John Skelton

“ Christopher Garnesche was gentleman-usher to Henry the Eighth, and dignified with knighthood; [81] and (if Skelton may be credited) had risen from the performance of very menial offices to the station which he then occupied. As he had no claims on the remembrance of posterity, little is known concerning him; but since we have evidence that his services were called for on more than one occasion of importance, he must have been a person of considerable note. He is twice incidentally mentioned in connexion with the royal sisters of Henry the Eighth. ”

“ What is your opinion? quoth the hostesse to sir James of Castile. Question with her, quoth he, what she can do, and then Ile giue you mine opinion: and yet first, hostesse, aske Will Sommers opinion. Will smiled, and swore that his hostesse should not haue her, but king Harry should buy her. Why so, Will? quoth doctor Skelton. Because, quoth Will Sommers, that she shall be kept for breed; for if the king would marry her to long Sanders of the court, they would bring forth none but souldiers. ”

“ There was a great suter to Meg’s mistresse, called sir James of Castile, to winne her loue: but her affection was set on doctor Skelton; so that sir James could get no grant of any fauour. Whereupon he swore, if hee knew who were her paramour, hee would runne him thorow with his rapier. The mistresse (who had a great delight to bee pleasant) made a match betweene her and Long Meg, that she should goe drest in gentlemans apparell, and with her sword and buckler goe and meet sir James in Saint Georges field [s] ; if she beat him, she should for her labour haue a new petticote. ”

“ The very incomplete and inaccurate volume of 1736, and the reprint of it in Chalmers’s English Poets, [1] 1810, have hitherto been the only editions of Skelton accessible to the general reader.
In 1814, the Quarterly Reviewer,—after censuring Chalmers for having merely reprinted the volume of 1736, with all its errors, and without the addition of those other pieces by Skelton which were known to be extant,—observed, that “an editor who should be competent to the task could [vi] not more worthily employ himself than by giving a good and complete edition of his works.” ”

“ Of poetes al,
Whiche gaue to me
The high degre
Laureat to be
Of fame royall;
Whose name enrolde
With silke and golde 10
I dare be bolde
Thus for to were.
Of her I holde
And her housholde;
Though I waxe olde
And somdele sere,
Yet is she fayne,
Voyde of disdayn,
Me to retayne
Her seruiture: 20
With her certayne
I wyll remayne,
As my souerayne
Moost of pleasure,
Maulgre touz malheureux.
[757] Why were ye, &c.] These pieces on Calliope from Marshe’s ed. of Skelton’s Workes, 1568.
[198]
LATINUM CARMEN SEQUITUR.
Cur tibi contexta est aurea Calliope? ”

“ Some readers may perhaps object, that in this poem the satire of Skelton too much resembles the “oyster-knife that hacks and hews” (to which that of Pope was so unfairly likened [128] ) ; but all must confess that [xlix] he wields his weapon with prodigious force and skill; and we know that Wolsey writhed under the wounds which it inflicted. ”

“ O good master, sayd John miller, I pray you forgeue me, and let me not dooe thys; I am not able to dooe it. Thou shalt neuer be forgeuen, sayde Skelton, withoute thou dooest it. When the miller saw no remedye, he went & charged one of hys boyes, in an euenyng (when that Skelton was at supper) to sette fyre in one of hys hogges sties, farre from any house, for doyng any harme. And it chaunced, that one of Skeltons seruauntes came oute, and spied the fire, and hee cryede, Helpe, helpe! for all that my master hath is lyke to be burnt. ”

“ Of laureat Phebus holy the eloquence, 160
All were to lytell for his magnificence.
O yonge lyon, but tender yet of age,
Grow and encrese, remembre thyn estate;
God thé assyst unto thyn herytage,
And geue thé grace to be more fortunate!
Agayn rebellyones arme thé [205] to make debate;
And, as the lyone, whiche is of bestes kynge,
Unto thy subiectes be curteis and benygne.
I pray God sende thé prosperous lyfe and long,
Stable thy mynde constant to be and fast, 170
Ryght to mayntayn, and to resyst all wronge:
All flateryng faytors abhor and from thé cast ”

“ I saye, that you bee a sorte of knaues, yea, and a man might saye worse then knaues; and why, I shall shew you. You haue complayned of mee to the bysop that I doo keepe a fayre wench in my house: I dooe tell you, if you had any fayre wiues, it were some what to helpe me at neede; I am a man as you be: you haue foule wyues, and I haue a faire wenche, of the whyche I haue begotten a fayre boye, as I doe thinke, and as you all shall see. Thou wyfe, sayde Skelton, that hast my childe, be not afraid ”

“ Gentle Paule, laie doune thy sweard, [116]
For Peter of Westminster hath shauen thy beard.” ”

“ At the first bout Meg hit him on the hand, and hurt him a little, but endangered him diuers times, and made him giue ground, following so hotly, that shee strucke sir James’ weapon out of his hand; then when she saw him disarm’d, shee stept within him, and, drawing her ponyard, swore all the world should not saue him. Oh, saue mee, sir! quoth hee; I am a knight, and ’tis but for a womans matter; spill not my blood. Wert thou twenty knights, quoth Meg, and were the king himselfe heere, hee should not saue thy life, vnlesse thou grant mee one thing. Whatsoeuer it bee, quoth sir James. ”

“ Thys mayster Skelton dyd absent hymselfe for a long seson. But at the laste he thought to do hys dewty to hym, and studyed weys how he myght obtayne the bysshopys fauour, and determynyd hemself that he wold come to hym wyth some present, and humble hymself to the byshop; and gat a cople of fesantes, and cam to the bysshuppys place, and requyryd the porter he myghte come in to speke wyth my lord. This porter, knowyng his lordys pleasure, wold not suffer him to come in at the gatys; wherfor thys mayster Skelton went on the baksyde to seke some other way to come in to the place. ”

“ Syr, sayde the cobbeler, I wyll geue you a fatte capon, that I maye bee at home. No, sayde Skelton, I wyll not haue none of thy capons; for thou shalte doe the kyng seruice in his wars. Why, sayd the cobler, what shuld I doo? wyll you haue me to goe in the kynges warres, and to bee killed for my labour? then I shall be well at ease, for I shall haue my mendes in my nown handes. What, knaue, sayd Skelton, art thou a cowarde, hauyng so great bones? No, sayde the cobler, I am not afearde: it is good to slepe in a whole skinne. ”

“ A vengeaunce on thee, knaue! sayde the preeste: hast thou made me beleue al this while that I was goyng vp into heauen? well, nowe I am here, & ever I come downe again, I wil make thee to repent it. But John myller was gladd that [lxxi] he had brought hym there. And in the mornyng the sexten rang all in to seruise; & when the people were come to churche, the preest was lackynge. The parish asked the sexten wher the preest was; and the sexten sayd, I can not tell: then the parrishe sent to master Skelton, and tolde howe their prieste was lacking to saye them seruice. ”

“ For one fals poynt she is wont to kepe in store,
And vnder the fell oft festerd is the sore: [27]
That when ye thynke all daunger for to pas,
Ware of the lesard lyeth lurkyng in the gras.
Qd Skelton, laureat.
Go, pytyous hart, rasyd with dedly wo,
Persyd with payn, bleding with wondes smart,
Bewayle thy fortune, with vaynys wan and blo.
O Fortune vnfrendly, Fortune vnkynde thow art,
To be so cruell and so ouerthwart,
To suffer me so carefull to endure,
That wher I loue best I dare not dyscure!
One ther is, and euer one shalbe,
For whose sake my hart is sore dyseasyd ”

“ On the reverse of the title-page is a woodcut representing two figures, one of them perhaps meant for Wolsey, [xcvii] the other headed “Skelton;” and on the reverse of the last leaf is a woodcut (copied from Pynson’s ed. of Dyuers Balettys, &c.) with the words “Skylton poyet.”
An edition by Kele, 4to, n. d., is mentioned in Typogr. Antiq. iv. 305. ed. Dibdin: but qy.?
Here after foloweth a little booke, whiche hath to name Whi come ye not to courte, compiled by mayster Skeltō Poete Laureate.
Colophon,
Imprynted at London in Paules churche yarde at the Sygne of the Rose by John Wyght. ”

“ Maister Skelton, considering the matter, sayde to the miller, Why, thou vnreuerent knaue, hast thou hanled the poore preest on this fashion, and putte on the holy ornaments vpon a knaues backe? thou shalte be hanged, & it coste me all the good I haue. John miller fell vppon his knees, and desyred maister Skelton to pardon hym; For I dyd nothynge, sayd the miller, but that you sayd you woulde forgeue me. Nay, not so, sayd Skelton; but if thou canst steale my gelding out of my stable, my two men watching him, I will pardon thee; and if they take thee, they shall strike of thy heade ”

“ I will none of thy capons: thou keepest vnhappye rule in thy house, for the whyche thou shalt be punished. What, sayde Skelton, is the winde at that doore? and sayd, God be with you, my lorde! and Skelton with his capons went hys way. The byshop sent after Skelton to come agayne. Skelton sayde, What, shal I come [140] agayne to speake wythe a madde man? At last hee retourned to the byshop, whyche sayde to hym, I would, sayd the byshop, that you shoulde not lyue suche a sclaunderouse lyfe, that all your parisshe shoulde not wonder & complaine on [lxi] you as they dooe ”

“ Naye, quoth Skelton, thou shalt doo yet one other feate, and that shall bee thys; thou shalte steale maister person out of hys bed at midnight, that he shall not know where he is become. The miller made great mone and lamented, saying, I can not tel in the world howe I shall dooe, for I am neuer able to dooe this feate. Well, sayde Skelton, thou shalt dooe it, or els thou shalt fynde no fauour at my hands; and therfore go thy way. The miller, beynge sorye, deuysed with himselfe which way he might bryng this thing to passe. ”

“ Marry, quoth shee (being a very merry and a pleasant woman) , carrier, thou commest in good time; for not onely I want a maid, but heere bee three gentlemen that shall giue me their opinions, which of them I shall haue. With that the maids were bidden come in, and she intreated them to giue their verdict. Streight as soone as they saw Long Meg, they began to smile; and doctor Skelton in his mad merry veine, blessing himselfe, began thus ”

“ Remembre ye not how my lyberte by mesure ruled was?
Cr. Con. In good faythe, syr, me semeth he had the more wronge. 1400
Lyb. Mary, syr, so dyd he excede and passe,
They droue me to lernynge lyke a dull asse.
Fel. It is good yet that lyberte be ruled by reason.
Magn. Tushe, holde your peas, ye speke out of season:
Yourselfe shall be ruled by lyberte and largesse.
Fel. I am content, so it in measure be.
Lyb. Must mesure, in the mares name, you furnysshe and dresse?
Magn. Nay, nay, not so, my frende Felycyte.
Cr. Con. Not, and your grace wolde be ruled by me. ”

“ When Skelton did cum to London, ther were manye men at the table at diner. Amongest all other there was one sayde to Skelton, Be you of Oxforde or of Cambridge a scoler? Skelton sayd, I am of Oxford. Syr, sayde the man, I will put you a question: you do know wel that after Christ dyd rise from death to life, it was xl. days after ere he dyd ascend into heauen, and hee was but certaine times wyth hys discyples, and when that he did appeare to them, hee dyd neuer tary longe amongest them, but sodainely vanished from them ”

“ By what meanes could Skelton that laureat poet, or Erasmus that great and learned clarke, have vttered their mindes so well at large, as thorowe their clokes of mery conceytes in wryting of toyes and foolish theames: as Skelton did by Speake parrot, Ware the hauke, the Tunning of Elynour Rumming, Why come ye not to the Courte? ”

“ In one respect the Garlande of Laurell stands without a parallel: the history of literature affords no second example of a poet having deliberately written sixteen hundred lines in honour of himself.
[l]
Skelton is to be regarded as one of the fathers of the English drama. His Enterlude of Vertue [130] and his Comedy callyd Achademios [131] have perished; so perhaps has his Nigramansir; [132] but his Magnyfycence is still extant. ”

“ There be many other noble menne [among the Spaniards, besides the duke of Medena-zelie] vndoubtedly very wise and politik, which can throughe their wisdome binde themselues for a time from their nature, and applye their condicions to the maners of those menne with whom they would gladlye bee frended; whose mischeuouse maners a man shal neuer knowe, till he come vnder their subiection. ”

“ The Sundaye nexte followynge Skelton layde watch for the comynge of the frere: and as sone as Skelton had knowledge of the freere, he went into the pulpet to preache. At last the freere dyd come into the churche with the bishoppe of Romes bulles in hys hande. [lxiii] Skelton then sayd to all hys parishe, See, see, see, and poynted to thee fryere. All the parish gased on the frere. Then sayde Skelton, Maisters, here is as wonderfull a thynge as euer was seene: you all dooe knowe that it is a thynge daylye seene, a bulle dothe begette a calfe ”