John Kendrick Bangs

“ Tennyson tells me you find life here dull, Shakespeare."
"Somewhat," said Shakespeare. "I don’t know about the rest of you fellows, but I was not cut out for an eternity of ease. I must have occupation, and the stage isn’t popular here. The trouble about putting on a play here is that our managers are afraid of libel suits. The chances are that if I should write a play with Cassius as the hero, Cassius would go to the first night’s performance with a dagger concealed in his toga, with which to punctuate his objections to the lines put in his mouth. ”

“ Under Barnum’s management you’d get enough activity in one season to last you through all eternity."
"You can count on me," said Barnum, rising. "Let me know when you’ve got your plan laid out. I’d stay and make a contract with you now, but Adam has promised to give me points on the management of wild animals without cages, so I can’t wait. By-by."
"Humph!" said Shakespeare, as the eminent showman passed out. "That’s a gay proposition. When monkeys move in polite society William Shakespeare will make a side-show of himself for a circus." ”

“ There we had hard work in which our mortal limitations hampered us grievously; here we have the freedom of the immortal with no hard work; in other words, now that we feel like fighting-cocks, there isn’t any fighting to be done. The great life in my estimation, would be to return to earth and battle with mortal problems, but equipped mentally and physically with immortal weapons."
"Some people don’t know when they are well off," said Beau Brummel. ”

“ Barnum, who had been an interested listener. "A New York policeman could have managed that quartet with one hand."
"Then," said Shakespeare, "in the opinion of you gentlemen, we old-time lions would appear to modern eyes to be more or less stuffed?"
"That’s about the size of it," said Carlyle.
"But you’d draw," said Barnum, his face lighting up with pleasure. "You’d drive a five-legged calf to suicide from envy. If I could take you and Cæsar, and Napoleon Bonaparte and Nero over for one circus season we’d drive the mint out of business." ”

“ You’d have to learn to be ambidextrous, so that you could keep two type-writing machines going at once; and, to be perfectly frank with you, I cannot even conjure up in my fancy a picture of you knocking out a tragedy with the right hand on one machine, while your left hand is fashioning a farce-comedy on another. ”

“ The world revolves faster to-day than it did in your time—men write three or four plays at once. This is what you might call a Type-writer Age, and to keep up with the procession you’d have to work as you never worked before. ”