James Peller Malcolm

“ After the intoxicated and wicked plunderers had rioted in excess till almost exhausted by exertion and debauchery, the hitherto nerveless arm of Government was raised, troops were poured into London, and the civil power became less terrified; the wretches still employed in works of horrible depravity were fired upon, many were killed and wounded, and numbers were apprehended and committed for trial. Thus London once more tasted the sweets of that repose, which would never have been interrupted, had not Bigotry and Passion triumphed in breasts where more gentle guests ought to have presided. ”

“ Does this Market of lewdness tend to any thing else but the ruin of the bodies, souls, and estates, of the young men and women of the City of London, who here meet with all the temptations to destruction? The lotteries to ruin their estates; the drolls, comedies, interludes, and farces, to poison their minds with motions of lust; and in the Cloisters (those conscious scenes of polluted amours) in the evening they strike the bargain to finish their ruin. What strange medley of lewdness has that place not long since afforded! ”

“ A despicable disregard of decency evidently prevailed in the royal breasts of the Monarchs who reigned between the Conquest and the great Fire; the plague, the leprosy, and the sweating-sickness, reigned with them; filth in the dark confined streets, and filth in every house, made infection eternal; and yet not one step appears to have been taken in obedience to instinct—Instinct makes a man inimical to dirt.
Heaven be praised, old London was burnt. ”

“ The only defect in the elegance and beauty of the amphitheatre at Ranelagh, is an improper and inconvenient orchestra, which, breaking into the area of that superb room about twenty feet farther than it ought to do, destroys the symmetry of the whole, and diffuses the sound of the musick with such irregular rapidity, that the harmonious articulations escape the nicest ear, when placed in the most commodious attitude: it also hurts the eye upon your first entry. ”

“ The pleasant gardens alluded to possessed, and still possess, greater attraction than any others in the vicinity of London; it is therefore by no means wonderful that once in an age they became the scene of attraction; but that noblemen, and men and women of fashion should, by any of the strange mutations of caprice, ever enter the booths of Bartholomew Fair, is to me astonishing. That they did is beyond a doubt; and even Cibber, Griffiths, Bullock, and Hallam, found it worth their while to expend large sums in erecting magnificent booths for their reception. ”

“ You boast that your servants feed better than masters at Paris; and we are satisfied when ours are better taught than fed. You allow yours idleness and high nourishment, to raise their mettle; which is, to make them rude for the honour of Old-England; we inure ours to labour and temperance, that we may allay them; which is to make them civil for the quiet of France. Yours drink malt, and the strong broth of malt, which makes them bold, hot, and adventurous to be soon in command: ours are cooled with weak water, which doth quench their arrogance, and makes them fit to obey long. ”

“ All the secret I could for my life discover in the whole grotesque was the consistency or drift of the piece, which I could never demonstrate to this hour. At last all the childish parade shrunk off the stage by matter and motion, and enter a hobletehoy of a dance, and Dogget in old woman's petticoats and red waistcoat, as like Progue Cock as ever man saw; it would have made a Stoick split his lungs, if he had seen the temporary harlot sing and weep both at once; a true emblem of a woman's tears. ”

“ Their effects are observable whenever any public occurrence assembles the people of London; the whole Civil Power of which cannot restrain many enormities committed on those occasions. Under an idea of whim and pleasantry they perpetrate many scandalous actions, amusing themselves by throwing some filthy thing into the thickest part of a crowd, or driving forward till they half suffocate those before them, or hurt others by severe falls. Whenever an illumination takes place, their turbulence becomes seriously mischievous by the firing of pistols and throwing of squibs and crackers ”

“ You would think me a malicious traveller, if I should still gaze on your mis-shapen Streets, and take no notice of the beauty of your River; therefore I will pass the importunate noise of your Watermen (who snatch at fares as if they were to catch prisoners, plying the gentry so uncivilly, as if they had never rowed any other passengers but Bear-wards) , and now step into one of your pease-cod Boats, whose tilts are not so sumptuous as the roofs of Gondalo's, nor, when you are within, are you at the ease of Chaise-a-bras. The community and trade of your River belongs to yourselves ”

“ Comedy is a feigned action, in which is represented the ridiculous, in order to correct it; it rebukes with a smile, and corrects with a facetious stroke: the matter of comedy is civil life, of which it is an imitation: it ought to be every where enlivened with all possible care, to have fine and easy strokes of wit and satire, which present the ridiculous in the most glaring point of view ”

“ You of this noble City are yet to become more noble by your candour to the plea between me a Bourgeois of Paris, and my opponent of London; being concerned in honour to lend your attention as favourably to a stranger as to your native orator, since it is the greatest sign of narrow education to permit the borders of rivers, or [367] strands of seas, to separate the general consanguinity of Mankind, though the unquiet nature of Man (still hoping to shake off distant power) , and the incapacity of any one to sway universal empire, hath made them the bounds to divide government. ”

“ The total disuse of brick by the rich deprived the less fortunate Citizen of its advantages. The revival or introduction of any manufacture demands encouragement from the powerful; if that is withheld, who will attempt them merely on disinterested motives? Parsimony in the great revived the art of Brick-making. When a Prince found the price of labour increase, and wished to build, he first stripped the design of his architect of ornament: thus stripped, a plain surface might be composed of any hard substance; Brick naturally occurred, and bricks were made. ”

“ In Athens the Stage was impowered by the Legislature to instruct the ignorant vulgar, and, as a censor, to reform the rude populace; it was its duty to make Tragedy a school of wisdom, and Comedy of reproof. The poets rendered the Theatre beneficial to the world, by appointing Tragedy to calm the passions by terror and pity, and Comedy to reform the mind by ridicule and censure. ”

“ To continue the celebrity thus obtained, she explored the regions of fancy, and exhausted every art, to contrive fascinating amusements for the eager publick, who crowded to Carlisle-house, Soho-square, as the very focus of pleasure and entertainment. While this lady confined her exertions to mere frivolous and fashionable enticements, she succeeded admirably; but, wishing to soar beyond her sphere in endeavouring to establish a musical meeting, the Proprietors of the Opera-house became alarmed, and applied to the Civil power to suppress what they deemed an unwarrantable rivalship. ”

“ The Stay is a part of modern dress that I have an invincible aversion to, as giving a stiffness to the whole frame, which is void of all grace, and an enemy to beauty; but, as I would not offend the ladies by absolutely condemning what they are so fond of, I will recall my censure, and only observe that even this female armour is changing mode continually, and favours or distresses the enemy according to the humour of the wearer. ”

“ Tragedy imitates the beautiful, and the great; Comedy imitates the ridiculous: one elevates the soul, and forms the heart; the other polishes the behaviour, and corrects the manners. Tragedy humanizes us by compassion, and restrains us by fear; Comedy makes us laugh, because the faults of the little are trifling, we fear not their consequences. ”

“ But we take not the least notice of a practice that seems more hurtful to the community than any of the above—the present method of making bricks.
"If you go to the remains of London Wall, or examine any old brick buildings, you will find it more difficult to pull it down, than it was for the architect to raise it; but let any person attend to the continual accounts given in the papers of the number of half-built houses that tumble down before they can be finished, and he will tremble for those who are to inhabit the many piles of new buildings that are daily rising in this metropolis. ”

“ May they be permitted to say, that they tremble for themselves and their children, lest by this unavoidable absence from the sacred duties of that day, and the misemployment of it entirely to worldly pursuits, they become as those that knew not God, while their fellow-subjects are happy in the inestimable privilege of attending and discharging their religious duties, and imbibing continually the precepts that teach to bear a conscience void of offence, to fear God, and honour the King? ”

“ Shame on our thoughtless conduct in permitting a trade calculated only for human destruction! If comfort, health, and pleasure can arise from quaffing gallons of beer, let the lower classes be compelled to drink it at home with their friends and families; and no longer suffer that promiscuous mixture of folly and vice which results from thieves drinking with honest men. It is from this cause alone that men are brutalized. ”

“ But let this man be but checked by a single hiss, all his fire will instantly cool; his spirits abate their motions; grief and despair will seize him, and at once he becomes the pining broken-hearted slave of the tyrant that ruined a wretch that was labouring to please him, who did not dare to resent the cruelty, nor to assist himself. A soldier in the very front of war, at the teeth of his enemy, and at the mouth of a cannon , is not in so wretched, nor in so fatal , so hopeless a state. ”

“ There are salutary laws providing for the performance of those acts of cleanliness which individuals might neglect or omit. The inmates of every house will of course cleanse the steps leading to it; but they will not universally remove the soil from their pavements. The law commands them to do so every morning under a penalty of 5s.; and yet there are very few who walk the narrow streets of London in winter can forget the retrograde motion of their feet on the deep mud when the pavements are—greasy. ”

“ When an example was set, the whole fraternity, fired with emulation, thrust each new one beyond his neighbour. Such were the impediments to walking so recently as 1766! The reader may imagine how a Londoner must have felt during a high wind and shower; a thousand signs swinging on rusty hinges above him, threatening ruin to his person at every step, and a thousand spouts pouring cascades at his luckless head. ”

“ Their emperors and senates erected stupendous amphitheatres for public games; youths were tutored from infancy for gladiators, and slaves fought for the entertainment of their masters; the populace were used to see gashes, blood, and death, nay to see criminals rot in their streets; and the males hardened female feelings by their military plunder of and cruelty to the surrounding nations. But the British populace knew not of those horrible proceedings; and most probably Miller and Buck were ignorant that a Roman state ever existed. ”

“ What will ensue from new play-houses being erected may be seen by that at Goodman's-fields: the street where it is built used formerly to be inhabited by silk-throwsters, ribband-weavers, and others whose trades employed the industrious poor; immediately on setting up this Playhouse, the rents of the houses were raised, as the landlords could then let them to more profitable tenants; and now there is a bunch of grapes hanging almost at every door; besides an adjacent Bagnio or two; an undoubted proof that innocence and morality are not the certain consequences of a Playhouse. ”

“ You will see a wonderful girl of ten years of age who walks backwards up the sloping rope driving a wheelbarrow behind her; also you will see the great Italian Master, who not only passes all that has yet been seen upon the low rope, but he dances without a pole upon the head of a mast as high as the booth will permit, and afterwards stands upon his head on the same. ”

“ Can you be too civil to such gentry as bravely scorn to be provident?—who, when they have no business here to employ them, nor public pleasures to divert them, yet even then kindly invent occasions to bring them hither, that at your own rates they may change their land for our wares, and have purposely avoided the coarse study of arithmetick, lest they should be able to affront you with examining your accompts. ”

“ No: those passions would have rendered the Bear-garden desolate. The painter finds but one dreadful chaos, a compound of features expressive of eagerness, partiality, and hope; not that Miller or Buck may escape injury, but that Buck may conquer Miller, or Miller Buck. Mark the issue: Miller has received a dreadful cut in the forehead, and his eyes stream with blood. Who leaps upon the stage to staunch it, or part the fiends?—no one. What then succeeds?—a yell of satisfaction, a huzza from the crowd . But, not to dwell on this horrible scene, a gash on Miller's left leg terminated the combat. ”

“ I have here in my hand folios of paragraphs, epigrams, intelligences, and what are called criticisms, upon me : some even before I appeared in the character; such as do no great honour to the press, or to the genius, candour, or erudition, of the gentlemen who produced them. I will not give a name or a quality to these productions; the present publick and posterity, should they meet with them, will do it for me."
A voice from the gallery demanded an explanation, why he felt indignant at what had passed on the Saturday alluded to. ”