Edward Summers Squier

“ It is the duty of a hostess to stand up when receiving an introduction. This applies equally whether the stranger is a man or a woman. But a woman other than the hostess, when a member of a group, remains seated during any introduction to her unless it is of one her superior in age or station, whom she should honor by rising. Otherwise, it is preferable for a woman to stand in acknowledging an introduction of one of her own sex, though [89] she should remain seated when a man is presented to her. ”

“ The day at home is such a social convenience that it is popular, not only in the cities, but in many smaller towns. It is usually set for one afternoon in the week, [42] sometimes for an afternoon each two weeks during the social season. The day should appear on the visiting-card. The hours for entertaining on the day at home are from three until six, but this period is frequently extended for another hour. The hostess should devote herself assiduously to her guests, and should provide some light forms of food and drink. Usually, tea is served. ”

“ If any person requires that a definite time should be given for the emancipation [40] of a girl from the social dominance of her mother or chaperon, it may be set at about the twenty-fifth year, after which time a young woman is theoretically fitted to decide for herself as to who her visitors shall be.
A young woman of sensibility will be extremely chary of her invitations to men, and very sure before extending them that they are really desired. If at any time a man fails to avail himself of such an invitation, her self-respect will not permit her to repeat it. ”

“ When a man is walking with a woman, he must salute in the same fashion any others that pass who recognize either himself or his companion, except that where the person is not an acquaintance of his own, he merely lifts his hat without bowing. ”

“ The consideration of the Frenchman for others is indeed the essential basis for all true courtesy. Genuine politeness has its root always in a very real regard for the feelings of others.
The ancient proverb declares that cleanliness is next to godliness. In fact, so far as concerns casual associations, cleanliness is the more important. We have ordinarily nothing to do with the morals of those [7] whom we encounter for a few fugitive moments, but the most fleeting companionship with a dirty person is offensive, while a perfect cleanliness is always pleasing in its effect. ”

“ A maiden bride should wear white and a veil of tulle with orange blossoms. The gown may be decolleté and sleeveless for an evening wedding. A woman who has been married before may wear any color pleasing to her, but not white, and she must not veil herself, nor display the orange blossoms. A train properly distinguishes the wedding-gown.
On receipt of an invitation to a wedding, any gift should be sent to the bride without delay. There is no obligation on the part of a merely formal acquaintance to send a gift when invited to a church wedding, but it is permissible. ”

“ A man’s hands should be kept in his lap when not busy. So of a woman’s—formerly. Of recent years, a new custom has crept in, and it is common to see a woman’s forearm or elbow resting at ease on the table.
The napkin is only partly unfolded, and laid across the lap. In the case of a woman, it covers her gloves, which she has taken off on seating herself. At the end of the [129] meal, the crumpled napkin is laid beside the plate. But, when making an extended stay with friends, the napkin is folded if the host and hostess fold theirs in preparation for use at another meal. ”

“ It is notorious that in the large cities there is no welcome for the newcomer from the dweller next door or across the street. The conditions of city life justify such aloofness. On the other hand, the conditions of life in the smaller places warrant exactly the opposite in the matter of hospitality. It is the recognized duty of the older residents to welcome new arrivals by calling on them promptly, after the strangers have had time to dispose themselves comfortably. ”

“ It must be noted, however, that a call in person demands a personal visit in return. The formal leaving of a card at the door does not suffice.
Persons giving up their residence in a community or going on a long journey should send their cards to their full visiting-list with the initials P.p.c. (Pour prendre congé, for leave-taking) .
It occurs often that a person wishes to call on a friend in the home of a stranger. Such a call is permissible, but the visitor should ask for the hostess as well as the friend, and leave a card for her. ”

“ Series, it has been the publisher’s purpose to provide for the student the best possible road to learning—a road truly royal in its simplicity, its worth: a road wide and direct, and free from foolish, needless litter. ”

“ This rule applies in the case of a man as well as of a woman. It should be observed that two cards are deemed sufficient in most cases. Where, however, the hostess has a guest staying with her and also daughters of her own, three cards are to be left.
A man wishing to call on a particular woman must be punctilious in leaving cards [56] not only for the particular one in whom he is interested, but also for the mother or chaperon, and still a third for the host. But, if a call is made on a woman on her at-home day, no card need be left, unless the call is in acknowledgment of entertainment. ”

“ Sometimes a woman who is owing a call thus sends her card along with an invitation, as for luncheon or dinner. The invitation is considered to justify the merely formal matter of the card. So, too, a person receiving an invitation from a hostess who is a stranger must, if the invitation is declined, leave cards within two weeks after the date of the entertainment. [57] An invalid may send cards through the post in acknowledgment of calls of inquiry, and a woman in mourning is able to fulfill her obligations in the same manner. ”

“ Cards are formally left by all who receive invitations to a church wedding, and the requirement is the same for those to whom an announcement of the marriage is sent. Such cards are demanded of men and women both, to be left for the mother of the bride within a fortnight after the ceremony. Cards are left within a proper time after any form of entertainment to which the members of a club are invited, though there may be no other social acquaintance with the hostess. In calls of condolence or inquiry, cards are always left. ”

“ The buffet supper is popular on account of its convenience, since the guests select whatever pleases them at any time.
Unlike the rule as to dinners, there is no obligation for prompt arrival on the ball guest. Likewise, the guest may leave at any time. It is not necessary to seek the hostess for a farewell, but if she is near, she should be addressed with appropriate phrase in appreciation of the hospitality that has been enjoyed. ”

“ The refreshments are of the buffet variety, but they may be as rich and varied as the hostess chooses. At such functions in the city, it is usual to lay a strip of carpet from the house door to the curb, and an awning raised over this offers protection to the guests in inclement weather. Where the list of guests is long, a liveried servant at the curb not only opens the doors of the motors, but also issues checks by which the cars may be summoned for the departure of the guests. ”

“ Care ought to be taken in every respect lest there be an impolite intrusion on the rights of others.
If there is supper in a restaurant after the play, the wraps should be left in the cloak-room as a rule, but a woman may retain one of a sort that is not cumbersome, according to her pleasure. The hat is not removed for the meal. The veil may [140] either be pushed up or taken off according to the individual preference. The gloves are removed after the party is seated at table, and kept in the lap under the napkin until the conclusion of the meal. They are put on again before leaving the table. ”

“ Elderly women are likely to prefer a mourning garb for the remainder of their lifetime, after the death of a husband. In such cases, after perhaps two years, the widow’s bonnet and veil are given up, and nun’s veiling is substituted. While the gown remains black, the crêpe is omitted from it, and the mourning handkerchief is no longer carried. Jewelry is worn, but not of an ostentatious kind. ”

“ Between acts is the proper time for such calls, which are usually, but not exclusively, paid by men. A gentleman may call on a lady of his acquaintance in a box, though she is a guest of a host or hostess who is not known to him. ”

“ One receiving such a letter of introduction, whether man or woman, is expected, if the bearer is a woman, to call on her within two days’ time, and to follow this up with some sort of hospitable entertainment. If, for any imperative reason, a call is impossible, a letter should be written in explanation.
The like procedure is followed when both parties are men. But when a man presents such a letter of introduction to a woman, she does not, of course, call upon him, but writes to extend her hospitable offers. ”

“ Practically every community has its local customs, and these are always to be respected. There is nothing more snobbish than criticism by a stranger of social forms that are well established. It is always his duty to respect them and to observe them. ”

“ It is common for a man to call at the residence of the person to whom the introduction is addressed, and there give the envelope, still unsealed, to the servant, together with his own card. In the absence of the host or hostess, the caller places his own card inside the envelope, which is then sealed, and left. A woman never follows this procedure. ”

“ It is always a mark of courtesy to request a lady’s permission in advance of the actual introduction. When introductions are to be made between a woman, who is a newcomer, and an assembly of guests, the newcomer is given the formal distinction of receiving the introductions. ”

“ STREET ETIQUETTE
WHEN A MAN and woman walk together in the street, the man’s proper position is usually on the side toward the curb, and he maintains this place also when walking with two women. He should never station himself between them, unless under the informal circumstances of a country road, or the like.
In the day time, a man does not offer a woman his arm when they walk together, though of course he should give her the support of his hand under her elbow when such assistance is obviously required, as in mounting the steps of a car. ”

“ A small card lying on the napkin carries the name of the guest to be seated here.
When dinner is announced, the host offers his arm to the woman who is to sit on his right, and leads the way to the dining-room. Already, in welcoming the guests, the hostess has made known the dinner-partners, introducing them when necessary. These now follow in pairs to the dining-room. The hostess brings up the rear. The guests find their places by the cards.
The hostess does not rise in greeting a late arrival, even a woman. ”

“ Thus, though the hostess referred to above may have unmarried daughters receiving with her, cards for them need not be left. But the presence of a married daughter or a friend formally assisting in the reception of the guests requires the leaving of a card.
A woman leaves no cards for the men of the family where she visits.
It is the business of the wife to fulfill her husband’s formal social duties by leaving his cards with hers whenever entertainment should be acknowledged. ”

“ A bachelor should always be punctilious in calling on a chaperon shortly after any affair at which she has officiated, in order to tender his grateful appreciation of her services in his behalf.
[26]
BALLS
THE INVITATIONS for a formal ball are engraved on a sheet similar to that used for dinner-parties. But, like the dinner-invitations, they may also be written by the hostess. In sending these invitations by mail only one envelope is used when the invitation is written out. But the engraved form is enclosed first in an unsealed envelope with merely the name of the guest on the cover. ”

“ IN THE COUNTRY, where the dinner is in the middle of the day, the evening meal is called either supper or tea, and an invitation to tea ordinarily means an invitation to the evening meal. In England, where afternoon tea-serving is universal among all classes, the evening meal is frequently designated high tea. ”

“ Where women have met out of town, and wish to continue the acquaintance in the city, the unmarried woman should call on the matron, or one who is under any obligation for hospitality should make the first call. ”

“ Hats of a character harmonious with the gown are worn throughout the function, as are gloves.
The men wear black frock coats and gray striped trousers, with either a black waistcoat or a fancy one according to choice. While he leaves his coat and hat in the dressing-room at such formal affairs, a man retains his gloves, either keeping the left glove on the hand, and carrying the other, or carrying both. The right hand must be bare.
Each woman guest leaves on a tray [20] provided for that purpose in the hall a card for her hostess and one for each of any other women receiving. ”