Lillian Eichler

“ In your hands has been placed the destiny of a child, or of children, to be molded, developed and formed into a perfect being. Do not make the mistake that so many parents make—the mistake of thinking that the child is a miniature of yourself, a pocket edition of yourself as it were. You have certain tastes, habits, hopes and desires cultivated through years of experience and education. The child has a young mind to be expanded and developed, a young body to be molded into lines of grace and charm, a young life to be made fine and beautiful. ”

“ With his gloomy face, sour disposition, complaining habits and inherent lack of good taste and culture, he sees only the shadows of life. People are repulsed by him, never attracted. Brilliant men and women, people of refinement and taste, will have nothing to do with him. He lives his own life—his ill-bred, complaining, gloomy, companionless life—an outcast from that better society of which we all long to be a part.
Culture and cheer go hand-in-hand. The cultured man or woman is always cheerful, always finding something good and beautiful in all mankind and nature. ”

“ We know by glancing at a young man who wears an orange tie, checked hat, and twirls a bamboo cane, that he is inclined to be just the least bit gay. We know by the simple dignity of an elderly woman's dress that she is conservative and well-poised.
In the clothes we wear we reveal to the world the story of our ideals, our principles. If we are frivolous, our clothes show it. If we have a sense of the artistic, our clothes show it. If we are modest, bold, vain or proud the clothes we wear reveal it for all the world to see. ”

“ Too rigid an observance of the laws of good society makes them nothing short of an absurdity. The purpose of correct manners is not to enable us to strut about in society and command the admiring glances of the people around us—as the peacock, in its vanity, parades before onlookers in a proud dignity that is quite obviously assumed. The true service of etiquette is so to strengthen and simplify the social life that we are able to do what is absolutely correct and right without even stopping to think about it. ”

“ We hear the first deep chords of the orchestra, and involuntarily our fingers mark the time of the measure. With the soft, mellow harmony of triplet melodies we are transported to the solemn vastness of a mountain beside a gayly rippling stream. With the deep, sonorous bursts of triumphant melody, we are transported to the ocean's edge, where the rumbling of the waves holds us in awed ecstasy. Thoughts of sorrow, of gladness, of joy, of hope surge through us and cry for expression. Dancing is nature's way of expressing these emotions. ”

“ Too many people go through the ceremony of an introduction merely as a matter of duty, without realizing its portent in the matter of friendship and future acquaintance.
We have all met the man or woman who nods stiffly in acknowledgment of an introduction, and offers some stereotyped expression of welcome. And we have all met the man or woman who smiles warmly, offers a sincere handclasp, and acknowledges the introduction so cordially that one feels entirely at ease. ”

“ The inevitable "tired business man" finds incentive in the thought of a brisk game of golf after closing hours. The busy hostess looks forward to the afternoon that she will be able to devote exclusively to tennis. The man or woman who does not "play" is missing one of the keenest pleasures of life.
But there is an etiquette of sport and games, just as there is an etiquette of the ballroom and dinner table. One must know how to conduct oneself on the golf links and at the chess table, just as one must know how to conduct oneself at dinner or at the opera. ”

“ As long as it is something with a touch of human interest in it, and if you tell it with the desire to please rather than impress, your audience will be interested in your conversation. But to remain quiet, answering only when you are spoken to, and allowing conversation to die each time it reaches you, is a feature of conduct belonging only to the ignorant and dull. There are many pleasant and agreeable things to talk about—argument and discussion have no place in the social drawing-room—and there is no reason why you cannot find them and make use of them. ”

“ A man may be fabulously wealthy, but if he does not know how to act, how to dress and speak, he will not be respected. American society has rules of its own, and those who are not willing to learn these laws are shunned, banished. Etiquette is the wall which divides the cultured from the uncultured, which keeps the ill-bred out of the circles where they would be awkward and uncomfortable, and where they would undoubtedly cause mortification to others.
On the other hand, to know these rules of good conduct is to be admitted to the highest circles of society. ”

“ Nature's chief masterpiece is writing well.
A letter, business or social, is simply talk upon paper. And as a wise philosopher once said, "Never put on paper what you would not care to see printed in the newspaper for all to read." As in everything else connected with the social world, ease is absolutely essential to the correct letter. The style must not be cramped, stilted, forced. A free and easy flow of language, simple and understandable, and with just that acceptable degree of cordiality and heartiness that makes one enjoy reading, is essential in all correspondence. ”

“ All boisterous behavior, loud laughing and talking, are as reprehensible in the train as they are in the drawing-room. Composure of manner and a calm, easy grace distinguish the cultured traveler. He who is restless, excitable, fidgety, who talks in loud tones, walks back and forth to the water cooler many times, arranges and rearranges his belongings, is merely advertising to the other passengers in the train that he is traveling for the first time, and that he does not know how to conduct himself. ”

“ The "general public" so sadly abused in book and speech, is quick to recognize courtesy and eager to respond to it. Before a pleasant face and a courteous manner, all obstacles vanish, and we find ourselves progressing easily through the world, making friends as we go.
Some of us vainly pride ourselves upon being frank and candid in our association with others. This is a serious blunder which many men and women make. It is not commendable to be frank, when courtesy is sacrificed. ”

“ Light shoes are more attractive than dark ones with light frocks.
A garden party might be compared with a drama, the costumes of the guests deciding whether or not it would be termed pure romance or light comedy. Here, amidst summer flowers, woman's natural beauty is heightened, and the wrong color schemes in dress, the wrong costumes for the setting, jar as badly as a streak of black paint across the hazy canvas of a landscape painting by an impressionist. ”

“ Striking attractiveness, rather than simple good taste, seems to be the spirit of modern dress. To see a beautiful young woman in gaudy clothes is as disappointing as seeing a romantic old Spanish tale bound in a cheap paper cover.
How much more delightful is a simple frock, developed of rich materials, and boasting only deep soft folds of the material as decoration, than an elaborate gown with rows and rows of imitation gold lace! ”

“ Orison Swett Marden says, "If you are a victim of timidity and self-depreciation, afraid to say your soul is your own; if you creep about the world as though you thought you were taking up room which belonged to somebody else; if you are bashful, timid, confused, tongue-tied when you ought to assert yourself, say to yourself, 'I am a child of the King of Kings. I will no longer suffer this cowardly timidity to rule me. I am made by the same Creator who has made all other human beings. ”

“ No one can be excused from silence or lack of interest at the luncheon.
To the hostess, then, goes the responsibility of providing the means of enjoyment; to the guests goes the responsibility of utilizing this means, and cooperating with the hostess in making the entire thing a success. There are huge social possibilities in the luncheon, and it is rapidly becoming one of America's favorite functions. With both hostess and guest observing their duties, it must inevitably be a triumph that will vie with the important dignity of the formal dinner itself. ”

“ To give one specific instance, there is the widow who spends every dollar left her by a departed husband to pay for an elaborate funeral for him. In the eyes of the world, he must be buried "right"; and though it leave her in debt, she makes an impressive funeral service. Would it not have been more sensible to bury him simply and unostentatiously, preserving a little of the money left her for the necessities of life? It is one of the ironies of life that often more attention and honor are paid to the dead than they ever receive in life. ”

“ Success without culture is like old-fashioned strawberry short cake without the whipped cream. It has no flavor.
There are certain little courteous observances, certain social formalities that bespeak the true lady, the true gentleman. Some of us call it good form. Some of us call it culture. Some of us call it etiquette. But we all admit that it makes the world a better place to live in. ”

“ DANCING AS A HEALTHFUL ART
Dancing is an art. More than that, it is a healthful art. In its graceful movements, cadenced rhythms, and expressive charms are evident the same beautiful emotions that are so eloquently expressed in music, sculpture, painting. And it is through these expressions of emotion, through this silent poetry of the body that dancing becomes a healthful art, for it imparts to the body—and mind—a poise and strength without which no one can be quite happy. ”

“ But with culture, with development of mind and spirit, with the desire to adhere truly to society's laws and regard as inviolable the rights of others, there comes a new understanding of human relationship. Where once everything seemed narrow and selfish, one now sees love and beauty and helpfulness. Instead of harsh words and unkind glances, there are words of cheer and encouragement, smiles of friendliness and understanding. ”

“ Or to be more explicit, is conversation an art or a gift? The answer must certainly be an art, for nature never gives that which study accomplishes. And by study you can become a master of speech—you can make words a veritable torch, illuminating you and your surroundings. But words alone mean very little. It is the grouping of words, expressions, phrases; the combination of thoughts that make real conversation. ”

“ Reserve, on the other hand, is a calm dignity that comes with the knowledge that one does and says only what is entirely correct. It is that certain well-poised sureness of oneself entirely devoid of all semblance of pride,—yet with sufficient self-respect to attract instinctively the respect of others. Reserve is that which is developed only after close application to, and experience in, the laws of good conduct. Haughtiness is merely a sham drapery used to cover the defects of uncultured manners. ”

“ It will open the doors of the highest society to you, make you immune to all embarrassment, enable you to conduct yourself with ease and confidence at all times, under all circumstances.
The rewards of etiquette are too numerous to recount. If you follow the laws of good conduct, if you do only what is right and in good form, you will find yourself an acknowledged leader, an acknowledged success, no matter in what station of life you may be. The world is quick to perceive good manners, just as it is quick to perceive the blunders in etiquette. ”

“ An honest heart may beat beneath the ragged coat, a brilliant intellect may rise above the bright checked suit and the yellow tie, the man in the shabby suit may be a famous writer, the girl in the untidy blouse may be an artist of great promise but as a general rule the chances are against it and such people are dull, flat, stale, and unprofitable both to themselves and to other people.
Like advertising, dress should call attention not to itself but to the person or product which it represents so that people will say, not, "What an attractive gown!" but "What a lovely woman!" ”

“ THE YOUNG GIRL
There are two kinds of young girls—those who face life as some great opportunity, who consider it a splendid gift to be made the most of, and who help to create the beauty that they love to admire; and those who are butterflies of society, whose lives are mere husks, without depth, without worth-while impulses and ambitions. They are satisfied if they know how to dance gracefully, if they know how to enter a room in an impressive manner, if they know how to be charming at the dinner table. Their conversation is idle chatter ”

“ The etiquette of the beach has not yet been settled and the chief point of dispute is the way a woman should dress. It is absurd for her to wear a suit that will hamper her movements in the water but it is even worse for her to wear a skimpy garment that makes her the observed of all observers as she parades up and down the beach. There is no set rule as to what kind of suit one should wear for one person can wear a thing that makes another ridiculous if not actually vulgar. ”

“ The host or hostess who is discouraged from offering friends simple entertainment because of someone's else magnificent parties, should cease being discouraged and take pride and pleasure in the knowledge that they are entertaining their friends as hospitably as they can. To do a thing simply and sincerely is infinitely finer than to do a thing extravagantly merely for the sake of ostentation and display.
In homes where there are no servants the guests should take part in the work around the house unless the hostess shows distinctly that she prefers for them not to do it. ”

“ Ella Wheeler Wilcox, writing about etiquette, said "Etiquette is another name for kind thought. The man who says 'I know nothing about etiquette' does not realize that he is saying 'I know nothing about courtesy to my fellow beings.'" One of the reasons why America has truly been the land of golden promise to so many strangers from other shores, is that there are always so many men and women eager to help, eager to show those little courtesies that warm the heart and rekindle the dying spirit. Etiquette and courtesy are synonymous. ”

“ To know and adhere to these laws is to be admitted to the highest society and enjoy the company of the most brilliant minds.
Etiquette is an art—the art of doing and saying the correct thing at the correct time—the art of being able to hold oneself always in hand, no matter how exacting the circumstance. And like music or painting or writing, the more you study it, the more you apply yourself to its principles, the more perfectly your own character is molded. ”

“ The woman who is ruled by fashion may not consider herself a well-dressed woman. If her sense of beauty is developed, if she knows the value of art and harmony, she will not be the slave of a stupid mode. She will not worship at the pedestal of fashion, trembling as each new decree is announced lest she be not among the very first to observe it. Style does not dominate her personality ”

“ Beautiful indeed is the celebration of the golden wedding. With her children and grandchildren and friends grouped around her, with her husband at her side, doing her every honor he might pay a newly-won bride, the bride of fifty years can be naught but inexpressibly happy—though memories of lost youth rise constantly to haunt her. It is glorious—this reaching fifty years of married life—and any couple may well be proud to commemorate its occasion. ”

“ Not only does it tell you how, but it gives you poise and self-confidence. By teaching you the right thing to do at the right time, it eliminates all possibility of mistakes—and hence all embarrassment and awkwardness vanish.
The existence of these fixed social laws, these little rules of etiquette, makes it easy for the man and woman who have not been bred in the best society, to master the knowledge which will enable them to enter that society and mingle with the most highly cultivated people without feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable. ”

“ Every woman has within her the possibilities of being charming—if not beautiful. It requires only the knowledge of correct dress, of harmony and beauty in costume. There is, of course, the woman who insists that she does not care at all about clothes, that she does not care how she is dressed. But she is the exception, and we are interested in the rule. Woman does herself an injustice by being dowdy, careless or commonplace in dress. She puts herself at an unfair disadvantage. Charm and beauty are the heritage of woman, and the world expects it of her. ”

“ Where in the city can you find the good-fellowship, the spontaneity, the courteous kindliness that you find in the small town and village? Where in the city can you find the open-hearted generosity, the sympathetic understanding and the simple courtesy that you find among country people? The elaborate ball room with its richly gowned women is charming and impressive; but the simple country party with its Virginia reel, the daughters in their party clothes and mothers in their "best black silks" are no less charming. ”

“ Self-confidence is what makes success, whether it is in the social world or the business world. It was self-confidence that helped Edison with each new invention. It was self-confidence that enabled Madame Marie Curie, penniless and obscure, to discover radium, the greatest and most wonderful metal in the world. All achievement is founded on self-confidence—not of the aggressive sort, but of the quiet, calm, unassuming sort that is so easy to develop if one will only try.
Determine that you will no longer allow timidity and shyness to rule you. Assert yourself! ”

“ And so we say to the young and the old man alike, dress well. Dress, not as a fashion-plate, but with a regard for appropriate style—and with an especially keen regard for fine materials and excellent workmanship. Do not be content with an ordinary suit, but be sure that each one you wear imparts that poise and dignity which is so essential to the true gentleman. Your wardrobe need not be filled with suits for every day and every occasion ; but a few carefully selected garments, well-tailored and smartly styled will earn for you the enviable distinction of "a well-dressed man." ”

“ We find a worried, anxious business man, forgetting for the moment his pressing affairs in the diverting entertainments provided for him by his hostess; in return, exerting every effort to contribute to the success of the evening, to join in the conversation when he would rather be silent and pensive, to be witty and humorous when he would much prefer being moody and despondent. And so it goes on, a constant giving and returning of hospitality, so beautiful and so inspiring that it is worthy of the stress given to it in the social world. ”

“ Women are never so lovely as when they are dressed well. Men are never so attractive as when their garments are faultless. There is something romantic in the gown and veil of the bride, just as there is something delightfully refreshing in the sight of a young girl daintily attired on a hot Summer's day. There is poetry in dress, just as there is in a towering cathedral or in a well-molded statue.
HARMONY IN DRESS
One of the most important, in fact, the important principle of dress is harmony. Nature itself is a glorious example of all that is harmonious. ”

“ We all know that the love of beauty is inherent in all women—just as the pride of personal appearance is inherent in all men. It is a heritage brought down through generations of slowly developing culture. And we find to-day that Fashion is the means of expressing individuality.
It would indeed be a Herculean task to attempt to write a discourse on the ever-changing dictates of Fashion, on the constant whims and vagaries of Style. Each season brings forth striking new dress innovations—new colorings, new draperies, new lines. ”

“ Old satin slippers and handfuls of rice are thrown after the departing couple. It would not be an objectionable custom if some over-enthusiastic individuals did not overdo it to the extent that it becomes almost riotous. After a solemn, dignified, well-ordered wedding ceremony, and a charming reception, it is nothing short of ridiculous to spoil it all by boisterously overdoing an old tradition. The cultured person is always well-poised, always calm—whether it be during the tense moments of the wedding-vow utterances, or the half-glad, half-sad moments of seeing the happy pair off. ”

“ Perhaps the grace and ease of manner for which the Romans of yore were noted was due to the delightful comfort of their dress.
Tight shoes, extreme styles, uncomfortable wraps, coats or suits—anything that in any way makes you conscious of what you are wearing, should be rigidly avoided. You are truly a "slave of fashion" if you allow yourself to suffer hours of torture merely to present an appearance that would have been vastly more pleasing if it had been accompanied by the graceful ease of manner of which discomfort robbed you. ”

“ The great inspirational writer has shown you in this little paragraph the way to overcome your self-consciousness—the foolish timidity that is robbing you of your privilege of self-assertion, of your ease and grace of manner, of your very happiness. Whenever you feel embarrassed and ill at ease in the presence of strangers, think of the words of Marden. Remember that you are one of the children of the universe, that we are all brothers and sisters, and that you have as much right to assert yourself as any other man or woman in the world. ”

“ How many of us adjust the expenditure for clothes in our households, not by what we ourselves can afford, but by what our neighbors and friends spend!
Fashion is a temptress. Smart gowns, exquisite hat creations, attractive styles in bootery, all tempt us to spend more than is really quite necessary. The extravagant woman fills her wardrobe with numerous dresses, blouses and hats for which she has no real use. But how, much more sensible it is to have just enough for one's needs, a few stylish, well-made garments—each one an expression of the wearer's own personality. ”

“ There seems to be a false impression among men and women alike, that to be fashionable one must have a new dress for every occasion, a different suit for every day of the week. As a matter of fact, this is an entirely mistaken idea. Fashion is not measured by the number of suits or dresses we have, but by the good taste we display in their selection.
It is significant that the woman whose wardrobe is filled to overflowing, invariably finds that she has "nothing to wear," while the woman of taste, with her carefully selected wardrobe, always seems to be dressed just right. ”

“ Inherent love of beauty can be so abused that it becomes a sign of vanity. Fashion can be made a series of fads, and style an excuse for eccentricities. It is because men and women, and especially women, are so eager to adopt any new style creation offered to them by the vast army of "authorities," so impatient always for something new, new—that the dress of to-day has earned the censure of students of sociology. ”