John Baldwin Buckstone

“ MAR. Somebody else you like better. Well, never mind, dear, you’ll love the old one very well by and by.
CAPTAIN BLENHEIM appears at the back—comes down, L.H.
BLEN. I am pretty punctual you see, Lady Evergreen. Is it possible? Mary!
[Pg 17]
LADY P. Augustus!
MAR. What, do you know one another too? Why, he’s my husband’s old schoolfellow, and we’ve asked him to come and pick a bit with us to-day. Now this is what I like—old friends all meeting together again. Oh! won’t we have a merry evening! ”

“ SIR W. I admired her simplicity, her frankness—and I fondly imagined that if I could unite such qualities with education, with refinement, that I should create, as it were, a woman of perfection.
PLATO. You now perceive the error of your speculation—the inutility of striving to elevate humanity from its natural position. There must exist separate grades of society—the patrician, the commoner, and the plebeian—seek not to amalgamate,—the process may be very well in a railroad, but with human nature it must ever create incongruities. ”

“ Well, and how are you, cousin Joe?
JOE. Oh, I’m very well, thank ye!
MAR. What’s brought you here? come to see me?
JOE. Yes.
MAR. That’s right.
JOE. I’m going up to a place in London. You see, mother knows somebody there, and as I didn’t care much about farming, and always had a kind o’ sort o’ notion of being a bit of a gentleman, why, they said I was cut out for sarvice, and the end of it is, I’m going to London to be page to a fine lady.
MAR. Lord, Joe!
JOE. The very thing for a genteel youth like me, they say. I ain’t to wear these clothes then. ”

“ And as for my cousin Joe, he may be a stupid fellow and all that, but he’s a very good fellow, and if he don’t know how to make a proper bow, or a long speech like you do—such as when I’ve heard you practising to yourself about railroads, and borrowing money, and taxes, and the state of the nation, and situation of the population, and that horrible Education—he can talk so as I can understand him, and that’s more than I always can when you talk—and anybody else, for the matter o’ that. And if I did like the sojers I used to see so often, what harm was there in that? ”

“ You have known me some years—that is to say, I was leaving college shortly after you entered, and you know how I have ever prized education—that it has been my watchword, my constant theme when I had a seat in Parliament. I don’t sit now, but that’s not my fault; but when I did sit, my constant agitation was education. “Educate,” said I, “educate! that is the panacea for every social evil!” ”

“ Well, never mind, dear, don’t be afraid of your husband meeting him—they won’t fight, will they? and if they do, what o’ that? People that fight are often the best friends in the world when it’s all over.
BLEN. If you request me to leave the house, I can only obey.
MAR. No, no, you mustn’t go—take him to your husband and say right out, “My dear, this is my old sweetheart, and you must not be jealous, and though I did like him once, what o’ that? I’m your wife now, and he can only be a friend, and there’s no harm in a friend coming to see me.” ”

“ MARGERY is introduced with some ceremony—On curtseying to LADY PLATO she suddenly stops and stares at her.
MAR. Lord, it’s Polly! Oh, Polly dear, is it you? Oh! how glad I am to see you. Well now, only to think!
LADY P. My dear old friend!
MAR. It is she! Oh, I’m so glad! Oh! that I should see you again—oh my gemini! (to SIR WILLIAM) My dear, [Pg 15] she’s my old, my dear, my dearest friend—she was at school at the big house where I used to take fruit from the farm to all the girls, and she took a fancy to me—didn’t you, Polly? ”

“ Exeunt LORD PLATO and SIR WILLIAM at the back, L.H.
MAR. Oh, Polly dear! I never thought to see you any more! Let me look at you all over! Yes, it is the same—the same eyes, the same mouth, the same nose—all the [Pg 16] same! But you don’t laugh as you used—not look so merry. What’s the matter, dear?—don’t you do as you like? ar’n’t you happy in your mind?
LADY P. A sadness oppresses me that I find very difficult to conquer.
MAR. Your husband worries you, I dare say—mine does sometimes, though he’s very good to me, one way and another. ”

“ With my husband.
LADY P. Remember!
MAR. But stop, Polly—wouldn’t it be better not to mind anybody knowing anything? because it don’t seem loving and cosy to be sly, and to be frightened every minute in case somebody should say something about somebody that would make somebody else angry, and get everybody into trouble, and set everybody quarrelling with everybody. ”

“ What’s Polly afraid of? why does she want to make believe not to [Pg 25] know her old sweetheart? and I’m to help her in the make believe! I don’t like it! and I feel now as if I had stolen something, and had got it in my pocket, and that somebody was coming to search me.
JOE. (without) I don’t care! I’m as good as you are, any day!
Enter JOE.
MAR. Why, Joe, what’s the matter now?
JOE. What’s the matter? why, when you put me in that room full o’ pictur’s, and left me staring at ’em while you went to take off your grand clothes, your fine husband came in. “Hallo!” ”

“ MAR. Well, I say nothing, but if aunt really wants to find her husband she’s gone quite the wrong way, and I’m to say nothing about it. Well, I’m no tell-tale, but I don’t like it. (goes to the flower-stand, L.H., and trims the flowers) Lord bless us! what a deal o’ trouble people get themselves into when once they begin having secrets from one another.
COUSIN JOE appears at the back.
JOE. This must be the house—I found the gate open, and the Nag’s Head told me this was Sir William’s, and he’s the gentleman that married my cousin, and—— What, Margery! lord bless us! ”

“ Fitzwilliam; but the affliction he has suffered in losing one so dear to him having changed this intention, and prevented him ever again appearing as Cousin Joe or Tom Dibbles, he has been induced to print the Dramas in the hope that the female characters may be found suited to young and rising talent, of which the Stage at the present time unfortunately stands so much in need. ”

“ JOE. You see, Jem made sure of the money, and lived in such style—bought a horse and shay, and went to races, and played nine-pins—when, lo and behold! the old lady died and he found it was all left to a smooth-faced fellow that nobody never heard on, that got somehow or other into the old lady’s good books and she had it writ down. ”

“ LORD PLATO.—Black coat, white waistcoat, black trousers, polished boots, grey wig.
SIR WILLIAM EVERGREEN.—Frock coat, silk waistcoat, trousers.
CAPTAIN BLENHEIM.—Undress military suit.
COUSIN JOE.—Blue short-tailed coat, showy plush waistcoat, corded trousers, hob-nailed and laced boots, yellow silk neck handkerchief, large shirt collar, large black hat.
LADY PLATO.—Modern walking dress.
MARGERY. 1st dress; Large straw hat, apron, garden gloves, underneath low satin dress. 2nd dress; Lancashire cotton jacket; coarse petticoat, wooden clogs, and straw bonnet. ”