Lillian Eichler

“ While lifting the hat one should incline the head slightly and smile. But it must be remembered that the unmannerly habit of touching the hat, instead of lifting it is an indication of sheer laziness and a lack of gallantry.
"A hat raised half-heartedly is a courtesy without charm" is a proverb well worth remembering. Why raise your hat at all, if you do it only as an annoying duty that must be gotten over as quickly as possible? If you want to be courteous and polite show by your manner that you are polite. A graceful lifting of the hat is entirely incompatible with an unsmiling face. ”

“ Do not confuse this serenity of manner with cowardice; for the calm dignity that forbids one to be ill-mannered also forbids one to endure insolence. By learning to control the temper, one develops that kind of poise which is undeniably one of the greatest assets in the social and business worlds. ”

“ It is impossible to be a lady or gentleman without gentle manners. And it is impossible to have gentle manners without being courteous. The word "courtesy" to-day should carry the same meaning of beauty and charm that the word "chivalry" did in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. ”

“ There can be nothing more discouraging to the lover of social etiquette than to see a man give up his seat in the car to a woman who accepts it without a word of thanks or a smile.
The question has often been asked whether or not it is correct for a woman to accept the offer of shelter of an umbrella offered her by a gentleman who is a perfect stranger. To settle this definitely, we say that it is absolutely bad form for a woman to accept this courtesy no matter how hard it is raining and how important the need of saving her clothes may be. ”

“ It is the quiet well-mannered person who inspires respect and liking. The loud laugh bespeaks the vacant mind and noisy, boisterous conduct has a tendency to irritate and make nervous the people who have to come into contact with it. In public and elsewhere you are accredited with as much refinement and gentility as your manners display—no more.
It is a mark of extreme good breeding to be able to meet all emergencies calmly and without uncontrolled anger or excitement. In training in the etiquette of calm behavior, there can be no better test than that of controlling the temper. ”

“ The first, and invariable rule, is that the woman always bows first when meeting men acquaintances. Her bow assumes the proportions of a simple greeting; the head is slightly inclined, she looks directly at the man recognized, and smiles cordially. To the woman, therefore, is given the privilege of recognizing or refusing to recognize a man acquaintance. However, the really well-bred woman will never ignore in public a person, man or woman, with whom she has had even a slight acquaintance—unless she has a very good reason to do so. ”

“ On no occasion may a gentleman take a woman's arm. Good society regards this as a disrespectful freedom. Thus, whenever he feels that she needs his protection, a gentleman should offer a lady his arm, but never attempt to thrust his hand through her arm. ”

“ The woman with a fine regard for all the little niceties of good conduct, who wishes to observe the rules of etiquette in their truest sense, does not ride in a taxicab with a man, and allow him to pay the bill, unless he is acting as her escort. And ordinarily, a gentleman of polished manners does not ask a lady to ride with him unless he is taking her to a social function such as a dance, formal dinner or theater party. ”

“ Boisterous action in the street car is inexcusable—as it is anywhere else. The girl of mirthful disposition who laughs loudly may not be doing it to attract attention to herself but merely to give vent to her gay spirits, but it is most unattractive. "All noise is waste"—but it is more than waste in public where it reflects ill-breeding upon the person who is the perpetrator. ”

“ Real culture has a tendency to avoid excessive individuality. Instead, it requires that all people be treated with equal courtesy, whether they are strangers in the street of friends in the drawing-room. And it is this very charm of courtesy that has made etiquette so important a factor in civilization. ”

“ A lady does not take a gentleman's arm when walking with him in the daytime unless she is elderly or infirm. It is only after dark that she properly accepts the support of her escort. In this case, she merely rests the palm of her hand lightly within the curve of his elbow. It is extremely bad form, as well as ungraceful, for her to link her arm through his. The gentleman always walks nearest the curb unless on a special occasion when the street is very crowded and he wishes to protect her from the jostling crowds. ”

“ Also, when a man or woman has been invited to an entertainment at a house through the good offices of a friend of the hostess, he or she must wait to receive first recognition from that hostess when meeting in public.
Gentlemen meeting each other in public observe the same rule as that outlined for two women,—the younger waits for first recognition from the elder. If both are of the same age, the question of first bow is unimportant. People meeting often during the day need not bow elaborately each time; a simple smile or glance of recognition is sufficient. ”

“ When bowing to a woman or in acknowledgment of a greeting, when walking with a woman and bowing to an other man of his acquaintance, a gentleman raises his hat. Similarly, when bowing to a man who is accompanied by a woman, the courtesy is observed and also when a man is walking with another man who lifts his hat in greetings to a friend, whether or not that friend is known to him personally. The hat is also raised whenever a gentleman offers a civility to a lady, whether she be friend or stranger. ”

“ Eliot of Harvard, in a recent newspaper article, deplores the fact that the "younger generation" is losing in courtesy and good manners that which it is gaining in this rapid onward rush of the world's affairs.
"There is a general coarsening of manners" declares the president emeritus of Harvard University. "Young women expect to encounter rudeness from young men and they do not resent it" and when one watches the rough-and-tumble manners of people in subways and street cars every day one is inclined to agree with him. ”

“ There is no longer need for the strained reserve formerly felt when women were in the company of men in public. If the correct rules of etiquette are observed, and courtesy and poise follow in their wake, the man and woman in public may be as entirely at ease and unrestrained as they would be in a drawing-room or at an informal dinner.
American gentlemen have the reputation of being more chivalrous than the gentlemen of any other country. American ladies are acclaimed the most charming and intelligent in the world. ”

“ It is necessary only to keep one's eyes averted, persistently but not obviously if one wishes to avoid greeting an undesirable acquaintance. Or if one wishes one may bow with extreme formality, but a bow and smile in public should always receive some kind of acknowledgement, no matter how severely formal. ”

“ And it certainly is unkind to repeat bits of gossip or scandal, unless there is a special reason why it should be done. How much better it is to gain the reputation of being considerate than the reputation of being brutally frank! ”

“ It is extremely rude and unkind to "cut" an acquaintance publicly by staging coldly in response to a courteous bow and smile. There are so many more dignified methods of terminating an undesirable acquaintanceship. ”

“ Whispering is as rude in public as it is in the ballroom or at the dinner table. Confidential business should not be discussed on the street or in the department store; the proper place for such private affairs is in the office or parlor. ”

“ Others just as positively declare that the elevator is the same as the street, and that it is unnecessary to raise the hat. The question of drafts and colds in the head have entered into the discussion—but ultimately all writers of etiquette reach the same conclusion: as the elevator is so small and boasts a ceiling, it may be considered in the same class as a room, and the polite man will keep his head uncovered—especially while there are women in it. The man who is very susceptible to colds may lift his hat upon entering the car and replace it immediately. ”

“ When etiquette is based on courtesy and a consideration for the rights and comforts of a fellow-man, one readily sees why this is a mistake. A haughty person is a conceited person. A haughty person is an unkind person. ”

“ WALKING IN PUBLIC
First in importance to remember when walking in public is poise and balance of bearing. The expression "the débutante's slouch" is a direct result of the lazy manner of walking recently adopted by a number of young women. Aside from its bad effect upon health, this manner of walking is both ungraceful and unattractive. Men and women both should remember that an erect, well-poised bearing is more impressive than the most elaborate costume. ”

“ WHEN TO BOW IN PUBLIC
To bow or not to bow is often a puzzling question! Some authorities on etiquette claim that "it is correct to bow first to a person of higher social position." Others assert that social position has nothing to do with it, and that it is age alone that determines who shall bow first. ”

“ The rules of good breeding are nothing more than the rules of good sense and these are never put to a more severe test than when an accident occurs. The person who can keep his head during a fire will be much more likely to get out of the building than one who loses all control of himself and becomes hysterical. ”

“ He may offer his arm to the lady in crossing dangerous streets or to guide her through congested traffic.
When walking with two ladies, a gentleman's proper position is not between them; if it is in the evening, he offers his arm to the elder lady and the other friend walks by her side. There seems to be a mistaken belief that a gentleman walking with two ladies must "sandwich" himself between them, but correct social usage teaches that this is entirely wrong. The ladies always walk side by side. ”

“ Presence of mind when someone faints or is hurt or is in danger often prevents a serious or fatal mishap and always eliminates a large part of the disorder incidental to such occasions.
When an automobile or railroad disaster occurs, it is the calm person who is most helpful. And surely helpfulness is one of the basic terms of good conduct everywhere. ”

“ But if a man saves her from some grave danger, such as being thrown down by a horse, or run over by a car, it is not only necessary for her to thank him but the woman should ask, "May I have the pleasure of knowing to whom I am indebted?' To offer further expression of her obligation the woman would later send some male member of her family, a brother or husband, to the home of the man who has been of service to her. She should never offer money in appreciation of the service, unless it is evident that he is a working man ”

“ Young women who are dance partners or partners at the dinner table with men who are not personal friends, incur the social obligation of bowing courteously when chance meetings are made in public, even though there is no desire to continue social acquaintanceship. ”

“ There are countless trifling tests of good manners that distinguish the well-bred. And these same tests prove that a careful attention to the rights and comforts of others, is one of the most decided marks of good breeding. For instance, at the post-office one can immediately discern the well-bred man. He stands quietly in line until there is room for him at the window. He does not crowd. He does not attempt to push ahead of others to reach the window before his turn. He does not interfere with other people's business ”

“ Two young women meeting in public greet each other with a certain degree of spontaneity which consequently eliminates any question regarding the first bow. But when one of the women is married and the other unmarried, the first bow invariably comes from the former. Younger people, of the same sex, always wait for the first sign of recognition from the older person. ”

“ To overcome self-consciousness, which makes you awkward, easily embarrassed, and ill at ease—think less of yourself ! Think of the books you have read, of the people you have met, of the new scenes you have observed. Take a more keen interest in people. ”

“ Do not attempt to be flowery in your language, or "different" merely because there are strangers around to hear—and admire. And if you do stop to converse with your old friend, be sure that you speak sensibly of things of mutual interest; there is no excuse to stop merely for the sake of exchanging inanities. ”

“ If addressed by a stranger seeking information regarding a certain street or number, show a cheerful and kindly interest. It is perplexing and often embarrassing to be in an unfamiliar town or country, and whatever information you give should be in an interested and courteous manner. ”

“ If the taxicab has double seats, the man should take his place with his back facing the driver, unless he is an old friend of many years' standing. A new acquaintance should not take the liberty of sharing a seat in the taxicab with a young woman unless she has particularly asked him to do so. ”