat, leaned back, lit a cigar, smiled benevolently, and waited. He had to wait some time, for his visitor found himself for the moment incapable of speech. He sat huddled upon the sofa, gaping like a stranded fish. ”

“ A lover is popularly supposed to pass his time alternately in the heights and in the depths, in correspondence with the mood of his lady. But this is not true. It is all a matter of disposition. Your sensitive lover—the unfortunate person who can not get along without systematic encouragement—resides almost permanently in the abyss. ”

“ But—il faut souffrir pour être viveur.
One day he noticed in the hotel lounge a bulletin which announced that a White Star liner from New York, bound on a spring cruise to various attractive Mediterranean ports, would call at Monaco on the morrow to take up intending passengers. Jacob realized at once that in Monte Carlo he was in his wrong setting. His rugged island nature was plainly unsuited to the pursuit of enervating and effeminate pleasures ashore: his home was obviously upon the rolling deep. ”

“ We can divide these into the consequences affecting his relations with the world in general, and those affecting his relations with Myra Greig.
The first naturally was that Jacob became a ship's topic of the first rank.
“Curious how hard some of these celebrities are to spot,” said the passengers to one another. “One would never have singled out this chap. But when you come to look at him, you can see–you can see! There’s something there—something that we have n’t got. Look at his forehead, the way it bulges! Look at his ears, the way they stick out! ”

“ It is a fact that after a murder of any importance has been committed, the difficulty of the authorities is not so much to find the guilty man, and hang him, as to avoid hanging some perfectly respectable citizen who insists that he did the deed and none other. ”

“ There is a reason—”
“A woman does n’t want to listen to reason,” retorted Miss Greig petulantly.
“But this reason—”
“Never mind reasons.” She gave him a quick glance. “I’m not really thinking about the Concert, or the silly old other passengers. I’m asking you to do this just to please me, and for nothing else. There! Won't you? I shall be so proud of you. Please?” Miss Greig laid an impulsive hand upon Jacob's sleeve. ”

“ There is to be a Concert in the Saloon to-morrow night, and they want you to take the chair.”
“Me?” exclaimed Jacob in a voice of horror.
Miss Greig smiled indulgently.
“Yes—you! Celebrities must n’t be too modest, you know. If you will be Julius Mablethorpe, you must expect to have to do things like that. You have brought it on yourself,” she concluded, with perfect truth.
“But isn't there anybody else?”
“No. You are easily the greatest celebrity on this ship. You will do it, won't you?” Miss Greig raised her eyes appealingly. ”

“ He dipped his face into cold water and scrubbed it with a rough towel,- and there are less practical ways of achieving moral regeneration,—after which, having brushed his hair and rearranged his tie he surveyed himself resolutely in the mirror.
“I will!” he said aloud; “I will! It's the only decent thing to do. I’ll do it now!
IV Miss Greig was reclining in a lounge chair in the moonlight, on the boat deck, and welcomed him with a little air of demure proprietorship which at once thrilled and tortured him.
“I have a message for you,” she announced importantly.
“A message?” Jacob started. ”