Leo Tolstoy

“ The evening was so beautiful that, when the tea-tray was carried away, we remained upon the terrace, and I found the conversation so interesting that I only gradually became aware that all the sounds from the house were ceasing around us. Upon all sides arose the penetrating night perfume of flowers, the turf was drenched with heavy dew, the nightingale in a lilac bush near us was executing his roulades, stopping abruptly at the sound of our voices. The starry sky seemed to stoop close above our heads. ”

“ The fashionable dresses, the coiffures, with which Macha delighted to adorn me on our holidays, only excited his raillery, which chagrined my good Macha not a little, and at first disconcerted me. Macha, who had settled in her own mind that I was pleasing to Sergius Mikailovitch, could not at all comprehend why he did not prefer that a woman whom he admired should appear at her best. ”

“ My hair, my hands, my face, my carriage, whatever they might be, whether good or bad, it seemed to me he could appreciate at one glance, and that he knew very well that, had I desired to deceive him, I could add nothing at all to my exterior. My soul, on the contrary, he did not know: because he loved it, because just at this time it was in full process of growth and development, and finally because in such a matter it was easy to deceive him, and that I was in fact deceiving him. ”

“ But Macha had her night's rest to think of, so, pretending to be angry, she would drive me away from her bed, and drop off to sleep; I, on the contrary, would lie for a long time running over all my reasons for being gladsome. Sometimes I would rise, and begin my prayers a second time, praying in the fulness of my heart that I might thank God better for all the happiness He had granted me. ”

“ I began to laugh, but I could not at all understand what pleased him so much, nor to what it applied so well.
"Come, now, tell me the truth, ' hand on heart,' " he went on, turning to me with a bantering air, "would it not be a great misfortune for you, to bind your life to a man already old, who has had his day, and wants nothing except to stay just where he is, while you, Heaven knows where you would not want to run off to, as the fancy took you!" ”

“ What!" replied Macha, "thirty-six years old, and already you pretend to be tired of living?"
"Yes, certainly, and even so tired that I desire nothing but rest. To marry, one must have something else to offer. There, ask Katia," he added, pointing me out with a nod " Girls of her age are the ones for marriage. For us. ... our role is to enjoy their happiness."
There was a secret melancholy, a certain tension in the tone of his voice, which did not escape me. He kept silence a moment; neither Macha nor I said anything. ”

“ Petersburg for Sonia's education, or abroad.
"That would be very well, if you would come abroad with us," said Macha, " but by ourselves we should be like people lost in the woods."
"Ah! would to Heaven I could go around the world with you," was the half-jesting, half-serious answer.
"Well and good," said I, " let us go around the world then!"
He smiled and shook his head.
" And my mother? And my business? Come, we will let the tour of the world alone, now, and you can tell me how you have passed your time. Can it be possible that you have had the blues again?" ”