Lillian Eichler

“ The shabby young man behind him, who also offered a bill in payment for his ticket, but stepped quickly to one side to count his change, and smiled cheerfully at the man behind him, was infinitely more of a gentleman than the one who maliciously, and with evident keen enjoyment, kept the long line waiting.
The true worth of a gentleman is revealed, not in his fashionable clothes or haughty demeanor, but in his regard for the rights of ethers. It is the little kindnesses that count—and the instinctive recognition of the rights of others. ”

“ WHAT IS ETIQUETTE?
At a meeting of army officers during the Civil War, one of them began to relate a questionable story, remarking, as if to excuse his lack of good taste, that "there were no ladies present." General Grant, who was acting as chairman of the meeting, remarked, "No, but there are gentlemen"—and he refused to allow the officer to continue the story.
What is a gentleman? The question is an old one. It cannot be ancestry, for often the son of most noble and honored parentage is merely a coarse compound of clay and money, offered to society as a gentleman. ”

“ THE SIMPLEST CULTURE
Yes, it pays to be agreeable. We are all like huge magnets, and we tend to attract those things which we ourselves send out. If we are coarse and unrefined, we attract to our company those people who are also coarse and unrefined. If we are disagreeable and unmindful of the rights of others, they in turn will be disagreeable to us, and unmindful of our rights. And similarly, if we are kind and agreeable, we are bound to meet and attract people of the same kind. ”

“ And it is only by adhering to the fundamental laws of good society that this social happiness can ever be attained.
In observing the established etiquette of modem society it is necessary to pay particular attention to one's appearance, manner, and speech. It must be remembered that the world is a harsh judge and is perfectly willing to condemn us by outward appearances. In the street-car, in the ball-room, at the theater—every day people are reading the story of our characters and ideals.
Society has its own definite code of manners that must be observed before one can enter its portals. ”

“ There is no room for intolerance in the social world. To be honored, respected, one must have a certain friendliness of spirit. The gentleman, the lady treats everyone, from the lowliest beggar to the most distinguished personage with consideration. It is only the man who is unpretentious, who is always eager to please, who is as courteous and considerate in manner to his inferiors as to his equals, that fully deserves the name of gentleman. ”

“ There is in every human nature the desire for social happiness—which is, frankly, in other words, the desire so to impress by one's manner that one will be welcome and respected wherever one chances to be. ”

“ The most striking characteristic of the superior ones is their quiet, their poise. They have about them a sense of the stars." Strong feeling, anger, have no place in the social life.
We are all uneasy at times. We all have our embarrassing moments. But the well-bred person knows how to conceal his emotions, and impulses, so well that no one but he himself knows that he is uneasy or embarrassed. It is not only exceedingly unpleasant, but it is also very poor form to show by our gestures and frowns and speech that we are annoyed by some circumstance that is entirely beyond our control. ”

“ But if he lacks that glorious open-hearted generosity, that sincere sympathy and simple understanding with all mankind, that helpful, healthful, ever-inspiring agreeableness of mind and spirit—the world will have none of him. ”

“ The man who feels constantly grieved and injured at some injustice, real or imaginary, is sacrificing some of the best things life has to offer. He does not know what it means to be greeted with a smile of pleasure and a warm handclasp. He does not know what it means to be taken whole-heartedly into one's confidence, to be relied upon, to be appealed to. ”

“ There is a pretty little story of a woman and a child, in which the simple friendliness of a little girl opened the door for a woman whose life had been embittered by much hardship and disappointment. ”

“ Cheerfulness itself means poise—a wholesome, happy, undaunted poise that makes life well-balanced and worth the living.
The person of low, vulgar tastes and desires is seldom contented, seldom happy. He finds everywhere evil, ugliness, selfishness, and a tendency for the world generally to degrade itself to the lower levels of coarseness. ”

“ It makes no difference how wealthy or how poor a person is, how ignorant or educated he happens to be—as a fellow-being he is entitled to a hearty sympathy and respect. Both servility and arrogance are ungentlemanly. ”

“ Impulsiveness is often the cause of serious breaches of etiquette—breaches that are, socially speaking, the ruin of many a rising young man, of many an otherwise charming young woman. The gentleman never shows by hasty word or angry glance that he is displeased with some service. ”

“ It cannot be dress—for surely Beau Brummell was not what the world loves to call a gentleman, despite his stiffiy starched cravats and brightly polished boots. It cannot be money, for then many a common thief, made wealthy by his ill-gotten gains, would be entitled to the name of gentleman. ”

“ He may be greatly enthusiastic about some unexpected happening, but he never becomes excited, never loses control of his reasoning faculties. He never gives the appearance of being in a hurry, no matter how swift his actions may be—there is always about him the suggestion of leisure and poise. ”

“ Crane, the famous essayist and philosopher, who said in one of his delightful talks, "The superior man is gentle. It is only the man with a defective vocabulary that swears. All noise is waste. The silent sun is mightier than the whirlwind. ”

“ The cultured man is never angry, never impatient, never demonstrative. His actions and speech are tempered with a dispassionate calmness and tranquillity that the French admiringly call sang froid. He knows how to control his emotions so effectively that no one can read, in his self-possessed expression, whether he is angry or pleased, discouraged or eager. ”

“ An elderly man, who showed quite obviously by his lordly and self-satisfied manner that he was accustomed to travel about in his own car, was on one occasion forced to ride home in the subway. It was rush hour, and thousands of tired men and women were in a hurry to get home. The man impatiently waited his turn on a long line at the ticket office, constantly grumbling and making it disagreeable for those about him. ”

“ There are certain rules that must be followed before one can enter its envied circle. There are conventionalities that must be observed in requesting a lady to dance, in acknowledging an introduction, in using the knife and fork at the dinner table. ”

“ The man or woman who is truly cultured, truly well-bred, tries to make everyone happy and at ease. It is only the exceedingly vulgar person who finds pleasure in hurting the feelings of the people with whom he comes into contact. ”