Jacques Futrelle

“ A man who is handsome and is unhappy because he is too handsome deserves about as much sympathy as the man who wants a million and is unhappy because he gets two millions. But did it ever occur to you that there is a tragedy, a real tragedy, in every ugly girl you meet? Just as you have been made self-conscious by constant reference to your good looks, she has been made self-conscious by her ugliness. ”

“ Of course you understood right along that every woman reserves the right to change her mind. A week passed, the luster faded from Rex’s gazelle eyes and sinister shadows grew beneath them; another week and the peach-glow fled from the velvet cheeks; a third week and lines of suffering appeared about the Cupid’s bow mouth ”

“ Mrs. van Benthuysen was frankly alarmed.
“Introduce you to—to her?” she gasped. “Of course you'll meet her, but—but—Rex,” she asked suspiciously, “this isn’t any joke to make that poor girl feel uncomfortable, or look foolish, is it? I know you so well.”
Rex turned those lusterful, gazelle eyes full upon her, and there was deep reproach in them.
“How can you ask, Mrs. Van?” he wanted to know. “Who is my dinner-partner?”
“Miss Anstruther, the stunning English girl there. She’s perfectly gorgeous. Every man I’ve seen is crazy about her.” ”

“ Rex answered his question. “People merely stare at one, and point one out, and make remarks about one; and one has to be absolutely certain that his coat fits. No one ever worries about the fit of a coat if it is on a pug-nosed man; they don’t notice it if his trousers bag at the knees, or if he wears a brilliant red necktie that matches his brilliant red nose.”
“True, beauty has its obligations,” mused the wonder-girl. ”

“ You know the thing that a woman lives for is admiration, flattery, appreciation in the eyes of those who are dear to her. It is nothing against her that this is true. And your ugly girl gets none of those. I have passed the supersensitive period,” and a smile was growing about her lips again. “I don’t even mind people staring at me now, but sometimes I wonder—I wonder how it must feel to be beautiful, and know you are beautiful!” There was infinite longing in the voice.
“Well, speaking from experience—” Rex began. ”

“ He knew—he knew—that when the time came and the virgin heart within him was aroused to the glory of the adoration, the world was his to choose from; no woman there was who would not be happy and proud to bend the knee to him in surrender and submission. ”

“ You know what always happens to the little boy when he eats too much sugar? You, the handsomest man in New York, have eaten too much sugar; I, the ugliest woman in the world, have eaten too many pickles. Shall we call it quits?”
Dinner was announced. Rex arose and offered her his arm. ”

“ It is an awful handicap, I know.” She was thoughtful a moment. “There’s the weather,” she suggested. “We haven’t touched upon that.”
“I despise handsome people,” said Rex again, irrelevantly.
“And I despise ugly ones. But we’ve gone over that ground.”
“Pretty people are shallow.”
“Ugly ones are hard to look at.”
“Pretty people are insipid.”
“Ugly ones are acrid.”
“Pretty people are always seeking adulation.”
“Ugly ones are grouchy because they can’t get it.”
“Pretty people are domineering, merciless, inconsiderate.”
“Ugly ones are high-tempered, sharp-tongued, petty.” ”

“ He is pawed over, and dragged about, and pointed out, and flattered willy-nilly. Egotism is superimposed upon him like frosting on a cake; he becomes a standard of comparison by which other men are shown their physical shortcomings. ”

“ It is just as impossible for him as it is for the rich man to crawl through the eye of a camel. People wont let him shrink. As a rule men detest him, and rather like to be seen in his company; women rave about him and besiege him with invitations. ”

“ Now it happens that the man who is so handsome he makes Apollo Belvedere look like a misshapen dummy in front of a clothing store can not have the disposition of the shrinking violet, even if he would. ”

“ Lambent flames of amusement played in her eyes, and crinkles appeared on her nose.
“Now, if some one would tell me I was the best ditch-digger in New York,” Rex went on, “why I should positively love him—her—it, whoever said it.”
“Did you ever dig a ditch?” inquired Miss Pike. demurely.
“No,” he admitted despondently.
“Too bad,” she commented.
Rex was dense; it passed.
“I can do things,” he went on vehemently. “I would like people to know I can do things, and tell me that I do ’em well instead of—instead of—”
“Pray go on,” she taunted. ”

“ Wilson stand it?”
“I am your partner,” said Rex again.
“But why? How did it happen?”
“I was to take Miss Anstruther in,” he explained. “As a personal favor to me Mrs. van Benthuysen juggled the cards and assigned you to me. It was done at my request.”
She stared at him for a moment.
“Opposites do attract, don’t they?” she remarked naively, as she took his arm.
II
Now, Helen of Troy, in her day and generation, was quite widely regarded as the ultima Thule of feminine loveliness. ”

“ Her tone of raillery and self-mockery prevented Rex from rushing in with a denial. It would have been the proper thing to do, of course, but that amused glint in the wonder-girl’s eyes stopped him in his tracks. He only stuttered and stammered and feverishly fished for the reasonable thing to say.
“Don’t excite yourself,” she advised laughingly. “No one has ever found the right combination of words to deny it.”
“Oh, but—” he floundered.
“My position is, if anything, calculated to make me even more lonesome than you,” she interrupted. “You are only the handsomest man in New York ”