John Wesley

“ My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed to be with him, that I might behold his glory: I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends; my dearest flock, and my absent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. Oh that his kingdom might come into the world; that they might all love and glorify him; and that the blessed Redeemer might “see of the travail of his soul, and be satisfied! Oh, come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! ”

“ Time appeared a moment, life a vapour, and all its enjoyments as empty bubbles, and fleeting blasts of wind.
*Friday, January 6. Feeling my extreme weakness, and want of grace, I set apart this day for fasting and prayer, neither eating nor drinking from evening to evening. And my soul intensely longed, that the dreadful spots and stains of sin may be washed away. My mind was greatly fixed on divine things: my resolutions for a life of mortification, continual watchfulness, self-denial, seriousness, and devotion to God, were strong and fixed ”

“ I have done with all my friends; all the world is nothing to me. I long to be in heaven, praising and glorifying God with the holy angels: all my desire is to glorify God.”
During the whole of these last two weeks of his life, he seemed to continue loose from all the world, as having done his work, and done with all things here below, having nothing to do but to die, and abiding in an earnest desire and expectation of the happy moment, when his soul should take its flight, and go to a state of perfection, of holiness, and perfect glorying and enjoying God. ”

“ I was sensible of my barrenness: my soul failed when I remembered the fervency I had enjoyed. Oh (I thought) if I could but be spiritual, warm, heavenly minded, and affectionately breathing after God, this would be better than life to me! My soul longed exceedingly for death, to be loosed from this dulness, and made ever active in the service of God. I seemed to live for nothing, and to do no good: and Oh, the burden of such a life! Oh, death, death, my kind friend, hasten and deliver me from dull mortality, and make me spiritual and vigorous to eternity! ”

“ A young Indian woman, who, I believe, never knew before she had a soul, hearing that there was something strange among the Indians, came (it seems) to see what was the matter. I had not proceeded far in my discourse, before she felt effectually that she had a soul: and before I had concluded, was so convinced of her sin and misery, and so distressed with concern for her soul, that she seemed like one pierced through with a dart, and cried out incessantly. She could neither go nor stand, nor sit on her seat without being held up. ”

“ Oh that God might be glorified in the whole earth! “Lord, let thy kingdom come.” I longed for a spirit of preaching to descend and rest on ministers, that they might address the consciences of men with closeness and power. I saw God, had the residue of the spirit; and my soul longed it should be “poured from on high.” I could not but plead with God for my dear congregation, that he would preserve it, and not suffer his great name to lose its glory in that work; my soul still longing, that God might be glorified. ”

“ I was enabled in secret prayer to raise my soul to God, with desire and delight. It was indeed a blessed season to my soul: I found the comfort of being a Christian: “I counted the sufferings of the present life not worthy to be compared with the glory” of divine enjoyments even in this world. All my past sorrows seemed to disappear, and I “remembered no more the sorrow for joy.”—With what a filial tenderness, the soul hangs on, and confides in the Rock of ages, at such a season, that he will “never leave it nor forsake it,” that he will cause all things to work together for its good ”

“ Lord’s-day, December 16. I was so overwhelmed with dejection, that I knew not how to live: I longed for death exceedingly: my soul was sunk into deep waters, and the floods were ready to drown me: I was so much oppressed, that my soul was in a kind of horror: I had no distressing doubt about my own state; but would have chearfully ventured into eternity. While I was going to preach to the Indians, my soul was in anguish; I despaired of doing any good. ”

“ All things, whether prosperous or adverse, shall work together for their good. He that liveth forever saith, I come quickly――to put a final period to the whole of mortal things, and determine the states of all the children of Adam for ever! His reward is with him! We shall see him as he is! Though now we see him not, yet believing we rejoice! O Jesus, work in our hearts that conformity to and resemblance of thyself, that we may seek nothing, but night and day think of, long for, and joyfully wait for thine appearance! ”

“ And, if we would be like God, we must see that we fill up our time for him.—I daily long to dwell in perfect light and love. In the mean time, my soul mourns that I make so little preparation for the world of blessedness: I see and know that I am a barren tree in God’s vineyard, and that he might justly say, “Cut it down.” O that God would make me more lively and vigorous in grace, for his own glory!
Lord’s-day, August 28. I was much perplexed with some Dutchmen. All their discourse turned upon the things of the world. Oh, what a hell it would be to spend an eternity with such men! ”

“ I felt exceeding dead to the world, and all its enjoyments: I was ready to give up life and all its comforts, as soon as called to it; and yet then had as much comfort of life as almost ever I had. Life itself appeared but an empty bubble; the riches, honours, and enjoyments of it extremely tasteless. I longed to be perpetually and entirely crucified to all things here below. My soul was sweetly resigned to God’s disposal of me, in every regard ”

“ I found I could not speak a word for God without his special assistance: I went into the assembly trembling, under a sense of my insufficiency to do any thing as I ought to do.—But it pleased God to afford me much assistance, and there seemed to be a considerable effect on the hearers.—O that I might be “faithful to the death, fulfilling as an hireling my day,” till the shades of the evening of life shall free my soul from the toils of the day! This evening I felt such longing desires after deliverance from sin, and conformity to God, as melted my heart. ”

“ In the evening I enjoyed a tender melting frame in secret prayer, wherein my soul was drawn out for the interest of Zion, and comforted with the lively hope of the appearing of the kingdom of the great Redeemer. These were sweet moments: I felt loth to go to bed, and grieved that sleep was necessary. However, I lay down with a tender reverential fear of God, sensible that “his favour is life,” and his smiles, infinitely better than life itself. ”

“ Blessed be God, I have reason to think, that my religion is become more spiritual, by means of my late inward conflicts. May I always be willing that God should use his own methods with me!—I felt much of the sweetness of religion, and the tenderness of the gospel-temper: I found a dear love to all mankind, and I was afraid of scarcely any thing so much as lest some motion of anger or resentment should, some time or other, creep into my heart. ”

“ In prayer I enjoyed great freedom; and blessed God as much for my present circumstances, as if I had been a king, and I never feel comfortably, but when I find my soul going forth after God: if I cannot be holy, I must be miserable for ever.
Lord’s day, August 21. I fell down before the Lord, and groaned under my own vileness, barrenness, deadness, and felt as if I was guilty of foul murder, in speaking to immortal souls in such a manner as I had done.—I was very full of pain in the evening; and my soul mourned that I had spent so much time to so little profit. ”

“ Nothing grieves me so much as that I cannot live constantly to God’s glory. I could bear any spiritual conflicts, if I could but have my heart all the while burning with love to God; for when I feel this I cannot be dejected, but only rejoice in my Saviour, who has delivered me from the reigning power, and will shortly deliver me from the indwelling of sin.
Lord’s-day, May 2. God was pleased to give me such a sight of myself, as made me appear vile in my own eyes: I felt corruption in my heart, which I could by no means suppress ”

“ I longed to spend time in fasting and prayer; but alas, I had not bodily strength! Oh, how blessed a thing is it, to enjoy peace of conscience! How dreadful is a want of inward peace! It is impossible, I find, to enjoy this happiness without redeeming time, and maintaining a spiritual frame of mind.
Lord’s-day, April 5. It grieved me, to find myself so inconceivably barren. My soul thirsted for grace; but, alas, how far was I from obtaining what I saw so excellent! I was ready to despair of ever being holy; and yet my soul was desirous of following hard after God ”

“ O it is an emblem of heaven, to love all the world with a love of kindness and benevolence; to feel our souls sedate, mild and meek; to be void of all evil-surmisings and suspicions, scarce able to think evil of any man; to find our hearts, simple, open and free, to those that look upon us with a different eye.
*Lord’s-day, March 4. I enjoyed the same intenseness in prayer as yesterday, felt the same spirit of love, universal benevolence, forgiveness, humility, resignation, mortification to the world, and composure of mind. “My soul rested in God;” ”

“ My soul abhors itself for its unlikeness to God, its inactivity and sluggishness. When I have done all, what an unprofitable servant am I! I groan to see the hours of the day roll away, because I do not fill them, in spirituality and heavenly-mindedness. And yet I long they should speed their pace, to hasten me to my eternal home, where I may fill up all my moments, for God and his glory. ”

“ Lord’s-day, September 8. I discoursed to the Indians, forenoon and afternoon. The word of God seemed to fall with weight and influence upon them. There were but few present, but most that were, were in tears, and sundry cried out under distressing concern for their souls.
There was one man awakened, who never before discovered any concern for his soul. There appeared a remarkable work of the Spirit, not unlike what had been at Crosweeksung. ”

“ I discoursed with some warmth and closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the life and power of religion. They seemed much astonished, when they saw my Indians ask a blessing, and give thanks at dinner: concluding that a very high evidence of grace in them; but were more astonished, when I insisted that neither that, nor yet secret prayer, was any sure evidence of grace. Oh the ignorance of the world! How are some empty outward forms, mistaken for true religion. ”