John Hall

“ To every thing I said, he had but one answer. ‘God is the sole agent; sin and holiness, happiness and misery, cause and effect, are all perfectly one.’ Finding him determined to amuse himself in this way, I said, ‘These things will do very well for the present, while reclining in gardens and smoking pipes; but not for a dying hour. How many years of life remain? You are about thirty, perhaps thirty more remain. How swiftly have the last thirty passed: how soon will the next thirty be gone: and then we shall see. If you are right, I lose nothing; if I am right, you lose your soul. ”

“ There is not a thing in the world for which I could wish to live, except the hope that it may please God to appoint me some work. And how shall my soul ever be thankful enough to thee, O thou most incomprehensibly glorious Saviour Jesus! O what hast thou done to alleviate the sorrows of life! and how great has been the mercy of God towards my family, in saving us all! How dreadful would be the separation of relations in death were it not for Jesus. ”

“ Martyn was much dejected, in contemplating the vast multitude of idolaters amongst whom he was now placed.
“Every thing presented the appearance of wretchedness. I thought of my future labours among them with some despondency; yet I am willing, I trust, through grace, to pass my days among them, if by any means these poor people may be brought to God. The sight of men, women, and children, all idolaters, makes me shudder, as if in the dominions of the prince of darkness. I fancy the frown of God is visible;—there is something peculiarly awful in the stillness that prevails. ”

“ How sweet the retirement in which I here live. The precious word is now my only study, in the work of translation. Though, in a manner, buried to the world,—neither seeing nor seen by Europeans,—the time flows on here with great rapidity: it seems as if life would be gone before any thing is done, or even before any thing is begun. I sometimes rejoice that I am not twenty-seven years of age; and that, unless God should order it otherwise, I may double the number in constant and successful labour. ”

“ The pride which I see dwelling in my own heart, producing there the most obstinate hardness, I can truly say my soul abhors. I see it to be unreasonable, I feel it to be tormenting. When I sometimes offer up supplications, with strong crying to God, to bring down my spirit into the dust, I endeavour calmly to contemplate the infinite majesty of the most high God, and my own meanness and wickedness. Or else I quietly tell the Lord, who knows the heart, that I would give him all the glory of every thing, if I could. ”

“ Why does not such love make me hate those sins which grieve him, and hide him from my sight? I sometimes make vain resolutions, in my own strength, that I will think of God. Reason, and scripture, and experience, teach me that such a life is happiness and holiness; that by ‘beholding his glory,’ I should be changed ‘into his image, from glory to glory,’ and be freed from those anxieties which make me unhappy: and that, every motive to duty being strong, obedience would be easy. ”

“ I have lived too much in public; going to God in prayer as if I were coming out of a crowd, and about to be tossed into it again. But to walk with God is surely to be with him always; to preach as one delivering the message in his presence; to plead with souls as in the stead of the invisible God near us. Ah, my brother, we die alone. If we have not lived in solitary communion with God, we shall start at finding ourselves, in the solemn silence of death, about to launch forward where no friends, no ordinances, can accompany us. ”

“ And when glory shall open upon our view, neither sorrow nor sin, shall again interrupt our joys for ever. I will echo your words, and say, ‘What manner of love is this, that we should be called the sons of God!’ We may look upon one another, and remember our former selves, and say, ‘What hath God wrought!’ ‘Not by works of righteousness which thou hast done, but according to his mercy he saved thee.’ Now then, my dear brother, let all the rest of our life be cheerfully devoted to God. ”

“ The praises of men do not now, indeed, flatter my vanity as they formerly did; I rather feel pain, through anticipation of their consequences: but they tend to produce, imperceptibly, a self-esteem and hardness of heart. How awful and awakening a consideration is it, that God judgeth not as man judgeth! Our character before him, is precisely as it was before or after any change of external circumstances. Men may applaud or revile, and make a man think differently of himself; but He judgeth of a man according to his secret walk. How difficult is the work of self-examination! ”

“ I am at this time enabled to give myself, body, soul, and spirit, to God, and perceive it to be my most reasonable service. How it may be when the trial comes, I know not, yet I will trust and not be afraid. In order to do his will cheerfully, I want love for the souls of men; to suffer it, I want humility: let these be the subjects of your supplications for me. I am thankful to God that you are so free from anxiety and care: we cannot but with praise acknowledge his goodness. What does it signify whether we be rich or poor, if we are sons of God? ”

“ I am now recovering from my cowardly despondency on that head; but lately I have been in heaviness again, through the prevalence of self-will, and the prospect of incessant self-denial. God help me to endure hardness, as a good soldier of Christ Jesus; to fight the good fight of faith; and to be a partaker of the afflictions of the Gospel, according to the power of God. My chief comfort is to meditate on the world to come, though it is a happiness which I can seldom steadily enjoy, the train of one’s thoughts is so influenced and directed by the empty concerns of human life. ”

“ At the hospital, and with the men at night, I was engaged, as usual, in prayer: my soul panted after the living God, but it remained tied and bound with corruption. I felt as if I could have given the world to be brought to be alone with God; and the promise that ‘this is the will of God, even our sanctification,’—was the right hand that upheld me while I followed after Him. When low in spirits, through an unwillingness to take up the cross, I found myself more resigned in endeavouring to realise the thought which had often composed me in my trials on board the ship ”

“ I see by this, how great are the temptations of a missionary to neglect his own soul. Apparently outwardly employed for God, my heart has been growing more hard and proud. Let me be taught that the first great business on earth is to obtain the sanctification of my own soul: so shall I be rendered more capable also of performing the duties of the ministry, whether amongst the Europeans or heathen, in a holy and solemn manner. Oh! how I detest that levity to which I am so subject! ”

“ April 26th.—In prayer, at the appointed hour, I felt solemnity of mind, and an earnest desire that the Lord would pour out a double portion of his Spirit upon us, his ministers in India; that every one of us may be eminent in holiness and ministerial gifts. If I were to judge for myself, I should fear that God had forsaken his church; for I am most awfully deficient in the knowledge and experience requisite for a minister; but my dear brother Corrie, thanks be to God, is a man of a better spirit: may he grow more and more in grace, and continue to be an example to us! ”

“ Pray not only for my sinful soul,—that I may be kept faithful unto death;—but especially, for the souls of the poor Heathen. Whether I live or die, let Christ be magnified by the ingathering of multitudes to himself. I have many trials awaiting me, and so have you; but that covenant of grace in which we are interested, provides for the weakest, and secures our everlasting welfare.—Farewell, dear Brethren! May God long continue to you the invaluable labours of your beloved minister; and may you, with the blessing of his ministry, grow, day by day, in all spirituality and humility of mind ”

“ May the Lord, in mercy to my soul, save me from setting up an idol of any sort in his place; as I do by preferring even a work professedly done for him, to communion with him. How obstinate is the reluctance of the natural heart to love God! But, O my soul, be not deceived; thy chief work upon earth is, to obtain sanctification, and to walk with God. ”

“ Here a few hours sleep recovered me, in some degree, from the stupidity in which I had been for some days. I awoke with a light heart, and said, ‘He knoweth our frame, and remembereth we are dust. He redeemeth our life from destruction, and crowneth us with loving kindness and tender mercies. He maketh us to lie down on the green pastures, and leadeth us beside the still waters. And when we have left this vale of tears, there is no more sorrow, nor sighing, nor any more pain. The sun shall not light upon thee, nor any heat ”

“ Who that reflects upon the rock from which he was hewn, but must rejoice to give himself entirely and without reserve to God, to be sanctified by his Spirit. The soul that has truly experienced the love of God, will not stay meanly inquiring how much he shall do, and thus limit his service; but will be earnestly seeking, more and more, to know the will of our heavenly Father, that he may be enabled to do it. O may we be both thus minded! may we experience Christ to be our all in all, not only as our Redeemer, but as the fountain of grace. ”

“ I desire no other portion but God: but I pass so many hours as if there were no God at all. I live far below the hope, comfort, and holiness of the Gospel: but be not slothful, O my soul;—look unto Jesus the author and finisher of thy faith. For whom was grace intended, if not for me? Are not the promises made to me? Is not my Maker in earnest, when he declareth that he willeth my sanctification, and hath laid help on one that is mighty? [Pg 28] I will therefore have no confidence in the flesh, but will rejoice in the Lord, and the joy of the Lord shall be my strength. ”

“ But his pride caused him to shrink from the humility which every sinner must feel before he can come to the Saviour: so little did he yet know his own heart; for the man who truly feels the condition in which he stands in the sight of a Supreme Being, infinitely great, infinitely holy, infinitely just, against whose laws, and mercy, and goodness, he has sinned without excuse, cannot but be humble when he becomes acquainted with his true character.
Such was the apparent commencement of the influence of the Holy Spirit on Martyn’s heart ”

“ I could live for ever in prayer, if I could always speak to God. I sought to pause, and to consider what I wanted, and to look up with fear and faith, and I found the benefit; for my soul was soon composed to that devout sobriety which I knew by its sweetness to be its proper frame. I was engaged in prayer in the manner I like, deep seriousness; at the end of it, I felt great fear of forgetting the presence of God, and of leaving him as soon as I should leave the posture of devotion. I was led through the mists of unbelief, and spake to God as one that was true ”

“ The great desire of Martyn’s heart was to excel at college, and to be foremost in his class, and this ambition occupied his mind so entirely, that he lived without God, and as if the world had been created for his honor, instead of the Maker’s. ”

“ How strongly is the importance of self-knowledge, and the difficulty of obtaining it, marked by these words; ‘Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.’ And to those who cannot keep their hearts for want of knowing any thing about them, very compassionate are the words of our Lord; ‘Because thou knowest not that thou art wretched, and miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked, I counsel thee to buy of me gold tried in the fire, that thou mayest be rich; and white raiment, that thou mayest be clothed, and that the shame of thy nakedness do not appear ”

“ Notwithstanding the clamour, I felt as if I could preach to a million of noisy persons with unconquerable boldness. We have been becalmed the whole day. I fear my soul has been much in the same state: but I would not that it should be so any longer.”
“Sept. 15th.—Sunday.—‘He that testifieth these things, saith, behold—I come quickly—Amen—even so—come quickly, Lord Jesus!’ Happy John! though shut out from society and the ordinances of grace: happy wast thou in thy solitude, when by it thou wast induced thus gladly to welcome the Lord’s words, and repeat them with a prayer. ”

“ The influence of the Spirit seemed to attend the use of the means of spiritual knowledge, so that he could write to a friend in September 1801, “blessed be God, I have now experienced that Christ is the power of God, and the wisdom of God. What a blessing is the gospel! No heart can conceive its excellency, but that which has been renewed by divine grace.” About the same time he wrote thus to his sister:
“When we consider the misery and darkness of the unregenerate world, oh! with how much reason should we burst out into thanksgiving to God, who has called us in his mercy through Christ Jesus! ”

“ Happy is the youth who will not wait for experience to convince him that this is a truth, and will believe what the word of God asserts to be the end of all such hopes and efforts; who will trust the declarations of those men who have tried for themselves, and, like Martyn, have been obliged, in the midst of their triumph, honestly to confess that they were disappointed of the happiness which they calculated on as sure. ”