Johnston McCulley

“ There are some persons born to find peace and contentment only by traveling a beaten track and following a deadly routine. Thubway Tham was like that, in a way. Once he had attempted to reform and had met with disaster. Once he had tried to get away from New York and had met with nothing but bad luck and homesickness. Once he had decided that he would stop working in the subway and try some other game, and had barely escaped capture, incarceration and physical and mental anguish. ”

“ A man ought to get some pleasure out of life.”
“Thure!” said Tham. “I with you all the pleathure in the world. I thold my car.”
“Need the money?” Craddock asked.
“No; I didn't like the car,” Tham replied. “It wath no good.”
“An inexperienced man ought to be careful when he buys an automobile,” Craddock said. “You'll get stung every time if you don't watch out. I know a lot about cars. I got a dandy—a used car, at that—and got her cheap.” ”

“ Policemen had invaded the sidewalk and were forcing their way into the crowd, breaking it up gently. Two men from the garage drove up with a motor truck. One of them took one look beneath the hood of the car.
“We'll tow her in,” he said. “I know this bird of a boat. I've towed her in four times in the last month, every time for a different owner!”
He grinned at Thubway Tham, and the crowd laughed.
The throng started to scatter. The prosperous-looking man started away. Thubway Tham followed and brushed against him—and obtained a wallet and a watch. ”

“ Thubway Tham did not care to have trouble with a traffic cop. He had been told by the expert that traffic cops were beings apart from the ordinary run of humanity. He announced his eagerness to be on his way, and explained that some chauffeur had crowded him to the middle of the street back near the corner, and that all the trouble had followed that. ”

“ He got out of the car. The officer dismounted and released the brake, and together they rolled the car to the curb.
“Now fix it up or telephone to some garage,” the officer said. “When will you fellows learn that you can't put a tin can on wheels and make it run?”
“Thith ith a good car!” Tham protested.
“Don't make me laugh!” the policeman replied.
There was a crowd now, of course; it doesn't take much to get a crowd on Fifth Avenue—in fact, there's always one there. Thubway Tham lifted the hood of the roadster and looked at the works. ”

“ Tham drove through the park first, having an easy time of it, except that his heart had a way of jumping up into his throat if any person or vehicle darted across the path within a hundred feet of him. ”

“ The salesman already knew that; he made it a business to ascertain such things so that he would not talk indiscreetly to persons who knew automobiles well.
“You don't have to know much,” he said. “The less you know, the better. The usual automobile owner tinkers with his car too much and gets it out of tune. ”

“ It ith a fine car—for lookth!”
“A dandy little car!” Craddock enthused.
“Yeth! Live and learn. I hope it ith ath profitable for you ath it wath for me, that ith all. She ith a fine little car, all right. You are the thixth thucker in a month. If you want the telephone number of the garage, Craddock, Ill give it to you. I had to uthe it onthe.”
“Say! What are you driving at?” the detective demanded.
“You won't be pethterin' me for thome dayth to come,” Thubway Tham told him, “You'll be too buthy with that car. I know all about that car. I owned it onthe—for three dayth. Live and learn!” ”