Cora C. Klein

“ To whisper and laugh during any public entertainment proclaims one’s ill-breeding, and invades the rights of others.
One ought never to leave the house after the evening’s entertainment without bidding the hostess good-night, and acknowledging the pleasure the evening has afforded him. [128]
The business man has no stock-in-trade that pays him better than a good address.
It is only those persons and families whose position is not a secure one, that are afraid to be seen outside their own social circle.
One should never reprove servants or children before strangers. ”

“ While wearing all black on the street, after crêpe is laid aside, one may wear, with propriety, all white in the house.
While in deep mourning one does not go into society. All that mourning etiquette demands is that one acknowledge her calls with her visiting cards, which should be sent in return for a call within two weeks after it is made, and should go by hand rather than by mail.
One sends invitations to one’s friends who are in mourning, to show that they are not forgotten. ”

“ It is always a compliment to one’s hostess to make a long visit at “a day”, for it implies [12] that one is having a pleasant time; but nobody should stay long enough to be a burden on the hostess’s hospitality, or to detain her from her other guests. If one finds that she does not know any one present, or if she is not introduced to a congenial person with whom she can have a pleasant chat, it would be wise for her to leave after a conventional ten or fifteen minutes’ call. ”

“ One can travel all over the United States alone, and if she conducts herself quietly, and as a lady should, she will receive all due respect. At the same time it is perhaps a little wiser to have a friend with one, or even, if that is not possible, to be put in the care of some one who is making the same journey.
When a young woman is traveling alone and is obliged to stay at a hotel, she is shown to a reception room and sends for a clerk to come to her. After the business arrangements are made, she either gives him a card or tells him her name, and he registers for her. ”

“ If the hostess is the only woman at the table, she is served first, as a lady is of most importance from a social standpoint, and it is always proper to attend to her wants first. After her the man who is a visitor, or whose age gives him precedence, receives attention.
The guest of honor at a tea arrives a little earlier than the other guests, and remains somewhat later, but at a luncheon or dinner she should appear at the regulation time. One should remove one’s gloves at a luncheon, but the retaining of the hat is entirely a matter of personal taste. ”

“ Though one has but few facts and ideas to draw upon, she may still, by making sufficient effort, become a fair conversationalist. If one despair in this direction, she may at least train herself to become an interesting listener, and she will be surprised to find how popular she will be; for three-quarters of the world like to talk, while to listen intelligently is a great talent. The good listener, by her evident interest in, and sympathetic attention to, the matter of conversation, brings out all that is best in the one with whom she talks. ”

“ Etiquette is a comprehensive term, and its observances are nowhere more to be desired than in the domestic circle.
If husbands and wives, generally, would render each other half of the little attentions they lavished upon each other before marriage, their mutual happiness would be more than doubled.
A wife should never let her husband have cause to complain that she is more agreeable abroad than at home, nor see her negligent of dress and manners at home when it is the reverse in company. ”

“ In entering any public place a woman should precede a man, but going down the aisle, the usher, of course, would precede her.
A hostess stands to receive her visitors, but she does not advance to meet them unless [134] the visitor should be some one quite old or of such importance that the visit is of great honor. The hostess extends her hand to the men who call, as well as to the women.
A woman is not supposed to recognize a man who is one of a group standing in a public place, since a modest girl will not look close enough at a group of men to recognize an acquaintance. ”

“ The putting on of mourning is a question that should be decided entirely by those most deeply concerned. Many families never follow the custom, and even wear white instead of black on the day of the funeral, while others seem to consider the wearing of crêpe as a mark of respect shown to the dead. To assume the expense such a change in clothing would entail, may sometimes be placing a burden upon the living for the sake of the dead, which certainly neither custom nor reason should demand. Then, to many, the wearing of crêpe is so depressing that it is a sin against one’s self to put it on. ”

“ A man should show as much courtesy to a woman in his employ as he does to the women he meets in social life.
It is not in good taste to visit at the home of one’s betrothed, unless a personal invitation is received from his mother.
Two women may attend, with perfect propriety, a place of amusement without an escort. They should be, however, under such circumstances, exceptionally quiet in their manners and their dress.
In escorting a young woman home, a man should go up the steps with her, wait until the door is opened, and, as she enters the house, raise his hat and say good-night. ”

“ One should be careful not to call up friends at inconvenient hours, and when one is notified by a servant, or otherwise, that someone, the name being given, is at the telephone wishing to speak with her, she should certainly be as expeditious as possible in replying; for, by holding the wire, she is inconveniencing others, as well as the one who is waiting for her. No lady needs to be warned against speaking discourteously under any circumstances to the telephone assistants at the central office. It is in these little things that one shows herself to be well-bred or not. ”

“ If, however, friends happen in, and are asked informally to stay to a meal at a hotel, they may order themselves what they want from the menu, and, if necessary, the host or hostess of the occasion may pay the bill before leaving the dining-room, but the bill should not be paid until the guests have departed.
In giving one’s order for dinner at the hotel, oysters come first, then soup, fish, a roast or a bird, ices, whatever dessert may be desired, and coffee. Very often a woman is well served, when she is alone, by allowing the waiter to arrange a dinner for her. ”

“ Queen Victoria has forgiven certain breaches of etiquette made in ignorance, and left her guest to discover the mistake at another time. It is a reprehensible host indeed who does otherwise, and so makes a guest uncomfortable. Etiquette is all wrong and false when it makes one forget the higher laws of courtesy or hospitality. ”

“ A married woman, when making formal calls, leaves one of her husband’s and one of her own cards for the hostess and for every other woman she asks for in the house, and one of her husband’s cards, besides, for the host; but, while this is the rule for formal visiting, it is quite permissible for a married woman, when calling on a number of women who reside in the same house, to leave, besides her own and her husband’s for the host and hostess, only one more of each for all the others. ”

“ The day is past when latitude or great variety in dress is considered original. Clothes, if they are startling at all, must be startling in a degree to be borne. A train cannot be worn where only a short skirt is in order, nor can an abbreviated drapery go where full dress is required. A garden party, for instance, or an out-of-door tea at a private house demands a muslin, a silk, or, at any rate, an elaborate toilet, while at a golf club, such dress is absurd, except for the elderly or non-players. ”

“ It is extremely rude and ill-bred, when at a boarding-house or hotel table, to criticise the food that is served. The fact that it is paid for makes it none the less an evidence of bad manners. People who are not satisfied where they are boarding should always leave; they have no right to make others uncomfortable by their lack of good-breeding.
Women of good-breeding do not permit themselves to “overlook” those to whom courtesies are due.
A man should learn to put his coat on in a public place of entertainment so that he will not require assistance from the woman who is with him. ”

“ It is not in good taste for different members of a party to go off in pairs, and spend the evening alone on the seashore.
It is not wise for a young woman and young man living in the same city to correspond. If meeting each other often they ought to be able to say all that is necessary.
One has no right whatever to read a postal card addressed to another without permission.
The very minute the married man begins to tell of his wife’s faults, the time has come to cut his acquaintance. ”

“ Coffee may be served at the table or in the drawing-room as is best liked. People are not asked if they will have it; it is served to them. Only sugar is offered with black coffee.
HABITS AT TABLE.
Nothing indicates the good breeding of a man so much as his manners at table. There are a thousand little points to be observed, which, although not absolutely necessary, distinctly stamp the refined and well-bred man. A man may pass muster by dressing well, and may sustain himself tolerably in conversation; but, if he is not nearly perfect in table etiquette, dining will betray him. ”

“ A lady will never keep a caller waiting, without sending word that she will be in immediately.
One ought always to return a call, but if the acquaintance is not desirable, the first call may be the last.
Some women only rise when their callers leave, others accompany them as far as the drawing-room door; but it is always polite for a hostess to accompany her visitors to the front door when they take their leave, if there is not a servant on hand to open the door for them. The best bred hostesses even go so far as to accompany their callers to the elevator in a hotel or an apartment-house. ”

“ A tea is the simplest and easiest kind of an entertainment to give, for the only essential requisites for its success are prettily [45] arranged receiving-rooms, with as many flowers as one can afford; a gracious hostess, who stands during the hours of the function to receive her guests and is properly dressed in a becoming high-necked house dress; a few other women, who also receive in pretty dresses; and a dainty tea table, which may be presided over by a woman friend or two of the hostess. ”

“ A man who is escorting two women in the street should not walk between them, but on the outside of both near the curb; at the theater or at any place of amusement or at church, he should sit nearest to the aisle, at the side of one of them.
Unless there is some good reason why she needs his support, a man seldom offers his arm to a woman he escorts, even in the evening. A husband may offer his arm to his wife, of course, and a man may proffer this help to an invalid or aged person. ”

“ A formal invitation to a house wedding demands the same acknowledgment as an invitation to a church wedding.
In acknowledging an invitation to a wedding, a single woman sends one of her visiting cards in an envelope addressed to the mother and father of the bride on the day of the wedding. A single man sends two of his cards, and a married couple send one of the wife’s and two of the husband’s cards. To the bride on her “At Home” day, cards should be sent in exactly the same way. A wedding reception, if it takes place in the evening, demands full dress. ”

“ When the dinner is large and formal, or even when it numbers only eight or ten, it is wise to have small cards with the names of the guests at each place at the table, and, if the guests are strangers to each other, to have a tray in the men’s dressing-room or hall where they remove their coats and hats with tiny envelopes addressed to each, containing little cards on which is written the name of the dinner partner. ”

“ A man of good habits is one who has for so long a time practiced right thinking, speaking, and doing, that he acts properly from force of habit.
Good manners are not to be put on for particular occasions, like fine clothes, but they should be one’s second nature. The simpler and more easy and unconstrained one’s manners, the more he will impress people with his good breeding. Affectation is one of the brazen marks of vulgarity. ”

“ Necklaces and jewels in the morning are monstrous, no matter what the fashion of the moment may be, and there will come a time when every one will look upon them with horror, as every one, indeed, used to do. ”

“ The woman who is overdressed at an afternoon reception is much more uncomfortable than she who is gowned with the simplicity of a Quaker. A well fitting wool gown, a becoming bonnet, a fresh pair of gloves, and one is suitably dressed as a caller.
A girl of fourteen should not wear her [68] hair done up, and her gown should come just below her ankles.
It is not in good taste for a young girl to wear diamond rings; if she is fortunate enough to possess them, let her keep them carefully until she is older, and then she may wear them with perfect propriety. ”

“ If the hostess thinks the visitor has no acquaintances in the room, she introduces her to two or three persons who are near her, and then, counting on her knowledge of the customs of society, she will feel quite sure that her guest will enjoy herself. ”