James Peller Malcolm

“ All the secret I could for my life discover in the whole grotesque was the consistency or drift of the piece, which I could never demonstrate to this hour. At last all the childish parade shrunk off the stage by matter and motion, and enter a hobletehoy of a dance, and Dogget in old woman's petticoats and red waistcoat, as like Progue Cock as ever man saw; it would have made a Stoick split his lungs, if he had seen the temporary harlot sing and weep both at once; a true emblem of a woman's tears. ”

“ This day will be ever remembered by them with the highest satisfaction: this happy day, which gave birth to their most gracious King, who is pleased thus to honour them, and who protects them in the enjoyment of all their rights and privileges: a Prince who takes pleasure in promoting their happiness, and who thinks it gives the truest lustre to his Crown, to preserve the religion, the laws, and liberties of his people. ”

“ A despicable disregard of decency evidently prevailed in the royal breasts of the Monarchs who reigned between the Conquest and the great Fire; the plague, the leprosy, and the sweating-sickness, reigned with them; filth in the dark confined streets, and filth in every house, made infection eternal; and yet not one step appears to have been taken in obedience to instinct—Instinct makes a man inimical to dirt.
Heaven be praised, old London was burnt. ”

“ When some decay in the draw-bridge on London-bridge had rendered it necessary to prevent the passage of persons and vehicles, in order to its repair in April 1722; the silence and desolate appearance of a place so much frequented at all other times attracted the attention of some wealthy tradesmen, who entered into the whimsical resolution to have a table set in the midst of the street, where they sat drinking for an afternoon, that they might be enabled to say at a future period, "however crowded the bridge is at present, I have drank punch on it for great part of a day." ”

“ You boast that your servants feed better than masters at Paris; and we are satisfied when ours are better taught than fed. You allow yours idleness and high nourishment, to raise their mettle; which is, to make them rude for the honour of Old-England; we inure ours to labour and temperance, that we may allay them; which is to make them civil for the quiet of France. Yours drink malt, and the strong broth of malt, which makes them bold, hot, and adventurous to be soon in command: ours are cooled with weak water, which doth quench their arrogance, and makes them fit to obey long. ”

“ His genius appears in the variety of his suits, and his generosity in his taylor's bills; his delicacy in not so much as bearing a breath of wind to blow on him, and his innocency in being seen with ladies at all hours, and never once suspected of doing an uncivil thing. When he is dressed, the business of the day is over; when he is undressed, he grows invisible, for his clothes are all that is seen of him ”

“ Does this Market of lewdness tend to any thing else but the ruin of the bodies, souls, and estates, of the young men and women of the City of London, who here meet with all the temptations to destruction? The lotteries to ruin their estates; the drolls, comedies, interludes, and farces, to poison their minds with motions of lust; and in the Cloisters (those conscious scenes of polluted amours) in the evening they strike the bargain to finish their ruin. What strange medley of lewdness has that place not long since afforded! ”

“ If ever a government paid its debts without money, and exchanged all the cash in the kingdom for bits of paper, which had neither anybody to pay them for, or any intrinsic fund to pay themselves, this is the time. If ever a credit was raised without a foundation, and built up to a height that not only was likely to fall, but indeed was impossible to stand, this is the time. ”

“ After the intoxicated and wicked plunderers had rioted in excess till almost exhausted by exertion and debauchery, the hitherto nerveless arm of Government was raised, troops were poured into London, and the civil power became less terrified; the wretches still employed in works of horrible depravity were fired upon, many were killed and wounded, and numbers were apprehended and committed for trial. Thus London once more tasted the sweets of that repose, which would never have been interrupted, had not Bigotry and Passion triumphed in breasts where more gentle guests ought to have presided. ”

“ O my fellow-citizens, we have waged a civil war throughout the land; who hath not committed hostilities against his neighbour, and what hath it profited? The wealth, the inheritance of the Island, are transferred to the meanest of the people; those chiefly have gained who had nothing to lose: the nobility, the gentry, the merchants, have been a prey to the idle, the licentious, the spendthrifts; men whose habitations were not known. ”

“ The only defect in the elegance and beauty of the amphitheatre at Ranelagh, is an improper and inconvenient orchestra, which, breaking into the area of that superb room about twenty feet farther than it ought to do, destroys the symmetry of the whole, and diffuses the sound of the musick with such irregular rapidity, that the harmonious articulations escape the nicest ear, when placed in the most commodious attitude: it also hurts the eye upon your first entry. ”

“ The writer has been much my friend in this instance, though certainly without intending it; for he could not have more effectually convinced the publick of his incapability. Can he suppose it possible that, in describing the Manners of the Metropolis, the eccentricities of its inhabitants should be omitted? It is as impossible as that any person should agree with him in all his absurdities. As to exciting of interest, the very nature of eccentricity is such, that pity alone must predominate in the breast of the considerate reader. ”

“ The pleasant gardens alluded to possessed, and still possess, greater attraction than any others in the vicinity of London; it is therefore by no means wonderful that once in an age they became the scene of attraction; but that noblemen, and men and women of fashion should, by any of the strange mutations of caprice, ever enter the booths of Bartholomew Fair, is to me astonishing. That they did is beyond a doubt; and even Cibber, Griffiths, Bullock, and Hallam, found it worth their while to expend large sums in erecting magnificent booths for their reception. ”

“ Indeed, by care, you may prevent youth in some degree from frequenting bad company; you may accustom them to good habits, afford them examples worthy imitation, and by shutting your doors early, may oblige them to keep good hours; but, alas! what doors, what bolts, what bars, can be any security to their innocence, whilst Vice in this deluding form counteracts all caution, and bids defiance to the force of precept, prudence, and example, by affording such foul but palatable hints as are destructive to modesty, sobriety, and obedience? ”

“ Hence it is plain that every novelty is not beauty, and that it requires great elegance of taste, and truth of judgment, to determine the modes of dress, that every one should consult the particular turn of their own manner in their choice, and be well convinced of its propriety, before they ventured to set the world an example. But, as this is very seldom found, I shall content myself with recommending it only, and make the present entertainment a mere Register of the fashions that are by turns in vogue, with a hint or two at the characters of the inventors. ”

“ Incomparable perfuming drops for handkerchiefs, and all other linen, clothes, gloves, &c. being the most excellent for that purpose in the Universe; for they stain nothing that is perfumed with them any more than fair water; but are the most delectable, fragrant, and odoriferous perfume in nature, good against all diseases of the head and brain. By their delicious smell, they comfort, revive, and refresh all the senses, natural, vital, and animal, enliven the spirits, cheer the heart, and drive away melancholy ”

“ Tragedy imitates the beautiful, and the great; Comedy imitates the ridiculous: one elevates the soul, and forms the heart; the other polishes the behaviour, and corrects the manners. Tragedy humanizes us by compassion, and restrains us by fear; Comedy makes us laugh, because the faults of the little are trifling, we fear not their consequences. ”

“ But, what is still more shocking, I am informed [213] that women, nay mothers of families, to the disgrace of their sex, are the cruel dispensers of this high-seasoned mischief; but, if duty or humanity should spirit up any one to prosecute such offenders, I conjure you as fathers, masters, and subjects, to afford them the best assistance in your power, to put a stop to this shameful and abominable practice. ”

“ But let this man be but checked by a single hiss, all his fire will instantly cool; his spirits abate their motions; grief and despair will seize him, and at once he becomes the pining broken-hearted slave of the tyrant that ruined a wretch that was labouring to please him, who did not dare to resent the cruelty, nor to assist himself. A soldier in the very front of war, at the teeth of his enemy, and at the mouth of a cannon , is not in so wretched, nor in so fatal , so hopeless a state. ”